Hosting a Challenge For Myself...

Okay, so I've done my fair share of whining. I had a day off to do some planning and shopping. It's time to make changes. Thank you for the suggestions. I've ordered my new running shoes. I've got a smart phone on the way (will help with calorie tracking).

I like weekly challenges. It keeps things from being too overwhelming and keeps me focused on one area that needs improvement. I loved Mir's challenges. The accountability of posting weight and measurements really appeals to me and my need for proof.

Weekly Check-In will be on Sundays before midnight, come hell or high water. Lord knows I spend enough time on the internet, I can bang out a blog and really take a look at my week of eating. Weekly Check-In will include: Weight, Measurements, Reflection/Learning, Plan for the next week. 

Here are the goals by week.
12/31 - 150 oz of water per day. Post Photo
1/7 - No sugar.
1/14 - No breads.
1/21 - No ordering out/in.
1/28 - 7 hours of walking this week. Post Photo
2/4 - 150 oz of water per day.
2/11 - Track calories again - myfitnesspal.com - no calorie goal.
2/18 - Track calories (2000) 7 hours of walking
2/23 - Track calories (1900) 8 hours of walking  Post Photo
3/4 - Track calories (1800) 150 oz of water per day.
3/11 - Track Calories (1800)Yoga 3x 
3/18 - Track Calories (1700) No ordering out or in. 
3/25 - Track Calories (1700) Yoga 3x Post Photo
4/1 - Track Calories (1700) C25K Week One
4/8 - Track Calories (1600) C25K Week Two + yoga session
4/15 - Track Calories (1600) C25K Week Three
4/22 - Track Calories (1600) C25K Week Four + yoga session
4/29 - Track Calories (1700) C25K Week Five Post Photo
5/6 - 150 oz of water per day, C25k Week Six + yoga session
5/13 - Track Calories (1600) C25k Week Seven
5/20 - Track Calories (1700) C25k Week Eight + yoga session
5/27 - Track Calories (1600) C25k Week Nine - Last week  Post Photo + all photos.

I reserve the right to change goals, though I will not allow myself to make them easier. That is 22 weeks and honestly, my scope of 22 weeks is probably off and I will waiver. But this way, I've created a plan that I don't have to think super hard about. No decisions to be made. Just follow the decisions I've made already.

A Lost Fat Soul...

I'm a wandering lost fat soul.

I've gained a little. Crossed the threshold back into the 300's. I've been consistently fluctuating for the past month between 299 and 308. It's hard for my to type that. I feel like I have to eat my words and I'm chastising myself with that inner health zealot. I should be. I'm being a Fatty McGoo. I'm eating pizza. I'm eating stuff from the fancy bakery around the corner at work. I am starving myself for the day and then bingeing when I get home.

This is keeping me going for now. 

I make excuses like...

I don't have time to eat.
It's too expensive to order a salad to the office.
I don't want to spend that much on freaking LETTUCE.
I can't leave the desk unattended.
I don't have time to shop, let alone pack a lunch.

Then I say pathetic things like...

I haven't eaten all day!
I'm STARVING.
I'm too tired to cook.
Don't judge me, I'm eating another one.
But I'm maintaining.
This is cheaper/easier/tastier.

Truth is, I'm pretty unhealthy right now. I haven't properly worked out in about a month. My motivation has taken a temporary (hopefully) leave of absence. The last time I ate a vegetable was in a chicken pot pie last night. Before that, it was mushrooms on a pizza. I think you get the idea.

It's not a surprise that I'm sick. Back to the respiratory infections. I mean, this isn't pneumonia, or bronchitis, like I've had before. It's just a head cold. I feel like it's a warning shot from my body. "Come on, Nanette. Get your shit together or this will be one miserable winter."

I miss my old trainer, Sarah. She did so much to help me and keep me health focused. She did a whole lot of believing in me and being supportive in a positive but challenging way. I was also in such a different place in Idaho. A job that allowed me to do a lot of health research and blog and paid enough that I didn't have to have a whole lot of jobs, free time, a bitterness towards being overlooked for being fat, such a network of great supportive friends and a calmness about spending time alone (instead of loneliness, bc the network is there). It was a perfect storm for my weight loss at that moment.

I wish I knew what would inspire me. If I did, I'd ask for it. I'd find it. But for right now, I just keep searching. Keep trying to re-create that perfect storm. In the meanwhile... I'm still making menus, shopping, then messing it all up by going out. I'm still writing down what I ate for the first half of the day and then forgetting about it entirely when I get to work or when I get home from work or when I'm out dating.

I know this isn't the most motivating post. Pretty negative actually. But this is what's happening in the Fat Times of Nanette. And I think it's pretty important to document this too.

How do I make health my hobby again? When you've fallen off, taken a break, leave of absence, AWOL... how did you get back into the swing? What motivated you?

Big Fat *sigh* Love,
Nanette

Happy Birthday!

Did some celebratory eating and drinking and I've gone from maintaining to up 6lbs. And I'm back to insane carb cravings and food excuses. Like a big alcoholic saying "one won't hurt me." Now I've gotta battle to eat healthy again... cut the carbs. Eat diabetic. More green. Less beige. More water. Smaller servings.

I got 3 runs in over the past 5 days... being tied up with this whole hurricane thing, it was beautiful to get out and run instead of staying cooped up in my apartment with netflix and the lemon bars we made.

Now I like to set new years goals on birthdays because that's when the REAL new year starts.

This year... 

