Tuesday, January 31, 2012

hard night...

I'm so head hungry right now...  Just antsy or something. I've got a good 500 calories left to consume today... but I don't know what I want. Head hungry and no cravings. Weird. maybe a tuna sandwich or something. 

Another work out tomorrow... also plenty of time to read the next hunger games. 

I got a $25 gift card today to go shop at a certain store and blog about it on my idaho state university blog account. It was a fun little spending trip. I've gotta get photos and a new blog up tomorrow. Feels good to have someone paying for my attention. :) 

Big Fat Sponsored Love, 

Asleep early

Only made it to one post yesterday... If your curious as to why I post so often lately... I'm doing the 2 post a day challenge extended by Allan. It goes until Feb 22.

Last night was a tedious work shift... Not hard. Just slow and boring and you can only check your email and facebook so many times. I should have taken another book. I probably could have finished one over the course of a shift.

Yesterday I was SO HUNGRY. Not brain hungry, tummy hungry. So I ate. I stayed under 1800 calories... but it was so munchy, apple here, peanut butter and celery there, protein bar, orange.. etc. Lots of mini things between meals. The feeling was so weird to me. I didn't work out yesterday. I hardly did anything. I ate more than what was on my menu. :( But stayed healthy and single ingredient kind of things.

The friend that got jumped coming out the of the bar skipped out on our lunch yesterday to file a police report. If someone's going to cancel... that's a legit excuse. So I have yet to hear all the details. Though he did mention that he's broke because they robbed him in addition to beating the crap out of him. He still went to all of his classes. I hope he takes this and runs... and doesn't back down or feel like something is wrong with him to "deserve" that kind of violence.

This morning's workout was great. It was week three of our fitness test. 7 exercises, 50 seconds a piece. How many reps could I do? Here are the scores.

exercise -- week 1-- week 3
squats       -- 38 -- 32
push ups   -- 24 -- 28
burpee       -- 7 -- 10
high knees -- 43 -- 66
lunges       -- 21 -- 30
squats        -- 18 -- 26
crunches    -- 17 -- 41

So mostly improvement. I'm still modifying some of the stuff. Though last week, I did some REAL burpees. I could only do like... 3... but I did the real jump out  and the real jump back! We did another round of punching/kicking exercises after. I'm still really proud of myself for getting a run in on Sunday. I've gotta do it again. i'm thinking Thursday, my "off day."

Big Fat Moving-It Love,

Monday, January 30, 2012

Poor Thing...

I got news this morning that a dear friend of mine was beaten up outside our local gay bar this weekend. He is gay. That kind of violence is something that is so foreign to me. I've lived in a world where, if you're displeased you use your words. Generally, I consider Idaho a very conservative place, but at least well-mannered. And Pocatello has received recognition for being safe and a cheap place to live. Hate crimes... bizarre.

Friend did not hit on these gentlemen. Friend did not act in any overtly sexual or offensive way. Friend walked out of a gay bar and into three men that had a problem with that. Physical confrontation over walking out of a gay bar. So hateful.

We're having lunch to talk about it here in a little bit. I told him I'd host because I AM STICKING TO MY MENU. Therefore he has to stick to my menu too - heh.

Big Fat Gay Love,


Sunday, January 29, 2012

Topping off the weekend

YES! I finished Catching Fire...  every time I type that I always feel like the next book should be Breaking Wind. Anyway...

I also got a run/walk in. It's the couch to 5k ipod thingy...   5 min warm up walk. 1 min run, 1.5 min walk. Repeat 8x. then do a 5 min cool down walk and stretch. So a total of 35 minutes. It was quick. It has challenging (since I haven't run since Freshman year of high school). I'll probably repeat this run a few times and then move on to the next one. I don't think I'll be running a 5k too quickly. Just gonna finish the one in March. 

Today is cook day. I baked pork chops and chicken. Enough for the whole week and I've got a couple steaks sitting in the fridge for indulgence days. I put together a menu that I should be able to stick to until I make a little money; teaching on thursday, payday on Friday (finally I'm back to real paychecks) and a babysitting gig on Wednesday. 

Finishing season 6 of Dexter and looking at my stack of books left to read before Friday's library trip. 

