Saturday, March 31, 2012


Plans changed all over the place last night...  The menu was out the window. Had a salad for lunch. Steak for dinner. Wound up on a nature trail with my friend Holly for a good hour or so. Then went out to the hot pools. I kind of got a little flippant with the money and splurged on a massage.

But I made a new friend and fellow fat fighter!!! The massage therapist is in one of the classes that Trainer teaches! Small world. She was really great, friendly and quite good at the massaging bit. But yeah, another potential work out partner. And I sense some dedication. She's been doing her last class work out every day of spring break. AWESOME, right?!? :)

Anyway... Some photos. Inspired by Maren!

This is my kind of nature. Paved trails. 

This is the Cherry Creek. 

We found something green! 

We also found an amphitheater. So we put on a show.  

"We just wandered through that shit." 

Big Fat Adventure Love,

Friday, March 30, 2012

Rain, Rain, Go Away...

Active Rest Day.

Took my walk around the block. Drank 4 glasses of water. Threw away some crap around the apartment. Did some deep breathing and stretching. Donned some shorts, a fun spring top and my trainers so I could go take a walk and get you guys some photos of a lovely little trail over by the cemetery. I got about 4 blocks away before DOWN POUR. So I'm back home... I'm hoping that this storm is a short one. I live in a desert so our precipitation doesn't last for very long. I was all amped up for my walk and everything. Just something low key as my lower body is still so sore and angry.

Trainer has been having us do a lot of bum work outs... she's found a bit of cottage cheese around that lovely little bit where thigh turns into cheek. I'm loving it because I've got white girl paddle butt. Flat. I can feel things reshaping... which is lovely as I'm not seeing a lower number on the scale.

Okay... so game plan. IF the rain does not subside by 5pm tonight, I will do the ab bonus workout. Even though I would love a nice, long, mellow walk. 
I'm going to see The Hunger Games with my friend Holly tonight. Maybe I'll invite her on my walk. I'd much rather have company. Plus then I could make some better photos. 

Last night I watched about 30 work out videos and put them all into a notebook... since I don't do the workout with the video. There are so many great work out sites. 

I've got a thing for sites that have body weight exercises. I can do them at home. I don't need to buy any products (for the most part). And I don't feel like they're trying to sell me products as much as using products that they've found effective, but you don't need to buy them to succeed. I have wound up buying some of the fingerless gloves for pushups so my hands stay nice....   and a jumprope, a yoga mat, a stability ball, a resistance band... Nothing crazy. I may have spent around $50. So much cheaper than my gym membership would cost. Downside... I don't have free weights or an elliptical. 

Breakfast: Access Bar
Snack: banana + plum
Lunch: Chicken breast w/edamame. 
Snack: cucumber + plum. 
Dinner: Steak w/ steamed broccoli
Snack: Plum... 

(my plums are on the verge of dying). 

Big Fat Rest Day Love, 

Thursday, March 29, 2012


I've been fighting the scale all week. I've been fluctuating between 313 (great!) and 316 (booo!). I can't gain weight. I have been sucking at the Allan Challenge. I mean... I'm staying under the caloric goals and I'm near the water intake every day (within 16oz usually). Plus getting in the 3x a week interval training. (minus the swimming class this week because of spring break). But I got an additional 3 mile walk in yesterday. WHY AM I NOT SEEING SMALLER NUMBERS? I'm not being cheaty on MFP or anything.

So here we go... Yesterday I got all overwhelmed about how long it's going to take me to get out of the "obese" BMI range. And about how I've only come so far and it's been like... 7 months. (In addition to not feeling like I've had a solid loss pattern for 4 weeks). I got a comment on the Numbers blog from a fellow number nerd. She laid it out pretty clearly.

  3500 calories per pound
   170 pounds to lose
595,000 calories to burn
   365 days to burn it
   1630.2 calories to burn per day.
   2302 Basic Metabolic Rate (BMR)
   1400 caloric intake (average)
   902 additional calories to burn per day!!!

Now we're working with productive numbers. This I can handle. Yes... It will probably take me more than 365 days. But it seemed like a good place to start. I'm going to have to up the ante with my personal fitness.

I worry about running at my weight because 315lbs on my knees, hips and ankles just doesn't seem like a great idea. I miss the elliptical. However, I can do interval training at home. I can do yoga. I can put two more SCHEDULED AND COMMITTED WORK OUTS INTO MY LIFE. And on my rest days... I still need to do what they call "active rest" aka... leave the house. Though sometimes it's hard because I can be such a homebody and I hate sunshine. I'm also going to try and take some photos for you guys because it makes me feel like I have a purpose on the walk.

Here's the plan. 

Mondays: active rest (WALK DAMMIT!)
Tuesday: Aquacise + HIIT
Wednesday: HIIT
Thursday: Aquacise + HIIT
Friday: active rest
Saturday: PiYo class + jog/walk (at night of course, when they can't see me a-jiggling).
Sunday: HIIT at home or go on a hike with Tawnie.

I'm also implementing a new eating plan. Because I'm kind of a muncher... and I want to have better accountability for how many times I eat in a day. I have created some fun rules.

Before I eat I will... 
- drink 24oz of water. 
- take a walk around the block. 
- take 5 deep sighing breaths
- throw away or choose to donate 5 things. 

I've decided I will change these rules when I get sick of them but I have to follow them for a week. Let's see how long all of this lasts. I hope it's enough to kick me out of the stupid slump I'm in... I need to GET OUT OF THE 300's! I only have two months left before the NY move and I want there to be significantly less of me to take on that plane, to find an apartment for, to get someone to hire!

Big Fat ReCommit Love,

Wednesday, March 28, 2012


With the new challenge starting I've been blog exploring for over a week and I feel like it's still just the tip of the iceburg. I haven't been commenting much. I'm overwhelmed by stuff to read!! There are so many people to get to know better and read about.

However, I did see a lovely page that I can't find again... One lady had a page set up with her health stats. More than just her weigh in or her waist measurement. So I'm yoinking the idea and have been looking up all sorts of calculators today. 

March 28

BMI: 45.9 {30+ = obese, 29.9 - 25 = overweight, 24.9-18.5 normal). 
Hip to Waist Ratio: .73 (healthy)
Body Fat Calculator: 28.82% (HA! but the calculators are fun). 
Base Metabolic Rate: 2302. 

Then I started futzing around with the numbers. I will need to be 170lbs before I'm considered "normal." I need to lose 160lbs before I can reach that... are you looking at those numbers... HALF MY BODY WEIGHT. That blows my mind. Also, I figured out that each pound I lose takes me down .014 on the BMI scale. 

