Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Moving, Eating and GOING...

Soooo...   Got my butt handed to me today by Trainer.

Mountain climbers.
bicep curls + squat jacks.
switch lunges.
snowboarders (jump/twist squat).
butt squeeze planks (one min each leg).
Back/side lunge (step back, hop, step side) one min each leg.
Bicycle abs.

A minute per activity, 10 second rest between. 27 minutes.

I'm trying to motivate myself to go to work. There's a project there that I really don't want to do. But I know that if I JUST DO IT, it'll be over and my life will be a better place. It's a recital program for two of the most picky faculty members... I know that even if I do it, It'll need at least 8 revisions and there will be at least one impossible request. They're also going to EAT my program budget. "We want it in color, we want it on the linen paper, we want it 11x17 and we want it yesterday." I'm not in a position to say no. So I'm going to put it off for as long as possible so they can't make frivolous requests - they do that when they have enough time to change their minds... "can we see it this way? {insert a project that will take an hour}."

Don't get me wrong. If I were full time instead of a 10 hour per week student worker. Sure, you bet. Take all of my time that you need. But I've got about 60 other baby projects to finish by the end of the semester and only 10 hours a week to do it in... at minimum wage. (letting that go - bc they couldn't pay me more, they're letting me call this clerk job "Administrative Assistant" on my resume).

I gave away 2.5 boxes of girl scout cookies. So temptation city will be over by Monday if I allow myself one a day. Less if I have company. :)

Today's fooding looks like this...
Breakfast: access bar.
Snack: hummus and whole wheat cracker thingies.
Lunch: protein bar + fruit leather.
Snack: Orange and plum.
Dinner: Baked chicken breast, celery sticks, tomato
Snack: cottage cheese - FAVORITE Before bed. :)

I've gotta go veggie shopping soon.

Big Fat Procrastinating Love,

Tuesday, February 28, 2012


We finally got snow!!!   I've been waiting all winter! Not that I much care for snow, but Idaho without snow is just brown. Which is all good and dandy if you like brown. I don't.

I went to the swim class this morning. We did a lot of minute long challenges there...   Biceps with bands, triceps with the bands, pull ups on the diving boxes, Ab moves, Leg moves... It was a great class. 

After swim, I went to the Instructor/Trainer/Sarah's house. We did a pyramid of reps. So 5x-10x-15x-10x-5x of the following exercises. 

- Lunges
- Kettle bell swings (25lb). 
- Bicep curl+press (10lb). 
- Competition sit ups left side. 
- Competition sit ups right side. 

I'm stinking at my 300 push up goal. I thought I'd be able to get a jump start with the training session today. But not a push up in sight. Maybe I need to make pushups my goal every time so we don't have to do them. heh. I told Sarah about the goal. She's trying to do it too... but she wants to do pull ups. Yeah...   I'm not going to try to match that... Lovely little 120lb Sarah... She can have all the pull ups in the world. I won't ask her to share until I'm down into the 100s. 

So I was a giant stupid head about 4 weeks ago. There are girl scout cookies in my house. I ordered 3 boxes. One of each of my favorite flavors; tagalongs, samoas and thin mints. I'm taking them to work tonight to see what I can pawn off on my coworkers. And I'm allowing myself ONE a day. As soon as I go over that ONE a day... I have to throw away the rest. 

Over on Allan's challenge, the rules for me are Calories: 1900 and Water: 160 oz. ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY OUNCES!!!   I made it there last night. Drank the whole thing. I've never been so excited to lose some stinking weight...   Not only will there be less of me to haul around, but I can stop feeling like i'm drowning! Since the water calculation is based on half your weight in ounces.... the sooner I hit 200lbs the happier I'll be. I do well around 100oz of water. 

I consistently eat fewer than 1900 calories. So I'm hoping that's not going to be an issue. I'm a highly competitive person... I kinda REALLY WANT TO WIN. 

Big Fat Back On The Goal Wagon Love, 

Monday, February 27, 2012

Want Monster

So I was reading 100 days of dieting this week and it's sister book, Life is Hard Food is Easy. I have a hard time applying the words "emotional eater" to myself. Mainly because I'm a terribly pragmatic and practical person. I feel pretty even most of the time and lean on reasoning instead of emotion to guide my choices. However, Life is Hard defined emotional eating as this...

Emotional Eating: Using food for emotional or psychological reasons instead of for satisfying the body's physical requirement for food.

Like many others have said - Eat to live not live to eat. <--- p.s. I hate that saying. It's like saying "music is LIFE." Too many eggs. One basket. Seventeen thousand exceptions.

I really liked the way the book said that. I hate that it means that I'm an emotional eater. But I have some analyzing to do. What are the psychological reasons that I enter food-zombie-want-food-don't-need-food mode? What do I benefit from doing that? What unmet need am I satiating?

Today I was also sitting in the Sexual Psychology class today and they were talking about attraction. One theory states that we are attracted to things that we've suppressed... or that our suppressed experiences flavor our choices in mates. I suppose you could apply the same thing to food, or exercise, or any HABIT. The teacher talked about our need to recognize the pattern and then work through it with a therapist. Now... I don't really have access to a therapist. But therapy is "what I'm hearing you say is.." anyway... Blogs are lovely for that. Write it down. Read it again later and tell yourself "what I'm hearing you say is..."

So I'm trying to slow down my thoughts... slow down my body and ask myself questions as I go about making decisions like; another bite?, put salt on this?, buy the cookies?, I'm hungry?, so what?! I'm trying to fight my apathy... that's my enemy. Sometimes my internal dialogue goes like this..

"okay... you're not hungry but you want to eat {insert decadence}. It will skyrocket you over your caloric limit."
"So? You've done really well this week."
"Excuse. Why do you want to eat this?"
"because it's freakin' delicious."

Sometimes I lose and give in. Other times I exercise excellent restraint. But again, it's that consistency thing.

Dear Nanette,

Perfection doesn't exist. But that doesn't mean give up.

Sincerely, Your fat ass.  
 ****************************Change gears with me*****************************

 I'm stuck in limbo. Waiting to move. Waiting to graduate. Waiting to be thin. Waiting to job hunt. Waiting to buy new clothes. Waiting to find out what the future holds...

I'm feeling very Veruca Salt "BUT I WANT IT NOW, DADDY!" I am an impatient want MONSTER right now.

I want to be thin.
I want to try new recipes.
I want to be inspired again.
I want to follow through on my goals this week.
I want to eat well every day.
I want to be excited about exercise.
I want to read 100 books this year.
I want to complete my goals in the big picture - have follow through.
I want to pack up boxes of stuff I don't need.
I want to go home for a weekend.
I want to break my habit of dating terrible men.
I want to make healthy habits.
I want to stop being content with inactivity.
I want to an impressive resume.
I want to use up my art supplies.
I want to be calm about the NYC move.
I want to practice piano.
I want to get my FREAKING degree.
I want to be better at saving money.
I want to be more productive.
I want adventure (points if you thought "in that great wide somewhere" from Beauty& the Beast).
I want to be friends not a therapist.
I want to get over the anger and resentment of my degree.
I want to be debt free.
I want a dog.
I want affection.
I want to feel like my shit is together.
I want to find an apartment and get rid of the pit in my stomach about that.
I want to be out of this transition place.
I want to love music again.
I want to remember what it feels like to be "spiritual" and allow myself to balance that.
I want to be that girl who has opinions and direction but loves to wear lace and feel feminine (not mutually exclusive, I know).
I want to feel sexy while lose weight.
I want relationships (friends and etc) without feeling used or compromised.
I want to be detail oriented.
I want to be more focused.
I want to learn new dance moves.
I want to help people.
I want to be able to love more people than I'm annoyed by.
I want to adapt more quickly to change.
I want to be assertive.

