Tuesday, May 29, 2012


I'm out of the old apartment. I have wonderful friends that helped me out with that. We got the entire place scrubbed down and my life now fits in two suitcases and a laundry basket. I'm spending the next 4 days downsizing the suitcases and laundry basket so they each weigh about 50lbs. 

I weigh more than all of my possessions. Weird. 

For now, I'm staying with Jessica, a friend, and her husband, two kids and a cat. They have been so kind to open up their home to me. Since I'm not working mornings. I'm trying to do something sneaky and nice for them every day. Today I took out all the garbages and did the dishes. Tomorrow I want to make them a healthy dinner/lunch. Do you guys have any suggestions for something cheap, quick and kid friendly?

My weight has been all over the chart...   In 24 hours I went from 312 to 302. Stress, water and no sleep... that's how it manifests itself. 

I'm weighing in again at 304. So not a terrible amount of damage. My weight and fitness goals are out the window at this point. I know we're going into the last week here... But without a home that is my own and a GIANT transition happening... I've gotta say that weight loss is taking a bit of a backseat... if only for the week. 

Last night I was approached by my reporter friend to do a segment about beginning weight loss for the local tv station here. I told him I would love to talk about it. I guess the story was brought up because this obese gentleman wanted to start losing weight (segment A of the story) and so they're looking for people who have done it, started, or changed their lifestyles (segment B). This includes working out ON CAMERA. Uh... as if the gym weren't intimidating enough... let's break a jiggly sweat on camera. May as well. There's no shame in fitness, no matter what your weight. That films Wednesday. I'm excited because A) I love attention and B) Fitness is something I'm so passionate about. Not thinness. FITNESS. This isn't about weight loss as much as it's about health and health just happens to include weight loss. (she says, preaching to the choir). 

Big Fat Transition Love, 
Nanette Nielson

Friday, May 25, 2012

Ready for this!? - 7 day countdown begins.

So here're the stats.

Weight: between 305-309

Stress: off the charts.

Working: 65 hours this week.

Sleeping: 4-5 hours a night.


I have a couple job opportunities in the new city. So when I land, I have a couple in person interviews all lined up. Restaurant/catering work and an office assistant position for a search firm. I have high hopes and a good feeling about life outside of Idaho. I feel like I can put that aside now. I can put the planning aside.

But while I'm still here...

I have 3 more 2:30 - midnight shifts. (Friday, Tuesday Wednesday).
No more morning work.
So sleep will be improving.

I have 3 more days in my apartment.
To scrub clean, top to bottom.
To eat the food in the fridge or get rid of it.
To pack my suitcases (and do a serious amount of laundry).
To make my last goodwill donations.
To walk around naked.
So the stress is still high.

I'm worried about my motivation and losing my progress because I'm having such a difficult time focusing. So I've told myself. "Nanette, you've done this for months. You know how to make good food decisions. Trust that for now. If you gain a few pounds, you'll lose them again when you relocate and settle."

But I'm trying to determine whether or not that's B.S.... Excuses to get back to "addict" behavior. I'm experiencing a definite lack of peace while the ground underneath my feet shifts and the mental athlete I've trained has gotten flabby. But I feel like, what's the harm in just relaxing for 7 days. (SELF, DO NOT TAKE THAT AS A CHALLENGE TO GAIN AS MUCH WEIGHT AS YOU CAN IN 7 DAYS).

Things I give into will be habits I have to break again. Cravings to fight. Soreness to overcome. But guess what, Nanette... that's life. There's no point in which everything will be perfect.. that eating and working out will be 100% all of the time. What matters is that you keep trying and how you adjust. Being flexible and positive is going to get you through this. Never give up! Never give in!

B: Zoi
S: Chocolate covered peanuts ( I KNOW, I KNOW).
L: Spinach, tomato, blueberry, goat cheese, balsamic salad.
S: 1 cup cottage cheese.
D: Tuna sandwich, odwalla juice.
S: 1 cup cottage cheese... (if I'm going to eat for comfort right now... may as well be high in protein).

