Chef Nanette Gets a Raise

Let me just break this down for a second. 

I changed jobs about 60 days ago, the hope was to move laterally. After my third paycheck of $200-$300 less than what I usually received, I had to have a little chat with my office manager and the doc. They were promising wonderful things, changes at 90 days. Insurance stipend at 90 days. Paid holidays at 90 days. Most importantly, a raise. 

Yeah, well it couldn't wait. For a good two weeks there we played the "invent a recipe from something in the house because you have $1.74 in your bank account" game and the "sure hope we can make the drive to work on fumes" game. In turn, I play the "silently getting stressed, making bread, eating bread, getting fatter" game. 

Baguette! Ooo-la-la!

When you have $0 and a decently enough stocked kitchen for baking... Bread. It's what happens. We pulled out the frozen meats as well. But there was not a fresh veggie to be seen for at least a week there. 

I made Rustic Italian Baguette and Irish Soda Bread.... While I'm ashamed of the carbs, I'm proud of my cooking. They turned out beautifully. 

Anyway... I sat down with the office manager and told her I couldn't afford to work there anymore. I wouldn't be able to wait until the 90 days is over - their response $4 more per hour, $250 per month for insurance, paid holidays, paid vacation starts accruing in October - not January, and a guarantee of 36-40 hours per week - possibly with overtime if things are crazy... which they are - so I will be taking that, thank you! Needless to say - much more job satisfaction - though I still am considering different positions with similar pay and fewer responsibilities. 

So with my last meager paycheck, I was determined to celebrate. I went berry picking with the mister - $13 bought us 7lbs of blackberries. I went shopping and picked out $50 worth of produce - PEACHES! SPINACH! And I took a trip to the farmer's market - basil, green beans, asparagus, red leaf lettuce, zucchini... Delicious. I took everything home and made Seared Ahi Tuna & Nicoise Salad.   YES. omg. I still have an abundance of delicious veg in the fridge. The following night I made buttermilk fried chicken (yeah, I know - but portions were small) and steamed (not buttered) asparagus. Last night was an anomaly. We went out instead of me cooking. I make hot messes in the kitchen (think tornado) when I cook and it stresses the mister out because if I cook - he cleans. 

So I would say I have spent the last three weeks off plan... or plan-less. I hopped on the scale every once in a while to keep it real. I have been attempting to be more active as well - pulling weeds in the garden/yard, took a handful of 30 minute walks, walked to the farmer's market, took a walk during my lunch break, lots of bending/stooping with berry picking. 

Today it says... 359.8lbs

Nanette, this is what Maintenance looks like... 

• What I am doing well... 
• Saying No to a lot of sugar cravings. 
• Cooking at home. 
• Eating more veggies and fruit, less cheese and bread. 
• Keeping an eye on the scale, but not weighing 2-3 times per day. 

• What I need to improve... 
• Portion control. 
• Consistency. 
• Hydration. 
• Motion - the walks are nice, but sporadic. 
• Willpower. 

So this week - GOALS...

- pack salad and a protein for lunch. 

- Walk 30 min of the 60 min on my lunch break. (3x a week). 

- Take my nalgene to work and drink it twice maybe even 3x. 

- Pack/have 1 snack between every main meal so I don't get ravenous. (now... choosing healthy snacks... that's a whole different list). 

I have written this list on TWO super sticky post it notes and put one on the kitchen cupboards and one on the bathroom mirror to help me with consistency. If I write a blog, it may stick with me for 2 days. I need it to stick FOREVER... nah, at least a week or until I can recap. 

Big Fat Love, 

Nanette

The Day the Carbs Took Over

Yesterday was a blight. I had waaaaay too many carbs. I got on the scale this morning. The carb effect was immediate. I was up to 360.2... Let's assess shall we?

Breakfast: french roll with butter and preserves.
Lunch: Sushi (and tooo much).
Dinner: Meatballs and pasta.

Every time I ate the carbs I would justify in my mind... "I'll have carbs this time, but next time I won't." Yeah... wow. Excuses 101. I can't believe I bought that one - hook line and sinker.

It's a pattern. Carbs are easy. Carbs are thoughtless. Hungry? Don't want to cook? Grab a roll. Hungry? Don't want to do dishes? Grab some cheese and crackers. It's like carbs are the fuel in my overeating engine.

Today I tried to turn it around. I'm doing okay, not great but okay.

Breakfast: Greek yogurt.
Lunch: Just the meatballs - no pasta.
Snack: Fresh berries from the farmer's market and a serving of the pasta I passed up at Lunch.
Dinner: TBD...

