Monday, September 24, 2012


Broke up with the guy. Things just weren't staying very peachy. Trying not to eat my sadness. Just feel it. Trying not to fall into the stupid break up despair that happens sometimes.

I made a bunch of work out calendars and budget calendars yesterday so I have fewer decisions to make. Good ones will be made for me.

I also talked to my roommates. They had a wine and cheese party for me yesterday. Didn't drink. But I definitely ate cheese. I told them that this has to be the last sort of thing like this that happens... I need their support to keep losing weight. One of my roommates is also trying to lose weight so I have a support buddy there too.

We all agreed to keep less candy in the house and if we have candy, just don't offer it to the fatty. Otherwise, we're pretty strict about eating only what you've purchased. I've found a grocery routine that's more healthy than what I was doing before. I've also developed a system for shopping at trader joe's. Just get in line... fill up your basket as the line winds around the store.

I'm still seeing smaller numbers. Today I'm down to 296.

Still interval running and stretching. Getting back into the HIIT stuff in October.

Big Fat FALL Love,

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Still Up and Running

Hey All!

I'm still up and running, literally! :) I'm not seeing a lot of movement on the scale. But I can't really worry too much about it right now. Just keep moving, eating more greens, drinking water and pooping.

I'm working 4 jobs this week...  in two weeks it will be 5. Finally digging myself out of the financial shitter!  

Dating is good. Running is good. Food is mostly good. Weight is slowly going down. More tenacity will occur as things slow down a little.

Big Fat Happy Love,

Friday, September 14, 2012


I feel like I'm emerging from a cloud of depression and being overwhelmed. Things are starting to settle. I got a run in this week. I got a yoga session in. I mean... 2 work outs is certainly not significant in the scope of what I have done before. But two workouts is a hell of a lot more than just ONE work out.

I've found three decent grocery stores near my daily routine that each carry something great.

1) Trader Joe's - mostly healthy, relatively cheap, really long lines.
2) Associated foods - Good produce, no lines, kinda expensive.
3) Morton Williams - GREAT produce, expensive, prepped deli foods (danger), moderately priced health foods. VERY close to work.

Another friend moved here from Idaho. I've been helping her adjust to her surroundings and that has helped me reflect on how far I've come. I also landed a second part-time job this week and I've got this overwhelming sense of calmness that comes with that financial security. Things are going to be okay. I will be able to pay off my debts. I will be able to keep my head above water and love my life again.

Also, found out that the doc is getting rid of furniture and wants to send some stuff my way. Bookshelves, chairs, desk. Things for my naked room/apartment. I'm excited. The weight is coming off again. Down to 298 again... and coming out of a cloud of negativity and panic.

Big Fat BIRTHED Love,

Saturday, September 8, 2012


It's been a great week. I had that motivational meltdown earlier. I got my whining out of the way.

Water has been spotty. I'm supposed to be drinking 180oz a day. Some days I meet it, other days, I forget to count and I'm sure that I don't meet it if I'm not counting.

My eating has been much better. I've tried to follow the Allan diet as closely as possible. But ran out of money and groceries midweek. So it was a lot of yogurt and tuna sandwiches. Not a whole lot of fruit and veg.

The new room... lots of windows. There's a closet to the left. 

No longer on that stupid air mattress!!! 
I also got a bed this week. So sleeping has improved. Slowly but surely my room is turning into a place to live. Next on the list 1) sheets. 2) Dresser.

And today I got another job. The line up looks like this now.
- 18-20 hrs weekly Admin Assistant for Chiropractor/nutritionist.
- 5 hours weekly Freelance Digital Media Assistant (AnnaM).
- 3 hours weekly Freelance Personal Assistant/Media Assistant (Wendy)
- 24-30 hrs weekly Front Desk Administrator for Kidville Brooklyn.
Total: 50 - 58 hours a week.

I was talking to a potential date on OKC a couple nights ago. I told him I just moved here... He's really into fitness (not like the crazy body builder type though). I told him the weight loss thing has been sorta on hold since I moved here. I mean.... I've still lost weight. But I'm currently sitting at 299 and it's tough.... that's where I was supposed to be in JUNE.

Then I told him about trying to structure my life and then get back on track.

"Won't happen," he correctly says.
"Of course it will."
"Why not just go running right now instead of talking to me."
"I'm not sure my neighborhood is safe at night, especially with my headphones in."
"Smart. Then you should go tomorrow morning."
"You're right."

Then I did. I got my couch to 5k app going the next morning. Went back to week one - expecting to have lost all my progress... I was pleasantly surprised. Back to 1:00 run 1:30 walk x8. It was so easy. I mean... the tops of my feet and shins are sore. But breathing was good, no discouraging thoughts, no pain (until after, my back always gets so tired)! It was great. I got to explore my neighborhood. I got to learn about where I'm living.

I killed 5 birds with one stone.
- starting to run again.
- the hours of my laundromat.
- the hours of the cemetery.
- how to get to the cemetery.
- where the shops around me are located.

There are only bodegas around here... no proper stores really.

So there's this week's find.

Fitness is about balance.
DON'T over think my work outs.
DO over think my eating.

DON'T overeat.
DO run/work out lots.

DON'T starve or binge.
Do eat many times a day.

I'm just happy to be going in the right direction again.

Big Fat Start Over Love,

Sunday, September 2, 2012

First Week of Allan Challenge

In review... it started off great.

Monday - on track.
Tuesday - right in line.
Wednesday - Annnnd we're off track. Moved that morning, ran late to work, didn't pack a lunch, 5 hour shift turned into a 9 hour shift. Grabbed a bagel and a peach. Fell off the water wagon.
Thursday - Covered co-worker's shift last minute in addition to mine for a 12 hour day. Again... working working working. Ran to the grocery store for lunch. baby tomatoes, bagel, banana to be eaten throughout the shift. Still off the water wagon.
Friday - Long shift again. Had advance notice. Was lazy. Grabbed a bagel. Grabbed two slices of pizza. We're talking zero veggies. Then the roommates and I had a nacho night. Bad water.
Saturday - barebuger and mix drinks on the google rooftop with a friend - and sprained my ankle on a subway platform.

So basically it's like I didn't even START a diet. Where is that girl? The one back in Idaho? The one that started something and followed through?

This is so obnoxious. Probably just as obnoxious for you guys to read. How do I get that girl back? How do I light that fire under my ass? Old me would have just been like... start planning. Just do it.

I just feel like I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore . Again in a new neighborhood. Again trying to figure out where I can buy the food I need (looks like a 30 min train ride in to Trader Joe's). Again coming up with a work out plan. Someone wanna have motivation for me? Wanna tell me what to do?

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