This week's goals
- stick to the menu. 
- work out on monday by myself. 
- work out 3x with trainer. 
- have another freaking awesome weigh in! 
- Keep up on all the blog updates, mine and reading all of yours.
- Read 2 more books. 

OH! I forgot... I was texting Jillian. She was asking about health recipes for a picky-eater, since man is coming to visit and all! :) 

Portobello Mushroom Cap Pizzas.
4 large portobello mushroom caps.
1 can of pizza sauce (low sodium, low sugar) or make your own.
Orange pepper
asiago - if you wanna be fancy.
diced onion.  
clean caps. Take out stem.
Put sauce on cap,
Little more cheese.
Bake at 350 for 30 min or until the caps are soft (can be cut through with a fork). 
Big Fat Sunday Kind of Love,

Can't stop...

I forgot to blog this morning! Great morning. Got to sleep in. Got to text the man. Got to talk to my mom. Got to start the new book.

I have to finish this book today (Catching Fire from Hunger Games) in order to hit 8 books this month. Lord knows I won't have time on Monday or Tuesday. Time or motivation. I'm 218 pages in and I've got 180 left. If you haven't read the Hunger Games series, I recommend it. The main character is a bit selfish but it makes for good character change and introspection.

Food today hasn't been crazy. Reading is a great diet. I've had an omelet this morning, a banana and I munched a couple of fruit leathers...   must not leave book for too long. I'm going to finish it tonight and then go on a late night walk/run so I can just finish off with a hot bath, 2nd blog post and go to bed.

 Big Fat Book-Powered Love,

Take two!

Second Saturday post...

I'm so happy about the huge loss this week. I celebrated by going out to the hot springs again. I tell ya... after a week of crazy workouts, it's so nice to relax in the mineral pools.

Today was awesome and productive.

- Finished reading "The Aviary"
- Started reading "Catching Fire" of the Hunger Games series.
- Did a week's worth of dishes.
- Planned my next week of food (with what I have left in the fridge... I can't wait for payday).
- Scheduled a new voice student. (Yay! More income!)

Food was alright...

Breakfast: Banana and blueberries.
Lunch: Carrots with Italian Dressing
Snack: Fruit leather.
Dinner: Goat cheese/pear/walnut salad and a slice of homemade whole wheat, veggie, pesto pizza.
Bedtime snack: 1 cup cottage cheese and tomato.

No work out today. Long walk tomorrow and a non-trainer work out on Monday.

Big Fat list-making Love,

Saturday, January 28, 2012

E2E #5

Uh... heck yeah...
Such a weird butt... It's like I have a rainbow of fat around it while it disappears, creating this concave look.

Weigh in: 323lbs (-8) My butt is disappearing and my legs are getting smaller. I think this is in part due to period being over (water retention) and a lot in part to the new work out.

Waist: 50" (+.5)

Work out: 4/7. 3 with Sarah. I'm not hurting as bad, though there are days. I had non-functioning hamstrings for 3 days this week.

Food: 7/7 under 1900. I kept to my plans. When I went off my predesigned menu, I ate things from other days on the menu (except for BK). Worst eat of the week: Burger King double cheeseburger plain at a whopping 440 calories. {insert excuse} Fact is, I ate it. Other fact is, I ate it and I was still hungry. 440 calories should be enough to fill a person up if you're eating real food.

Water: 6/7 over 100oz. Yesterday I was home all day and just kinda didn't use my water bottle.

Book: Honestly, haven't touched it since last week. I'll get back on that.

Partner: Melissa- She's doing great. Staying active. Joined Curves. Eating at home. She's the next Betty when it comes to logging food every day on MFP.

Support: At least three, if not more.

Quote: This is not a commitment to a challenge or a diet plan. This is a commitment to your body and a commitment to lifestyle change. This a commitment to a healthier tomorrow.

Big Fat Check-in Love, 
Nanette Nielson

Friday 2

So it's technically Saturday... Time flies when you're reading a good book. 

I didn't get up to the gym for a weigh in today. But I'll go in tomorrow morning. Tell you what I DID get done though...

- 30 min work out
- library trip. 
- read 3/4 of another book. 
- 4 loads of laundry
- stuck to the menu. 

A new list tomorrow... but at the top of it, a trip up to the gym. 

Big fat listy love, 

Friday, January 27, 2012

Friday plan...