Tomorrow, I go to work. I need to have a game plan. The last super successful day I had, I took a really nice hearty tuna salad (with almond slivers, celery and green apple). It wasn't quite enough last time. But I think I could beef it up by putting it over spinach and tomatoes. Dinner is that chicken over veggie ragout or a veggie stirfry. Either way - vegetable dense and caloric light.

I need to get the crackers and the rolls out of sight and encourage Will to eat them quickly so we can just avoid buying them again. We still have boxes of pasta for those "UGH - NO COOKING" nights. But as long as they are dried pastas and not fresh or ready to consume, I do alright.

I tried logging calories the past couple of days. I didn't like it at all. I feel like I actually focus on what to eat MORE when I'm doing that. And it gives the food thoughts momentum. I was doing okay without it for the past two weeks or so using the guidelines of lay off the carbs and avoid cheese. I'm going to keep trying that until I hit a snag or stop losing weight... then get back to numbers and calculations.

Food is this obsession. I feel like even when I was successful, it ruled so much of my thoughts. Like if my brain were a pie chart, the important things like family, artistic pursuits, planning and goal setting were such small slivers compared to "what am I going to eat next?"

It would be so nice to just not think about it until my body says "HUNGRY" and then eat the produce at hand. I suppose if I structure it correctly and make those choices easily available. I can be more lax and less obsessive. I guess until then...

Water, more veg, lay off the carbs and avoid cheese.

Big Fat Obsessed Love,
Nanette

Still on track

Day two of pretty good food choices.

Breakfast: Nectarine & Raisin Bran.
Lunch: Hamburger
Dinner: Spinach with pears and mint, Half a grilled cheese sandwich.
Snack: Banana

Yesterday
Breakfast: Banana
Lunch: Wild Mushroom Risotto & 1/2 C greek yogurt with strawberries.
Dinner: Tuna salad on toast. Spinach salad with tomatoes & Corn.

Good enough. Portions weren't out of control. I really want that last 4lb drop to not be a fluke... or just a fluid fluctuation. I want another -4 by the end of the month. It would be so nice to get further away from that highest number.

I can do more than wish. I can keep making better decisions.

Tomorrow -

I will stick to the menu.
I will walk a mile.
I will stay hydrated.
I will drink water not coffee.
I will take some measurements and if I'm brave enough I'll share them.

The Menu -
Breakfast: Banana w/ greek yogurt.
Lunch: Tuna Salad w/ celery and slivered almonds.
Dinner: Mushroom Risotto (STILL HAVE LEFTOVERS!!UGH!) or Chicken breast with a veggie ragout.

Big Fat Consistent Love,
Nanette

Stereotype

UGH!!!

I am such a stereotype.

I have family in town. I stop blogging.
I binge eat and shamefully stop blogging.
I have a big emotional blow up and stop blogging.
I get distracted and STOP BLOGGING.

Now here's the thing. Consistent choices for your health have to happen even when family is in town, even when recovering from that half box of doughnuts, even when you think that you don't have time for this.

CONSISTENT CHOICES PRODUCE CONSISTENT RESULTS.

It's no wonder I can't get a good downward motion going on the scales and check-ins. This is my current struggle. I'm so off kilter with making goals and commitments that I haven't been able to get myself to do something as simple as write a freaking blog entry a day.

It may seem insignificant. I mean, does putting words on a page actually change anything? I mean I could just be putting out my vacuous ingestion for the day and that doesn't do anything to change the blogosphere.

But it's not about changing outwardly, it's about changing inwardly and that includes fessing up to the crappy eating. Accountability. Stability. Consistency.

Since when have I had an issue with this? (erm... for about 3 years). I didn't just regain pounds, I regained old bad habits and NEW bad habits.

I haven't given up being more thoughtful in my food choices. I'm still trying to get more veg in per day and cut back on sugar choices.

NON-SEQUITUR - Photos from Mom's Trip

Shopping with Aunt LD 

Photo by mom at my house before taking them to the airport. I like this one. 

Back with it... 

Yesterday 

Ice cream. 

Eggs, bacon and toast. 

Banana

Ice cream. 

Wild Mushroom Risotto.

Today. 

I will hike with Will. 

I will eat homemade food with loads of veggies. 

I will burn through 2-3 hours of gardening. 

I will DRINK WATER. 

I will keep my grubby little hands out of the ice cream. 

Weigh In: 359.2

Big Fat Get With It Love!!! 

Nanette N 

On The Town

I hit the town with Mom and Aunt today. We did the Saturday market thing. Which means I got a BUNCH of walking in. About 6 hours worth of walking around.

Food log...

Breakfast: AH! Running late! none.
Lunch: Philly Cheese Steak 6" sandwich + home potatoes.
Snack: Blue star doughnuts x 2.
Dinner: Cheeseburger.

Caloric intake: bazillion.
Activity: yes.

Tomorrow's plan.