.5 mile to Job 1.
2.5 mile to Job 2.
2.5 mile from Job 2.

Big Fat Gentle Reminder To Move Forward Love,

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


This morning I was supposed to work out with a friend from work. I've been doing that... scheduling workouts with people to make sure I get them done because that's the kind of accountability I figured I need as of late. Well, the friend bailed.

I did half of the 300 rep work out I would normally do. Only half because it's been 2 weeks since I've done my Tabata style training and it kicked my ass in a few brief minutes. 

I have been excusing myself to be fat while I'm stressed out. I've been excusing my body and my fitness and all the things that are imperative. And I am bugged. The work out this morning only took 10 minutes and that's only half. 

The hikes I've been going on have been over an hour. 

The walks to and from work have been between 20-30 minutes each way. 

And I think I don't have TIME for working out? Bull.

I'm too stressed to workout?! Also Bull. What better time to work through the anxiety and nervousness?! Things are going to fall into place. I've made sure of that. And frankly, even if I can't get everything to a good home, or get everything to goodwill, it's OK to throw stuff away. Things will fall into place. It's okay. Stop worrying. Just keep going. 

I may be too tired sometimes... and I feel like that's actually legitimate. But would I be this tired if I were working out more?

Also... screw working out with others at this point. I can't keep trying to mesh schedules with people and then blame a missed workout on someone else. Hoist the petards and be a grown up, Nanette. 

Best thing about not working out with someone - I don't have to worry about the sounds that fat slapping fat makes when I do things like jumping jacks, or squat jumps or anything else. I can listen to offensive music if I want. I can speed stuff up. I can slow stuff down. I can skip something that makes my knees do that gristly sound. 

Also... Logged calories yesterday and the day before. I've learned that right now, I cannot trust my instincts. I'm eating WAY above my limit. Normally I can float around 1400 and be fine. I've been eating around 1900-2200 and still been hungry. Real hungry not like brain hungry. Time to reign it in. You are in control of your body, not the other way around. 

I'm just tired of the bullshit from all directions....   But most of all from myself. Take some control. Don't be a hypocrite. 

Menu today
B: protein bar
S: .5 C cottage cheese. 
L: Sushi Roll 
S: 2 boiled eggs with salsa
D: Salad + 4oz chicken breast (baked). 
S: Berries. 

Calorie total: 1500 (ish). 

150 reps (squats, side lunge, back lunge + kick). 
2.5 mile walk to work. 
2.5 mile walk from work. 
150 reps (squats, side lunge, back lunge + kick). 

Big Fat IT'S ABOUT TIME Love, 

P.s. sorry for the swearing lately. I'll get to that habit next. 

Monday, May 21, 2012

RFSC update...

Weight: 306 (+1) ... this is going the wrong direction.

Water: Too little.

Food: Too much.

Waist: 46" (+.5).

NSV: walked 15 miles this week. Ran about 2. and mangaed to get a little sleep here and there. Also my house is naked and I've given away all the stuff in my pantry. One week left of cooking at home before I'm staying at a friends house and am without a kitchen.

I'm really upset about this ever increasing number. I'm being a lot more strict about diet and exercise this last week. I made menus (while not logging calories) but I've followed these menus exactly before and been very successful. I've been floating around 1500 roughly per day. Then the weekend hit and I had sushi twice. But that's the only thing I didn't make myself.

Water could be a ton better - ish... I don't have freedom to go to the bathroom whenever I want at the new job... so I have to be careful about that.

I am wondering if the birth control is contributing. I'd love to stop it, but it's just not an option. This is my first month on it after a 5 month hiatus in which the numbers went down down down.

I'm also positive that it's at least another 20% of not enough concentration.

This week.
Weight: - 4lbs (just do it already).
Water: 100oz a day.
Food: Log every day.
NSV: Get in 2 non-walking to work workouts.