Just finished my work out with Sarah. This one was only 17 minutes long. But high heart rate, massive sweating and I can already feel soreness creeping into my shoulders. I consider it a success and a great way to start the day.

Life is so good right now. I work 30 hours Monday through Thursday. So today = weekend.

To Do
- laundry
- library
- work out
- make next week's menu.
- think long and hard about when you're going to fit in piano practice time (mon-thurs).
- stick to the meal plan.

Breakfast: Smoothie! Blueberry and banana and almond milk.
Snack: Banana
Lunch: Turkey Sandwich (Spelt bread) w/baby carrots.
Snack: protein bar and fruit leather.
Dinner: Salmon Fillet baked w/olive oil mayo
Snack: Edamame steamed.

Weekends are rough. Weekends are social times. Social times equal food, drinking, laziness, running out of time for the things I keep in rigid schedule during the week (work outs, meditation, reading, hot baths). I usually allow myself to go out to eat ONCE a week on Friday with my friend Holly before our library trip. But I'm not going to do it this time. Today it's just the library and a movie at her place while she lets me do laundry in her machine instead of paying at the mat.

Official post at the end of the day. :) Starting the next book this morning.

Big Fat Friday-workout Love,

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Part Two

Rockin' it today. Totally under calories. Totally stuck to the plan. Let's see how the weigh in goes. I'm trying to pep myself up for my 8am work out tomorrow.

Also had a girlie night with a friend, Brittany. Munched on english cucumbers, carrots, spinach and laughing cow cheese (replaced my dinner plan, but it works and I consider it "on plan")... then painted our nails. After I scrape all the extra crap off the side skin in the shower tomorrow, they'll look great! Cherry Red. Black Crackle.

Big fat high-on-nail-polish-fumes love,

P.s. Started and Finished another book today.

Taking another challenge...

Allan over at Almost Gastric Bypass extended a challenge to blog twice a day until February 22 since most of us fall to crap on the weekends, or have inconsistency, or go back on our commitments to ourselves and our bodies.

So here we go.

Today is a rest day from working out. Two days of pushing, pushing, pushing! My legs are so stiff. Apparently, I have a tendency to CLENCH my ankles together when doing my girlie push ups. But this is such a better pain than the low back pain I get when I'm inactive... it's dull and achy and gets sharp when you bend. I would take stiff over that any day. I'm lining up a massage next weekend as a reward for sticking to the new work out. I should probably buy Sarah one too, since she's the one getting me off my ass (for now, I plan on getting in 2 work outs this weekend with out her).


Today's Menu
Breakfast: handful of blueberries, handful of almonds.
mid-morning snack: Protein bar (promax 9g sugar 24g protein)
Lunch: Spinach Chicken Quesadilla + steamed veggies
afternoon snack: Orange and tea
Dinner: egg white omelet with fresh veg.
bedtime snack: banana and peanut butter.

I'm running out of ingredients, so I'm modifying the meal plan as I go. I'm just replacing it with other items from the week. I don't feel there's anything that I should tell myself "NO" to on this list. The most processed stuff on there is the tortilla for the quesadilla and the protein bar. I've been LOADING up on protein lately with the new work outs.

I took new photos yesterday for progress' sake. I have not taken my measurements. I'm not sure I've lost weight because I'm pretty sure I'm getting some good muscle going on. With this much soreness, I had better get some good muscle going on.

Finished another book... that makes 5 since the beginning of January. I've got to finish 3 more by the end of the month to be on track for my goal of 100 books in a year.

  • The Art of Racing In The Rain 
  • Total Constant Order - Chappell
  • Looks - George
  • Creepers - Dahme 
  • 47 - Mosley
Most of them are Young Adult - since they read faster and they've been on my "to read" list for a while. Also on the list; Eat, Pray, Love. The Secret, Atonement, The Stupidest Angel, The Aviary, The Little Prince, Moral Disorder, Recovery Road, Life is Hard Food is Easy. Let's see how many I can finish by next week! :) I can usually read one in two days or so if I don't get too busy.

Big, Fat, Twice a Day, Love <----- just how I like it! ;)

Wednesday, January 25, 2012


Today's thoughts EXACTLY... 

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


Okay... I'm ROCKING this week, so far anyway.