My list looks something like this... 
320lb = 45.9
310lb = 44.5 
300lb = 43.0
290lb = 41.6
280lb = 40.2<-------Super obese/not Morbidly obese
270lb = 38.7
260lb = 37.3
250lb = 35.9
240lb = 34.4
230lb = 33
220lb = 31.6
210lb = 30.1 <-------- Overweight/Not Obese. 

I have to lose over 100lbs in order to be considered merely, OVERWEIGHT. Crazy. My feelings of accomplishment have diminished. I'm having a bit of a hard time with that... I need to concentrate on the smaller accomplishments. Like going down by levels. 10lb increments. 

My workouts are less motivating as of late. I don't know why. Body is adjusting? Need to switch it up? Need to recommit? Need to pull my head out, that's for sure. 

This no cheese/dairy thing has sucked. I eat more carbs without it. It would have been great if I would replace cheese with veggies... But knowing myself, that's not going to happen. At least not yet. I can't wait for cottage cheese again on Sunday. My protein intake was higher with dairy in my diet and I'm about 60% less likely to punch someone in the face. heh. 

Big Fat NUMBER Love, 

The Big Fat Truth

Grandma called me the “husky” grandchild. Which is not only an insult, but a confusing one. Husky. Isn’t that a dog? Brothers chanted, “Hay is for horses, too bad you’re a cow.” My mother said I had a build like my father. My peers didn’t say anything. Maybe because they didn’t notice I was big. Maybe because I wasn’t big. Maybe because their parents raised them right. Maybe because they knew I would be merciless in return.

Fat people aren’t smart. Fat people sweat. Fat people wobble unattractively. Fat people have altered gaits. Fat people make the car sink more than others when they get in. Fat people only talk about food. Fat people eat at McDonalds. Fat people aren’t active. Fat people are easily winded.

I had two role models in the home. Mom, a runner who left carrot sticks and cucumber slices in the kitchen for the family to munch on. She would also go to the grocery store and buy a package of cookies. By the time she got home and sat in the driveway for a few minutes, more than half a package was gone. We don’t have sweets in our house. Dad, a 558lb private business owner, would buy the pizza, the ice cream, the ingredients, if I would pick them up from the store. He would never go through a drive thru and rarely went to restaurants – only the kind without booths.

Fat people shouldn’t wear sleeveless dresses or shirts. Fat people shouldn’t talk about hunger. Fat people shouldn’t say they are fat. Fat people shouldn’t ride on airplanes. Fat people can’t see their toes. Fat people can’t be in relationships. Fat people can’t move. Fat people can’t be healthy.

If you are fat, you have two options. You can be the dumb and pathetic fat or you can be the smart and funny fat. These aren’t my rules. This is what is portrayed in popular movies and television shows. They are reinforced by jokes and assumptions. And even in those quintessential coming of age story lines, where the chunky misfit (a whopping size twelve), whittles down to a svelt supermodel type, they reinforce that a size 12 is "gross." My response was almost Darwinian. I became funny fat to survive. I maneuvered through imaginary conflicts so not to be caught wordless.

The overheard passive aggressive insult…
“Look at her man, she’s huge! I wonder if her boyfriend can even find her vagina.”
“Pardon me, you noticed I was fat. I noticed you’re vapid. At least there’s something I can do about my situation.”

The family reunion intervention…
“We’ve noticed you’ve gained a lot of weight. Are you okay? Do you need help?”
“I noticed your marriage is falling apart. Are YOU okay?”

Imaginary situations. No one was ever rude enough to say things like that. Only quick glances with furrowed brows, which could have been genuine concern, but interpreted by my insecure, fat mind as social daggers of "how dare she be that big?!" 

Fat people should feel bad about being fat. Fat people are unattractive.  Fat people don’t like themselves. Fat people break chairs. Fat people will have heart attacks. Fat people are diabetic. Fat people can’t have sex. Fat people have thyroid problems.

People are nicer than they are in my head. If I say the word “fat,” even at my heaviest, peers would pacify their own discomfort “Oh, you’re not fat, don’t talk about yourself that way.” Fat is a bad word. Don’t say “fat.” It makes people uncomfortable.

Fat people make others uncomfortable. Fat people are offensive. Fat people order more food. Fat people smell. Fat people wear muumuus. Fat people take busses.

In letting what others think shape me, I made fat rules in high school.
1 – Never get in the car first.
2 – Always wear sleeves.
3 – Never talk about food.
4 – Never let them see you sweat.
5 – Do what’s possible to wiggle less.

Then I went to college.
Deborah Voigt at the SanFranOpera (size 20)

Fat people can date. Fat people can socialize. Fat people can dance. Fat people can help other people. Fat people can like themselves. Fat people can go to the gym. Fat people can be on stage. Fat people can laugh at themselves. Fat people can change.

Now I’m making the fattest rules for real life.

1 – Do what you want (includes dating, sex, exercise, reading, eating)

2 – Date who you want (includes athletes, nerds, musicians, poets)

3 – Wear what you want (includes the sleeveless and the short). 

4 – Talk how you want (includes fat, food, boys, weight, goals, thoughts)

5 – Love your body (include all of it). 

6 – Strive to be healthy (includes some wiggling, sweating and smelling).

Big Fat Breaking Patterns Love,

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Spring Break...

So yeah! Second work out of spring break!

work out
25 burpees
25 pushups
25 mountain climbers
25 plank walk outs (start standing, walk hands to plank).
25 one leg touch abs (right)
25 one leg touch abs (left)
25 weighted squats (15lb)
25 back lunge + kick (right)
25 back lunge + kick (left)
25 side v-abs (right)
25 side v-abs (left).

and I forgot one exercise...   But we got it all done in 19 minutes. 300 rep work out! YEAH!!!

Got my stretching in... My IT band is still really tight from last Thursday. I like to think it's pulling everything in to where it needs to be. Correcting posture and the musculature of fat compensation.

It's only day two of no dairy and I'm already making excuses. This is ridiculous.

Internal Dialogue
Nanette, you need protein, just go buy some cottage cheese.
No, Dairy free week.
But you just read that article that said cottage cheese is really good for you after a work out.
No. Dairy free week.
But don't you eat more veggies when you eat them with cheese?
WTF, Nanette!?! You don't put cheese on your veggies, just buck up and eat something different. Stop making excuses. DAIRY. FREE. WEEK.

What's kinda stupid is that I'm having a hard time selling myself on any other food items... So I've had a freaking fruit leather because it's too early to bust into the chicken breasts I made and that's IT. So here we go with the menu planning so I can force myself to have SOMETHING even if it's not cheese.