I get this way sometimes. Then I want to punch myself in the face and say "Deep breath. One goal at a time."

Don't get me wrong. I don't hate myself. Or my life. I just need different at this point. Something different. I've been stuck in this waiting to move and be done with college place for over a year now (stupid class rotations).

Big Fat Greeeeeedy Love,

miracle drug...

Yeah... tried an allergy medication yesterday. FELT GREAT for the first time in a week. I've never had allergies before. Itchy eyes, fatigue, mucous. Makes sense. So I'm heading out to Walgreen's after work tonight to get the generic of zyrtec.

The Music Department secretary has been thinking about implementing some weight loss goals into her life. I'm kind of excited that she's thinking about it. I told her I'd love to help her...   You know, writing up menus and MUCH milder work out plans. (She's upward of 55yrs). But we're starting small... Menu/dietary changes for the first two weeks and then slowly adding small exercises. She's got sensitive knees. Any ideas? Any of you have knee issues? what work outs do you like to do?

I've been living in clouds today...  Just fuzzy...   Tonight is going to be hard to stay focused at work. Good thing that the night job usually consists of facebook and netflix.

Day one of the Allan challenge - 1900 calories a day and 150 oz of water...   Gotta get going on that water.

Big Fat Fuzzy Brain Love,

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Thought I did...

Okay so I thought I'd turned on comment moderation. But apparently I didn't. Anyone wanna give it a try and see if I've gotten rid of the captcha codes?

Saturday, February 25, 2012

E2E update

Weight: 320 (+3lbs).

Waist: 47 3/4" (-1/4")

Book: Better... I actually sat down and caught up on the 100 days of dieting. I tagged some daily entries that I'm going to go back and do.

Food: Uh... well, I didn't stick to plan. 5/7 under 1700 calories.

Water: 5/7... again, could be better paired with my SUPER SODIUM eating this week.

Exercise: 4/4 and I'm still sore.

Partner: Eaba is celebrating her hubby's birthday and faces the bar food of doom this weekend. But she also crossed her goal weight!

Okay... Let's talk about this food thing. I am not allowed to have feta in the house anymore. I love cheese and normally, I've got a handle on it. But feta just threw me over the edge. THE SALT! The delicious salt. The make-you-instantly-puffy salt!

This weeks' calories....

Saturday - 2151
Sunday -   933 + workout - self.
Monday  - 1651
Tuesday -  1351 + double workout
Wednesday - 1679 + workout
Thursday -   1257 + workout of death.
Friday -   1310
Saturday - 886 (so far).

So to better prep myself this week... I'm going to make the menu and grocery shop again. Since there's no going out, I will be able to avoid going over 2000 (that 2151 day was a lunch out followed by a dinner out).

Sarah and I have talked about the work out this upcoming week. We're going to take it a little lighter this week before trying to do the next HUGE challenge. The 1000 rep challenge.

I feel like I spend a lot of time whining about being sore or sick. But I feel like this last bout of soreness was my body restructuring my legs to adapt to these work outs. It's like my hyper extended knees are correcting.

TOM is over. I'm excited to see some movement in the negative direction. I got as high as 322 this week. I'm back on the birth control. My skin has been going NUTS over the last two months. So let's see if I can be on it and still see loss this time - as I highly suspect that the last 5 week plateau had a direct correlation to my BC.

Another goal this week, I've got to get back to a better sleeping pattern. I just woke up from my second 4 hour nap this week. I attribute it to staying up late and early mornings... plus sickness and soreness. Unconsciousness is my coping mechanism with that sort of discomfort. But I know if I keep it up, I'll start easing into a cozy depression.

Quote: This is not a commitment to a challenge or a diet plan. This is a commitment to your body and a commitment to lifestyle change. This a commitment to a healthier tomorrow.
So Goals...
- Continue Lent - no eating out.
- Midnight bedtime.
- Stick to the menu!
- Continue to hydrate fastidiously.
- Avoid the depression place.
- Do 300 pushups over the course of the week (prepping for the 500 push up challenge).

non-fat goals
- Read a couple books (and return them).
- Ship that box to my brother - Christmas presents, but he's finally done moving.
- Avoid spending money!

Big Fat Weekly Update Love,


So... the juice thing was short lived. I wound up juicing my breakfast and then wound up not doing it for the rest of the day. I have my excuses. But all in all, my heart and brain aren't in it. I'm sticking out the lent - do not eat out challenge. It's easier to stick things out one at a time.

Lookin' professional. 
The Lent goal is going well. It's ridiculous how much I've been tempted to eat out... I'm not sure if I'm just noticing how often I'm thinking about it or if I'm thinking about it more often because I've told myself I'm not allowed (my natural rebellion). But I'll tell you what... I haven't spent money all week. Not on food, clothes, books, anything. I slightly fear that if I allow myself to spend money, I'll spend more than I should. If anything... this is penance for the last week's spending (new work out clothing, art supplies, etc).

Audition day is going well... for the most part. There have been a couple of communication mix ups. And I haven't left my chair for six hours. Aside from those two things, It's going swell.

Big Fat Audition Love,
Nanette Nielson

Friday, February 24, 2012


I woke up. Went to the bathroom and weighed in like normal (not telling you the number until tomorrow, hoping to break even). I went back to bed because my body hurts like crazy from the work out yesterday.

I sniffled. Grabbed my box of tissues and a DVD. I blew my nose for what seemed like a full minute. Then out of curiosity, I weighed myself again. I lost .2 lbs in SNOT.

Big Fat Boogery Love,

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Today's workout...

I'm stiff.

Workout Breakdown
550 Rep Fat Massacre
Time: 17: 10

Backward Lunge Kick Up - 25x per leg
Walk Over Push Up - 50x
Mountain Climber - 50x
Sumo Squats Knee Up - 50x
One Leg Bridge Leg Lift - 25x per leg
Side to Side Squat & Leg Lift - 50x
One Arm Tricep Push Up - 25x per arm
Star Crunch - 50x
Diagonal Touch Down - 25x per side
Side Plank Lift - 25x
One Leg Wall Sit - 25x per leg.

Now... I dropped about 30 reps in there. I just tried to keep up with Trainer. The last time she did this one, it took her 27 minutes. She shaved 10 minutes off her time. She's amazing. For Real.

My meal plan thingy didn't work out this week. It usually serves me well. And I haven't done poorly so far, but I was looking at it while packing my lunch today and thinking how little I followed it. I'm taking Allan up on his myfitnesspal challenge where anyone and everyone is welcome to encourage positive habits or criticize bad ones. I'm probably opening myself up for a whole world of brutal honesty...  and potentially bruised feelings. But alas... without adversity there's no way to grow.

I forgot about the juicing thing with Jillian that starts tomorrow. So I'm shopping in the morning so I can keep true to my support-ish promise. I'm only doing the weekend and I'm still eating my protein bars. My juice only fast didn't go so well last time when it came to working out...

Food is important and all... but I really feel like exercise has been giving me the quickest benefit (you know... 60/40).  So I won't do anything to compromise my ability to keep in motion. I've been loving the workouts. My spirits are so much higher. I feel like I can take on the world. Which is kind of paramount with the piano tests coming up and the packing for NY and just trying to muster up the courage to leap into the great unknown.

Big Fat Keep Going Love,

p.s. day 2 of 44 not going out. Doing well.

In for one hell of a time...

Trainer and I were talking yesterday about how our workout got easier as we went along. She said we need to up the ante. Today is going to be killer and I'm sort of nervous with anticipation of how hard it's going to be. I'm already stiffening up from yesterday. So Friday will be a much deserved half-off day.

