Monday, April 30, 2012

Brain Explosion....

I want to punch the world in the face right now.

I got an email on Saturday indicating that my last day at work is the 5th. 20 days earlier that the TWENTY FIFTH that I told them would be my last day. I'm absolutely livid and panicked... I move in 31 days. I need all the cash I can get! I have another job that will help me with the bills this month. But I HAVE to find another way to keep saving money.

I'm freaking out about so many things. Things that shouldn't be happening. I never gave a two weeks notice. I made it clear my intent. I choose my date of leaving... according to university policy. So I'm filing an Internal Grievance... that will take WEEKS to process. But I may receive back pay and the department needs to have some sense of accountability. This isn't the first time that they've been poor communicators about important things like a person's EMPLOYMENT aka fiscal livelihood.

I let them know in advance when I would be leaving and they've cut it short since they've hired someone already. I let them know so they wouldn't be stuck in the lurch... so they could start looking for opportunity in other employees.

Looks like healthy eating will be slightly compromised. I'm going to have to stick to pantry living for a little while.


RFSC (late!)

In Review... 

Weight: 306 (-1) Not quite the goal of -3 but not a gain either!


Water: Honestly, I haven't really been tracking. I'm floating around 128oz a day.

Workouts: 100%, no 110%! I did every work out that I planned to and I loved it!

Calories: I have been absolutely terrible at tracking this week. I just haven't been focused.

NSV: I finished my degree! I also did the daily NSV posts.



NSV: I bought a dress this week and I'd love to see it fit just a little bit better. Also, my apartment is gross, I'd love to see more of this stuff sold and my dishes done.

Food: Get back on the tracking wagon. I don't know why this is such a struggle lately (maybe, because you've been going out and snacking to the point that you don't even know what you've eaten). Have you guys had issues with this? I want to eat no more than 1500 calories a day.

Workouts: As follow.

Monday - Mini HIIT at home.
Tuesday - Trainer time in the AM.
Wednesday - Trainer + interval run.
Thursday - Trainer
Friday - Interval run
Saturday - REST
Sunday - Interval run.

Big Fat Goal Makin' Love,

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Weakness and Procrastination.

Do you have those weeks where everything sort of plays on your current weakness? This past week it seems like pizza was everywhere I looked; mentioned in the fat blogs, advertised in the sidebars of monetized blogs/videos, free at work, in every conversation around me...   well. I gave in. I had 3 slices last night and threw the rest away.

It wasn't some amazing pizza. It was disappointing. It was greasy, carb-y and salty. And I'm over it. I make better homemade pizza than what I had at the local pizzeria (which I thought was amazing, to die for pizza about 8 months ago). 

Since my Lent challenge of not going out, I've had a harder time staying on my plan. So I think I'm going back to it - modification: I can go out with my trainer every once in a while. We go to restaurants and assess the healthiness of each other's dinners and it works out quite well to keep me eating healthy while out on the town. 

When I eat homemade food I lose weight. 

Well, I felt so bad about my pizza indulgence yesterday... more correctly, I felt bad about my weakness and lack of willpower. My friend and I went to the grocery store and bought $10 worth of veggies. Because I have decided that today is a raw foods day. 

Also... Today is a run day. Now was it last week??? I ranted and raved about not wanting to be judged and then went running on the busiest road in town... Today I was running alley ways again. As empowering as it was to say "Go ahead world, JUDGE ME," it's easier to concentrate on the running, breathing and consistency when I don't run into anyone. 

I felt really great about today's run. I'm on week 3 of c25k. 
2 rounds
1.5 min run
1.5 min walk
3 min run
3 min walk
It was my second time running this. I didn't have to stop for a second to catch my breath on the 3 minute runs like I did last time. It was easier to distract myself since it was daylight out and I could see all the stuff around me. I found that when my feet started aching or my knees complained a little, if I concentrate on swinging my arms, I can't hear the other body parts.

I ran across a couple of people while I was out. A fellow runner slowed down and ran with me for a block... It was a lovely show of support. There were also a couple cars driving by that gave me a friendly wave and a thumbs up.

It took rotating through all my excuses this morning to get me out and running. Ipod isn't charged. Check my email. Check my facebook. Go to the bathroom twice. Eat a little something. Brush my teeth. Drink some water. Put more music on my playlist. My excuses took longer than the actual run. I recognize that.... the excuses probably aren't going to disappear entirely. But with time, I hope to lessen the time I spend procrastinating exercise. I can't afford that. Life is short. There's so much to get done. Why waste your time puttering around? I know my goals. Time to GET TO THEM!

Saw this quote in a running magazine this week... love it. I AM A RUNNER. 
B: celery + carrots
S: fresh ground peanut butter + celery
L: celery + carrots + tomato + spinach + asparagus.
S: Steamed broccoli + cucumber + balsamic vinaigrette
D: Asparagus + tomato + garlic sauteed.

Interval Run.

Big Fat Get Your Head In The Game Love,

Friday, April 27, 2012

Life Goes On...

I went out with Trent, my bestie, last night to celebrate. The plan was a dessert and a fancy drink.

What actually happened was salmon, zucchini, broccoli and a scoop of ice cream with hot fudge (not on the menu, but smaller portioned and no wheat)! Dangerous going for ice cream. I've been kinda crazy with my eating lately and I don't want to trigger anything. However, ice cream... not the biggest trigger. I'm not craving sweets. I'm not craving carbs. I'm still cheese driven. Which means that it needs to go. This last week has been days of just cheese and meat, very few veggies.

So let's assess this situation... this life goes on after graduation situation...

- I'm not eating enough veggies.
- I don't like cooking much anymore.
- It's warm enough for salads again.
- I still need lots of protein because my workouts are DEMANDING.
- I'm running, HIIT-ing, Insanity-ing.

Incorporate more of the following.

- veggies (FRESH).
- fruits (FRESH).
- Protein (FRESH).
- Foods from the pantry (use it up or throw it out).

Eat less of the following.

- Sunflower seeds.
- Cheeses (I exclude cottage cheese bc of it's protein content).
- Dark Chocolate.

I weighed in this morning... I'm down 3 lbs from yesterday. I'm HOPING I can keep that loss and build on it before Sunday. I feel like the weight finally went down because my stress has let go and I slept like a dead person. Certainly, my calories were high yesterday. So was my activity.

I also need to recommit to being accurate and consistent on MFP. Getting back on the gung-ho, no distractions, weight loss program. I feel like the past month hasn't been a waste or anything. I've done well to maintain while doing this piano stuff... I've even lost! I have weeks of that ahead of me. I wanna lose -12 more lbs before I go to NYC. I can do it!

Big Fat Here's the Plan Love,

Thursday, April 26, 2012


Guess who just finished her degree this morning.....


Life Long Summer Break has begun!

This lady. FREAK YEAH!

Annnnnnd a song about how I feel about it!



Wednesday, April 25, 2012


Trainer and I did one of the max interval Insanity DVDs. 60 minutes of HIIT+Cardio. My arms are shaking still..... and my legs... I can barely type. IT. WAS. AWESOME. I probably should have done some more of the other dvds before I jumped into the max interval stuff. But what the hell? Why push yourself 110%?