Breakfast: fruit leather.
Snack: plum
Lunch: tuna salad + steamed broccoli
Snack: orange.
Dinner: Chicken breast + steamed edamame
Snack: NOT CHEESE... something...   don't know what yet though.

And I do hereby swear to put in an hour at a piano at some point today.

Big Fat Stick To It Love,

Monday, March 26, 2012

Ready For Summer #1

Starting Weigh in: 313 lbs
Starting Waist: 47"
Clothing Size: 4x/3x, 26/28

Challenge Goals 
Scale: -18lbs 
NSV: -2" from waist
Exercise: 5x a week 
Food: WOD 1700, NWOD 1300. 

This week's goals

Scale: -2lbs

NSV: Stretch every day so I can touch my toes while sitting with my legs straight in front of me.
Also, try on every item of clothing I own and donate the ones that are too large.

Monday: Trainer
Tuesday: Trainer 500 rep challenge!
Wednesday: Day off.
Thursday: Trainer
Friday: Do it yourself! (3 mile walk)
Saturday: Do it yourself! (interval training).

Nutrition: Dairy Free Week!

Mini RFS Challenge: Try a new fruit or veg.

Guess who's amped for a new challenge... it's a new type of challenge as well. That's exciting too. I love to switch things up. Bring it on, change!


Sunday, March 25, 2012

E2E - Back on the Wagon #7

Weigh in: 313 (-2)

Waist: 47" (same).

Water: 160 oz 5/7

Workout: 6/5

Monday -     1400
Tuesday -     1500
Wednesday -  1550
Thursday -    1750
Friday -      1700
Saturday -    1250

Book: I haven't ordered a new one yet. But I've been reading Mark's Daily Apple.

Mom's version of gardening. Yup. Those are silk flowers. 
Buddy: Eaba is still packing up the house but she got a pretty good update in this week.

QuoteThis is not a commitment to a challenge or a diet plan. This is a commitment to your body and a commitment to lifestyle change. This a commitment to a healthier tomorrow.

I've been all over the scale this week. Because of that I'm going to try to stabilize things by reducing or at least trying to stay constant with my sodium. I have struggled SO HARD to get 160 oz of water every day. I failed this weekend. But I did well when I was at work and whatnot. 

I'm being knocked flat by my allergies... at least, I THINK it's allergies. You can hear them in my video... they're just rocking out in my sinuses.

Oh! Video! 

Today, I took off with the eating before even thinking about it. 

Breakfast: Plum, goat cheese (2oz). 
Snack: orange, goat cheese (1oz). 
Lunch: smoked salmon. ------------------------------------current spot today 780 calories. 
Snack: pork chop w steamed brussel sprouts. 
Dinner: At my friend's house (not sure what the menu is). 
Snack: At my friend's house. 

I think I can stay under 1900 calories today. Which makes it a success. 

- Work out with Trainer 3x
- Work out on my own 2x. 
- Box up the book shelf. 
- Return library books and borrowed books. 
- Work out days = 1700 calories (not under, but AT 1700). 
- Non work out days = 1300 calories (not under, but AT). 
- Post one new video. 

Personal Mini Challenge 

Big Fat New Week Love, 

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Back on the Wagon #6

I went out walking today. I took my camera so I could try and capture the feel of Preston and Idaho before I leave. Something to get all gushy about when I think Manhattan sucks.

I had three miles. Three quiet miles to think about how I'm leaving these people and this area behind. The people who know what branding a cow smells like and practice things like irrigation, well-digging and crop-rotation. The culture that keeps families close (suffocatingly so), goes to church every Sunday and talks about the ONE mugging that happened in our town last month. I'm KIND of getting why my parents would like this place... no cars. no traffic. fewer worries about your kids running around with the 'wrong' crowds (in pleasantville they don't exist).

Preston is in Cache Valley near the tip of the Rocky Mountains. We can usually tell East or West depending on which mountains we see... North and South are Open sky. 

With Traffic like this it's amazing people get anywhere. heh. I saw a grand total of 28 cars over the course of three miles. 

Local Color. 

The view from the field behind our house. Idaho is SO BROWN. 
Today's menu
Breakfast: pear+raspberries+ 2 squares of dark chocolate
Snack: Orange + plum
Lunch: Chicken breast w/pesto and goat cheese.
Snack: carrots+cucumber slices.
Dinner: Tomato, steamed brussel sprouts + smoked salmon (3oz)
Snack: Honey greek yogurt w/ raspberries.

Work out
3 mile walk.

3 rounds of... 
20 low abs.
10 side plank dips: right.
10 side plank dips: left.
60 second plank

10 minute lap swim.

I'm heading out to the pools with mom tonight. I went last night as well. I will miss the hot pools for sure. I spent a good hour talking to my Aunt Loenza today. She was a potty pit stop on the way home from the walk. Small town. Big families. Always a bathroom nearby. Ha!

Big Fat Small Town Love,

Friday, March 23, 2012

Back On The Wagon #5

Had a lovely shopping day with Trainer. Lots of fresh ingredients! :)

Anyway... the fat stuff.

Breakfast: Banana + cheese curds
Snack: Plum + 3oz of smoked salmon
Lunch: greek yogurt
Snack: skip (big dinner)
Dinner: chicken breast + asparagus wraps (smoked deli turkey+goat cheese around steamed asparagus).
Snack: tomato + orange.

 REST...  My entire body hurts.

Since I'm going home, I don't get to go to the PiYo class tomorrow. So I need to take my weight gloves, resistance band and the determination to DO IT while at my parents' house. I'm going to take my swim suit as well and see if I can head out to the mineral pools. I kinda wanna go on a walk and take some hometown photos so I have something to look at when I get all sentimental. blargh... list time.

While at home...
- cook dinner for family.
- go to pools.
- do 2 work outs.
- edit one video.
- take some photos.
- sing at the nursing home.
- laundry.

Now... to pack! More tomorrow! :)

Big Fat Hometown Love,

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Ready For Summer Challenge (RFSC): Goals

Yes, I'm a challenge whore. As of the 26th, I will be in 3 challenges. But they all run different spans of time and I feel like I need something structured like E2E in addition to the Allan Challenge (Aka one to make me check in weekly with you guys and one to intimidate the hell out of me). But all of that is beside the point... 

I'm starting a new challenge on the 26th. The Ready for Summer Challenge. For which, I need to make goals in the following categories: weight loss, Non-Scale Victory (NSV), Exercise and Nutrition. These goals may change - though I really hate doing that.

