Sunday, August 18, 2013

An Intoxicating Week...

So right about Monday I woke up feeling drunk. No alcohol involved. Just sorta one cocktail too many, you want to lie down and let the room spin a little. Everything was super surreal. White noise was louder, harder to focus on one thing, or listen to someone pontificate with the same accuracy as before (see: boss).

I thought, whoa, dehydration? Sugar levels? I researched it a little on my own and thought, "Well, if you can get home and take a nap, I'm sure you'll wake up feeling much better." Wrong. We're going on day 6 of the spins.

I told the Doc/Boss. He did his weird applied kinesiology thing and says it's my blood sugar. Now the dizziness has not changed no matter what I've consumed. I said "Are you sure it's not inner ear?" Arm bouncing... pointing at my face, pointing at my ears... "No. Nothing wrong with your ears. I'm going to give you a blood test requisition."

"Doc, I can't afford that. I have my vacation coming up and our insurance said they won't insure me until December 1."

"Whoa... It's been more than three months since your first day, right?"

"Yeah. We're going on 4.5 - 5 months now and I guess I have to wait until December. So really, I can't afford any labs right now."

"If I use Shiel Labs, they have a 70% discount for the uninsured. Let me see what I can do."

Low and behold... he wants me to run a glucose panel and it'll only be like $37.50. But I can't get in there until Tuesday. Still dizzy.

I go to the other quack in our office who practices "Body Talk," Chinese herbs and acupuncture. She pulls at my skin a little and asks me questions. Then she pulls at my skin a little and points at little tiny tincture bottles. She checks and triple checks her results... It seems to be a problem with my kidneys, thyroid and gut flora. So she gives me the remedies for wholesale (hell, I'll try whatever I can get my hands on at this point since I can't go to a real doctor about this probable ear infection).

I've been taking the remedies for 3 days now. They haven't touched it. Everything is so surreal still... I feel like I'm outside my body and inside a fishbowl all at the same time. Like being drunk. Like adjusting to new glasses for the first time. Like going through a fog that you can concentrate on very well.

I keep seeing things that I'm doing, automatic reactions and interactions with people and things. While I feel absolutely nauseated, I am damn proud of my autopilot. Still charming. Still productive. Still full of absolute bullshit. It is amazing.

It's Sunday... 6 days. And I think the dizziness has calmed down. I'm still getting the blood work done, because, let's face it. I need to keep an eye on potential diabetes. And I may talk to the RN in the office and get her opinion next... she can also write prescriptions for things like... and antibiotic.

In the food and diet news..  

Monday: 5226
Tuesday: 5303
Wednesday: 14361
Thursday: 4605
Friday: 4513
Saturday: 9865

Food: No all you can eat sushi. Had pizza once. Lots of seaweed salad and fresh fruit. Trying to keep sugar sorta level. Lots of protein and many days of not eating until absolutely needed because I've been feeling funny.

Big Fat Love,
Also... I bought new makeup! 

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Time Flies...

And I realize how out of habit I am with this blogging every day thing.

I worked out last night. 25 min elliptical and then 3 rounds of 10 on the chest press, shoulder machine, biceps and tricep machines. Then a good 5-10 minute stretch afterward.

My legs felt so good this morning! Lithe. After sleeping, it felt good to stretch against sheets. Flex.

I had sugar yesterday. But I am still watching it. I am not doing so amazing at logging food this week. These things ebb and flow. Any day that I get 1) a work out, 2) a blog post written, 3) my food logged, 4) no sugar and 5) a good attitude... I consider a MASSIVE success. Those seem like such small tasks. But the day just slips away. Sand through fingers, water through a colander.

I suppose that it says lots about my mindfulness lately. I may have landed here and got my feet planted, but my head is still spinning. My focus is splayed.

I tell people back home that the city brings out a different element. They aren't kidding about "concrete jungle." It brings out the animal in people. Not because you have to be mean, but you are constantly inundated by stimuli. While in Idaho, you just wait... and then something happens... and you turn it into something enormous and important to you. Here, so much is happening that you can barely process anything before reacting. I suppose that's how I'd explain my emotions being so much nearer the surface and the hyper-sensitivity to other people and absolutely ignoring what is going on in myself.