I have a headache from losing so much water via sweat. I keep kidding with Trainer, that if she misses me while I'm gone, she's probably got enough of my DNA in her carpet to get me recreated. I thought it was so funny and gross... I was doing push ups and collapsed bc my arms were dead and landed in a moist patch of carpet (not a euphemism). I did that. That's my effort. That's my gross sweat. Those are my pounds and calories and chemicals that I'm sweating out and that's GREAT.

My eating has been crazy, but still not over my daily caloric limit according to MFP. My weigh ins are showing no gain, no loss. I know I've got to push myself for the rest of the week if I want to see a negative number on Sunday. WHICH I DO. I WANT IT. 

Today's activities that do not involve the internet... 

I have printed off a bunch of fitness quotes and stuff... I'm going to make them fancy, cut them out, mount them on fancy paper, laminate them and then put them around my house. My walls are empty. I've sold my book shelves, paintings, taken down photos. I need something to keep looking at and reminding myself that I am an object in motion! 

Also... renewing birth control prescription. Because that's important. I'm going to start it up again here in May and see if it won't hinder my progress this time around. No skipping periods as that seems to screw things up with the weight loss. 

Big Fat Sweat Puddle Love, 

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Internet Diet...

Sooooo....   I'm spending too much time online these days. Between facebook, myfitnesspal, blogger, multiple gmail accounts, netflix, okcupid and the ever time consuming tumblr... I need a break. I need to force myself away from the screens in my life. All that stuff is also getting in the way of things like... logging my food every day and making sure I write meaningful posts and have time to think about weight loss and fitness.

The plan...  

  • One blog post a day.
  • Read through fat blogs.
  • Update all food at the end of the day (keep a notebook for the day).
  • Check email after logging food.
  • And that's IT.

It means I probably won't be able to support as much. But I have got to keep my head in real life right now. There is so much to get done.

I printed off a bunch of fitsperation stuff last night. I'll be able to post them around my house as a reminder instead of thinking "oh, I'll spend some time online and look that up." And then waste 2-3 hours of my day in front of these glowing screens of doom.


Trainer is lending me a foam roller. Best thing in my life right now. It feels so good to roll out all that tension. Apparently, it's supposed to help with cellulite and stuff too. Great. But I really care about getting those running muscles all worked out.

NSV for today...
Swim class final. We did a midterm fit test and then we did the fit test again today. I beat every single score by about 10 more reps in one case, 30 more. It was awesome. I wish I would have been able to keep my paper with the scores so I could share them. It was a lot of shoulder, bicep, pull ups, tricep, water jacks....   that kind of stuff with exercise bands.

Big Fat Internet Diet Love,

Monday, April 23, 2012

A Grand List and NSVs

I was reading Lori's Blog today and it just got me all sorts of thinking...   When I get busy, how do I keep this weight loss thing going? How can this be easier? How can I make decisions more effective and helpful for the cause?

These are such important questions for me to address right now... Just about to relocate. I assume there is going to be so much stress. I don't know what my housing/kitchen situation is going to be like. I don't know what kind of budget I'm going to have for groceries. SO much is up in the air right now. But for the sake of having everything I've learned written in one place... here we go.

Nanette's Ultimate List of Making Weight Loss & Life More Manageable

- Make a budget for the month/paycheck. Remember all the monthly bills. Make sure you pay them. It's a stress reducer.
- Make a menu for the week.
- Buy lots of ziploc bags.
- Pre-bake chicken breasts for the week on Sunday, pre bag them.
- Buy veggies. When you get home, immediately wash, chop and bag them so they are easy and quick snacks.
- Make healthy/indulgent trail mix for sweet toothing. (almonds, dried fruit, dark chocolate bits). Pre bag it in single servings for quick munching.
- Have a notebook with quick work out ideas/premade workout plans. separated by time limit and by body part.
- Schedule your week. Be aware of your time and how much of it you spend in front of a computer or sitting. Find even 10 minutes that you can do something active (in 10 min you won't need a long clean up time either).
- Remember that if you put something away from where you got it, you'll spend less time cleaning.
- If you wear comfortable footwear, you're more likely to work out.
- If you have work out clothes that fit, you're more likely to work out.
- Be able to identify when you're whining, making excuses and being obstinate... none of those things help you achieve your goals.
- Spend a little time being grateful. Even if it's on your walk to work, even if it's right before you go to bed... it changes your brain chemistry and thought patterns.
- Don't sacrifice sleep for social life. It will kill all your efforts to reduce stress and lose weight.

And Today's NSV
I wore a dress that I bought ambitiously last year when school started. It is size 26. I was wearing a size 28/30 last august. And the dress looks great... and is actually too big through the chest, back, shoulders and arm scye. For now, I have to dress to my widest point... dear belly... I'll miss you when you're gone. NOT.

Also...   Did a little pampering that I owed myself from hitting the 60lb mark. Got my eyebrows done. I'm a redhead... you other fair and lightly colored people understand what I'm talking about. Wax and tint. :)  Look! I can have facial expressions now!

Aaaaaand... my new trail running shoes came in last week. I took them for a run last night... I definitely need to get my muscles in my feet, ankles and shins to adapt. But they are so comfy and lightweight. I do hereby swear to ONLY USE THEM FOR RUNNING. I've gotta make them last this time. 

Feeling like a champion that I forced myself to go out and run last night though. I was having the beginning of some huge sun migraine from going to a BBQ earlier that afternoon for a couple hours. (it's this ginger thing... gets me every time). But I got off my duff and just did the run. I moved up a level. I'm doing 2x (1.5 min run, 1.5 min walk, 3 min run, 3 min walk). On the cool down I wasn't quite back home so I did two extra 1.5 min runs. Today I'm not feeling nearly as sore as I thought I would be. I'm so excited that I'm adapting... I'm becoming a real runner! slowly, but surely! 

Big Fat NSV and Major List Making Love, 

Sunday, April 22, 2012

RFSC Week 4

In Review... 

Weight: 307 (-0) Okay... so I'm looking at a pattern in my right hand bar -----> over there.

It shows two week losses, a gain, a maintain, a two week losses. So I'm glad this wasn't a gain. I suspect that this has to do with lady business... willpower, cravings, emotional responses and water stuff affiliated with that.

Waist: 46" (-1")

NSV: Passed my piano scales. One more test! ONE MORE!

Nutrition: I didn't track nearly as closely as I normally do. I went above my caloric limit twice for absolutely sure.

Workouts: 4/6... I need to do better. I'm close to being done with the piano stress. So close to having one less time demanding thing off my plate.

Mini Challenge: I visited all the challengers. Some blogs don't allow comments or wouldn't let me read them. Someone on wordpress has everyone blocked.

I didn't write the pay it forward post... because I felt really weird about it. I tried writing it like three times and it came out preachy and self aggrandizing. So here's the thing. I'm going to keep giving my motivational speeches to myself here. Posting about struggles and successes and hoping that helps someone.

This week... 


NSV: Finish piano. Completely.


Workouts: as follows

Monday: mini Hiit.
Tuesday: Swim class + trainer
Wednesday: with trainer. Interval run.
Thursday: PIANO TEST + trainer
Friday: Interval Run <------ actually do it this time.
Saturday: Rest.
Sunday: Interval Run.