Weight Loss: 
6 weeks x 2lbs a week = 12lbs. But I want to push myself
6 weeks x 3lbs a week = 18lbs. That looks a bit better. 

GOAL: -18lbs
Non-Scale Victory: 
I wear mainly 28/26 right now -----> I'd love to be in a 24/22. Realistic? Maybe. I carry fat oddly. 
I usually wear a 4x/3x -----------> But I wanna be a 3x/2x. 
I would also like to lose another 2 inches off my waist... which would probably result in those clothing changes... (please may I not lose any more from my boobs)!P.s. I will post a new photo next to my before pic half way through and on the final check in.

Goal: - 2 inches

I like my current regimen of 5 work outs a week. And the move to Manhattan happens right after this challenge is over. Swim class will end the first week of May. So I will have to be inventive and force myself to work out on my own... good practice for when I move away from Trainer, Right?! Right. 

Goal: 5 work outs a week 

Okay, I've been hearing all sorts of things about needing a higher amount of calories on work out days to help your body build muscle. Then I've heard things about making your plate a pie chart and certain percentages of food groups. And then I'm freaking lazy and that's a whole lot of thinking.
So let me break it down for you. Workout days - 1700 calories. Non Workout days - 1300. 
Each main meal will be half protein, half veg. Snacks may be fruits, cheeses, veggies, or a protein bar. Those are the specifics. 

Goal: WOD - 1700 calories, NWOD - 1300 
Water (1/2 weight in ounces). 

A lot of goals are similar to the goals I have now. But that's good. I need to be consistent. And what I'm doing right now is working! :) I could do with out my little allowances of things like dark chocolate... or peanut butter... Or sadly, cheese. Slowly... Those sound like fodder for great mini challenges. 

Big Fat New Challenge Love, 

Back On The Wagon #4

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm really trapped with the whole family reading everything I do and having become a person that my mother wouldn't really be super proud of (sweary, booze sometimes, sex, agnostic)...  And this blog has been so liberating. It's been created through an email address that's not really affiliated with my name or that people could find by googling me.

The next giant realization... I have the ability to create a whole new youtube account and everything. So I may be taking a page out of Mir's book and doing some vlogs. But they'll probably be less about weight loss. My mind has been reeling with possibilities. 


Here's the health bit for today. 

Breakfast: access bar + banana
Snack: steak + steamed asparagus. 
Lunch: orange + almonds
Snack: tuna salad
Dinner: orange, tomato, cucumber, protein bar
Snack: cottage cheese and a square of dark chocolate. 

50 min swim class

I can't wait for PiYo on Saturday... gotta get bendy! 
50sec on/ 10 sec off - ABS!!! (3 rounds) 12 min
- leg lifts
- side sit ups. 
- reverse crunch
- super man

50/10 - BUM!!! (3 rounds)  12 min
- bridge leg lifts right. 
- bridge leg lifts  left. 
- bridge leg circle r/l
- bridge leg lift + circle r/l 

50/10 - ALL!!! (3 rounds) 12 min. 
- Plank
- Plank+ leg lift alternating
- 25lb kettle bell squat rows. 
- Squat jacks. 

In other words... I want to die and I'm afraid that my butt is going to fall off today. But we were aiming for a big push!!!  I may give myself a little leeway on diet today... Only in the way of high protein though... like a chicken breast or baked tuna or something. Yesterday I did so well sticking to the menu. 

I also started my water early today and I've had 8 of 20 glasses of water. I have such a hard time getting in the 160oz. I HAVE to start earlier in the day. Drinking 80oz over the course of a 4 hour shift doesn't give me the same benefit as staying hydrated all day (at least I think). 

Big Fat Midweek Love, 

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

New Blogger...

So I've been talking to my friend at work, Angela, about this whole weight loss thing. I told her about you guys... blogging, tracking, supporting. She's started her own blog now (I take zero credit - she's just ready). If you feel like helping out a new fat-fighter, you can find her here. She's a great lady and quite dedicated. I'm sure she would appreciate some of you very fine bloggers to urge her on.

I had an indian flatbread with my broccoli and feta this afternoon. Here it is 6:00 p.m. and I'm still dragging my feet. I feel like I got knocked on my face and the flatbread is the only thing that's weird or new about my diet. It's also the only grain based product I've had this week and only something like 30 minutes later I was sluggish and in DIRE need of a nap. I'm surprised that it hit me that hard... was it a combination of the wheat and a sunny afternoon? Wheat + sunny afternoon + great workout = sluggish? I'm partial to blaming wheat. Does that energy zap happen to anyone else?

Big Fat Curious Love,

Back on the Wagon #3

So....  we meet again.

Breakfast: access bar
Snack: banana
Lunch: Salmon baked + steamed asparagus
Snack: Broccoli steamed + little bit o' feta
Dinner: Protein bar + pear + orange
Snack: cottage cheese (1 cup)

6 rounds: my time -15:28
10 - squat jumps forward/back. 
10 - Deep curtsies (right)
10 - Deep curtsies (left)
10 - Competition sit ups 
10 - Side plank leg lifts (right)
10 - Side plank leg lifts (left)

My shoulder is still pinchy... So more ibuprofen today and some massage. 

Next week is spring break, so I won't be working as much. Trainer and I are still meeting 3x that week. But I won't have aquacise... we are going to be doing some MEAN workouts. I'm stoked.

Diet - I'm totally addicted to cheese. So after the next E2E update I'm going to do a dairy free week and see if I can quiet the cravings and eat it in moderation like a normal person afterward.

Also, I'm trying to eat more on work out days (mainly protein) so I can build muscle - I'm totally not afraid of "bulking up" as far as muscle is concerned. But the eating more on workout days is tough... usually I have to convince myself to eat something for lunch and by late night my appetite returns. Which is probably a good thing... the not being super hungry, I hope that it's my body feasting on the massive amounts of fat storage I've created for it. 

I post these menus for the day and partially stick to them. I am making a commitment to STICK TO THE MENU today. 

Yesterday I said this...                                                        I DID this... 

Menu                                                                                  Menu
Breakfast: access bar, banana                                             Breakfast: access bar, banana
Snack: 3 eggs w/mozz + salsa                                             Snack: 3 eggs w/mozz + salsa
Lunch: Steamed broccoli and a tomato                                   Lunch: Steak
Snack: Tuna salad + pear + orange.                                      Snack: Orange, tomato, pear, peanut butter
Dinner: Steak. mmm.                                                        Dinner: protein bar
Pre-bed Snack: peanut butter and apple slices.                           Pre-bed: cottage cheese 1.5 cup. 