It's a whole lot of robbing Peter to pay Paul as far as time and attention goes. Work is stressful, moving moving moving, Commuting is stressful, moving, transfer, moving. Get home and with all the noise still buzzing around your head you try to unwind and make great health decisions... or just get engulfed in the brain noise that you completely ignore that part of you that gives such a damn about your well being and just wants to lay down, watch netflix and let someone else bring you dinner.

And all that is without this live-with-the-boyfriend trial thing. Which I have got to say, has slowed down my life some. But it is still distracting from the whole "self" thing. I guess it's all ultimately balance.

Idaho was game of balance level 3
NYC is game of balance level 25. Catch up, Nanette. 2 lives left before you have to start the whole thing over. sheeeesh.

Big Fat DIZZY Love,

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Challenge is the right word...

Yesterday was a success. 100% no added sugar. I avoided the ice cream trap. I avoided the chocolate covered peanuts trap. I avoided the OMG GIVE ME EVERYTHING SWEET trap.

So I've done 2 days of no sugar. I didn't do the green smoothie yet. I don't have all the ingredients. But I did have a kick ass salad.

Yesterday was a sushi night... and I can't get over how filling that is. And it sneaks up on you... like.. you think you may still be a little hungry. Eat the rest of the roll and wham, the rice hits the water you've been sipping on and INSTA-EXPAND. woof. But I don't feel so bad about sushi. This time I ordered a lot more sashimi and a lot less rice packed rolls.

Today is off to a good food start. Blueberries, banana... not much by way of protein. I'm going out with boyfriend and other friend for a goodbye dinner. I don't know where we're going, but it'll be good. Correction. I will be good. I'm thinking something like asian shrimp salad or something.

I left my fitbit on my other bra yesterday and didn't get any steps recorded. Trying to rectify that today. Gotta get this step on!

(also, 2nd pair of running/walking shoes I've worn through since January)...   I need to get new shoes.

Big Fat Love,

Friday, August 9, 2013

Day one of no sugar... and Day one of no sugar.

My steps this week... 
Monday: 7576
Tuesday: 9055
Wednesday: 8911
Thursday: 7395
Friday: 8498

Not one day of over 10,000. LAME! I could get those extra 2000, in some cases, by walking to the train station instead of taking the bus that's MUCH closer to the boy's house. 

My steps last week... 
Monday: 7917
Tuesday: 5557
Thursday: 6077
Friday: 7649

So I have increased my average, but I haven't crossed that 10,000 line. I did get 26 flights of stairs today though. I've exceeded 10 flights of stairs every day. 


Let's talk about food. 

Day one of no sugar was such a fail. I had a smoothie that I thought was made from the plain greek yogurt. Boyfriend used the french vanilla... sugar. 

I had lunch with coworkers and forgot the challenge completely. I had a chicken salad sandwich... and then we had cake to celebrate a coworkers birthday... and then they ordered lemon pie too...   I helped along with that. fail fail. 

Got home and then boyfriend and I made nice wraps (sugar) and I didn't even think of the sugar content. Then we had a little ice cream. SUGAR. 

So Maybe it wasn't a fail. Maybe it was an eye opener. 

Today I tried again. 

Breakfast: egg muffin
Lunch: seaweed salad. 
Dinner: the insides of 2 chicken tacos... and the toppings off a really amazing nacho plate. 
Sweet craving: raspberries... and a bite of the balsamic salad that bf has in the kitchen right now. 

Today I succeeded. Tomorrow I add no sugar + green smoothie. 

Big Fat Love, 

Thursday, August 8, 2013

I Owe You...

A post for yesterday!

Goal: 10,000 steps
Actual: 9,600 steps

I'm getting closer. I have about a 3,000 step debt to myself that I still would like to catch up on.

A good friend of mine introduced me to Betty Rocker a couple weeks ago. And I bought into the membership only stuff... I know, I know, I can do it for free. I just like that she even plans out the meal prep, like what order to prepare your stuff in and full grocery lists. I need easy right now.

But this week is a 5 day challenge that builds on itself.

Day one (today): No added sugar.
Day two: No added sugar + green smoothie
Day three: No added sugar + green smoothie + 100oz of water
Day four: No added sugar + green smoothie + 100oz of water + pack all your food for the day (no buying).
Day five: No added sugar + green smoothie + 100oz of water + pack your food + Make a new recipe.

I've done stuff like this before. It worked then, it should be a little easier this time around. So here we are today.. day one, no added sugar. I'm excited for day five. I found a really good recipe for raspberry french toast that has no added sugar, and no gluten.