Half off because I'm making my friend Brittany work out with me again. She's the one that I did the fit test with a couple weeks ago. I've got to come up with something for us to do. Trainer said I could borrow some of her dumb bells. Methinks I'm going to make her do some of the weighted squats and lunges.

I've been thinking through the mini goals and I think that starting Saturday I'm going to do the 500 push-ups in a week goal. They're going to be my fake girly push ups. But 500 of those will help no matter. I would really like to be able to do real push ups by the time I reach 275. Right now, it's not very nice to my back to have all my belly pulling down.

Today is going to be a long day...  
- Workout.
- Work at music dept (finalize the choir program, call all the people on audition day).
- Teach voice lesson to a girl who only wants to work on 3 measures from a musical.
- Work at DL.

I'm probably going to be late for the music dept. But that's kind of okay since everything is task-oriented with them... If I get my stuff done, I don't have to worry about coming in on time or leaving early. I've got to pack food for the entire day. Thursdays are the hardest. It's scheduled straight through from 10a.m. to 10p.m. It's okay... If I can do this work out, I can do anything.

Big Fat Anticipatory Love,

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Today's workout...

Weighted switch lunges
Weighted squat jacks (jumping jacks while squatting)
Tricep dips
Competition sit ups (legs in butterfly position).

First round - 10 reps.
Second round - 9 reps.
Third round - 8 reps.... etc. etc. etc.

Let me just tell you... descending reps worked as such a motivator. "Come on, Nanette, you've already done ten. You can do nine." That kind of thinking really worked for me today. I used 20 lbs for the weighted lunge and 10 lbs for the squat jacks. Surprisingly enough, the hardest set was the 1 and 2 reps. It was more difficult to get off the floor and get into the next position than it was to do the actual moves.

It only took around 17 minutes. I was doing modifications. My trainer was doing elevated foot pushups and bringing one knee at a time to her chest. So it would be like *push up, knee, knee, push up* She's amazing. And for that reason alone did I beat her. I BEAT HER TIME by 6 seconds. Apparently I'm very good at sit ups. Under this flab I'm sporting a six pack! I'm sure of it!

Today is day one of no going out. It's funny how something isn't a temptation until you tell yourself you can't do it. heh. I've had three people text today wanting to do lunch. No. NO. NO! Not only that but I'm still feeling pretty short tempered with being ill and the commie invasion (TOM).

I'm staying in today. VERY in. Going to do the dishes. Eat some healthy food. Drink a metric shit ton of water.

All I want is a negative number on the scale by Saturday! 
Despite monday being a whopping 1400 calories and yesterday being 850 calories... my weight is UP. I'm assuming this has to do with salt. I've been having a lot of sodium-y things. In addition to alka seltzer (400mg of sodium a dose)...   I am so puffy I feel like I've taken a GRAND leap backwards on the weight loss train. Good-bye -50lb mark, it was lovely while it lasted. I'll see you again shortly.

Big Fat Puffy Love,

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

In the spirit of lent...

I've been flipping through blogs again tonight...

I'm really enjoying reading about people's mini challenges (usually a week - month long). I've seen: using smaller plates, no sweets (aside from natural fructose), no booze, better water intake, work out every day, 500 pushups by the end of the week, walk/running X amount of miles, cutting 100 calories off your daily intake, blog every day for a week, etc... It makes me want to make a list of them and do a new challenge every week.

That in addition to a couple conversations with friends at work about their Lent plans... it's motivated me to give it a try. Now I know I shouldn't say I'm giving anything up for Lent since that tradition belongs to a religion and denotes giving something up for a spiritual and specific purpose. I'm not a very religious person. But I can respect that others are. So please know that this isn't derogatory nor do I mean to lessen the purpose of Lent.

Anyway... Starting tomorrow, I'm not going to go out to eat for 40 days. No restaurants, no campus food, no vending machines. Granted, campus food and vending machines are not really a challenge. But giving up the social activity of going out with people to stuff ourselves with fats and salts and too large portions... that's kinda tough.

I expect that I will benefit by learning new recipes and saving a ton of money. Okay, maybe not a ton. But probably a good $150.00 over the course of 40 days. And this isn't such a dramatic life altering change that I'll suck and give up. It's win-win, really.

Big Fat Tuesday Love,

Tough Tuesday

Still sick. It's getting worse... But I still suspect it being just a nasty old common cold. Could be the beginning of a sinus infection... but the boogers are clear, produced and draining en masse. This weekend is Audition Day at the music department. So I have to be well enough to run that by Saturday.

Despite being sick, the food is going as planned thus far today. Fluid intake is above average. AND I got two whole work outs in. 50 minute aquacise class and 10 minutes interval weight training. Less time than normal, but due to scheduling conflicts... I'm meeting with my trainer Tues, Wed, Thurs - in addition to doing the swim class twice a week. So no breaks. Double work outs. Balls to the wall all the way.

I called it a day at early at work today. And now...   a nap of epic proportions before the next job starts. I can't wait to feel normal again.

Big Fat Impatiently Ill Love,

Monday, February 20, 2012


It has been DRY lately... I feel like I can't get enough water. That's a plus. It'll definitely be easy to keep up on the 100 oz every day.

Last night was hard as far as food goes. Lots of head hunger, gave in a couple of times. celery and peanut butter. string cheese. apple slices. I kept it healthy, but I'm pretty sure it was calorically dense. However, this morning I'm seeing a smaller number than yesterday on the scale.

Weekends suck. Too much time on my hands. Lots of social activities that revolve around "going out" (FOOD). I went out for salads and sushi this weekend. And cooked a dinner for four last night - slightly expensive, next time I'll have everyone bring an ingredient. Back to the week menu... back to normal and easier eating.

I'm pumped for the work outs this week. I'm gonna sweat this sick bug out... or hydrate and pee it out. I guess I just miss breathing through my nose.

Big Fat New Week Love,

Sunday, February 19, 2012

It's a system!

I used up the last of three bottles of vitamins yesterday! I consider it an accomplishment, since I have not been able to commit to a vitamin supplement for an entire bottle before. So I went and bought replacements (instead of buying candy/food). But I've come up with a system. You know how a pharmacist will give those week long vitamin/pill organizers? I came up with a collegiate version.

Also, finished making the week long menu. I've had a couple locals asking me for what I'm eating . I figured I'd share. It seems to be working! :) 

Click on it... it'll get bigger. 
As long as I stick to it, I'll be fine. Please notice there is NO DARK CHOCOLATE on that list. I've had a little trouble with that the last couple of days. Life has been fluids, vitamins and dark chocolate... I'm starting to feel better, still a whole lot of post-nasal drip. 

I got a short walk in yesterday, maybe a mile). But I'm going out again today and then doing a brief work out set. 
  • Crunches 50 sec 
  • Push ups 50 sec
  • Crunches (side) 50 sec each side. 
  • High Knees SLOW 50 sec
  • Tricep dips 50 sec
I'm cooking dinner for a friend and his boyfriend tonight. On the menu, baked chicken breasts w/ herbed potatoes and roasted vegetables and a baked apple w/ cinnamon for dessert. 

Big Fat Gettin' Better Love, 

Saturday, February 18, 2012

E2E Check in - midway!

Weight: 317 (-4lbs) 

Waist: 48" (-0") 

Food: 6/8 under 1950 (MFP caloric suggestion) 

Water: 4/7 over 100 oz

Exercise: 3/4 days. 

Partner: I think Eaba has been doing okay. She checked in with me yesterday. We're both on track. 

Support: Been commenting all week. 