Working out
Saturday - off
Sunday - off due to lack of motivation :(
Monday - at home 15 min high intensity aerobic.
Tuesday - 1 hour with trainer high intensity aerobic.
Wednesday (plan) - 1 hour with trainer high intensity aerobic.
Thursday (plan) - off
Friday (plan) - 1 hour with trainer high intensity aerobic

Sticking to the menu
Saturday - check
Sunday - check.
Monday - check.
Tuesday - check.

Today's workout WAS ROUGH! But I successfully completed 150 crunches (50x on sides and 50x center), semi-successfully completed 100 push ups (They were super weak by the end.). Speed walked .5 miles and did a bunch of squats, lunges and tricep thingies... It was a set of 8 exercises with 5-7 minute walking between sets. I did the set 3 times. When I got up from the floor to cool down on the treadmill, my head was spinning like I had gotten up too fast. It kept spinning. Then my hearing went dull... then tinny. It was like I was inside a tin can. Trainer Sarah told me to breathe deep, sit down for a second and she grabbed my water bottle from across the treadmill. That's what pushing yourself too hard feels like.

I protein'd up today. Tomorrow is going to be another hour, last week we were doing 30-45 minute sessions. But we're upping the game to an hour this week. She let me pick 3 of the exercises for tomorrow, we're replacing all burpees... video for you April - since I can't really explain it...   I'm replacing them with mountain climbers since I have to fake the burpees anyway. But I'm not sure what other exercises I want to use yet... I've got some research to do tonight.

Also, made lunch today with a friend - mesquite pork chop, blueberries, sauteed zucchini, tomato slices and 2 apricot halves. All for like... 280 calories. AWESOME! 

Big Fat Hardworkin' Love,

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Major Accomplishment...

I got home from the hot springs last night earlier than usual. I was hungry for anything that wasn't in my house. I reached for my phone, "I should text someone so we can go to dinner." No. It's too expensive. So I ate a couple nuts. I need something sweet. (Need, psh). I thought about all the things I could get at the bakery... and put on my shoes.

Earlier yesterday I was browsing through fit2fat2fit and mynewyearspromise. I blend the two menu programs together, along with skinny bitch cook book and make my weekly menu so I can shop for the week on Sunday (never friday or I eat all the good stuff before monday). But I've created a six meal day for 7 days... so I knew what I needed to purchase.

I made it to the grocery store and b-lined for the bakery... and a miracle happened. Nothing looked good. Confectioner's sugar smelled dusty and sickly sweet. I looked at muffins and doughnuts and brownies. Nothing. Fancy breads... Nothing. I perused the store, picking up packages and reading nutrition facts. "480 calories per serving?!?! That's almost an entire work out! There are 5 servings in the package?!?!" I kept talking myself out of everything. Tried the frozen food isle. I couldn't talk myself into any of it. "too much sodium." "too fatty." "corn syrup? hell no."

At the checkout, I looked down at my basket and surprised myself; ultra lean ground turkey, 2% cottage cheese,  a couple protein bars (9g of sugar or less), tampons (delicious!) and some liquid egg whites. MY!!! How the tables have turned... normally I'm going to the store for something healthy and wind up with a snickers bar or a something sweet or with zero nutritious value.

I ate a protein bar and a cup of cottage cheese when I got home. Got my sugar and my salt and my protein and didn't want anything else. Crisis averted. Good job, body.

Big, Fat, NINJA'D CRAVING, Love,

p.s. Down 1.5lbs this morning. And no longer feeling sick and bloaty and stomach upset.

Friday, January 20, 2012

E2E #4


Weigh in : 331 (+4) 
Waist: 49.5" (-0) 

Workout: 3/7 Began working with the personal trainer. My body has not hurt this much in years. But I'm already feeling so much stronger. 

Food: GREAT! I did so well with calories this week. 7/7 under 1900. However, I've been having some issues with bloating and gas (gross, I know). So I'm thinking I may be having a sensitivity to dairy as of late. 

Water: 5/7 over 100 oz. The days I was under, I WAS WAY UNDER. 

Book: I skipped a lot of the exercises that the book told me to do... Since a lot of it was "eat two bites of something indulgent then throw it away." "half your portions and put the other half in the fridge." These are things I already sorta do...  If I halved my portions, I wouldn't make it over 1500 calories a day. Since I haven't been feeling good, I certainly didn't want to eat something "indulgent." 