I'm sick of this. I need to hold on and not gain for the next two weeks and then try again when I'm in NY and done with this stupid anticipation of moving.

Big Fat Mildly Discouraged But Gonna Punch This Fat In The Face Anyway love,

Sunday, May 20, 2012

RFSC - Mini Challenge

Okay. So those of you who are not challengers in the RFSC thing...

The miniature challenge this week is to find an aspect that needs some concentration and focus on it for X amount of time to make a streak calendar.

I have 13 days until I fly out. I have decided to take great care for the next thirteen days to track my calories in MFP.


Go 13 days without going out to eat (like my lent goal).

Now that second one might be unrealistic right now... since a lot of my friends want to go out to dinner or take me out to lunch before I go. I think I'm going to make them not. Now it is just as important as ever to NOT go out... Save money. Save calories. Save guilt and stress about eating things I KNOW I shouldn't. I'm going back to bubble living...   the bubble of only eating what's in my house.

PLUS, I only have 13 days to eat the fresh fruit and veg that I have in my fridge. And there's plenty. I can only donate dry goods. I hate to see stuff go to waste.

Tomorrow I weigh in officially. For now, I'm sitting at 305. So I haven't moved much. I've seen as high as 312 this week and as low as 301. I have GOT to get my shit together.

Big Fat Mini Challenge Love,

Friday, May 18, 2012

In which she breaks it down...

I am not sleeping enough, between 4-5 hours a night.
I may have had fries twice this week.

Yesterday I saw my lowest weight, 301 and my highest weight of the week 309. I don't know how that's possible. I doubt the validity of my scale.

I have gone on one 1hr hike.

I have walked about 12 miles getting to and from the new job. That'll be 15 today.

I have done ONE interval run.

My hydration is great on somedays, but I have to be careful... we get scheduled bathroom breaks and I can't be leaving training constantly... AKA on the hour like I'd need to if I were consuming 140oz all the time.

14 days until I fly, pardon my french... but merde is getting REAL.

So much to do in the house before the 28th. I need to get my entire deposit back... so I need to be doing little things throughout the week.

like the dishes, emptying garbages, taking bags of stuff to goodwill, borrowing a vaccum and starting to attack the hard water crusts on bathroom and kitchen faucets. Any tips for that out there?

In addition, everyone wants to say their good-byes. But only 3 people showed up to my going away party. I don't have time to spend with everyone since I'm working 8am - noon and from 2:30pm to midnight. Want monsters... want time, want attention, want priority when I'm very clearly out of those spots in my life and then I feel guilty that I can't indulge everyone (and myself) and play as often as I'd like.

I'm stressed out. When this happens, weight is on the bottom of my list of things to do.

Wendy, I hope you're reading this. I'm not ignoring your calls. I just work a metric shit ton. (60 hours a week if anyone is counting, not including commute time/walking).

Here's my activity in positivity...
I choose to see this stress as positive because...
- I am making money.
- I am buying myself time to get a job in NY by having a good savings.
- I am reducing my stress for NY, where things will be more stressful than here.
- I am prepping for a continued healthy lifestyle, by taking a momentary hit in that same area.
- I am getting a lot of walking in, which is better than nothing as far as fitness goes.
- I am going to be out of Idaho soon and LIVING THE DREAM!! (the poor starving artist dream)!

Big Fat Update Love,

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Finally... 100%

Yesterday was a 100% day.

Eating was on 100%. I even tracked it in MFP.

I walked 2.5 miles and ran 2.5 miles.

Training at the temporary call center is kinda lame. But it does keep me out of my fridge and it keeps me eating what I brought. It also keeps me from snacking. Though it's pretty stationary...   The caloric limiting is so good. SO GOOD.

I weighed in today and I'm seeing the numbers reverse. 304. Such a relief. Today is going to be 100% too.

100% tracking and good food choices.

100% movement (another 5 miles).

And again only scheduled snacking and timed lunches. I'm in charge of packing what I want to eat. Today it's a spinach salad.

tomato slices
carrot peels
sunflower seeds
litehouse balsamic.