I have been SO TERRIBLE at consistency this week... Let's just look at the calories.
Friday:          1,259
Saturday:      1,973
Sunday:        1,005
Monday:         901
Tuesday:      2,153
Wednesday: 1,085
Thursday:    1,918
Friday:         1,159

It looks like overcorrecting. What each day has in common is that I ate six times a day. I ate out on Valentine's Day. I ate out on Thursday. I don't know what the crap happened monday, but I think it was a vegetarian day. I ate a LOT, but just not much in calories.

I'm still under the weather... my tonsils are swelling up (not unusual, but annoying) and I feel like a puffy monster. Could it be all the alka seltzer I had yesterday? Those things are 400mg of sodium a packet. Learning experiences. Found out when I entered it on MFP yesterday... 4 times. It skyrocketed me over my daily limit of sodium - which is one of my hardest nutrients to keep in control.

Okay now that the self flagellation is over. I can celebrate, again, that I finally crossed the 50lb mark! WOOO!!! Crossed and then some. Sitting pretty at -51 total lbs. I can't wait for it to be -55 at the end of next week. (Though I suspect rough times ahead - nearing the commie invasion/TOM).

January 325
February 317

Cool thing about these photos, I've moved down a full size work out pant. (you can see lower fat better that way). I don't see much difference in these photos... which is a little disheartening, but the real show is when the challenge is over. 

What I'm noticing in my body lately is that my sides and back are kinda smoothing out. I'm getting more loose skin everywhere and my stretch marks are relaxing... (aka, not stretched anymore). However, I notice that I'm feeling like a sag monster from outer space. I've been thinking a lot about how I'm probably going to need skin reduction in another 100lbs or so. 

I keep telling myself that, even since the beginning of the challenge, "oh just another 100lbs or so." I'm already down fifty... but the goal is still 100lbs away. I just know I wouldn't be happy with stopping at 268. I could easily get down into the 190's - or lower. 

Another good thing... I told myself that I would start doing certain types of exercise (jumping, running, pushups) when I got out of my 300's because I'm terrified of injury, I worry running/gravitational exercise will pull down on my skin and make it worse, and because I hate the sound fat makes when it hits other fat. Well, here's the thing. I'm over 300lbs and been running. Been jumping, been doing pushups. And let me tell you, If I didn't, I probably wouldn't be this close to getting out of the 300's. 

Quote: This is not a commitment to a challenge or a diet plan. This is a commitment to your body and a commitment to lifestyle change. This a commitment to a healthier tomorrow.

This Week:

Food: Under 1700 calories every day. EVERY DAY. Follow the menu.

Saturday: Rest/Sick Day continues
Sunday: Go on a walk! 
Monday: OFF - do stretches. 
Tuesday: Trainer + swim class.
Wednesday: Trainer
Thursday: Swim class + trainer
Friday: OFF - do stretches. 

non-fat goals
finish two more books.
budget this week's paycheck better. 
do something artistic.
get better. 

Big Fat -51LB Love,

Friday, February 17, 2012

Coming Down

I do believe I'm coming down with a cold. Sickness is no stranger to me. Particularly in a music building where we go into rooms and breathe at each other in high volumes (choir), or share practice rooms with people who empty spit valves on the floor, or be constantly surrounded by the same diseased people. It's germ incest over there. For the last three years, I've been averaging 3-4 upper respiratory infections a year.

Until now. I have gone since May without an illness! I'm not in choir anymore, though still in the music building. I'm not singing or spending a whole lot of time exchanging germs with musicians. But I am practicing more... And I would bet you five dollars that's where I picked this one up.

I got to sleep in. I've cancelled the date. I'm thinking very hydrating thoughts and will be fluid-ing it up today... And getting the stinking laundry done.

Yesterday was my workout rest day. Today I'm supposed to be dragging myself through another 15 minutes of sweaty, but invigorating body hell. I'm not super sure that's going to happen. A) I'm tired, achy and lazy. B) My motivation is GONE today. C) Breathing is hard.

But who knows?! Maybe this will turn around by mid-day. I want to get some fat burning in... I went out to eat twice this week. Two times of sodium overdose, non-controlled use of oil, and paying too much for something I could do at home.

big fat snot monster love,

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The DEAL with double captcha!

Okay... So I've seen about 90000000 people complaining about the double captcha today. I'm here to educate. This video is about 15 minutes long. It is both entertaining (really) and informative.

When you type a double captcha you're participating in a massive-scale online collaboration!

Big Fat Digitizing Books Love,

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

midweek E2E

Things are going great...   Working out to the point of death. Eating well. I've fallen completely off the wagon when it comes to reading my book, but does that count as doing poorly when the mass that is my body decreases?

Mid week very short term goals.
- Finish the two books I borrowed from my coworker.
- Drink more stinking water.
- Get some laundry done.
- Continue to eat according to menu.
- Post 2 motivational quotes, pictures or something around my apartment. 

I didn't stick to my menu today... But I've eaten fewer calories than I had allotted myself. I didn't feel up to making pasta... But I definitely ate a two more cheese wedges. I'm currently sitting at 728 calories and it's 8:52pm. I'll be making dinner when I get home around 10pm. 

Also good...   I have a date Friday. Nothing serious. Just a lovely date with a kinda stranger (friend of a friend, that went to sushi with us last Friday).

Big Fat Midweek Love,


My brain is dead. This happens every time after a hard work out. My mouth doesn't move right. My brain is fog. It's enough to ask my body to continue to breathe and pump blood... synapses firing in frontal lobe is an outrageous task to ask for. But I tell you what, I FEEL GOOD. "Blissing out" is what I call it.

I had half a turkey burger at Ruby Tuesday with my friend Holly last night. It was our singles night out. The sodium!!! I can feel it in my rings and socks. But this, like anything I put in my body, shall pass. <---poop joke for Allan. I have the other half sitting in the fridge right now. After I posted it to MFP, I saw how much sodium was in that thing... low (comparatively) in calories, but MAN. Salt monster. I think I'm tossing the other half. I'll stick with my cottage cheese and almonds for my salt intake. 

Today's menu 
Breakfast/preworkout: melaluca access bar (130 cal).
Post workout: banana (105 cal).
Lunch: Tuna sandwich on one slice bread. (300 cal).
Afternoon: chopped celery, hot house tomato, kiwi  (110 cal).
Dinner: chicken breast on spelt pasta w/ pesto. (500 cal).
Bedtime: Light creamy swiss - laughing cow, tea (100 cal).
 If I'm feeling needy... I can have a protein bar and not go crazy with the calories.

Big Fat Pee It Out Love,

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Passing a milestone! And a Novel.

Not a kidney stone. Not a blarney stone. Not a Rolling Stone. A MILESTONE!!!

I know it's not an official weigh in day... but I made it down to 318 today. That means MINUS FIFTY POUNDS!!!!   That means this weekend I get to schedule a massage. need. want. will get.

This morning I went to aquacise (not having been in a class since mid-december) and I kicked butt. My teacher/trainer invited me to the class so I can help up the ante. Lots of the people have been sorta slacking off. Unlike an aerobics class, any water based activity is as intensive as you make it. You could go an entire aquacise class and not even sweat or get your heart rate up. On the other hand, because it's in the water, you can use muscles that you didn't know you had and make it incredibly challenging for  yourself. But that motivation for a hard workout has to come from the participant.

I showed up early. That's my M.O. I weighed in and was super happy about the number on the scale. So I floated out to the pool - feet barely touching the ground. Sarah warned me that the class was quiet and not very friendly. So I talked to Sarah until people started arriving.

I noticed a lot larger percentage of obese women in this class than I'd previously experienced. This was the first time I wasn't the largest person there. I'm still happy to see these women doing something about their weight. Like always, the men were largely outnumbered (ha! pun).