Breakfast: Cereal.
Lunch: Asian style lemon chicken + rice.
Dinner: Tuna Melt + salad
After dinner: mango or something.

Scale today said 358.8... seeing it going down! Just a little. Let's hope today didn't put it back up.

Big Fat Love,
Nanette

Getting into the spirit of things.

I am getting back into reading the fat blogs. It's amazing how powerful some writers are. People that can really capture the essence of the struggle. And sometimes there are those less eloquent with words but absolutely raw with honesty. That too is incredibly admirable.

I'm still concentrating on portions and food...

Yesterday...
Breakfast: skipped - multivitamin.
Midmorning: Coffee with 1 creamer - no sugar.
Lunch: 1/2 cup spicy sausage jambalaya & a nice salad.
Dinner: An incredibly large portion of pasta and chunky veggie red sauce (homemade - no added sugar).
After dinner: a little sundae from our favorite drive thru place.

Today...
Breakfast: bowl of raisin bran (favorite!)
Lunch: a spoonful of salmon cream cheese and a coffee with 2 creamers.
Dinner: TBD... Mom is still in town and I'm supposed to meet up with my brother. We're all having dinner together tonight.

Assessment: Still having problems with portion control, mostly due to the large spans of foodless time leaving me grumpy and hungry then I fall face first into anything edible and don't stop until it hurts.

Goal: Not eat everything on my plate tonight. Either bring something home or throw at least a bite away.

It's going to be a weird dinner. My brother and my boyfriend are at odds because during a business transaction, brother repeatedly tried to rip us off. He successfully did so a couple of times and then we started putting him in place. Since then, we have silently cut him out of the business plan and have taken up with his competitor. Sooo... we'll see how this goes. Let's not eat our feelings, shall we?

Big fat familial love,
Nanette

P.s. took the bus home today... which means I also got a mile of walking in! Hurrah teensy bit of activity.

Catch up and the Battle Plan.

Well, I didn't get the blogs in but I've been thinking about what to write pretty much every day.

Monday - I did great 

Breakfast: Mango

Lunch: Tuna salad + pretzel bites. 

Afternoon energy dip: Cherry tomatoes. 

Wind up staying late at work... 

Coffee + creamer - no sugar though! 

Dinner: Get home after 14 hours, start eating a pretzel bun, Mister takes it out of my hands and puts a salad together. I was so angry I just went straight to bed without eating. It was 9pm and I had to be up at 5:30am for the next day anyway. 

Tuesday - I was still pissed off about Will trying to make a decision for me. 

Breakfast: Multivitamin. 

Lunch: Jimmy Johns - turkey BLT. 

Dinner: Pretzel bun w/salmon cream cheese. 

Which I mean... not the best decision to skip breakfast. And not a lot of veggies, but the calories were under control. 

Today my mom is flying in and will be here for a week. Our relationship is not always the most easy. I find communicating and connecting with her very frustrating. I'm a daddy's girl. But years and distance have made the relationship better. I disappointed her by leaving mormonism - the religion I was raised in. That being said, she is going to have a lot to digest when she gets here. I'm living with my boyfriend. One bed in the house, can't even keep up appearances with a second bedroom. I've been very honest with her about him though. She knows we're grown ups... and you know... SShhhhh SEX... But that won't prevent the "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" vibe of the whole visit. 

All that being said, I'm determined to impress her with how much more domesticated I've become since I moved away after college. And I'm determined not to eat my frustration. 

Today's food plan (non working day). 

Breakfast: Papaya + some chocolate chips. 

Lunch: Egg salad sandwich. 

Dinner: Spicy sausage jambalaya. 

After dinner: Papaya/Mango Granita (slushy fruit drink with lime juice - no additional sugar added). 

Tomorrow (working day). 

Breakfast: Left over granita? Mango? egg salad? 

Lunch: Tuna salad + grape tomatoes. 

Dinner: Cantaloupe/feta/mint/fennel salad with lemon vinaigrette & anchovy-veggie pasta (broke person food!) 

After dinner: cottage cheese

Friday (payday/working day). 

Breakfast: Greek yogurt. 

Lunch: leftover salad (hopefully) if not make a new one. 

Dinner: Go out with mom and aunt.  

After dinner: I know I'll want ice cream. I need to find something else, maybe a smoothie or something. 

Okay...   so I've got a plan of action. I've sat down and thought it out. I have made my decisions beforehand. That should make it easier. Forethought and planning is the best weapon in the fat battle, right? 

Also - For history and future comparison - The fat photos. I will keep my personal commentary on these to myself since it's mostly comparisons to the the photos near the end of my last loss. Emotions and thoughts aside...

This is my starting point... 363.3lbs on a 5'10" frame.

Big Fat Love, 

Nanette