So it wasn't terribly off goal... or terrible as far as calories go, but I think it's so silly that I can make a menu for ONE DAY and still veer from it. I want to get back to consistent Nanette... the one where she bakes chicken breasts and has them ready for the entire week and knows that's dinner every day. As you can see I'm pretty good until Lunch. It's more a control thing than a health thing. I want to be able to control my eating and say "NO. That's not what you'd planned today." and listen to myself. 

Big Fat Stick to the Menu Love, 

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Back On The Wagon #2

I'm titling the rest of the week "back on the wagon" to remind myself of the commitment it's going to take. I just maintained last week. But with fewer work outs and carb indulgences, I'm feeling like I'm mentally 20lbs heavier.

Breakfast: access bar, banana
Snack: 3 eggs w/mozz + salsa
Lunch: Steamed broccoli and a tomato
Snack: Tuna salad + pear + orange. 
Dinner: Steak. mmm. 
Pre-bed Snack: peanut butter and apple slices. 

Work out
50 min swim class (arms). 
10 min round of 
     - 10 pushups
     - 25 crab cross over toe touches. 
     - 15 pulse squats (3 pulses and then go down all the way). 
     - 20 squat jumping jacks. 
Made it through 3x in 10 min. 

50sec on/ 10 sec off; 3 rounds. (12 min). 
     - plank. 
     - bicep curls (10lb weights). 
     - Triceps (10lb weights). 
     - love handle bends (25lb kettlebell). 

Best part! We did it all barefoot. It helped with my squats so much... I was able to put my weight on my heels and keep my toes free (the key to avoiding knee injury). 

My right shoulder is giving me some pinching pain today so I modified some of the work outs... Like pushups. I did those from the knees until I just couldn't anymore and then held plank until Trainer finished her set. 

I'm happy to be moving again. It feels good despite the shoulder. I'm going to take some ibuprofen and ice it a little. I probably pushed too hard today. We may be skipping push ups this week. Plank was good though, I can keep doing that. Gotta tighten up this belly of mine. 

Also, seeing a smaller number on the scale today. 314! :) 

Big Fat MOVE IT Love, 

Monday, March 19, 2012

Giddy up!

Okay... so here's me getting back on the horse. This week might contain some boring posts as I get my rear in gear.

Breakfast - 3 eggs, salsa, onion + steamed asparagus.
Snack - missed it.
Lunch - Tuna salad (no bread!)
Snack - Orange, tomato, steamed broccoli, protein bar
Dinner - Baked salmon+olive oil mayo+almond slivers.
Snack - tea + fruit.

Work out
50 competition sit ups.
25 pushups
25 deep squats
25 push ups
25 deep squats
50 competition sit ups.

1 min plank*

I'm getting my better attitude back at the music job... which is very good. Gotta keep that in check or it's too easy to slip back into the negative whirlwind of the my feelings about the music dept.

Trying to focus on things going well. Trying to focus on things that need to be done in order to move. Trying to keep one step ahead of the changes. But not stressing out... just doing the normal day-to-day tasks.

Big Fat Giddy Up Love,

Sunday, March 18, 2012

E2E check in

Weight: 315 (-0)

Waist: 47" (-.5)

Work outs: 3/5

Water: Over 160 oz. 6/7

Food: TBA - fitnesspal is updating.
Monday -
Tuesday -
Wednesday -
Thursday -
Friday -
Sunday -

Quote: This is not a commitment to a challenge or a diet plan. This is a commitment to your body and a commitment to lifestyle change. This a commitment to a healthier tomorrow.

Book: heh.... Yeah...   Haven't even thought about that.

Partner: Eaba's husband got his promotion, so they're on cloud nine over there.

Food has been rough. Morale has been rough. Workouts were lacking. So there's SO MUCH ROOM for improvement this week. I talked to Trainer... and we're going to attack it with a bit of tenacity this week and keep on plugging along.

Big Fat Sunday Rush Love,

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Bendy and back on track.

So I went to PiYo (pilates-yoga) today at the community rec center. It's the first time I've ever been there and for a whopping $5 I got to go to class and have full access for the rest of the day to the gym/pool etc. Not that I can really take advantage of that since I don't have a car to drive back, but this is definitely something I could get my friends into.

I feel great. GREAT. The instructor is really kind and chatty. She's very attentive to her students (there were only 5). But I got feedback on my poses and stretches. It helped stretch out my hamstrings and lengthen my spinal column. It's reversing all the tension I've been building with the high intensity interval training. Holly helped me find a great stretch for opening up between my shoulders.

I'm ready to jump back up, off my jiggly fat ass and get it heading back towards fitness.

I was a dinner for an out of town friend last night and received a lot of compliments about how far I've come. Trent (if you remember him, he was my work out partner last semester) told me that I just looked alive and bright...despite my anger and yearning to be a complete and utter bitch because of my bad mood. Trent and I talked about body stuff - like my rainbow of fat going away above my butt, the need to purchase new bras, the emergence of my long forgotten jaw bone and facial structure.

Trainer said we're back on for next week. No stopping. Full boar.

The plan for eating today...
Breakfast: Access bar
Lunch: tuna fish + steamed asparagus.
Mid-afternoon: tomato + broccoli (steamed?)
Dinner: Steak + edamame.
Pre-bed: orange.

It's kinda minimal today... but I'm trying to reduce the crap and do a little penance for yesterday. Of course there will be a lot of tea and water.

I'm also going for a soak at the mineral pools. Staying hydrated is key. Getting out of the house (away from all the food) is another key.

Big Fat Stretchy Love,

Friday, March 16, 2012

Having a tough day

Well technically yesterday got tough around midday. I always rant and rave about poor communication in the office and I always get uppity and self-righteous about people disrespecting others' time. Yeah... Kinda called the kettle black with my actions. I gave someone a 1pm dead line and then I went into work early... changing the deadline to like... 10am. But it was something I could remotely take care of from home (aka, uploading a file to a print server). However, the person that needed to give me the newly edited program wanted to go over it hard copy and scheduled his day around a 15 minute edit time with me at 1pm. I felt like a giant ass.

Fast forward to the next job (library). I popped in early since my voice student was a no-show. I was talking to a coworker. It got gossipy and I didn't stop it... So I was participating in something that again, I'm a giant advocate of NOT DOING. I'm quite openly against it. If there is an issue or you have issue with someone... in my rule book, you talk directly to that person and no one else. Well... I kettle blacked all over that situation.

I'm not much by way of crying, but usually I have this GIANT sense of dread and disappointment. I've fixed the situations. But it's not the situation... it's that I disappointed myself and then beat myself up about it.