This is not synchronized swimming, folks.
There was a woman from Cuba who was chatty and fun. She was down-right hilarious... But no one would laugh. I did. That's what I do. She was there with her VERY touchy husband. I thought it was sweet for the first 5 minutes... but he wouldn't stop touching her even after class started. He had very thin arms and legs and his skin drooped like he'd recently lost a lot of weight. He also had a pretty fresh scar near his belly button. Do you have scarring from a lap band? stomach staple? Maybe he's had health problems. He walked kinda like a fat person... or like a once fat person.

There was the sourpuss... her name is Lisa, but I'll still probably call her sourpuss. She's a CNA going for her RN. She was recently admitted to the program - which is highly competitive. I congratulated her and she downright SNUBBED me. She was the thinner of the mid 30's club. I asked her how she'd been enjoying the class "meh. It's not my favorite." I didn't ask why. I didn't want to talk to her anymore. Sourpuss.

There was another lady, she was in white. I didn't catch her name. But she's a pretty large gal. We're talking over 350lbs. Has had two knee surgeries. She was another funny lady. I liked her a lot. I look forward to getting to know her better. She's the kind of lady that would tell someone to knock it off and suck it up!

There were a few other women that I didn't get to know really... But there's time still. Class started. Water jogging across the pool to warm up. Stretching. Speed up the jogging. Jog from the shallow end to the deep end (great shoulder workout and HARD). Now... I know that I've been working out and that I've lost weight. But I've only been out of the class for maybe 2 months. NEVER. NOT ONCE have I been the fastest person in class. And this isn't my personal progress this time around. This class is LAZY. They sorta float along. So I tried even harder to go faster and see if we could raise the average effort level and be sort of an example... "I'm a fatty and I can do this!" You know... that kind of thing.
I freaking love the water buoys/weights.

The lady in the white accepted the challenge. She started racing me across the pool. She was working hard. Well, that's 2 out of 11. It felt good to know that I could help someone get going with the spirit of competition.

After the class, I cleaned up and then went for the personal training session afterward. I asked Sarah what she thought... She said that she could see lady in white trying to keep up. She invited me to continue coming for the rest of the semester as my schedule allows.

My personal goal: Get sourpuss to try. She was the laziest person in the class - behind everyone, rolling her eyes at every direction given, heavy sighing.

Big Fat bringing sweaty/sexy back Love,


Valentine's Day

First of all...   Here's to love. Loving ourselves. Loving others. Enjoying loves we once had and the ones we have and the ones in the future! Kids, family, friends, spouses, significant others. What a lovely opportunity to put aside cynicism - if only for a day. :)

I spent the evening making valentines at work. I taped some to my coworker's doors for them to find in the morning. I also have some to hand out at the music department tomorrow. Honestly... I celebrate any reason to break out the scissors, glue stick and fancy paper.

Some of the cards I made at work tonight. 
Big Fat Love Love,

Monday, February 13, 2012

Getting Back Up...

I have been very careful to not over eat the past couple of post-break up days. But I haven't been able to motivate myself to work out. Tomorrow is a double. Swim class at 9:00, trainer (instructor of swim) at 10:00. So I shall dust myself off today and get ready to start running toward that smaller number.

Good news is that I'm even a pound down from my Friday weigh in. 

Work is picking up in the Music Dept. I'm happy and overwhelmed at the same time. But usually those conditions are the ingredient for success. I'm so excited for audition day to come and GO. I've been writing letters to high school seniors for 4 hours today. After all of this... Everything will seem so slow. 

Another bit of good news. My friend Ben met up with me on Sunday to have tea. He's been out of town on tour with Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat. So he's been gone since about.... August. Without provocation, he complimented me on the weight loss. It's nice to have someone notice that hasn't seen me for a while. I forget where I've come from when I'm being down on myself. 368lbs was almost 50lbs ago. That's a long way to come! (Granted, there's still a long way to go)!

 Big Fat Work Your Butt Off Love, 

Sunday, February 12, 2012


So... things are over with the boy. He found a girl up at BYU-I that's a better potential mother to his children and that wants to get married in the temple. I'm undecided about the whole thing... as I kinda felt like a placeholder, but it was very lovely while it lasted. I've thought some very catty things. But I would never say or text them.

But here are some really good things about it...

  • I can leave to NY unattached. 
  • He broke my streak of dating crappy guys. 
  • I can date lots again! In my town! 
  • I don't have to worry about his guilt thing.
He's still a very kind and great guy. And new girl is very lucky to have him. 

Since my feelings are very confused, at least there's been no emotional eating. I've got to sit down and make my menu today and shop for it. I want to spend the rest of my budget so I can't be tempted to eat out on friday. I went out for sushi with friends this friday, but I did very well, veggie roll, stir fried veg and a salad. for a whopping 600(ish) calories. But that's still more than I consume in one sitting. 600 is okay for a person who eats 3x a day. I eat 6 mini meals. They have to hover between 200-300 calories. So when I go out, I have to adjust food for the rest of the day. 

My piano lesson has been bumped to today. I only practiced once this week. So I have guilt. However, if I skipped the lesson, that's one more session of not being in front of a piano. Sometimes I need another person to rely on me to actually get me to do something - practice, show up. 

Maybe I'm feeling sad? That's unusual, I usually fluctuate between defensive, angry, motivated/gung-ho and amused. Yeah... let's go with sad for today. I can make that a productive emotion. 

Big Fat Sad Love, 

Saturday, February 11, 2012

E2E check in

Weight: 321 (+2)

Waist: 48" (-2")

Food: 4/7 under 1700

Water: 5/7 over 100 oz.

Exercise: 4/4 - without sarah this last week.

Partner: Eaba has been doing well. She's so consistent. It's inspiring. She's also keeping really good tabs on me.

Support: Been surfing the blogs all week.

Just so you know... pizza doesn't kiss back. 
Soooo.. +2lbs looks bad... but it was +7 at the beginning of the week. I've been working down my superbowl/birthday/friend from out of town weekend. Pizza! DAMN YOU... well I guess it's damn me. But yeah... I am SO close to the 50lb mark. I can't wait to cross it forever. Plus it's about time I get a massage. My hips have been really tight from all the work out stuff, but I can't really do the crossover stretches because belly gets in the way. So massage will do.

Also, I'm super excited about the measurement change. I haven't been seeing much change there since the beginning of the challenge.

Quote: This is not a commitment to a challenge or a diet plan. This is a commitment to your body and a commitment to lifestyle change. This a commitment to a healthier tomorrow.

This Week:

Food: Under 1700 calories every day. EVERY DAY. Follow the menu.

Saturday: Go on walk or do a video.
Sunday: Walk/run. 8x 1min run, 1.5 walk.
Monday: OFF.
Tuesday: Trainer + swim class.
Wednesday: Trainer
Thursday: Swim class?
Friday: Trainer

non-fat goals
finish two books.
get to the laundromat.
do something artistic.
give/trash 10 more items around the house

Big Fat +2lb Love,

Friday, February 10, 2012

Rescheduled already.

Today has turned out to be much more packed than I thought. My saturday piano lesson has moved to today. Lunch date (double booked myself... guess my friends get to meet each other). Helping a friend move. Then evening with my bestie, Trent. I feel like I haven't talked to him in weeks. So there's guilt attached to that whole thing, so I'm inverting my menu. Lunch for dinner, dinner for lunch. I mapped out how many calories today's menu is... we're looking at around 1700 - not bad. 

With the schedule changes, I'm swapping my work out and rest day. Today rest. Tomorrow work out. I hate it when everything runs together. I like to have a steady, well-paced day. But running from one place to the next just makes me want to give it all up and sit down with a good book.