Big Fat 100% Love,

Monday, May 14, 2012

Late Late Late! RFSC update

Weight: 305 (+3lbs) Uhhhh... yeah. I deserve that.

Waist: 45.5" (-1") But I'm squishy so measurements aren't super true... or all my fat is feeling some gravity.  heh.

Water: Not even tracked. Needs to be better. I'm just trying to hold on for dear life at the mo.

Food: TERRIBLE. Out to eat 4x this week and THEN a going away party where they served everything cheese related and a cocktail or two happened.

NSV: I made nearly $500 on Saturday with the yard sale. Got my first sunburn (I can calm down about that now).

It's been a crazy crappy week and I want to blame that (and my own reactions to crazy crappy stuff) on the weight gain. I have been pretty terrified as of late that I'm going to regress into Not Caring Land. Too often this week have I indulged the old version of me. I can't give up. I've worked so hard! I have another two years of this kind of thinking....  

So I pulled out my notebook and started making lists. Lists about why I don't want to be fat anymore. Lists of Dad's health problems. Lists of things that I can do better when thin. Lists of how my day can go. Lists of work outs I'd like to do. Lists of food ideas and how to make healthy food so much easier and cheaper than the expensive crap.

So here's the goal for this next week. 

Weight: Return to 302 and get lower than it.

Workouts: New job is starting. I will be walking at least 4 miles a day. 4.5 on MWF. I will do my interval runs on the way home from work AND I have hikes with trainer on Tues Thurs.

Food: I have menu'd and shopped. There is only food in my house that is healthy and I am hardly spending any time here anyway. So I should experience a little success this week. GOT TO.

NSV: Make some stinkin' Money and continue the moving process without continuing this upward trend.

Big Fat Promise-Making Love,

Friday, May 11, 2012

Day Before the Massive Unloading

I've been bustling around my apartment today trying to put together all the stuff that needs to go to the yard sale tomorrow morning. Soon to be roomie is letting me move stuff to her place tonight and then take it out for selling bright and early tomorrow morning...

Note to self : Buy sunscreen and a gallon of water.

I also made it to costco today and I should have enough spinach, celery, carrots, tomatoes, blueberries and goat cheese to sustain me for a week. I'm trying to get the produce in again. WHY is that such a hard thing? I don't hate it. I just want something immediate and chock full of salt. SHEESH.

Weighing in this morning at 305...   which I'm bummed about. The period is over so I should be deflating from the water weight today and tomorrow. But my diet hasn't been fantastic this week. I'm thinking I'll be lucky to break even back at 302. However, I've set myself up for a good week this upcoming week. Which is good... I'm not going to have much time to grocery shop or make crazy decisions.

Tonight I'm going to marinate a bunch of chicken breasts, cook 'em up and bag them for the week. Instant easy protein. Just needs microwaving.

Note to self: Don't sell the microwave.

Tomorrow is the going away party. So I NEED to get an interval training in tonight. Gonna sit down and plan it after I've gotten this stuff moved.

Big Fat Clearing life Out Love,
Nanette Nielson

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Trying Again... & A Letter To Me

I went hiking again this morning. I skipped any notion of running. We went probably 2 miles. And we did it a LOT faster than the 3 mile hike yesterday. I think we shaved off 40 minutes. The middle section of the "gut" trail from yesterday is ROUGH. I didn't give up though. I am going to wait until Sunday to do another run to see if I can get through it.

Anyway... Gotta write this letter for the midweek challenge...

Dear Me of May 2014,

You started this fat begone thing in May of 2011. If you've stayed consistent, you'll be nearing 170lbs. I hope that you have found activities that you regularly enjoy. I hope that you've found healthy eating to be more second nature.

More than anything, remember that the loose skin you're toting around, you've earned it. Old-you gives you permission to have that surgically removed (if you're having doubts about that). You deserve to have that great body at least once in your life and your early 20's were not your hottest years. You are nearing 30.