I totally ate my feelings last night and today, instead of waking up and working out like I told myself I would, I just didn't care. Apathy... my personal weight loss MONSTER.

I practiced piano. Wrote a few letters. Went to the tea house for tea (which I don't count on the lent thing since it's zero calories and under $2.00). Bought some stuff at the Persian Bazaar. Made lunch...

hummus. <---carb.
falafel <-------sat fat and carb
lavash <-----CARB.

For the first time in two months, I am uncomfortably full. And even more disappointed in myself. (cyclic, I know). But I've gotta get back on top of my shit. One bad day... on top a week without my work outs... on top of a wheelbarrow full of carbs... this close to weigh in. I kinda think I'm screwed this time.

Tomorrow morning is a PiYo class with trainer. I refuse to whine about it. I refuse to gripe. I will get my ass in gear. I'm also going to get a pre-bed work out in tonight. Nothing crazy like the normal HIIT stuff, but something none-the-less.


Thursday, March 15, 2012

Food and Good News

I've been struggling with water consumption for Allan's Challenge. I'm supposed to be drinking 160oz. a day. I haven't been forgetting my water bottle... I just haven't been very thirsty. So I wind up not drinking much during the day and then trying to get 3-4 liters in while at work... Which, I've been able to do with a trip to the bathroom every hour. heh!

I've also been eating more carbs this week. I mean... for the first time in weeks I ate a bowl of pasta with pesto. The calories have been in check and I'm still seeing a smaller number than Sunday's weigh in. So I'm not going to be super concerned about it. 

In addition to carbs... it's been fish fish fish! I'm kinda on a salmon kick. Can't get enough. Want it for lunch. Want it for dinner. 

This is a very important diet week as trainer cancelled two work outs this week and I had to take a piano test instead of going to swim today. So I've worked out ONCE this week (don't worry, I have another on on Friday and Saturday). Hence all the long thoughtful posts this week as well. I've got some time to look inward and process. In a way, it's been such a nice break, just a little mix up of the normal routine, let my body recover. 

I would also like to share my excitement with you guys today! I passed the second of 4 piano scale tests! I'm down to the really hard ones... the harmonic minors. Ugh... and two piano pieces. Debussy and Schubert. 

and then... 

I'm done with my degree. 

Part of the internal digging has helped me wade through some of the stress and anxiety over moving. I sat down with my calendar yesterday and wrote down all my bill due dates on the calendar, in addition to all my paydays and set out a financial plan for getting bills paid and still being able to save about $200 a paycheck.

The next step is brushing up my resume so I can send it out in May before I travel out there in June. I want to land a job before I get out there. A fortunate turn of events this week has led to me moving out there at the same time as one of my friends... so instant roommate... and we have a mutual friend out there working in real estate. She's keeping an eye on openings at reasonable prices. She's also thinking of living with us. So hurrah... instantly 2 roommates that I'm familiar with! 

Savings: check
Apartment: check
Job: almost... 
Degree: almost... 

I'm halfway to feeling secure.... I feel like I can breathe again. 

Big Fat 5 year plan Love, 

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

My relationship with food (novella).

I was reading Mir's blog today... she'd talked about the psychological issues between dieters and lasting success. You know, the whole re-evaluate your relationship with food thing.

I am lucky. I am young. Granted, I'm also the fattest person in the E2E challenge. So I'm not sure if that says my "issues" with food are more terrible or aggressive.. etc. But I still consider myself lucky to be attacking these habits before they'd become more engrained.

A lot of where we come from, or how we approach food starts in youth. Mom is a closet eater. Dad was morbidly obese. I have three older brothers who didn't pitfall into obsessive eating patterns. I didn't start packing on the pounds until I was in 5th grade and bodily changes started happening - of course. I started to feel bad for myself, particularly about always being the slow one at tag during recess and I compensated with books, knowledge and a quick tongue.

I earned my own money at a very young age by working for my dad. I would buy my own sweets and mom and dad couldn't regulate that. It was MY money. I always bought in excess and I was usually active enough that I didn't see the results until I stopped growing (vertically). Little Debbies, candy bars, string cheese. I loved to eat them one by one, layer by layer, while reading Rohl Dahl's books about poor unfortunate children overcoming evil parents and victimizing situations.

My brothers would sort of do the same thing. Joe had a padlock on his giant box of goldfish crackers and David had his power bars and Lincoln had Subway. So I guess our backgrounds were more similar than I'd thought. In a way we all struggled with addiction... except for maybe David. Lincoln was a meth addict, Joseph was always neck deep in something REALLY NERDY. Mine was food.

Food was how dad and I bonded. Food was how I made myself feel better. Food was how I distanced myself. Food was how I rewarded myself. Food was my secret indulgence. Food was also DELICIOUS. Food played a lot of roles in my life while growing up.

I really started fattening up when I gave up swimming. I used to spend entire summers in the pool, until I discovered I was a total freak and had a zit on my shoulder and then gave up the swim suit for 8 years.  I gained most of my weight in 8 years. It's incredible to put a number to how long it took me to gain 150+lbs.

During that 8 years our family went through Lincoln dealing with some severe drug problems. Which in turn, became family problems... emotional problems... escapism problems. We went through some family counseling. I only went to two or three sessions and the therapist told me that for having such tumultuous relationships around me and feelings inside, I seemed pretty well adjusted and then he concentrated on Lincoln.

Well-adjusted = being able to step back from a situation to protect myself from experiencing difficult emotions. I had a lot of depressive thoughts and terrible self-esteem. I used food to help create distance. I hid under a fat blanket. My body literally became a barrier between me and the crap in the family, community and school.

Then I escaped to college and the weight gain stopped for about a year. Then started again when school go tough. My instructors got personal and my peers were even more difficult to deal with... Then we start having issues with religion. I nearly quit my degree and then went into counseling.

In counseling we talked about the music department mainly and how I felt trapped and I needed to graduate. Ultimately the conclusion was that I needed to accept accountability for life and decisions. Life is not something that just happens to someone. We are not powerless to control our direction and "destiny."

The counselor tried to talk to me about weight and I went from weepy to fire breathing dragon in mere seconds. I wasn't ready to tame that issue yet. But I'm sure it was apparent that I was fighting my stress with food and inactivity and unhealthy choices. I'm sure that a lot of my stress, anger and feelings of being overwhelmed could have used some good cardio instead of tears.