Mini Challenge: not posted yet. But personally, I'm going to find a NSV every day and write about it to remind myself why I do this. Keep my brain thinking health and fitness.

Big Fat Check In Love,

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Distraction And a Plan of Action

I'm having such a problem with distraction as of late. I know that my brain is going in 15 directions. We've addressed that. But I've gone from "Make graduation a priority" to "Make graduation the only priority." My blogs have been lame and not very thoughtful because I'm not in the game right now.

That diet and exercise apathy is creeping in. I went out to eat twice this week. That's unacceptable for two reasons. One. Money. Two. FAT. The apathy doesn't keep me from weighing in every morning and night. So the apathy still digs at me in a negative way. I need a flame under my ass right now and it's just not happening.

I waver, in that my brain isn't engaged to make work outs better, To make the most of my spare time by burning some calories or prepping healthy foods. My menu is out the window. I have not been eating well. Under calories, but not well. Like yesterday... I pretty much ate string cheese and oranges. Under calories. BUT NOT HEALTHY.

I got a mile walk in yesterday. Which isn't much. I got one set of my mini work outs in then napped the rest of the afternoon away. I want to dismiss all of this and say it's related to the whole period thing. But here's the thing, Nanette. If it's related to this thing that happens ONCE A MONTH, you'd better get your shit together. It's not going away. Find a way to deal with it in a productive, grown up, way instead of this  dismissive, eat what you want, disappear, lazy way!

This kind of behavior freaks me out. I need to be ultra vigilant about keeping myself working out and finding that inner motivation. I'm going to NY and I won't have my trainer. I won't have a gym. I won't have a familiar area to run. I need consistency. I need commitment. I need positive portable habits.

That's kinda what I'm gnawing on today. I need to commit to better choices today. I need to take action today. I know that I have a problem. I've recognized it. The next step is action. I can do that.  I WILL DO THAT.

Today's plan of action. 
- eat the broccoli in the fridge before it goes off.
- eat a salad. Make it fancy if you have to. MORE VEGGIES.
- drink some water.
- STRETCH for tomorrow you run.
- leave the apartment.

I will not give in to eating whatever is easy. I will not give in to dicking around on the internet for hours instead of living a real life away from the computer. I will not give in to that "do it tomorrow" bull that's roaming around my brain.

I choose to live healthy and I choose to live healthy RIGHT NOW. f


Friday, April 20, 2012

Living For The Weekend!

I have been so anticipatory of this weekend! Not like I have extraordinary plans, I just like that feeling of not having to be anywhere or do anything. I can stay in work out clothes all day and do mini work outs on the hour while watching british TV shows, get my laundry done, or wash dishes, make my apartment presentable and feel like a grown up. 

With the weigh ins this week I've been more up than down. But my eating hasn't been super crazy. I'm eating more veggies every day! My work outs have been challenging (I've been sore every day), though I've only done 4 instead of 6 - with no trainer or swim class on thursday. What I'm looking at right now is about +2lbs. I'll be back down by Sunday's weigh in... I'm getting kind of used to this roller coaster. No more panic about seeing the scale go up before going down. 

I've been the world's worst challenger as of late with the Allan challenge... Not enough water. Eating about 1500 -1700 calories a day. Mentally I'm not in the game. I'm still in piano land. I'm happy that I haven't ballooned up or anything or forgotten to keep my food and exercise in check.

After this upcoming thursday, hopefully I can do another week of two-a-day work outs and play "catch up." 

Today, to indulge my health and body, I am going to... 
- Spend time in the hot springs. 
- drink 160oz of water 
- Do 5 sets of "mini" work outs. 

Mini work out 
10 pushups 
15 squat to tip-toes. 
10 bicep curls
walk around the block. 

Big Fat Weekend Love, 

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Follow Up...

I got my run in! It was after I finished my work for the week and the scales. It felt like a victory lap! I'm supposed to lay low/take it easy until sunday because the runs are getting longer. So tomorrow It's a long round of HIIT and stretching. Saturday - yoga. Sunday - RUN!

I'm excited that the runs are getting longer (time not really distance). I'm slightly worried... as I don't know if I can do it. But that's going to be such a cool thing to learn I can do if I can. If I can't, it's great fodder for goal making. I want to run with Mr. Option A.

Lately, I've just wanted to eat the world. I haven't done super great this week. Some snacking happened last night when Ashley, the friend from out of town arrived. I'd reached 1400 cal already, but I made them a late late dinner and wound up eating with them. So that put me up around 1800.

Today, I'm trying really hard to stay to 1200 like the Allan Challenge instructs.

B: 1/2 a thingy of greek yogurt.
S: string cheese (2)
L: orange
S: chicken breast.
D: Fancy Salad!
S: eggs.

I had a really cool conversation with Wendy over on eatsleepmove. I love that this blogging thing is bringing people together. Are you guys having experiences like that lately? Sometimes I hear about care packages being exchanged. Or phone calls being made. Texts. Supportive emails. This is such a NEAT community. I hope that everyone's week is going well.

Big Fat Follow Up Love,


At this time next week. I will have finished my degree.

Just passed off the last of my scales. Debussy. Here. I. Come.

I can do anything good.

P.S. Run cancelled last night, friend came in from out of town and needed a place to crash. Good news, Trainer cancelled HIIT today, so I'm doing my run today instead... and another one tomorrow. MUST BUILD ENDURANCE.

Big Fat DEGREE Love,

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Trying out Insanity + Another Cool Find

Hey guys!

I just got back from my work out with trainer today. Literally. I'm still in my damp work out clothes (raining sweat, yeah)! On wednesdays we try new things. We try different work out videos. We try harder work outs. Wednesday is the big push day. Today we did Insanity. I don't remember which video. Explosive cardio? Something like that.

There was a bit of jumping. I modified to squats (squat down then raise to toes when you come up so you hit the calves too). I got a little behind in spots. I had to take breaks. I had to modify. But the absolute best thing? I didn't stop or give up. I didn't feel like a fat lump (like I did with R.I.P.P.E.D). The guy on the video is encouraging and smart. He's tough, but reminds you that form is more important than speed and to keep going.

I guess what I really look for in a work out video is that the person instructing is struggling their way through it too. I hate it when I'm watching a pilates video and it seems like gravity doesn't affect the instructor. Or doing some plyometrics (jumping all over the place) and the instructor seems to be doing it on a trampoline or doesn't even get winded. Oh, even worse, when they try to kick up some jokes and witty banter with the other people in the "class" behind them. Form suggestions and "notice how" stuff is great. But don't make me feel like this work out should be so easy that I have the wind, let alone the excess focus to tell jokes and get distracted. ... meanwhile I've collapsed into a sweaty, lardy lump on the floor - THAT makes me feel like a failure.

I like to see the video personality BE A PERSON. I like to see them sweat. I like to hear them breathe hard. I like to know that my muscles quaking are NORMAL and it's not that I'm fat. It's that this work out is so hard it makes Mr. Beefcake quiver. And yeah, I can modify and it doesn't make me a sissy. It means I'm being safe. I like the person to encourage and show modifications because it makes it accessible. I can come up with my own, but it's nice to know that they've thought of those just starting out.