This is how I feel today. :) 

My E2E post will happen tonight before bed... after all the craziness of the day has gone away. 


Thursday, February 9, 2012

Double Success!

Not only did I avoid eating out with my dear friend Brittany... But I also got her to join my work out. I'm a couple days behind on the February fitness challenge on So we did a fit test. That's 8 minutes: pushups, squat jumps, switch lunges, straight sit ups, burpees, tricep dips, high knees, aaaannnd one more I can't remember. Then I had us doing a 25 rep set of abs, both sides crunches, center, and lower (lifting knees).

I asked if she wanted to work out with me... I let her know it would only take 15 minutes or so.
She told me, "Sure, I'll bring my sweats."
"You may want to bring a sports bra too."

She didn't take me seriously. I showed her the work outs and told her if she wanted to modify she could. (p.s. non-scale victory, being able to DO at least one rep of all the stuff without modifications). She sort of rolled her eyes at me,"It's only 50 seconds per exercise, right?"

"Right." Then we hit the floor and started doing the reps.

It felt so good to be able ROCK that work out. It felt really good to share how hard it was. She was panting along with me... sweaty... working hard. She gave up early on a couple of rounds. It shouldn't give me satisfaction... but I definitely felt great being able to complete them all, going as hard as I can without giving up.

Brittany liked it a lot. The work out was a lot harder than she had imagined 15 minutes could be. It looks like I have a new willing work out buddy for when I'm without trainer. I work so much harder when I can compete.

Eaba asked for a more complete summary of the menu and work out for the week... I'll post a couple of days at a time.

B: Banana+blueberry+vanilla almond milk smoothie
S: Almonds
L: Portobello mushroom-crust veggie pizza.
S: Baby carrots, kiwi, steamed broccoli
D: Sushi Date
S: 1 c. cottage cheese.

B: French toast! (spelt bread, coconut oil, cinnamon and egg w/honey).
S: Banana or pear.
L: Baked chicken breast + steamed zucchini
S: Cucumber, Tomato, Celery
D: Baked 4oz salmon filet + edamame
S: small handful of cashews, mint tea

B: Grapefruit + blueberries.
S: protein bar
L: Spinach salad: almond slivers, dried cranberries, little bit of gorganzola, carrot, cuke, tomato + italian dressing.
S: Spelt toast with Adam's peanut butter.
D: Lean ground turkey with red bell peppers, cilantro, tomato and onion.
S: 1 c. cottage cheese.
(prep: bake 4 chicken breasts for next week's work lunches). 

And the workout... 
Friday: Self training (ZWOW 4 video on youtube if it's posted, if it's not, the bodyrock 300rep challenge since I only got 1/2 way through it).
Saturday: off - there will be much soreness.
Sunday: walk/run the couch to 5k. 8x - 1 min run, 1.5 min walk.
Monday: off
Tuesday: Swim class AND Personal trainer.
Wednesday: Personal trainer
Thursday: Swim class
Friday: Personal Trainer

Sworn in

I had an early morning work meeting today... Thursdays are normally my rest day from working out. But I'm hoping to get another work out in this afternoon. I'm not seeing happy numbers on my scale. I'm still up 4-5lbs since the weekend of crap eating. It's not helping that my trainer lady isn't working with me this week - as she's a very powerful motivator. But she doesn't deserve any of that crap word, BLAME...  That motivation and determination has to come from inside me. I got a work out in on tuesday and wednesday... I owe myself an extra work out this week because I skipped my sunday one (AND ate pizza, not smart).

Long and short of it... I've gotta keep moving! I'm doing really well with my eating this week. However, I feel like the days are SO LONG this week. So it's been a bit more of that going to bed mentally hungry thing. Which stinks. But I sleep anyway.

I'm going grocery shopping with my friend Brittany today. She and I are eaters. We eat together. So I'm trying to come up with different activities. We're going through our apartments and doing a Goodwill donation then going grocery shopping - which is good. I need to have some new fruits and veg in my house to entice me and coax me away from all things 10,000% saturated fat and 30,000,000 mg sodium. 

I do hereby swear...
- to work out at 3:00 and get cleaned up in a timely manner.
- to NOT eat out, drive through or do anything naughty while with Brittany.
- to get rid of some of the crap in my apartment (at least SOMETHING is losing weight).
- to make it to work on time.
- stop obsessing about that damned number on the scale.
- to not let this crappy weather entice me into hibernation.

Big Fat Swear-y Love,

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Where we come from...

I was reading April's Blog this morning... She was talking a little bit about her weight loss progress. And what mental state she was in to get to her highest weight...

There have been so many times over the course of my life that I told myself, "I'll never be as big as her," or "I'll never get over 250lbs, 300lbs, 350lbs." But I never did anything to avoid reaching those weights, those milestones. It was temporary motivation to slow down my eating but never changed my relationship with my food. In a way I was distracted, always too busy... never felt an urgency to change. I had a lot of people try to wake me up, particularly since my whole life has been performance oriented. Those temporary motivations flew out the window when a pizza was in the room, or a candy bar.

I don't think of myself as disabled or fat. I have fat. Fat is a part of me, but I am not fat. I am Nanette. In a way, it's been a good thing. I'm hoping that as the scale goes down and I get healthier I will still be Nanette. I don't want to be thin. I want to be Nanette. On the other hand, it's a bad thing. It's allowed me to entirely dissociate from my body. It helped me ignore the things I couldn't do anymore. I haven't always been okay with being fat. But I wasn't ready to be proactive about it when I was younger... it wasn't something I was interested in. I didn't have the resources. It just wasn't time for it. If I would have started younger, I'm quite positive I would have failed and then continued with a yo-yo dieting mentality.

It also helped that I had the mentality of "dad will always be fatter than me." I love my dad. No matter what size (actually, I liked him more when he was fat. He was less of a curmudgeon.). Not once did I feel like he loved me less because he couldn't play on the floor or chase me around. Dad had a series of health problems. He lost weight. He got down to around my weight... and then I started getting nervous. Dad continued to lose...   At 67 years old, he's now around 240 and if he had his excess skin removed he would be around 200. Watching dad lose weight and get healthier was inspiring, sure. He did it too late though. His skin won't retract. His diabetes is in full swing. He still has muscular problems related to being dormant for so long.

Last fall (2010) dad injured his foot at work. It wouldn't heal. He described going to sleep the day before thanksgiving... he felt his heart slow down... and he started going cold all over. He couldn't move his body. He couldn't shout for help. (mom sleeps upstairs). The next morning, he told mom about it and she took him to the emergency room. His blood sugar was over 400. His foot was severely infected and was not healing due to poor circulation/diabetes. He wound up in the hospital for over a month with staph infection. Antibiotics were pumped directly into his heart.   ALL OF THIS WAS OVER A SMALL CUT ON THE BOTTOM OF HIS FOOT!

He was put on non-weight bearing limitations. This thanksgiving (2011), he hadn't walked in over a year, still waiting for this small cut to heal. He wound up in the emergency room again. He couldn't feel his other leg. Back problems. Blown discs cemented. Still numbness and an inability to move his left leg. pinched nerve. back surgery. bone shave. pins. rods. scars. He's in a nursing home getting physical therapy to help him recover from the back surgery. He's been there since thanksgiving.

All of this could have been prevented with earlier weight loss. All of this, in addition to finishing my degree and needing the next project and the next step to working and living.... it's finally the right time. Dad has had elbows replaced, multiple back surgeries, both knees replaced, cartilage problems. But for some reason... the physical issues that continued after he lost the weight is more effective in inspiring me to get myself moving. Get myself in gear. Prevent that kind of life. Increase the quality of my own.