However, having reached one giant understanding of my unhappiness (that accountability thing) and the end of the semester, I quit counseling. I did two more years of school without murdering my peers or professors. I got more involved in student government. I had some leadership positions. Because if I was going to complain about how things were run, I was going to try and help shape things or understand the system better. I stressed. I ate. I got angry... for two years. Then I finished my senior recital. Gave up my leadership positions. Started working out. Started eating better. Started working 40 hour weeks.

And that's where I am now. I am in control of my life... I am responsible for the decisions I make. PARTICULARLY concerning my body. Food is a my coping mechanism. It's where I turn when I'm angry, stressed, happy, sad, lonely. That's what I'm up against - emotions, really. When I experience emotion, I eat.

Now, I'm much better at keeping my emotions in check and level than I was before. So the temptations happen less. But not experiencing the extremes of my personal emotional roller coaster sometimes doesn't feel like really living. I'm not medicated. I don't think I need to be. I'm pretty good at being my own anti-depressant and sometimes I just need to experience my depression so I can get past it.

Not all of my days are good ones. But that's typical and healthy. Not all of my days are bad ones either.

I've been arguing with myself this week... I'm sad the artistic/angsty part of myself has almost disappeared. It provided me with a lot of good inspiration for art, music, writing... but I can definitely say that I am happier now than I've been since 5th grade.

Sometimes work sucks. Sometimes friends suck. Sometimes the negative blog comments suck. But I can let it go. Maybe not immediately. But I can feel my feelings and release them... instead of shoving them in my mouth (along with calories) and hoping that I can poop them out. heh! This is something to work on for life... and here I am, trying to accept that early before I become even more stuck in my own ways.

Big Fat Where I Come From Love,

Ps. If you made it through all that, you get six points. Redeemable for awesome.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Fit Test!

So we did our third monthly fit test... The test is 7 minutes long. So each workout gets 50 seconds and a ten second rest. The three numbers are listed as: first month, second month, this month.

Squats -  38, 32, 36
Pushups - 24, 28, 32
Burpees - 7,  10,  12
High Knees- 43, 66, 65
Switch Lunge - 21, 30, 27
Squats (modification) - 18, 26, 37
Crunches (modification) - 17, 41, 52

I can see why I wouldn't have improved on the high knees, we haven't done them in forever. The switch lunges, I'm a little disappointed in. We've done them a LOT lately - I also realized I'd been doing them wrong, I wasn't bending my knees properly. I suspect that correcting my form is slowing me down there.

I'm super happy to see the burpees getting a little easier and that number going up. I feel like the 300 pushup week helped out with that. Also, the crunches... I will totally throw that improvement to all the competition sit ups we did last week (over 200) and introducing the plank into my life every day.

We did an ab work out after the fit test. Left/right side crunches, leg lifts, plank, star crunches. I've been feeling really good... able to feel my muscles under my fat, able to feel the tightness and the stretch in my core during other movements... and then I see this photo from the weekend that my mother posted last night...

I've got SUCH a long way to go. I'm trying not to get discouraged and what not. There are still plenty of inches to lose...    I keep reminding myself of how many I've lost already. Imagine what that picture COULD have been like. Until my body is emulating the image of myself in my head...   I will be sitting straighter and avoiding cameras still.

I will appreciate all super fat photos of myself. They will mark my progress. I am a beautiful woman and I'm actively changing my body and lifestyle. I am strong. I am willful. I am tenacious and goal-oriented. I will soon be all of those things, jam-packed into a smaller body.

Big Fat Horrible Photo Love,

Monday, March 12, 2012

When I Look In The Mirror

Okay, so at this time last year I was prepping for my senior recital. I was eating my feelings, practicing like a crazy woman and flying out to NYC to have my dress made (which fell through and I wound up having to just buy one - which was hard). I was probably mid-6th respiratory infection of the school year and being consumed by apathy.

Because of all that... I had measurements done for the dress. And I just found them again. I can't wait to compare.

Basics - feb 17 2011  new number in blue, march 12, 2011

neck - 16.5" 15.5
Chest - 53.5" 50.
Chest w Breath - 54.25" 51.5
Underbust - 51" 43" (I'm pretty sure that it was taken over a shirt or something the first time)
Waist - 53"47.5
underwaist - 66.5" 58
hips 63.25" 62
Total inches lost: 27.75 

The measurements were taken 2 months before the recital. So by that time I was even larger... and larger and larger until May when I stopped getting bigger and maintained for a while before weaning things like corn syrup and aspartame out of the diet - then doing a juice reboot. 

There are days when I feel like I am just as fat as before. There are also days when I can tell certain things are changing... Like I KNOW my thighs are getting slimmer and I'm losing that weird fat rainbow above my butt and down my hips. And I know that no matter what happens, I'm probably not going to be a huge wearer of bikinis, or taut, or a hard body because of skin issues. 

The days I feel just as fat as before, I notice how the loose skin around my thighs wobbles more than when it was pulled tight with fat. I notice that while the inches are changing, it's just like gravity is pulling down on all my fat. I still have to be conscientious about how long my shirts are in front... 

Then I have a day like today when I realize that shaving my armpits was easier because I can see them better, or that I can wear necklaces that I previously couldn't because of neck fat, or that I'm beginning to get calf definition - and more than just a suggestion of it. 

I was looking at a progress photo (too naked to share) this week and I can tell I'm getting smaller... I also couldn't help comparing myself to a Salvador Dali painting... I looked melty and like i'm deflating. AKA: NOT SEXY. And I get it. I did this to me. Skin takes a while to bring in. Tone as you go. I'm trying to keep my chin up. I'm a body in transition. Gotta be patient. Though, I'll tell you what, under this fat suit, I'm ripped. The interval training I've been doing has me very aware of how much muscle I actually DO have. 

My dad was really excited about my progress this week. I'm proud of him as well. He's able to move so much better than before. He's able to put on his own braces. Get up and around. He can get himself up off the floor when he falls (didn't see that), but he's capable. He's trying to move more. I can see that he doesn't really want to. He doesn't like doing the exercises. They cause him pain. But he sees the results, he's able to do more than lay in a bed while doing word finds and reposting his latest ultra conservative finds on facebook. I'm so happy that he's getting some of his mobility back and that his quality of life is improving. 

After the fattitude post, rettakat mentioned some of the regret she's had and how she chooses to be happy every day. I talked to my dad about that. I asked him "Do you regret not losing weight sooner?" 
"No. I regret letting myself ever get that big. I've done damage to my joints and nerves that I can never undo by allowing myself to get that large." He followed that with a lot of supportive talk about my own weight loss and that he hopes I can keep my fire for it burning. 

Well, I can and will. My recital dress is too big now. I imagine it's going to be my fat item of clothing that I hang onto. You know... the before and after photos with the person standing in one leg of their pants... that will be the dress. 
Filling it out. 