Insanity doesn't show modifications. So I had to make up my own. But it never talks down to you. It doesn't act like a cheerleader. It's more like a coach. They give you imagery as you're going along to help with form. They give you reminders about form constantly. Reminders to hydrate. During the breaks they SHOW you some of the more complicated movements that are coming up. It's really awesome.

I left feeling really pumped and that I want to do it again. That I want to improve. That I want to do better than I did this time. THAT IS AN EFFECTIVE WORK OUT DVD.

34 oz of goodness. Perfect size. 

Internal Screen. 
Shifting gears, the cool find. I found this water bottle last night when I was grocery shopping. It's called a "water tracker" water bottle. It's got this nice little screen inside the top so you don't get poked in the face with ice. It also has this neat feature on the top. It's a knob. The knob has three options: 1, 2, 3. I thought it would control water flow or something... No. It's just there so you can track how many water bottles you've consumed for the day instead of trying to remember. I LOVE STUFF LIKE THAT! Plus it was only like... $6 and BPA free.

Drink counter... on top of the lid. 
So despite all my good intentions to not buy things I don't NEED. I went ahead. I don't think I'll regret it. I lost my nalgene bottle last week and I've had some hydration issues since. In a way I could still call it a NEED. But I'm very pleased with my purchase.

B: 1/4 c cottage cheese
S: Baby carrots.
L: tuna salad w/ avocado & sunflower seeds.
S: String cheese.
D: Chicken strips on salad.
S: sliced turkey.

Work out
Insanity - 45 min.

I'm needing some serious motivation to do the interval run today. I've got a meeting (nonformal) with an old department I worked with to transfer over some of my files at 1:30p.m. And I've got to get the piano practice in before I go to work... And I just finished a tough work out. I need a little down time. Maybe after my shift. Maybe a 10pm run. There's no swim class tomorrow morning. Just HIIT and piano. So yeah... I think a 10pm run would be in order.

Here guys. Making you a promise. I will run after work today. I will go right after I finish my shift. I have to keep running so I don't lose my progress.

The Allan Challenge is tightening down. We're supposed to do 1200 calories from today until Sunday and up our water intake by 24oz. Gotta do it! Gotta do it!

Big Fat Insanity Love,

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Find of the Week!

I'm kind of in love with Ben Greenfield Fitness right now. It is a wealth of information about all things fitness and nutrition. There are podcasts you can subscribe to. You can read transcripts instead. You can submit questions. He talks about things like how to start running, or how to deal with excess skin after a rapid weight loss or what to eat before/after/during workouts. He's a tri-athlete and trainer and really knowledgeable.

My brain has calmed down. I am feeling a lot less frenetic. Yesterday I hit the practice room and it was okay. The scales aren't coming together like I would like them to. AKA, quickly enough. But I still feel like progress is being made. I need a miracle to get them down by Thursday. 

I didn't do my work out yesterday. I'm kinda only half-bummed since I was still pretty sore from the running. But I got both of my work outs in today. AND!!!   I was able to do the bunny hop without modifying. AND!!! My push up form has gotten better since I took a little break from them. I feel like a champion. 

Food is going pretty well. No big slip-ups. 


B: Banana
S: Cottage cheese (post work out, yay protein!) 
L: Baby carrots + sliced turkey. 
S: Protein bar
D: Salad + chicken breast. 
S: Cottage Cheese (I really like cottage cheese, okay? heh.)

Work out
Swim class - core/leg/cardio intensive. 
ZWOW #13

Monday, April 16, 2012

All aboard the thought train!!!

So this split focus thing is killing me. This weekend alone, I have spent $60 going out... consuming food that isn't healthy, booze and even a dessert. I still managed to lose weight - luckily. I really think that was a fluke.

I have this pattern. I can usually concentrate on 3-4 things in my life and do them all well. Right now I'm so overwhelmed with all the stuff I've been trying to fit in and stress out about that I haven't been doing ANYTHING well. Here goes the thought train... All aboard!

A) New potentially romantic interest - this always makes things sort of go to crap and occupies way more of my thoughts than it should. And let's face it... obsession is ugly. I don't want to be ugly.

B) Finding a Job in NYC - I'm jumping the gun here. I'm not in the city yet. I can put this on the back burner for a couple weeks. But it does come with all the "I need a professional interview outfit!" Which contradicts G. Even that is jumping the gun. I don't know what size I will be when I get there!

C) Piano Tests = Graduation - Last week I found out that the pressure is still on high. With lessons this week it's even higher. For some reason this "easier" set of scales is harder than ever and I've got an entire piece to learn. But without the degree... I'm going to have a hell of a time with B) getting a job in NYC and no one wants to date a jobless bum. So it helps with A) New potentially romantic interest as well.

D) Eating right - This takes focus. This takes planning. This takes NOT giving in to the easiest way out because you were all stupid and twitterpated over some BOY or stuck in a practice room.

E) Working out - Planning work outs that don't tax the same part of the body each time. Finding work outs that keep me engaged. Working up to the 30 minutes of running that you want to do with Mr. Option A... A positive way to obsess, if you going to.

F) Moving - There is so much to be done around my house. Sell stuff. Ebay my formal gowns (seriously folks, if you've got some fat friends (26/28/30), I'm selling off a few really beautiful items). Sell off my vintage purse collection. Selling off my fancy shoes. Selling off my vintage jewelry. *sigh*

G) Saving/Making Money - This is REALLY the only thing I can productively do for myself in this move to NYC. Getting a job is going to take me BEING there to interview. People doing sublets don't want to talk to someone who wants one all the way in JUNE. What I can do is save money...  it buys me more time to get a job. It will also enable me to eat healthy instead of cheaply while I'm out there. It's also making me assess every purchase... well... how much toilet paper do you need in about 1month and a half. Shampoo? Tampons? Don't be wasteful. Save your pennies.

H) Online dating... I know I've already mentioned Mr. Option A. Which seems to have run a little cold lately... probably due to slight obsession backed up by not having MET in real person. But I have this constant niggling want for attention from the opposite sex. I don't know if it's a "validate me" thing. I really don't think it is... I think it's my new distraction technique for the stress I'm feeling. (I do that. A LOT).

Okay... So now you know what's buzzing around up there...   I WILL FOCUS. I will prioritize.

1) Piano/Graduation - Duh. I've been working on this degree for 7 years. It would be RIDICULOUS not to finish it this close to getting out of here. Plus it prepares me for success in so many ways after the fact.

2) Saving/Making Money - Concentrate on SAVING. Concentrate on not buying in excess. Concentrate on using the food you have and supplementing with grocery purchases. You don't need any new clothing right now (though I DID just buy new running shoes). You don't need to go out to eat a $10 salad you could make at home for $3.

3) Eating Right - Making menus and buying smart go hand in hand. I can eat healthily. I will pay closer attention to the cost of certain items to see how I will be able to eat on $15-20 a week when I get to NY.

4) Working out - I'm handing the reigns over to trainer when it comes to work out planning. I'm going to keep up with the interval running so I can feel like I'm doing something about Potential Guy and so I can drop some more weight. I don't want to scare him away with my size (though I've been very up front about my weight).