I'd love to say it was my own idea. I had switched to a new voice teacher over the summer. Like every new voice teacher, she addressed my weight. "This doesn't need to count against you. At auditions people will dismiss you purely on size." FINALLY a teacher that talks truth. "When you come back, I want you to tell me how your practicing went and I want you to tell me what you've done this week to lose weight. It's not to intimidate you, or make you feel bad. It's to hold you accountable." I tried stuff for a couple weeks. I would increase activity, or eat more veggies... but not really keeping tally or a record of progress.

My cousin, Amber, told me about Mir's blogging CDC challenge. I joined up not knowing what I was getting myself into... but making a commitment to myself. Since then I've been researching. I've been tracking. I've been learning about nutrition and exercise. I read an article about motivation... motivation happens in 4 stages...

- the initial spark.
- mentally preparing yourself... thinking yourself through.
- sustained commitment.
- habit/self renewing motivation (the feel good of doing well that inspires you to keep going).

I'm the fattest person in our little E2E challenge. I also have the advantage of being the youngest person in this challenge. I know I can do this. I work out 3x a week or more. I struggle to keep my diet in line. But I DO. If I can haul my fat ass off of the couch or out of bed and go jogging, you can too. I can do high impact aerobics without hurting myself. I can modify. I can bear all 320 of my pounds. Bones get stronger with weight bearing exercise. Be smart. But if you don't push yourself, you don't grow.

If you get used to moving your body and working out at your current weight, it will only get EASIER as that number goes down... and believe me, it will.

Big Fat Fattest Challenger Love,

MAJOR disappointment...

Boy can't come this weekend! :( BOOOOOO!!!   He screwed up at work this week and now he has to work saturdays for the rest of the month. Which means he won't be able to travel down and stay the weekend for another MONTH. UGH. I miss him.

I got my work out in and stayed under calories and REALLY under on my carbs - kinda proud of that. I had a piece of dark chocolate and I'm STILL under the carbs.

Tomorrow morning is another work out. is doing a 30 day February challenge. So there will be an abundance of videos to do this week. Part of me wants to do all thirty days... another part of me knows that isn't feasible at this point (at this weight, the stress on my joints is crazy intense). I want to commit to the next 14 days though. I will do 2 weeks of the bodyrock challenge. At that point I'll decide to continue.

If you wanna do it with me, tomorrow's video... 300 rep fat slaughter work out! P.s. the guy is total eye candy if you just wanna watch. heh.

Big Fat 14 day commitment love,

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


Soooo.... trainer lady cancelled two of our sessions this week. We would have rescheduled for Thursday, but I've got a work meeting. Just nothing is working out there in the scheduling department. I did my own thing this morning... I pushed myself. I did 20 minutes worth of these insanity-esque work outs... like normal. But it just wasn't the same as having her push me. I need to create a version of her in my head. 

I'm having anxiety over the number on the scale right now... I ate pizza this weekend. a piece of birthday cake (at what I felt was social gun point) and didn't do much moving. I got one work out in on Friday, again without trainer. The scale is super showing it. I have to get back down by this Friday/Saturday! 

Meal plan for the day
Breakfast: Kiwi, protein bar. 
Snack: almonds + carrots 
Lunch: Fajita innards - no tortilla
Snack: Orange
Dinner: Salmon filet + spinach salad (dried cranberries, tomatoes, cucumber + italian dressing)

Big Fat Gotta Stick To This Love, 
Sweaty, post work out pic.

Today I did... mountain climbers (think downward facing dog, then run), lunges, squats, plank leg lifts, high knees. I made it through the circuit twice and then did 50 crunches, 50 side crunches (each side) and 50 leg lifts. 

Monday, February 6, 2012

TED talk

So I subscribe to the daily TED talks via itunes podcasts and this morning was one of those mornings when I got to catch up on a couple weeks worth of ideas. TED's tagline is "ideas worth spreading." I whole-heartedly agree with this one.

I fluctuate between being accomplishment driven and being happy where I am. It's part of being a list person. The reward of crossing something off... the sense of getting something done...   great! It's the getting carried away and making list after list after list. I can intimidate myself and make myself unhappy.

I love the challenge. 2 positive things every day. I'm blogging twice a day. I may as well integrate a new idea. :)

Big Fat TED Love,

Sunday, February 5, 2012

A More Focused Week...

I've gone all wonky this weekend with food. It took every ounce of discipline I had to make my menu today. Shopping will have to wait until tomorrow...   However, I DID watch an entire season of The United States of Tara, read 200 pages of Mockingjay and made 10 homemade valentines that I can mail out tomorrow.

So this week...

- Stick to the menu.
- Grocery Shop.
- Jump, shake and move my body (mon, tues, wed, fri, sat).
- Practice piano 2x.
- Do some laundry!
- Get the stinking dishes done!

Normally weekends are my house work time. This weekend has been so crazy! It's like everyone teamed up to have birthdays this weekend or travel into town or have all sorts of celebration...   celebration = food. This week is already off to a rough start. Just need to be super vigilant for the rest of the week in order to see a little loss.

Big Fat Checklist Love,


There's definitely some wisdom in that blog twice a day for accountability thing. Yesterday I didn't blog at all. I had a friend come into town that I haven't seen in about a year. We had lunch - not bad, taco salad minus the shell. Then we went to a terrible movie, walked out, went to get drinks and split an appetizer and dessert out at Ruby Tuesday's. I was still under my caloric goal. But nutritionally... a total zero.

I also had a great piano lesson yesterday. :) Not only was it fantastic. But now my teacher wants to trade piano lessons for voice lessons. Yup, yup. That's me saving $12 a week.

Today, I'm not sure I plan on making a to-do list. The only thing I want to accomplish is a little grocery shopping and menu planning so I can set next week up for success. oh, and do the dishes. DO THE DISHES, NANETTE. ugh. okay.

Big Fat Sunday kind of Love,

Friday, February 3, 2012

E2E #6

Weight: 319 (-4) p.s. WAHOOO!

Waist: 50" (+.5)

Food: Under 1900 all week.

Water: 3/7 over 100 oz.

Exercise: 5/7; 3x training, 1x couch to 5k, 1x self training.

Book: again, haven't been reading. But I've been reading a LOT of fat related articles this week.

Partner: Melissa is dong great... logging into MFP all the time and calling me out when I forget to submit my calories for the day.

Support: I've been browsing the blogs all week.

Quote: This is not a commitment to a challenge or a diet plan. This is a commitment to your body and a commitment to lifestyle change. This a commitment to a healthier tomorrow.

This week's challenges... 
- Keeping up the 2x a day blogging. 
- Stick to the menu (even though I can afford to go out now). 
- Pushing harder in the work outs (track them and beat my scores). 
- Read 2 books. 

Big Fat Check-in Love, 

Body budget

Good Morning!

Just finished my work out on my own. I couldn't make it through all the reps she did without modifying. But I made it through the pyramid! 5-10-15 all those were done without modification!!! the returning 10-5 had had to sissy out and go halfsies.

I have not been very good about water this week. I'm a little worried that I'll see it on the scale. I can feel the puffiness in my fingers and around my socks (always can tell when I'm retaining water after a work out). But I tell you what I have been good at! My work outs!

Saturday - self training.
Sunday - interval running.
Monday - break.
Tuesday - trainer
Wednesday - trainer
Thursday - break.
Friday - self-training. 

Food has been great... Under calories every day. MFP says I can have up to 1980 calories a day and be losing 2lbs a week. However, I'm really tired of doing what MFP tells me and then not seeing results. So I've been staying well beneath that.

