Having a tough day

Well technically yesterday got tough around midday. I always rant and rave about poor communication in the office and I always get uppity and self-righteous about people disrespecting others' time. Yeah... Kinda called the kettle black with my actions. I gave someone a 1pm dead line and then I went into work early... changing the deadline to like... 10am. But it was something I could remotely take care of from home (aka, uploading a file to a print server). However, the person that needed to give me the newly edited program wanted to go over it hard copy and scheduled his day around a 15 minute edit time with me at 1pm. I felt like a giant ass.

Fast forward to the next job (library). I popped in early since my voice student was a no-show. I was talking to a coworker. It got gossipy and I didn't stop it... So I was participating in something that again, I'm a giant advocate of NOT DOING. I'm quite openly against it. If there is an issue or you have issue with someone... in my rule book, you talk directly to that person and no one else. Well... I kettle blacked all over that situation.

I'm not much by way of crying, but usually I have this GIANT sense of dread and disappointment. I've fixed the situations. But it's not the situation... it's that I disappointed myself and then beat myself up about it.

I totally ate my feelings last night and today, instead of waking up and working out like I told myself I would, I just didn't care. Apathy... my personal weight loss MONSTER.

I practiced piano. Wrote a few letters. Went to the tea house for tea (which I don't count on the lent thing since it's zero calories and under $2.00). Bought some stuff at the Persian Bazaar. Made lunch...

hummus. <---carb.
falafel <-------sat fat and carb
lavash <-----CARB.

For the first time in two months, I am uncomfortably full. And even more disappointed in myself. (cyclic, I know). But I've gotta get back on top of my shit. One bad day... on top a week without my work outs... on top of a wheelbarrow full of carbs... this close to weigh in. I kinda think I'm screwed this time.

Tomorrow morning is a PiYo class with trainer. I refuse to whine about it. I refuse to gripe. I will get my ass in gear. I'm also going to get a pre-bed work out in tonight. Nothing crazy like the normal HIIT stuff, but something none-the-less.

Big Fat FATFATFAT Love,
Nanette

Follower...

There's a theme today. It's trigger food and taking "breaks." I am severely regretting not counting calories this weekend. With the new boy saying "stay fat," I've enlisted another friend in the fat fight. Brittany is my cohort in dining. We go out and try to help each other get healthy items. We know that we're watching what one another eats. Last night we made pact to not spend any money on going out for the week. ENTIRE WEEK. Wednesday to Wednesday. We will only cook.

Eating out kills me. I know I will only have good food in my house because it's been shit proofed. There's no sugar, no white flour, no ingredients I can't pronounce...   (at least, now that I've figured out how to say quinoa {keen-wa}). I sat down with my notebook and roughly planned out the week's food, and roughly planned out the groceries.

J texted today and told me he was out for lunch at a burger joint we'd visited. I was eating apple slices with peanut butter and yellow squash. It was a great realization... He's enjoying his food. I would be enjoying that too. However, I'm really enjoying what I have in front of me as well... AND I'm getting nutrition. Because, while this whole thing is about a smaller number on the scale, it's about health. NUTRITION.

I'm trying to understand how to remotivate myself. Because after giving in, I'm feeling like I have to start over. I know I can do it... I need to get my brain and body wanting the same things again though. NUTRITION may be the key this time. Dear other diet friend, Trent, is always asking "how much of the rainbow did you eat today?" I love that he's so supportive and helpful that way. Today I got the yellows, greens, reds and a LITTLE bit of purple/blue. Tomorrow I look forward to seeing what other colors I can eat.

Re-focused, re-centered, ready to eat a rainbow.

Big Fat Love,
Nanette

Ants in pants...

It was a very bad idea to start looking at housing in NY this early.

There are some serious ants in the pants right now.

Big Fat Anxious Love,
Nanette

p.s. down another 2 lbs. 331!