Everything else, moving, online dating, applying for jobs, finding a sublet, new potential romantic interest...   You can all take a back seat. I have two more weeks until I am done with piano. Then I can pick one to put back in on top and take more control over my working out.

I will not lose my laser like focus and determination. I'm tired of feeling like refracted light. I need to feel productive. I need motion. I need progress. I can do anything good!!!!


Breakfast: banana w/1tbsp peanut butter.
S: Fruit leather.
L: tuna salad on spelt bread.
S: baby carrots.
D: Spinach, celery, tomato, avocado, black berry, sunflower seed + balsamic salad.
S: cottage cheese.

25 pushups
25 squats
25 side lunges right
25 side lunges left.
50 bicep curls
25 tricep dips
25 vertical jumps.
5 downward facing dog pushups.

Big Fat FOCUSED Love,

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Review of week 3 and NEW GOALS!

Weight: 307 (-1)
Waist: 47" (+.5)

Last week... 
Weight: -3lbs. Aiming high and trying to get a repeat of last week.
Check In: -1lb....   Well... it's something. 

NSV: Fancy up the resume. Continue to take good care of my skin. 
Check In: Yes! Resume submitted. Interview Scheduled. Lotion applied! 

Nutrition: Eat a vegetable at every meal - including breakfast!
Check In: 75% on this. My veggies went bad these last couple of days. 

Fitness: 575 bicep curls with resistance band (75 a day)... in addition to this week's workout routine. 
Check In: I forgot about this mini challenge to myself COMPLETELY. 

Mini Challenge: yet to be given... Read everyone's blogs and comment. 
FAIL.   Sorry guys... there are so many of you! I needed this challenge on Monday. 

This week... 
Weight: -3lbs. I WANT TO LOSE THIS! (That would put me down to 304... feasibly a mere 2 weeks away from out of the 300s!)

NSV: Pass the piano exam this week! 

Nutrition: Cook enough chicken for every night of the week so you don't make a last minute bad decision.

Fitness: Two goals. 50 bicep curls a day & 3 interval runs in addition to my regular schedule as follows.
Monday - Mini HIIT.
Tuesday - Swim class + HIIT.
Wednesday - HIIT + Interval Run. 
Thursday - PIANO TEST! + HIIT. 
Friday - Interval Run! + Mini HIIT
Saturday - STRETCH!
Sunday - Interval Run + DEEEEEEEP Stretch. 

Mini Challenge: yeah... I think I'll try that support everyone thing again. Sorry so much if I don't get to you... we happen to have 1000000000 challengers! :) 

Big Fat Goal Makin' Love! 

Good News and a Giant Vat of Irony

I put together a vlog, but for the life of me it's taking a bajillion hours to upload. So here we go...

Friday was absolutely awesome and weird. I went out on my run. It had been an entire week since I'd been out there running. It was WAY harder than I'd imagined it would be to pick up where I left off. The interval running program I had bumped me up to the next level of runs. I'm still pretty much a sissy when it comes to the running. I was feeling so good about it over a week ago! So... if you're reading this. Don't quit your routine if you're building up to something!

I made it to the butcher in town and got some fresh, local chicken, sliced turkey breast and beef jerky. When I got home, I checked my email and I had gotten an online interview! I replied to their questionnaire and reminded them I wouldn't be available for work until June. I'm guessing that I may not get the job. But it's okay. It's reignited my hope that I can get a job pretty quickly when I get there. I sent out my resume on Wednesday.

I went to sushi with Trainer and her family. I was so excited... I may have splurged a little in celebration and got some of the more expensive rolls. (yes, this is where I hear mom in my head saying "you haven't gotten the job YET.")

Later, I went to Into the Woods with my friend Camile. It was our university production. There are a lot of my friends in the show. I haven't been the most supportive of the music stuff as of late since I'm a little bitter and sensitive about the music thing still. Camile and I found our seats... a mere 4 seats away from my ex. I had a brain meltdown. He was directly in my line of vision for the whole show... We were sitting near and aisle (he was on the other side of the aisle a row down). So every time there was an entrance from the aisles I was directly in his line of vision. It was so distracting. He was there with his girlfriend. The one he cheated on with me. (I didn't know).

During intermission, Ex came up to me. "Hey, how're you doing?" Girlfriend had gone to the bathroom and he was being all sleazy within moments. I told him how great everything is. New York. Sublet found. Job interviews. Getting out and starting over. Graduation. I do that... in awkward situations, I talk more. So why not blast him away with great news. He's doing well. Busy with his lawyering. I know he expected me to get up and give him a hug, but I wouldn't. It was my silent rebellion. So I gave him my hand to shake and then leave... He took my hand... then did that weird, turn-it-sideways-and-kiss-it thing. "Don't be a stranger. Keep in touch when you leave." UGH. Sometimes I make terrible decisions.

Then the second act starts and there's this whole tryst in the woods between the baker's wife and one of the princes. "Just a moment. Just a moment in the woods!" I was just stewing in my own irony at that point. Lawyer Guy made it a point to walk past my seat when the show was over and he was leaving... Girlfriend walking in front, he climbs the stairs by the seats and puts a hand on my shoulder, "bye."

Big Fat Awkward Friday Love,

Friday, April 13, 2012

Giant Weirdo. Truth.

WOOO!!! It's the weekend! I love my jobs... in that they pay me and that they only happen for four days a week. That leaves three for play and cleaning my house!

This week my weigh-ins have been ALL over... and I've said that before. But here's an idea.
Sunday: 309
Monday: 307
Tuesday: 316
Wednesday: 310
Thursday: 305
Friday: 309

So I'm just going to keep plugging along and hope that I can get one of the good low numbers on Sunday. I don't deserve a huge loss this week (not like... morally). I just haven't worked out a lot. Just my usual.

Monday: Short HIIT
Tuesday: Swim class + Trainer HIIT.
Wednesday: Trainer HIIT
Thursday: NO SWIM CLASS (piano test) + Trainer HIIT.

So today... since Friday is my only piano free day. I am going to shop with Trainer at the butchers for some non-processed, non-chemicaled meat. And then I'm going on an interval run.

I'm still very intimidated by people watching me and thinking "fat girl, you call that running?" So it'll still be in the cemetery. I fight those situations a lot... the ones where my brain tells me other people are judging me and that I need to feel insecure. My 0yr-24yr old self says "wait until tonight and just run in the dark... Then you can run wherever you want.

"INCORRECT!" says 25 year old, finally caring about health, Nanette.

I can run wherever I want no matter the time of day. I can run in a sports bra and undies if I want. I can run in a burka. I can run barefoot, in sandals, in trainers or heels. I can run in a dress. I can run fast (for a short while anyway). I can run slow. I can breathe hard. I can be my own trainer. I can sing along to my ipod. I can do whatever I want and whenever I want... and if someone out there thinks I'm a giant weirdo...

Well... I'm a giant weirdo working on being less giant. I'm a giant weirdo that has goals and reaches for them. I am a giant weirdo that actively takes part in her own weirdo life and destiny. I am a giant weirdo who counts calories, writes a fat blog, jiggles lots when she runs and makes friends with other giant weirdos.