Friday - 1700
Saturday - 1300
Sunday - 1400
Monday - 1550
Tuesday - 1200
Wednesday - 1650
Thursday - 1300
Friday - TBD
I've been consuming lots of fruits and vegetables. I haven't been really stomach hungry except for last night because I didn't pack enough food for the long day yesterday. High fiber, high protein. I'm hoping that I'm building some stinking muscle because the scale has been fluctuating all over the place this week from as low as 319 to as high as 326.

Last week's -8lb success is something I really wanted to repeat this time. But I don't think it's plausible. I'm crossing my fingers for a 2lb loss. The difference between last week and the weeks prior... this week I stuck to the eating plan 110%. I even cut out additional grains and sugars - there was an incident with chocolate chips last week. But last week's workouts were harder... like body tremors hard. This week they're a bit more aerobic.

Real e2e post after I shower and stuff.

Big fat week evaluation love,

Thursday, February 2, 2012


Narrowly avoided frozen pizza again...   Went to the grocery store famished looking for something comforty. I couldn't talk myself into anything there...   I had 700 calories over the course of the day. So I knew I could indulge, but I don't want tons of sodium before the weigh in tomorrow. heh.

Wound up leaving with protein bars, goat cheese and tuna. Again, not a bad fare when going to the store for pure indulgence sake. 

Big Fat Smart Shoppin' Love, 

Good day!

Today is a good day. :)

I didn't have a work out today. Today is rest day. Mainly because Thursdays are packed with stuff to do.

I'm teaching voice lessons again. It's not terrible. It's not the student who thought I was a horrible teacher from last semester either. This girl is 15. She tries so hard. She practices. She knows that I can't flip a switch to fix her vocal issues. It's nice to be teaching her again... even if she can't read fast enough to sing in rhythm. There's a lot of memorizing happening as we go.

I also got my piano practicing in today... I promised myself I would do it at least once this week to remove the stress I feel about it. The practice room is approachable. The piano is not a big scary monster. The piece is only 2 pages long. Nothing lights up or snickers when you're wrong. Baby steps, Nanette. Baby steps. I still can't play the piece hands together yet, but the chords are getting a little more comfortable in my left hand (aka - might-as-well-be-a-hook hand).

I packed a bunch of food at the beginning of the day; banana, chicken breast, chopped up cucumber, sliced tomato, orange, pear, protein bar. It's almost enough to last the day. I'm down to the pear and the orange. But I'm waiting until 8 to eat them since I don't get off work until 10. This way I get to cook something hearty and then think about going to bed...

Sarah cancelled our training tomorrow. We've had so little snow this year, she's trying to ski while the resort will allow her. So I've gotta do a work out at my place tomorrow... all by myself. I've only done the interval stuff once by myself. But once is enough to get rid of insecurity and tentativity (yup, invented that word). This is the video for tomorrow.... I'm going to have to do fewer reps... but I'm gonna DO IT.

Big Fat Tomorrow will be hurting Love,


Again it's a night of head hunger not real hunger... But I'm too sore and stiff to go make anything. So that's another hidden benefit of exercise.

Dealing with gossip at work today. One of the other managers is spreading stuff about me dating an operator (those we supervise)... Despite me being in a relationship aside from that, and she knows it. AND she doesn't have anything to base it on, other than he stopped in my office to say hi twice last week. The scandal. I don't know if I want to play it up or play it down. Either way I let the operator know that there's garbage going around and to be careful... and I let the boyfriend know, so he doesn't hear anything that doesn't come from me first. Ridiculous.


sleepy girl goes to bed.
Big fat bedtime love,

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Now, then and the point...

I was working out with Sarah this morning and we were talking about her swim and aerobics classes that she teaches throughout the day. There seems to be an epidemic of "I can't, I don't want to hurt myself" in her classes. She teaches college level students, for the most part they are young and healthy. She's up to her eyeballs in frustration that these kids aren't even trying. Then she gave me the best dang compliment I've ever received, "I need more people like you in there. You're a big girl. But you're willing to try. You push yourself. If you can't do what we're doing, you modify! That attitude is so essential for fitness."

I told her I have to push myself. If I'm going to be the fattest person in a swim class, you bet your ass I'm going to be the hardest working one there. I will take the harder resistance bands. I will take the biggest buoy for water weight lifting. I will swim the hardest, the longest. In a way it's my fear of skinny people judgement... but in another light... I have always told myself "just because you're fat, doesn't mean you have to be a wimp."  

I started aquacise 3 semesters ago because I wanted to take it easy on my joints and start getting more active. It is a work out. A REAL work out... cardio and muscle training. I just had to wear a swim suit. In front of people. 

I grew up swimming. There were summers of 5 days a week at the pool. Mom would drop me off at 5pm and pick me up at 10pm. (late, yeah, but that's when gingers get things done). I would wear t-shirts to ward off sunburn, not just to hide my fat body. I didn't really care then. I stopped going when my friend Jamie pointed out that I had a zit on my shoulder and I thought I'd turned into a hideous monster. Who gets zits on their shoulders?!?!   What a ridiculous reason to stop swimming. 

Anyway... so that was 7th grade. Over 10 years later, I bought a new suit online in the largest size I could find. It fit funny. I changed in a bathroom stall, abandoning any sense of modesty, no shirt or shorts to slow me down and jiggled out to the pool. No one cared. We worked out. More jiggling. But we're in a pool and people are concentrating on their own bodies. No one cared. I didn't have to worry about being fat in that class. Water was a nice blanket to keep people from being able to stare at your body while you moved it about. 

I took it again the next semester. As a returning student, I knew what was going on. I could help other people. Fat person who knows what's going on. Fat person helping skinny person work out. I had started changing in the locker room like a normal person. I hadn't lost a lot of weight or anything. My confidence was up. These people are my classmates. They know how hard I work. They know that I can do what they can and even help them along the way. 

The third semester, I saw a girl in there that made my heart break. She was big like me. Bigger framed even. Manly fingers, wide shoulders, small boobs, wide waist. It was apparent that she wanted to fit in as she made the effort to do the ratted hair, streaky highlights, clunky acrylic nails. I talked to her... she's getting a certificate in diesel mechanics and wants to do a bit of local theater. I told her I'd meet her in the pool. She came to the indoor pool in her suit... and t-shirt... and shorts. Extra fabric = crap work out in the water. I just wanted to hug her and tell her that no matter how big she is... own it. Don't apologize. No one is judging you. I'm so glad you're here! Way to get yourself active!

I was still fatter than her. I wanted to walk around the locker room naked. I wanted to jump up and down and wiggle more than I ever have to show her that IT'S OKAY. And to show her that no one was talking about me. No one was bothered or sickened by my enormity. The only person that has a problem with her size is her. 

She dropped the class after 2 weeks. I didn't walk around naked. I tried to befriend her and help her be comfortable. But I guess it just wasn't time for that yet. 

Don't fear the numbers. :) 
This is why I'm such an advocate for body love... any size. If you're afraid of your body... what are the chances that you're going to make changes that you'd like for it?! Loving your body and accepting yourself doesn't mean resigning to being fat forever. It means seeing yourself honestly and appreciating what's there. Being able to see your curves as beautiful... even if you're shaped more like a table leg than an hourglass (like me). Try to understand why there are men and women out there that appreciate your body type... try to find that things that you have whether it be a great round butt, big full breasts, wide hips, curvy waist, slender wrists, delicate fingers, long dark eyelashes, high cheek bones, shapely lips... whatever does it for you. 

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. And you'll be even more beautiful when you can see it in yourself as well. 

And when you're feeling down and thinking that everyone is staring or thinking terrible things in your direction...   remember the words of my 6th grade English teacher, "What makes YOU think you're SO IMPORTANT that everyone is thinking and talking about YOU!?" Oh... Mrs. Lewis going about shaking the egocentric universe. 

Big Fat Body Love, 

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