Breakfast: smoothie (rasp, blueberries, strawberries, plain yogurt, dash of vanilla).
Lunch: TBD
Dinner: TBD.

AND I'll get back here to post... with my updated steps for the day. 1483 so far (pathetic).

Big Fat Gonna Get Moving Love,

Tuesday, August 6, 2013


Goal: 10,000 Steps.
Today: 9,005 Steps. (Hey, I still have an hour of wandering around the house).

I was pretty active today. Just sorta running errands and etc.

Breakfast : egg + veggie muffins (no actual muffin, mini quiche?) 60 calories.
Lunch: Tuna salad on an English Muffin, 380 calories.
Dinner: All you can eat sushi, one bajillion calories.

So yeah... maybe all you can eat anything is a bad idea. I am full beyond comfort. And dang was it delicious. Boyfriend loves the place. So we will be returning. Next time, He can get all you can eat sushi and I will get a seaweed salad (a new favorite) and sashimi (sushi minus the rice). It'll probably be cheaper.

Tomorrow's goal:

  1. 10,000 steps, 
  2. go swimming in the pool or do 30 min on the elliptical, 
  3. log my food into my fitnesspal 
  4. write another blog. 
Big Fat Love, 

Monday, August 5, 2013

The Recent Effort...


Last month I worked out 4x a week for 4 weeks and earned a fitbit from my little challenge.

This month, I aimed for 5x a week for 4 weeks. I did it for 2 weeks and then bombed. Now I'm at the boyfriend's house... with a gym IN THE BUILDING. I did the elliptical yesterday.

Despite my obvious lack of dedicated workout, this fitbit is a great thing.. It has a really great way of tracking daily activity. There are days when I am all over the place and have a bunch of steps and the activity score is through the roof. My fatigue by the end of those days feels justified. P.s. I climb so many stairs every day. Over 10 flights consistently... every day. The subways, I tell you... they give you a great slow and quiet workout.

I am logging my food more consistently.

I am living sort of at the boyfriend's place. Away from my scale. So I have a month of no weigh ins.

I am fatter these days. Funny how that works... the more you semi-concentrate on weight without fully committing, the faster you gain weight. And funny how not caring and sorta just eating what is enough and not thinking about food every waking second, the longer you can maintain and not gain. Drives me freaking nuts.

My weight is shifting around my body... my legs are slimming (all that NY walking)... more lumps around my middle. Funny how stress shifts things. And sedentary lifestyle or different types of foods collect in different areas.

My successes recently... walking more every day. Going further before getting on the subway on my way home. On my fitbit, I am trying to hit 10,000 steps every day. The average person does 5,000... Average... like the average family is 2.5 kids. Just a number. But it's a good baseline. When I started with the fitbit, I felt good when I hit 5,000 steps...

5000 steps was my starting average.
7,892 steps now - lifetime average.

Here we are Monday... perfect day for setting a goal.
10,000 steps a day.
Track calories every day.
Write on this blog every day.

Also, I'm considering getting lapband. I need the reminder. Food control too often slips to the back of my mind when I'm presented with food. And let's be real, I want to lose some of this weight quicker so that working out is easier, less stressful on my back and knees. I know it's not a quick or easy fix. I also know that it doesn't mean I have a free pass to eat whatever I want. Waiting for my insurance to kick in... then I'll consult a physician about it... and then I'm sure I have to do a special diet before hand, nutrition counseling, psych eval and then maybe, the actual procedure. I've been speaking to some of my friends who have acquired one... One is pregnant and has lapband, the other got it her first year in college, etc, etc. They are both my age and similar sizes. I'm technically more healthy and have had more success with losing my weight on my own.

This just in... I told boyfriend that I'm fat blogging again. He's happy for me. We're talking about a celebration for when I lose 100lbs. (down to 220lbs)...  Apparently there are some really great roller coasters out here... disney world? Hershey, PA has good ones... Six flags... I told him we should do something I couldn't do while fat. Fly somewhere, scuba dive, roller coasters, buy a shirt in a regular store... I dunno... anything really.

Big Fat Love,

P.S. Where I've been and How Largely...

Most Recently - In the ocean at Coney Island. 

Going Away Parties With Friends

Outside of Kidville Carroll Gardens with the gal pals. 

Realizing it turned into a no scooter zone at the NYC google offices. 

Picnic with friends underneath the Manhattan Bridge. 

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