Screw the cemetery. I'm going to run on the busiest street near my house. Get over your insecurities, Nanette. Get over yourself and this stupid sense of needing to look or be regarded a certain way. Just be. (jiggly, heh). Like they say in every acting class... "Move with purpose." 

Big Fat Giant Weirdo Love, 

Thursday, April 12, 2012

This Just In!!!

I passed my scale set! and my sightreading! and my open score reading!!!   I am 6 scales and a Debussy piece away from graduation!!! (and I think I have a $20.00 library fine, but psh, that can be taken care of in two seconds).

So here's the plan...   Doubling up on lessons on the weekend. Friday and Sunday. Practice every day again and pass off the white scales next Thursday.

Do double lessons again and Pass off the Debussy the following week (dead week).

Do double lessons again and do the bonus piece the following week so I can be sure that my grade is high enough that there is no close call.

I've been doing okay with diet and exercise. My scale numbers have been all over the map. The calories have been pretty consistent. On the higher end of what I allow myself. The work outs have been on the lower end of what I allow myself, but they've been great and intense. My bum is all sorts of sore. It makes me feel like I'm accomplishing things...   Sorry for the lame blogs as of late. I'm so distracted by this music thing. Health is still going okay... I just have to get this together.

Also, got my resume posted on Monster and sent it out to 6 different companies yesterday... I'm reducing my panic about moving daily. :)


Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Means More From A Stranger...

Back in the fatter days... I used to go and get baclava every Friday with my friends. There is a little Persian store next to the music building. In that store is a round and feisty lady named Arianna. She has big round hips and a wide bosom along with long, straight, black hair and darkly crayoned eyebrows. She knows each of us by name: Ethan, Joey and me.

She will tell us what's new at her store and walk us past a lot of different glass bottles, but knows that we're really only going to buy the baclava. She makes pans and pans of it at home. People come to that store mainly for this sticky, flaky treat.

Well, it also happens to be where I purchase peppermint water (I add it to my water bottles when plain water is too boring). I walked in there today after about a six month absence. And she walked up to me "Where are your friends? You haven't been here in such a long time! Look at you... did you get sick?"

"Oh, no... I'm good. I've just been busy and away for a little while."

"No. You must have been sick."

"Arianna, I wasn't sick, I just stopped eating your Baclava!"

"Is my baclava bad?"

"No... it's TOO good!"

We laughed and she tried to sell me flat bread, hummus, goat cheese and feta. I wound up buying my peppermint water. I walked out into the sunshine. Happy. Purchase in hand and compliment in head.

I'm sporting a tube dress thingy today. It's too sunny to not be getting some of that on my big white... WHITE arms. I packed a cardigan in case I got insecure... but realized it was silly to even take it with me. What would make me feel insecure? I'm not going to work, where they can actually dictate what I wear. I'm not showing any inappropriate booty or boobs, so there's nothing offensive happening here... I'm a college student, walking to campus to practice the piano in my sundress and that's the long and short of it! :)

I got another piano session in. I MIGHT be ready for tomorrow. But I just need to wake up early and warm up before the actual test. I'm slightly nervous because I'm much less prepared this time. But I will pass. I have to pass.

Big Fat Summer Day Love,

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


I've got to check in on this piano and work out thing. I need some super accountability today.

Okay... so after another hour in the practice room today I got 4 out of 6 scales up to speed. Good news. I have one more day before I need to take the test.... So I should be able to claim victory on Thursday. Leaving the next round of scales, two pieces and a sight reading. I can do this!!! I can get this done! I am so close to my degree!!!

In fat news, I got two work outs in. I got the swim class in and a HIIT with Trainer. I'm stiffening up already. It's weird. I got a run in on Friday and did a couple short interval things on Sunday. Monday was spent walking around campus and stuff. So not an inactive weekend. Today's workouts kicked my butt... well... abs, quad and shoulders specifically.

Food has been great today. Veggies with every meal and I'm ending with a pretty good calorie deficit. :) I weighed in this morning and I'm down another 2lbs. But I refuse to believe it's real until the ACTUAL weigh in this Saturday/Sunday.

Big Fat Accountability Love,

Monday, April 9, 2012

Monday Night...

I got a session of piano practice in this afternoon. My scales are getting a little better. I MIGHT have them up to tempo by Thursday. I need to put another hour in tomorrow. Keepin' my chin up. Going to stay positive about it. Get another test passed off or at least partially passed off.

I have NOT had a work out today. I'm bugged. It's not like I didn't have time. I was making these stupid excuses about "Well, Nanette, this week you've got to concentrate on piano. You can put work out on the back burner."

After the other side of my internal dialogue stopped giving me the silent treatment for being so lame, It reacted. "Here's the thing. You had a great lesson on Friday after your run. You don't need to be sedentary to concentrate. You have enough time to both exercise and practice. If you feel like mentally you don't have it... Get over yourself. Push your boundaries."

I AM cracking down on food this week. More veggies. More fresh. More quality calories. I'm pretty good at eating under my caloric limit... but I budget for dark chocolate or an extra serving of cottage cheese...  and This week is veggies with every meal! I'm doing okay with that today.

I feel like the cautious nutrition is the safety net for this battle of piano vs fitness vs laziness... It is temporary. The whole thing is so silly! I know that I'll benefit from telling myself  YES! YOU CAN! YOU ARE CAPABLE! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU PUSH YOURSELF TO DO! This stupid struggle of procrastination and the fallacy that I can only have one or the other (extra work outs or piano practice time)... is such a waste. I've got four more weeks of this. Adapt. Take on both. Succeed, Nanette. Get it together.


Sunday, April 8, 2012


I just had one of the worst piano lessons of my life. Which is weird... because Friday was awesome. But here's the deal... I have to learn 6 scales in 4 days in order to pass my next scale test. Or I have to learn a piece of music in 4 days. Or pass off my last sight reading test. Or I have to do an improvised accompaniment for a piece I haven't received.... I MUST pass ONE test this week.

I hate more than anything this feeling of disappointment in myself. This piano class is the only thing between me and my degree. I'm not IN the class so I don't get the benefit of classroom instruction. I'm finishing an incomplete and it's my own damn fault that I've got to pass everything off so quickly. I'm so discouraged. But I think Ms. Adams knows. I think she'll be sympathetic (not that I want to count on that in any way).

I refuse to let this hold me back. I refuse to feel like I have this loose end in Idaho. So... modification of this week's goals.

NSV goal: PASS ONE PIANO TEST, PRACTICE EVERY DAY. Even if it means dropping a work out here or there. I HAVE to get practice time in. Degree needs to come first this week. Plus that degree is part of "fancying up" my resume.

Big Fat'n Panicked Love,

RFSC Week 2 Review and Goals.

Goals In Review

Weight: 308 (-5) Thus exceeding the -3 goal AND making up for last week's -0!

NSV: Lose .5 inch on the waist. From 47" to 46.5"! Also paid close attention to my skin with lotion and massage. I didn't notice a huge difference. But I figure it's not a detriment. Also, secured my sublet for the move in June... and booked my ONE WAY TICKET... and finished brushing up my resume.