Partner: Melissa is doing great. Her motivation for exercise is amazing... all the hiking and biking she gets done is really an inspiration. 

Support: I think I got to visit EVERYONE'S blogs this week and commented on all or nearly all of them. 

Quote: This is not a commitment to a challenge or a diet plan. This is a commitment to your body and a commitment to lifestyle change. This a commitment to a healthier tomorrow.

So... gain, AGAIN. I've done really well with eating and logging food. I more hydrated than dehydrated... Is it muscle mass? At this point, I'm so sick and tired of watching this damned number float up and down that I want to shout and never weigh in again. My workouts are making me feel so good and so strong and I'm feeling progress. But I don't have any numbers to prove it. 

Also disconcerting, I've been having stomach aches all week due to something I've been eating. I'm trying a week lactose free to see if I can start feeling like a normal person again. I'm guessing it's that, or wheat. As this week the only new food that I've been eating a lot of are those pitas: wheat pita, feta, veggies. It could also be period related? I don't know. I'm now one month off the pill and one week late. No sex. Pregnancy isn't a viable option. However, because of this... whatever it is... I feel like Violet Beauregarde AFTER she eats the four course bubble gum. 

This week...  
Menu: Make it. Shop. Follow it. Lactose Free. Stay under 1900 calories. 
Workout: 3x/with trainer. 2x/5k training. 

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

And I Thought Yesterday Was Death...

Today got even more rough with the trainer. I'm so glad we're only working out 3x a week together; Tues, Wed, Fri. Tomorrow is going to be a rest day for sure.

The first work out today was 20 minutes long. 50 seconds per exercise. 10 second break (aka, pull yourself off the ground and back to standing). Lots of things like burpees, pushups, side planks, bike crunches, v-crunches, side plank crunches, squat-jacks, squats and much of it had to be modified for me as a beginner.  I can't wait to do a decent burpee (standing to push up position and jump back to standing). We finished that work out and then did another core-centric set, 50 crunches of each type. And a 5 minute treadmill cool down and stretching. I feel good-ish? I can definitely feel every muscle in my shoulders and legs right now. I know they exist. I know they are powerful.

Mir commented yesterday that she was barely able to drive home after her thirty minutes with a trainer. I completely understand. I skipped one of my jobs today/worked from home. I just didn't have it in me to walk the half mile there. I wound up sitting in a hot bath for an hour (drinking water - bottled, not bath). It took an hour before I could coax myself out of there. Tell ya what, it's time for potassium rich foods and protein.

I can't wait for this to get easier. That's for sure. It's great for my diet. I'm too sore to even want to bend over to put stuff in the oven. So raw fruits and veg it is!

Also...   I'm signing up for a 5k in April. I may not run it. But I'm committing to myself that I will at least run/walk it. Since Trainer days are Tues, Wed, Fri, I need 2 more work outs. So why not throw in some run/walking on Sunday and Monday?! If anything it will keep me from seizing up entirely before the next round with Sarah.

I'm behind on photos. My camera died. Gotta find the charger. :) Let's be realistic. Gotta be able to bend and fold in order to look under stuff to find the charger.

Big Fat SORE Love,

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Death Becomes Her...

I just finished my first day of the bodyrock fitness test with my friend/trainer. I can barely type. I'm feeling a lot of different things...   a) rubber arms. b) like a wuss. c) like I'm not always going to be a wuss. d) SWEATY. We only did about 30 minutes of workout. I've got a notebook. We're going to see how far we can go in the next few weeks. If I like it, I may not even buy that danged gym pass at all.

This weekend, I had the boy over. I made him eat healthy all weekend and I went on 2 one-hour long walks. We did do a lot of laying around and movie watching. But it felt really great to get up and moving after last weeks sedentary crap. I have a hard time logging food and etc while I've got company because it's so very private to me. Weird. I'm a wide open book in most cases.

Eaba asked me where I'd gone this weekend because I hadn't logged into myfitnesspal since Friday. So this weird "can't log in... people watching," paranoia has to be coming from somewhere. Is it a detachment thing? Like not wanting to look like I care too much or work too hard to maintain or lose weight? It certainly shouldn't be. Boy is trying to lose with me (it's a race.). Is a competition thing? I have showed him and given him all the information and resources I've come across. I certainly had the time. I certainly had the resources. I wasn't binge-ing - swear on my left breast because it's my favorite.