1. Read 24 books. (at least ONE non-fiction). 
2. Save $2400
3. Get down to 250lbs 
4. Learn 25 Spanish words/phrases
5. Learn 25 French words/phrases
6. Write a short stand up bit. 
7. Work on becoming a morning person. 
8. Go running 104 times. 
9. Find something to be thankful for everyday. Write it down. 
10. Get a pedicure. 
11. Go swimming... and then make it a habit. 
12. Visit the Ocean. 
13. Pay off Discover card ($1200). 
14. Pay off Tamara ($368) 
15. Pay off Sarah ($1300)
16. Put a dent in the student loans. 
17. Have ONE full-time Grown Up job. 
18. Buy the Tim Minchin Album
19. Practice being more fancy. 
20. Wear out one pair of running shoes. 
21. Stretch more... like before bed every night. 
22. Buy one excellent piece of clothing. 
23. Begin a skin regimen... including staying hydrated. 
24. Continue to find my healthy nyc habits. 
25. Do something that challenges my boundaries. 
26. Fast once a month along with reflection/journal. 

LOVE your body, CULTIVATE your mind and FREE yourself from debt.

Big Fat 26 Year Old Love,
Nanette

Riding out a Hurricane

street view of the happenings. 

Never been in a hurricane before. Sounds like Hurricane Sandy is a good one to start with.

MTA closed subways yesterday at 7pm and it's still only threatening today... I'm waiting for something to happen on the edge of my seat in both anxiety and excitement.

I get a couple days of as a birthday gift as a result. Thank you, mother nature! Though I wish I would have been able to buy a couple books to keep me occupied. I've been watching a lot of Downton Abbey and I'm seriously considering taking a walk before I can't anymore.

I was at Union Square yesterday and it was empty empty empty. A bunch of ConEd (power) trucks were gathered on the square and the only cars I saw were taxis. It feels like a movie.

No idea what to expect. But I'm guessing a week long lightening storm and a bunch of flooding (thankfully, I live on the second floor). Power outages... probably. Got my cellphone all charged up. And plenty of batteries for the camera and the flashlight. Bottles of water in the freezer to help keep things cold and to drink if we lose running water... and a bathtub full of water for the toilet flushing...

Union Square, practically deserted. 

Now we wait. I'll think of how this affects my budget afterwards.

Big Fat Blustery Love,
Nanette

The Scheduling...

I have no idea how the people with kids do this. Especially single working moms. 

But as you can see... there IS time for working out. There is time to make a 30 min dinner. There is time to do everything. And if I find ways to make my commute time (subway) productive, I can recharge and have that creative time... So whip out my ipod, a book, my journal, something escapist. Or my budget, or my day planner, or list book.

Today...   I did 30 tricep dips and pushups. No cardio. I'm pouting. Will has family coming in this weekend so our weekend plans, AKA: my birthday celebration with him, is cancelled. But I'm going upstate with him today. He's going to class and I'm going to go on a walk... I guess I can make that productive.

Big Fat Find Time Love,
Nanette

Steady. Like rocks.

My weight is still holding steady. I've been terrible about giving in to Halloween candy at work and pizza seems to be everywhere! 

I feel like my life is a tub of water... and each one of these changes has been like a boulder being dropped into the water, disturbing everything. As soon as the water calms down, another rock gets plopped in... waves of change, a constant unsettled ripple running through. The last rock has plopped for a while though! The jobs are steady. They're staying. I've found my schedule. I've found how to work the boy into everything. My routine is taking shape. A real routine! No training. No last minute meetings or grand openings.

Now that I'm aboard the "your life is moving forward, with or without you" train... instead of dragging behind it... I can get my head back into weight loss. I know, I know... I've said this like.. 20 times since I got here in June. It feels like starting over. I'm going to treat it as such. 

I am Nanette. I weigh 298lbs (some days I cross the 300lb border). I am fat. I am sexy. I am alive and I am so grateful my body hasn't given up on me. This body has gone through so much to haul all this fat around... this physical manifestation of my inability to control my emotions, boredom and laziness. 

I am doing this for my joints. 

I am doing this for my organs. 

I am doing this to feel sexier. 

I am doing this to give myself more freedom from pain and limitations. 

Starting. 

Food. 

I bought frozen chicken breasts, salmon patties, tomatoes, spinach, kale, swiss chard, eggs, goat cheese, olive oil, greek yogurt, peanut butter, buckwheat bread, tuna and protein bars. 

I have made a menu to last until the next payday/grocery shopping day. I have found favorite healthy restaurants/options in most of the neighborhoods where I work/play. I finally found grocery shopping options that work for me. 

I am getting back to my fitnesspal. Because I need accountability and to actually acknowledge how much fuel I'm putting into my body. 

Workouts. 

This area still needs work. Gotta buy shoes. Gotta sit down with my planner and make the time. But this week is baby steps. I'm going to concentrate on food. If any workouts happen... BONUS! :) 

Big Fat Love, 

Nanette

Not Dead!!!

Hey Guys!

I'm not dead. I'm working 5 jobs (3 freelance and 2 part time). I've been eating half like crap and half not like crap. Running some days. doing mini morning work outs others... sometimes just counting all the flights of stairs I climb on all the subway transfers over the day.

The dress I'm saving for. 

Ultimately. I'm maintaining. Which is amazing. I'm so happy that most of my habits have stuck... like if I over indulge... that's behind me. We move forward. Eat better. Move more. I mean... I may not be winning at the weight LOSS bit, but I'm not gaining.

I found a cute plus size clothing store next to my work. I'm not the largest size they offer! Two sizes down actually... They have a lovely website. There are different cuts for different body types... but let me tell you... their structured stuff, the stuff I normally shy away from, is PERFECT. Bust is big enough, thigh and hips are large enough. It made me feel absolutely gorgeous. I can't wait to buy this dress. I'm squirreling away pennies so I can buy it for Christmas or something special like that.

Big Fat Exhausted Love,
Nanette