Nutrition: Take multivitamin every day. I made it 4/7. My vitamins have been making me queasy. But I can adjust by taking them at night instead of during the day... No excuses!

Fitness: 90% I dropped one work out because trainer cancelled and we both were to sore to function. It's important to give the body time to recoup. I hope to repeat it this week!

Mini Challenge: I did 3 interval runs this week. I've moved up a level for tonight's run. I'm kind of worried about it. But I know it's a silly worry... what? It's going to be hard? I wont' do anything but benefit from it. So after my piano lesson, I'll be doing an alleyway run tonight.

This week... 
Weight: -3lbs. Aiming high and trying to get a repeat of last week. 

NSV: Fancy up the resume. Continue to take good care of my skin. 

Nutrition: Eat a vegetable at every meal - including breakfast!

Fitness: 575 bicep curls with resistance band (75 a day)... in addition to this week's workout routine. 

Mini Challenge: yet to be given... 

Saturday, April 7, 2012

E2E Final Post

Sept 14

April 7
Goal: 299
Began at 325
Down to 308 (-5 this week) and -17 total. Almost met the goal!

Goal: 49"
Began at 51"
Down to 46.5" (-.5")

Goal: 60"
Began at 65"
Down to 62"... ambitious... I was close? heh.

Sept 14
April 7
I might not have hit the goal weight. But I feel great about what I have accomplished. Doubling up the work outs was hard. I was more careful with my eating this past week. My freaking period stopped finally (not that it was abnormal, I'm just impatient). Yesterday my weight was even LOWER! But I take the "official" weigh in of Saturday morning.

My progress photo shorts are very near retirement. I can now pull them up and down with out unzipping or unbuttoning them. The cami... You can see it gaps around my armpits because I'm getting narrower... but my belly still stretches it. Though not nearly as much.

I believe I have changed every single method that I was planning on using to lose weight.
I've cut calories down to about 1300-1700.
I've stopped spending HOURS at the gym and doing 12-30 minute HIIT work outs.
I've started cooking different things, but I've cut out wheat this time around.

There are no intentions of quitting here. I'm probably going to have to do this for another 1-2 years before I can really hit my goal weight. So I'll continue blogging and following those of you who are still going.

Mir has been awesome for hosting this challenge, particularly through her own hard times. I've loved the small challenge. It's been so much more manageable to get to know each one of you. You guys have all taught me things whether it be through observation or example. It's been great. I'm doing the next challenge (Ready for Summer Challenge) which is much larger and a little less intense, but I like the standard of E2E... the waist measurements, the weigh in, water and calorie goals, plus the mini challenges of RFSC... Another accountability tool! I will still be reading blogs from all those that post and choose to continue.

However, Come hell or high water, I WILL BE MOVING TO NYC Under 300lbs.

Big Fat Losing It Love,

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Body Image and Advertising.

A dear friend of mine who is making a documentary about pornography addiction and our society is always posting some of the most INTERESTING articles, videos and advertisements. So if you have something like 40 minutes and care about how advertising shapes our culture (eating disorders, body image, sexualizing food)...   you should probably watch these youtube videos.

I'd love to hear your reactions. Feel free to leave an essay. I'm so passionate about this topic. I love hearing how different people interpret it.


Midweek Check In.

I have refrained from weighing myself at all this week. Which I'm pretty much a scale addict. I check it every time I change my clothes. Anyway... 3 days of none of that. I got on the scale and I'm up a freaking pound. I'm cycling through a lot of thoughts and emotions like anger and disappointment and what if you're just gaining muscle?! and have I been eating things that I haven't been logging? I'm drinking enough water. I'm definitely getting enough exercise. I'm on my period... is that it? I WANT TO SEE A LOSS THIS WEEK, not just a different number. I've got to... I want to lose another 10-20lbs before I move. It's my fresh start and I don't want to do it above 300lbs.

Today the two a day work outs stop. I'm a bit too sore for life today. Heh. But really, I'm having some awesome muscle fatigue. So I'm taking this morning off. Trainer cancelled. She's having a hard time moving and needs to be able to teach her class tomorrow. As much as she pushes me, I push her right back. I will revel in this rest day - for tomorrow I run.

I'm kind of excited about the running. I want to build up to be something I really enjoy... You know, 30 minutes of just going. No marathons or 5Ks or whatever. Just going on a run. It could be great me time. I'd also love to be in the kind of relationship where you both go on a morning run to start the day... It might be silly. But it's something I'd want. Plus it would be such a motivator for staying active.

I've been thinking a lot about this move and how I'm going to stay active. I'm going to keep losing weight. Someone asked yesterday if I'm going to keep blogging. You bet your nethers I will be! Writing is a cathartic activity for me. I'd much rather go for the laptop than go for the fridge.

Which I must admit I did last night. Now I didn't go over my caloric limit of 1700. And I was hungry but I was having such an emotional night, that I was definitely eating for comfort instead of hunger. And I didn't make terrible choices, some cottage cheese, a handful of baby carrots and some peanut butter. It was one of those weird days when you get home, sit down and mysteriously start crying. I didn't know over what, or why. Yesterday wasn't particularly bad. Maybe the stress of the NY thing was sort of raining down around me (rain from my face). I was awash with all those feelings of inadequacy... I talk to myself a lot... and even saying some of it out loud just made me cry harder. It was ridiculous. I'm not a terribly emotional person - or, I am, but I don't cry very often. So when I do, I make it worth it.

But mid-everything, before I could reach for another food to eat, I ran a hot bath and laid in it for a while reading some magazines about beginning running. I got ready for bed and slept like a dead thing. Maybe just exhaustion? Tears from exhaustion? Something. Well, I'm taking today off to recuperate... And I'll just have to eat extra smart today.

Big Fat Tears of Love,

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Not Sold...

Trainer needed to learn a work out so she could sub for her fellow teacher. So we did the R.I.P.P.E.D instructor training work out dvd. Ummm.... If you're considering taking a class, or buying the dvds or spending money on that franchise at all. Just don't.

I mean... yeah. I got my heart rate up. I was sweating. I also spent about 75% of the time pissed off. They give the crappiest cues at the fastest pace that it's near impossible for someone of my weight and physical making. It's a whole lot of bouncing and jumping (which if you have a lot of belly fat, uhhhh... no go). I mean, I'm not opposed to doing a set of jumping jacks, interval running, mountain climbers, boxing... but when everything is like a giant high speed game of hopscotch, I honestly can't keep up.

Even better, their modifications.

For example... Holding plank position. If you can't do a regular plank go to your knees. Great. Now bring your knee up to your chest (one at a time). They modified mountain climbers to your knees. DUMB. A modified mountain climber is just done slower... with, you guessed it, LESS BOUNCING. I happen to like my lower back and like to treat it nicely. I also like the modification to work.

Another favorite. Wide feet stance, bend your knees to half squat. Jump forward, Jump backward. Another jumping work out that I need to modify. Their modification is to keep legs closer together and jump forward and backward. Okay...   What about actually targeting and strengthening the muscles being used?!?! I may be completely out of line here. But if you can't do the jumps, do some weighted deep squats. Hit those hamstrings, butt and calves. Come out of the squat and roll up onto the balls of your feet if you feel like it's just not enough.