Today. You'd never guess this was tailored. 

Big Fat Body Image Love, 

Sunday, March 11, 2012

E2E Weekly Update

Still at the parents.... So I'll update the numbers later.

Weight: 315 (-1)

Waist: 47.5 (-.5)

Water: 160oz 6/7

Work out: 5/5 + completed 300 pushups.

Food: Under

Partner: Eaba is great and consistent!

Book: Working on ordering another one... Not sure which yet.

Quote: This is not a commitment to a challenge or a diet plan. This is a commitment to your body and a commitment to lifestyle change. This a commitment to a healthier tomorrow.

Calories looked like this... 
Sunday - 1164
Monday - 1643
Tuesday - 1318
Wednesday - 1207
Thursday - 1202
Friday - 1327
Saturday - (didn't log). 

Things are going well enough. I'm feeling pretty good. I've been having headaches, but I've also been grinding my teeth in my sleep. I've been struggling to get the 160oz of water a day... It's either forgetting my water bottle, losing track, or not starting early enough in the day. 

This week's goals 
- Drink 168oz every day. Go above and beyond. 
- Do 5/5 work outs + minute plank every day. 
- Pass off 5 piano scales! (also practice 3x a week)! 

I'm not going to do a menu this week since I haven't been following them very well or closely. I will however, keep eating protein, fruit and veg, and sparingly sweets (dark chocolate!) I also need to lighten up on the dairy this week. I'm such a cheese addict. I may do a dairy free week the week after this... Gotta finish some stuff up before I tell myself no for a week. :) 

Big Fat Weekly Check in Love,

Saturday, March 10, 2012

healthy cooking, holmes...

So yeah... I'm at home. My dad got his new mobility scooter. We took him back over to the nursing home to finish a release form and visit his little old lady friends. I sang while they played games. Then I met a lot of them. One lady, M, has a closet full of jewelry and let me pick two pieces to take home with me. I also signed a paper saying that she let me have it so she can't accuse anyone of stealing. Quirky. 

They all told me I looked like my dad, except one lady... "when you smile you look just like your mom, but don't tell her that." That ending tag line - but don't tell her that - is something she adds to the end of every sentence. "you sound just like her too, but don't tell her that." It was kinda silly and made absolutely everything seem like gossip. 

I've been cooking for myself, like always, since my parents don't really eat the way that I do. So last night I baked some salmon w/olive oil mayo and almond slivers with steamed veggies and tomato slices with balsamic. Me and all my fancy cooking ways... as my dad said. So they had me make breakfast this morning. I sauteed some mushrooms, baby red potatoes, red bell peppers, and a little onion and put in some eggs to scramble up with it.

My normal 6 meals a day has been sorta disrupted. I don't think it's a bad thing. I mean, mixing it up keeps the body confused at least. But doing the normal 3 meals a day thing is leaving me super hungry by the time I sit down to eat. I'm going to the grocery store to buy some supplemental snacks. 

I also got 50 pushups in this morning...   That puts me at 280 pushups this week... 20 more before bed and I will get my 300 pushups in a week goal taken care of! 

Big Fat Hometown Love, 

Friday, March 9, 2012

Travel plans for the weekend.

I'm going home this weekend. I don't do that much, even though it's only an hour away. But not having a car, it may as well be 10 hours away. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing... I enjoy the family aspect, I don't enjoy the tension. Usually there's arguing or mom talking about dad or dad talking about mom and me left to mediate and I just don't want to. Then they both get mad at me when I disappear for a few hours to visit friends who are still in the home town or go to Logan to visit my brother... because "you just got here. What about family time?" Family time = watching TV, or sitting silently in the same room working on separate projects. 
But I'm moving in 3 months - across the country - and I won't see them for a while. So I may as well take advantage while it's only an hour away instead of a $300 plane ticket away. I'm going to be trying to go down every other week until I leave. 

So I've rescheduled my piano lesson for today. Having a tea date with a long lost friend, Jacob. And packing, who am I kidding... I'm taking my backpack and my dirty laundry bag. I'm also taking my debit card so i can grocery shop when I get there. Mom and dad don't usually have the greatest selection of fresh fruit and veg, or healthy cooking items. I may take an insulated lunch bag of things on the verge of spoiling from my house too. Trying not to waste the produce... sometimes it beats me to the punch. 

Since I'll be gone...  I've got to get my entire weekend to do list done today by 5 as well. 
- Sort the laundry. 
- clean the bathroom
- return library books. 
- make the menu (eh, I could do that at the parents). 
- design a couple work outs I can do at the parents. 

I won't be back to my scale until sunday evening MST around 5pm. So I'll have to do a place holder check in for E2E. Same thing with Allan's challenge. 

Big Fat Weekend Love, 

Thursday, March 8, 2012

No Thursday Blues!

So I woke up expecting the day to suck... I woke up before my alarm. My swim suit was still wet from Tuesday because I threw it in a heap on the floor... but even with that, I couldn't successfully talk myself out of going to swim.

At swimming we did a ton of cardio and I expected myself to fail and kinda half-ass the work out since I've been really ache-y this week. But I got distracted from my state of grump and wound up doing everything 100%. My arms were tired and quads... and then Trainer (also instructor of swim) told me we were doing a 5 round work out today... and I whined. UGH!! I don't think I can do it! 50 pushups! My arms are already so sore!!! But we got to her house and started. I was shaking through most of the work out, but I completed it 100 percent.

I dreaded taking a shower. But I did it. I dreaded putting on clothes. But I did it. I dreaded making breakfast. But I did it.

I dreaded going to the music department - where all the garbage I've been working on for 2 weeks was going to be finalized and go to the printer. But I went. And it didn't suck! It was actually really relieving to get rid of all those programs that have been plaguing me for WEEKS.

I dreaded practicing piano. But I did it... and I got 5 out of 8 scales up to to tempo! And I dreaded my voice student coming for her lesson... then she canceled. By that time I realized in every way, today was good. I have no reason to be whining or complaining. I spent a lot of energy and stress on dread this week - not to mention grinding my teeth. I walked home. With the cancelled lesson, I would be able to eat on my normal schedule. I would be able to chill out at home for 30 minutes.

I left for my next shift. The sun was shining and I had a silly song in my head by Tim Minchin (very hilarious, I mean, it's about boobs, p.s. it swears)! I smiled and hummed myself all the way to work without a coat.

For being the busiest and crappiest day of the week... It sure was a good one. I tried so hard to hate it and that just didn't work out.

Big Fat Good Day Love,
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