If you are with someone, Great. Congratulations. If you're not with someone, I'm sure you feel lonely sometimes. That's okay. You have wonderful friends and family that care about you because you are freaking awesome. Don't give up hope, get desperate or be jaded, that's ugly. Think of all the people you have loved and love you back. (also, you're a sexy bitch).

Don't let your pride get the best of you. Or laziness. Remember that it's okay to apologize and every once in a while and it's okay to take a day off. By now you've probably mastered that patience thing I struggle with so much these days. Maybe you can teach me a thing or two when we meet.

This is you reminding you that the things you value most are honesty, pragmatism, kindness, work ethic and ambition. Please tell me you haven't given up on those values... because that would be lame. I hope that you have more to add to that list; things that you've been able to integrate into your life to make it a better place.

Remember those days that we lived in Idaho? Afternoon naps. Slow mornings. Working (if you call sitting at a desk working) 3 jobs. More than anything,  I hope you find success and happiness. You are completely capable of creating the life you want to have. And maybe, by now, you're ready to think about singing again. Don't let your experiences in Idaho with music drive you away forever. You liked it for a reason. :)

You have created a wonderful life. You have adapted and changed so much. If you have given up on your weight loss along the way. This is you telling you to get off your ass. The only solution is movement and better eating. Excuses aside. Just do it. And shame on you for giving up. This is my body too... and I really want to meet the fit person inside. So there.

Also... if you haven't started saving for retirement... get that shit together!

Big Fat Past Life Love,

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Thoughts Through Today's Run

Today I was doing the 3rd day of 2x{3 min run. 1.5 min walk, 5 min run, 2.5 min walk}

And it's the worst I've done. I don't know if it's left over fatigue from the run yesterday? But I wound up walking the last 2 minutes of my running time. It was mainly calf and top of the foot soreness and maybe a little overheating as it's getting warmer and I have a tendency to wither in anything over 60.

The worst part of it were the thoughts running through my head.
"wow, you skip one run."
"maybe you need to take a break."
"you can't take a break, you probably wouldn't start again."
"wouldn't it be nice though, to go back to not having to worry or care about it."
"Might be nice, but you HAVE to keep going. You have to keep running and caring about health."
"ooo feet hurt."
"push through it"
"gotta walk."
"what's wrong with me?! I made it through just fine on Sunday."

I feel like a faker as of late... Fake dieter. Fake exerciser. Is that because some of it is getting easier? Is it because I'm not making as many quality choices? Is it distraction? Am I being worn down by this whole transition thing?

Is this just a transition thing? Am I getting comfortable? I'm not gaining... (well, I am a little but TOM is here and that messes with things). I've even seen losses. Am I beating myself up over nothing? Maybe some of the healthy choices I've worked so hard to make are just becoming easier.

I feel a little resistant to my work outs and my healthy eating as of late. I took a complete hiatus from MFP for three days. I've got a menu that I've never shopped for and a work out list that never made it onto post its as reminders.

Maybe I'm worn out? Maybe I should just be trying to go with the flow these days... since every day seems to be about change and adaptation.

I have to keep losing. I have to. Even if I'm in this "blah don't care" state. I have to keep losing. I need to find my little nugget of motivation and inspiration and pick myself up.

Have any of you guys been stuck in a place similar to this? What's your advice? How'd you get out of the funk?

Big Fat Funked Up Love,

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Next Hurdle... Bring It, Life.

so... land lady called today. The tenants I referred to her really want to move in on June 1st. Can I be out of my apartment by May 28th so she can paint and do repairs?


Gotta find somewhere close enough to my job to crash.

If I can just get the hell out of Idaho... I can do anything... ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER.   Bring it, Life. Bring it. You're messing with a girl who doesn't back down.


Baby's First Trail Run...

Okay... I exaggerate. I walked most of it. Trainer... who is under strict guidelines to not get her heart rate above 140 bc of the baby, asked if I'd like to go on a trail run/walk today. "It's only 1.5 miles up to bridge 12. Then we can turn around and come back."