I guess I should just say that the video was really counter-intuitive. It may be great for someone floating around the overweight/normal area. But there are a whole lot of work outs that are better for us obese folks, and by better I mean more effective, efficient and enjoyable. I'd call it face-paced, cheesy and aimed at those that are already somewhat athletic.

So I suppose I'll be sticking to Bodyrock, Zuzana Light, Couch to 5k, PiYo and Swimming. I don't consider this morning a waste. I got cardio and some weight stuff in. I accomplished being "active." I also learned what I won't do again. I try to be positive. Especially when I'm working out and in a lot of ways that work out just made me feel fatter and incapable. But I refuse to let those feelings defeat me.

Big question, Has anyone out there done the Jillian Michael's Yoga DVD? I'm wondering if I should buy it and try it.

Today I'm scheduled for an interval run with my friend at 2. I'm not sure if I'm going to make it to the running bit. But we may just go on a 30 min walk.

I'm also buying my flight tickets to NYC!!! The move is really approaching! I've got to hurry and finish my piano scales and piece and get my freaking diploma.

Big Fat Don't Buy Ripped Love,

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Determined... to lose my pants.

This is what I think when I have to modify 
Welcome to day 2 of the death by work out week!!!

Yesterday I got in my warm up in the morning and then ran to my first office job. I stayed on menu 95%!
(Dark chocolate at work). But my second job... I usually work 5-10. I got off at 9:15!!! We get to go home early if the classes we work get done early (distance learning/class broadcasts). I walked home. Dropped by purse by the door. Plugged my ipod into the speakers. Got rid of the jeans and hit my yoga mat. 15 minutes later I was panting and sweaty on the mat and thinking "you know what? I'd STILL be at work right now!"

But the thing is... This morning, I could have done it again. I can push my body to do 2 work outs a day. I'm more sore when I sit at my desk for 5 hours than when I move around.


I consider that the non-scale victory for yesterday.

Today is great... I woke up 3 minutes before my alarm. Had a bit of yogurt. Walked up the hill to the University Gym. 50 minutes of aquacise arms... (think resistance bands and swim jogging in the deep end). Trainer and I went to her house and we got a full 32 minutes of HIIT. I modified some of it, but I did NOT GIVE UP or FAKE anything. I will not be like those whiners on "Heavy" (that A&E show I watched earlier this week).

I can tell already that it's going to be really tough for the rest of the week to keep moving and not giving into the soreness. Tomorrow is HIIT again... we're doing a workout from the Ripped program. And I've promised an afternoon interval run to my friend. I can do anything. I will not complain. I will bust my ass. I will lose some FREAKING WEIGHT this week. Or some inches. I'd settle for either, really.

Today's non-scale victory...

We were jogging in place for 50 seconds... Jogging with high knees and before I knew it, my pants were around my thighs. Knees up! Abs in! Asses out? My elastic, stretchy, yoga capris...   the kind that are supposed to hug you... Guess it's time to give them up. Down to the next size!

Big Fat Pants Yourself Love,

Monday, April 2, 2012

Ready For Summer Challenge Update

Goals in review... 

Weight: 313 (-0) Though the goal was to lose -2.

Non-scale victory: Tried on all my clothing and tossed/donated the stuff that doesn't fit. I stretched every day but two. But I still can't touch my toes while sitting with my legs stretched out in front of me. Gotta keep trying.

Work out:
I did very well! I did all my exercises as planned and even got a run in yesterday. I posted about it here and on facebook. And I found a couple Friday running buddies... which will totally make me accountable for the rest of the semester! :) I'm kind of excited.

Nutrition: Dairy free week... I made it about 4 days. And it was 4 days of steady weight gain.

Weekly Mini-Challenge: I made an omelette with tomatillos. They look like tomatoes but they are green and are protected by a papery husk. The skin is kinda tacky/sticky so they need to be washed. I cut it open expecting the same texture as a tomato... but it's less gooey and slimy. It has tiny seeds (edible) and after it was sauteed in a touch of oil along with onions, tomatoes and broccoli, it added a bit of zing. Tart, citrus tasting almost. Like lemon or lime, but a different flavor. I ate some raw and I didn't like it at all, but cooking it a bit sweetened things up.

This week...
Weight: -3! Gotta catch up! 

NSV: See a .5" waist measurement difference. Massage highly cottage cheese areas to increase circulation and reduce cellulite and stretch marks. 

Fitness: Follow your weekly plan... You can see it HERE for this week. 

Nutrition: I will take my multi every day... in addition to vitamin E (for my skin). I will follow my weekly menu. I will also use my vitamin E stick on some stretch marks to see if it helps. (If you can't tell my skin is bothering me a little as of late). 

Mini Challenge:
Do a work out you don't normally do! PERFECT TIMING!!!   I'm starting interval running this week. I've got a two new Friday running buddies! 

Let's DO THIS! 

Big Fat Run For Your Life Love, 

Sunday, April 1, 2012

All Talk

NOT!   So I was watching the A&E channel show "Heavy" on netflix last night. It got me thinking, nothing bad happened to these people by working out every day. There are fat people (same size as me) running. Stop making stupid excuses and DO SOMETHING EVERY DAY THIS WEEK. I have to drop some weight this week in order to satiate my own expectations... I have to end this challenge with a bang. I will be free of this area on the scale.

So I started today. It took me 2 hours to get my ass out of the house (easily distracted). But I got a 5k hike/walk (very hilly, but paved trail). The end of the trail spits you out by a grave yard. I had my ipod with me and I just decided that yeah... I was going to run. So I pulled up the running app thingy and did my first interval run in MONTHS. 5k + 8x(1min run, 1.5 min walk).

I have some post its on the back of my door with times and work outs. This week. I resolve to do the daily warm up every morning, regardless of whether or not I'm going directly into a work out. Just get the body up and moving.  Then off to start the day. If anything it reminds me of all the moving parts. I don't usually think about things like warming up my hip flexors or shoulder rotators... It just seems like a smart thing to start integrating ON MY OWN... (trying to be independent here, can't afford a trainer when I move).

My ideas for this week's fitness keep morphing... so just roll with me here. :)

The post-its look like this...

9am - Full Body Warm up
9:30 3x through 50/10 w/post stretching.
bicep curls

8am - Full Body Warm Up
9am - 50 minute swim class
10am - 30 minute HIIT w/ stretching.

9am - Full Body Warm Up
10pm - Interval Run (1min run, 1.5 min walk)8x
Stretching vid.


8am - Full Body Warm Up
9am - Swim Class
10am - 30 minute HIIT w/ stretching

9am - Full Body Warm up
9:30 3x through 50/10 w/stretching after
Burpees (ugh)
Bridge with leg lifts.
Side lunges + kick
Competition Sit ups
Side abs (right)
Side abs (left)
1pm - Interval Run (1.5 min run, 2 min walk)6x

9am - Full Body Warm Up.

9am - Full Body Warm Up
Midday - Interval Run (1.5 run, 2 min walk) 6x

Above is my favorite lady, Zuzana Light, doing the daily warm up and the stretch routine. They're kind of long. There are abbreviated ones... but if I'm going to get down on the floor and do something, I may as well get comfortable.

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