Saturday, December 29, 2012

Hosting a Challenge For Myself...

Okay, so I've done my fair share of whining. I had a day off to do some planning and shopping. It's time to make changes. Thank you for the suggestions. I've ordered my new running shoes. I've got a smart phone on the way (will help with calorie tracking).

I like weekly challenges. It keeps things from being too overwhelming and keeps me focused on one area that needs improvement. I loved Mir's challenges. The accountability of posting weight and measurements really appeals to me and my need for proof.

Weekly Check-In will be on Sundays before midnight, come hell or high water. Lord knows I spend enough time on the internet, I can bang out a blog and really take a look at my week of eating. Weekly Check-In will include: Weight, Measurements, Reflection/Learning, Plan for the next week. 

Here are the goals by week.
12/31 - 150 oz of water per day. Post Photo
1/7 - No sugar.
1/14 - No breads.
1/21 - No ordering out/in.
1/28 - 7 hours of walking this week. Post Photo
2/4 - 150 oz of water per day.
2/11 - Track calories again - - no calorie goal.
2/18 - Track calories (2000) 7 hours of walking
2/23 - Track calories (1900) 8 hours of walking  Post Photo
3/4 - Track calories (1800) 150 oz of water per day.
3/11 - Track Calories (1800)Yoga 3x 
3/18 - Track Calories (1700) No ordering out or in. 
3/25 - Track Calories (1700) Yoga 3x Post Photo
4/1 - Track Calories (1700) C25K Week One
4/8 - Track Calories (1600) C25K Week Two + yoga session
4/15 - Track Calories (1600) C25K Week Three
4/22 - Track Calories (1600) C25K Week Four + yoga session
4/29 - Track Calories (1700) C25K Week Five Post Photo
5/6 - 150 oz of water per day, C25k Week Six + yoga session
5/13 - Track Calories (1600) C25k Week Seven
5/20 - Track Calories (1700) C25k Week Eight + yoga session
5/27 - Track Calories (1600) C25k Week Nine - Last week  Post Photo + all photos.

I reserve the right to change goals, though I will not allow myself to make them easier. That is 22 weeks and honestly, my scope of 22 weeks is probably off and I will waiver. But this way, I've created a plan that I don't have to think super hard about. No decisions to be made. Just follow the decisions I've made already.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

A Lost Fat Soul...

I'm a wandering lost fat soul.

I've gained a little. Crossed the threshold back into the 300's. I've been consistently fluctuating for the past month between 299 and 308. It's hard for my to type that. I feel like I have to eat my words and I'm chastising myself with that inner health zealot. I should be. I'm being a Fatty McGoo. I'm eating pizza. I'm eating stuff from the fancy bakery around the corner at work. I am starving myself for the day and then bingeing when I get home.
This is keeping me going for now. 

I make excuses like...

I don't have time to eat.
It's too expensive to order a salad to the office.
I don't want to spend that much on freaking LETTUCE.
I can't leave the desk unattended.
I don't have time to shop, let alone pack a lunch.

Then I say pathetic things like...

I haven't eaten all day!
I'm too tired to cook.
Don't judge me, I'm eating another one.
But I'm maintaining.
This is cheaper/easier/tastier.

Truth is, I'm pretty unhealthy right now. I haven't properly worked out in about a month. My motivation has taken a temporary (hopefully) leave of absence. The last time I ate a vegetable was in a chicken pot pie last night. Before that, it was mushrooms on a pizza. I think you get the idea.

It's not a surprise that I'm sick. Back to the respiratory infections. I mean, this isn't pneumonia, or bronchitis, like I've had before. It's just a head cold. I feel like it's a warning shot from my body. "Come on, Nanette. Get your shit together or this will be one miserable winter."

I miss my old trainer, Sarah. She did so much to help me and keep me health focused. She did a whole lot of believing in me and being supportive in a positive but challenging way. I was also in such a different place in Idaho. A job that allowed me to do a lot of health research and blog and paid enough that I didn't have to have a whole lot of jobs, free time, a bitterness towards being overlooked for being fat, such a network of great supportive friends and a calmness about spending time alone (instead of loneliness, bc the network is there). It was a perfect storm for my weight loss at that moment.

I wish I knew what would inspire me. If I did, I'd ask for it. I'd find it. But for right now, I just keep searching. Keep trying to re-create that perfect storm. In the meanwhile... I'm still making menus, shopping, then messing it all up by going out. I'm still writing down what I ate for the first half of the day and then forgetting about it entirely when I get to work or when I get home from work or when I'm out dating.

I know this isn't the most motivating post. Pretty negative actually. But this is what's happening in the Fat Times of Nanette. And I think it's pretty important to document this too.

How do I make health my hobby again? When you've fallen off, taken a break, leave of absence, AWOL... how did you get back into the swing? What motivated you?

Big Fat *sigh* Love,
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