Tell you what.

Walking up a mountain is significantly different from walking on the street. It makes me think of Maren and all the mountains she climbs. It was much more difficult than I thought it would be and I spent half the trail thinking, "How am I such a sissy?! I interval run. I do bodyrock and Insanity. WHY is this hard?"

Well, Nanette... it's a full hour and a half of constant movement. There are no push as hard as you can and then rest for 20 seconds. It is push as hard as you can and then keep walking. On some of the more flat parts I jogged a little to get a feel for it... I also jogged on some of the way down when it wasn't super rocky. I think I can definitely get into this.

Being Dramatic. 
My muscles weren't what protested. It was my ankles and knees that were aching from the uneven ground. Adapt or die!!! I'm going up there again on Thursday. I'll see if I can be less of a whiner this time and maybe even take some pictures.

The plan for the work outs this week has not started off well. Yesterday I stayed at home with the worst case of the cramps I've ever had and slept through most of it... in addition to going to the hot pools later that night to try and get my body to relax. So...   adaptation.

Monday - Off
Tuesday - Trail walk/jog.
Wednesday - interval run.
Thursday - Trail walk/jog.
Friday - Interval run.
Saturday - Stretch like whoa.
Sunday - Interval Run.

Then hell week.

I'm off to get a drug test for the new, short term job today and to put a long day in at the Music Dept filing the string music. Happy Tuesday, guys!

Big Fat Mountain Woman Love,

Sunday, May 6, 2012

RFSC + Life Update + Faith & Trust

Check In

Weight: 302 (-4lbs!) 

Waist: 46.5" (+.5")

Water: Better this week. 100oz everyday but yesterday. 

Workouts: 1 HIIT session (found out trainer is preggers on tuesday and unable to do it anymore) 
4 interval runs. 

Nutrition: I've been logging some stuff in MFP... Forcing myself to at least log in every day. This deserves no congratulations. But I've done okay, I mean... I'm losing weight. Just eating when I'm hungry. 

NSV: Losing weight despite not tracking calories! Graduation is official! Acquired 3 jobs. Secured my sublet. I will be a brooklynite in 4 weeks! 



NSV: Let go of some of the too big clothing. Pack up some of the going home for storage stuff. Take care of skin/massage cellulite places try to help circulation. 

Nutrition: Keep it under control. Eat more veggies every day. 

Water: 100 oz every day. 

Sunday: Leg HIIT
Monday: Interval Run + Arms HIIT. 
Tuesday: Core HIIT. 
Wednesday: Insanity. 
Thursday: Interval Run. Arms HIIT. 
Friday: off. 
Saturday: Interval Run. + Arms HIIT. 
Sunday: Mini HIIT with Wendy. 


Today, I got into size 22 pants! Zipped... too tight to be seen in public. But zipped! I traded some books and movies for some smaller clothing. I took photos today and I'll be posting them in a tab or something since there are so many of them. They are going to be my "start" clothing for a challenge I'm holding for myself or the next one Mir does. 

I have a going away party this weekend. There will be lots of food. I'm going to eat some of it. Truth. So I have to be really diligent this week with eating well if I want to see under 300 by next sunday. 

The Job Situation... 

I'm so excited to feel focused again. I got past the early termination, you can't stay with me for more than a week - so find a sublet, savings not big enough for the move in three weeks PANIC/STRESS. 

This week is my summer break. It is one week of freedom before school starts. It is one week to get rid of the stuff in my house. Box up anything that can just be put away. Put in a few hours with the music dept.

On the 14th, I'll be starting 3 jobs...
  • Monday - Friday: 3:15- midnight (I assume I have this job. I have my second interview monday. It's a high turnover call center and I'm smarter than a brick. I should get in). 
  • Mon, Wed, Fri: 8am - noon. (through the dept that just forced me out of my job early)
  • Saturday: 8-5 music dept...   (flexible, work whenever hours). 
So I'm thinking this week... this very dead week... I'm going to clock 30 hours at the music dept cataloguing string music. Then submit my 10 hour a week time card and be able to keep my weekends open. 

I have time to be fit. I have time to come up with a game plan for this upcoming scary terrible week. I have time to do the mountain of laundry. I have time to menu and shop prior to the week starting.

- no time with three jobs. 
- compromised sleep patterns. 
- less time to make food. 

- 2 miles from call center, I can do my interval runs! 
- No dress code (workout gear!)
- MONEY!!!! (less stress!)
- Challenge to see how quickly I can adapt. 
- Remind myself what it's like to not be boss. 
- Remember how to learn a new job.

The Moving Situation... 
I have a sublet!!! I'm moving out to Brooklyn. I have a place to stay the DAY I arrive. No needing to crash on a friend's couch. No need to put people out. I've been able to figure out how to get there from the airport. The girl who is subletting is a friend of a friend. She's going to still be there for a week or so, staying with a friend in a different apt. She will show me around and help me get my bearings. 

I'm moving with a friend from Idaho, Shasta... she's actually going to share the room with me. Our costs are HALVED. Even if the job stuff goes all to hell, I will have enough to get me through! 

Best part... are you ready for this?! New apartment is within one mile of the following... 
  • Organic food Co-Op. 
  • Prospect Park (for running!) 
  • Target and Old Navy so I can cheaply keep up with my dropping sizes! And buy affordable tampons. 
  • Laundromat. 
After doing all the math... I will actually be making more this way than when I would if I had been able to keep the original job. Breathe easy. Leave off in good shape. I can take a deep breath... funny how the stress lets up and I drop 4lbs in a week. I can do anything good!!!    

Wendy over at eatsleepmove and I had a great conversation yesterday. Talking about faith. I'm not religious which sometimes makes me feel like an outsider in the fat blogging arena since weight loss can be such a spiritually related experience as well. 

But I do have faith that if I do everything in my power to set a plan in motion and then let go... things will work out. I can't prove that it will. I'm not owed anything... I am not entitled. I have to do my part. I must trust that what happens is for the best. Whether it be a "learning experience" (see: crappy, but an opportunity to grow) or whether it goes smoothly... I am a person. People are highly adaptable. We survive. We cope. We grow and learn and strive. 

I have done what I can. I have set my job stuff in motion. I have worked for the past 7 years in preparation for this. I have gotten a sublet. I will trust that I can find a job when I relocate. I trust that someone out there is looking for an employee just like me. (hopefully in the personal assistant/administrative assistant realm). 

Big Fat Faithful, Trusting, Successful Love, 


Friday, May 4, 2012

Best Thing I've Seen...

A friend of mine posted this on facebook today... Best thing I've seen on the internet in about 2 weeks.

4:55 min well spent.

Big Fat Love,

Sigh of Relief.

Got a sublet. I may even be able to share it with my friend that I'm moving out there with! So I could be living in Brooklyn for either $550 a month or $275 if I get to share the room... I grew up sharing rooms. I think I can do it again (for a short amount of time). Also, only a few blocks from Prospect Park... where I can run and work out. And only a few blocks from a local co-op and an old navy (so I can keep up, cheaply with my descending sizes).

I have an interview with a call center locally... and I found two more on-campus 10-12 hour a week jobs. So I have a week off to regroup and finish with a bang. I will be financially well off when I get to NY. ESPECIALLY if I get to share my room with Shasta. Even right now with my current savings I can pay all three months of the sublet up front in cash.

Also, I have a new work out buddy for the next couple of weeks. Trainer is preggers and usually winds up on bedrest. So we won't be working out together anymore, but I do want to see her. Today we're going to lunch.

I weighed in this morning I'm down to 304. I'm really excited for Sunday's weigh in... I feel like I can focus again. I haven't gone crazy off track. I've been keeping up with the exercise... not with my normal vigor, but still getting in the 3 runs a week and a couple HIIT sessions.

Here's my plan...

Next week: run + HIIT with New Buddy.
The week after: Walking to work (2 miles), Running back (2 miles) and a short set of work outs: pushups, plank, bicep curls, tricep dips.
The week after: Walking to work (2 miles), Running back (2 miles) and a short set of work outs: bridge, plank bum squeeze, competition sit ups, squats.

Eat cheaper. Let nothing go to waste. Log calories. Make the menus, FOLLOW THE MENUS.

YES! Back in the place where I can get on track!

Also, I traded some of my stuff for some clothing that is too small. So I'll get some pics of them fitting very poorly up so we can track progress! :)

Big Fat Sigh of Relief Love,

Thursday, May 3, 2012

What a week...

Well things have calmed down a bit. I'm going through an interview process for a call center here in town so I can get back on the employment wagon. MUST GET ON THE EMPLOYMENT WAGON!

Made a girl friend of mine go running with me this Sunday. We were going to run again yesterday but she bailed. I got the run in today... I think I'm on C25k week 4.

3 min run.
1.5 min walk
5 min run
2.5 min walk

It wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be. Funny... I say that every time.

I'm still working through selling all the stuff in my apartment. I've got a couple coming to look at the place today so my landlady can get an immediate tenant after me. I really like her... I want to help her out. :)

I've been pretty bad about eating out this week. Also bad about tracking calories... but I'm trying to get back in the habit. I am worried about my weight and stress levels when I get to NY. I can't give up. I simply can't. But I can't give it the same amount of time that I've been giving it. I need to find a more efficient way... and to keep educating myself so I can make better and quicker decisions.

Big Fat Checking In Love,

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

I Usually LIKE Roller Coasters...

Yesterday's GIANT MESS.

I called HR. I found out as a student/Temp employee, I have zero rights whatsoever. Idaho is a right to work state. I can be let go at any time (though I'm not being "fired" right now). With or without cause. The employer doesn't have to give any reasons if they don't wish.

That being said. I had a meeting with my boss. He was SUPER apologetic but the paperwork is already going through and we can't have two people in the same position for some reason. And the new guy is going to take the week break between summer semester and spring semester to train and then get on the ball.

Boss was really trying to come up with some hours for me. He talked to some neighboring departments that do web work, which I may or may not be able to take bc I'm not a student anymore. I talked to the music dept. They can keep me on longer. Then I applied to a call center and I'm just going to neglect to tell them I'm leaving in three weeks.

I'm toying with the idea of changing my flight and just leaving early, but I don't know how practical that would be.

This morning I woke up at the freaking crack of dawn because I'm so stressed out. I started running numbers and researching sublets and hoping they pick me out of the hundreds of applicants. And applying for jobs in a more thoughtful and desperate manner...   I sent out email after email...

And I got email after email BACK! I have two sublets for $600 a month that want me to live in them. And I found a life coach who wants a personal assistant and we've been having a REAL dialogue (none of that spam I'm so accustomed to getting from craigslist). It's so awesome! I'm feeling so hopeful...

I also got an email from a dear friend I haven't heard from in a while and she said that if I ever found myself in dire straights I could crash on her couch rent free for a bit. She also said she's willing to meet me at the airport and help me find my crashing destination. I'm so overwhelmed by her kindness and that things are finally going well (what it's been three days of stress?) that I could just cry. But I probably won't because I don't do that very often.

The roller coaster of this week has been so rocky...

I'm sorry if I'm letting you guys down on the fitness front. I've been to anxious to hardly eat anything during the day. I get home. I'm voracious. Last night I cooked up a big steak and ripped through it...   I know it's emotional eating because it was the texture and feeling like an animal that calmed me down.

I didn't work out yesterday. Trainer cancelled today... I've got a run on Wednesday for sure and a training session...    I hate to be THAT girl, but I'm taking a little mental break from the body focus to work on the future focus and making sure I have a life where I can integrate health and fitness and low enough stress that I can sleep and lose weight.

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