Another pattern to chew on...

Big, Fat, Rubber-arm, Love,

Friday, January 13, 2012

E2E #3

Okay So NOW the second week is over.

Weigh in: 327 (+2)

Waist: 49.5" (-.5)

Work out: NONE. ABSOLUTELY ZERO WORK OUTS THIS WEEK... maybe half of one.

Food: Alright. Under my 2200 calories every day. But I put a lot of garbage in my body after the midweek check in. Real garbage. Honey bun. Brownies. Carbs have been up up up the last three days of work parties and back to school parties.

Book: It's finally not talking to me about myself esteem anymore which is very exciting. The best prompt it talked about this week was our notion of wasting food. It dared me to eat half of something and then throw the rest away. It also dared me to go through my cupboards and throw anything away that would just be waste for my body instead of proper fuel.

Partner: Melissa is a GRANDMA - a very young one! She's got a new baby girl named Cooper in the family. :)

Support: I've been checking in with many of you out there.

So, let's talk about this gain... Garbage in. Garbage out. It was a rough week. I attended many parties and didn't avoid the goodies like I should. I feel gross about it too - as last night was a very sugary night. So instead of beating myself up about it...   I've gotta come up with a game plan for next week. This was the first week I lost my gym pass and I was a lazy lump on a log. Here goes...

Exercise Plan: I contacted my old swim teacher. She's willing to give me personal training 3x this week (Tues, Wed, Fri) at her place. So it's going to be hardcore body weight exercises (lunges, squats, arm bands, free weights, treadmill). Boy is coming this weekend... so we'll go on a walk every day. It might not be super-cardio-push-yourself kind of walk, but movement none the less.

Food Plan: Having a menu worked half well this week. It worked when I stuck to it. So I'm going to make another menu and try to get high protein calories in there so I can feel fuller, longer. Good news, I'm half broke. I have enough for groceries, but not for going out. So I WILL BE COOKING. (P.S. I also did the dishes today so those aren't hanging over my head.)

Tonight - I'm going to lava hot springs. My back has been killing me. The lumbar area muscles are freaking out, I suppose from not getting as much movement and activity as they're used to.

Day 2 of 30: This is my happy place. I LOVE books. Libraries. Reading. Stories. Novels. Dictionaries. WORDS! How powerful are these little symbols that we interpret!!! I can sit in a room alone and these symbols can make me laugh or move me to tears. It's amazing what can be expressed through words or empathized and sympathized. One of the New Years goals this year is to read 100 books. I can do that. I'd do the BBC list, but I've read most of it. So if you have any suggestions, leave them in the comments!

Big Fat BOOKY Love,

Thursday, January 12, 2012

30 days in photos

This is a great introduction. Life as I know it right now consists of working everyday. I have two office jobs. Every day I'm reading 100 days of weight loss and keeping notes in my journal. I spend SO much time in front of my computer, roughly 8 hours a day. That's absolutely terrible!!! Come spring break (aka, forced vacation), I will be taking a week off of using any sort of computer aside from cellphone (communication), ipod (who has CDs anymore!?) and to update my challenge post that weekend. 

Last night I was budgeting and it looks like I'll be able to save about $3000 for my move to NYC. I look at that and think, "Wow, only three months worth of living expenses." I'm hoping and praying that it will take me by surprise and I'll be able to live cheaply to compensate for the outrageous housing prices. Right now is the time to train. 

- Only buy what you'll eat and only buy it as often as you can eat it without it going bad. Extra trips to the store just means burning calories, not fossil fuels, since I'm car-less. 
- Cancel netflix. 
- Cancel internet at home. 
- Unplug devices that aren't in use (TV, DVD player, heaters, lamps, laptop charger, Cellphone charger). 
- Wear less clothing... okay, I just don't like to wear clothing, but it cuts down significantly on my laundry bill when I wear things more than once. 

Confession time: Totally ate a pastry last night. It was sickly sweet. I liked it. But I don't feel good about it. I could have had fancy cheese with those calories instead. Alas. Dissatisfaction. 

Big Fat Office Time Love, 

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Found this...

I found this cool website... 30 challenges for 30 days.  I guess it's more of a blog than an article or whatever. But it's brimming with awesome physical and emotional goals for self. I'm having a hard time deciding what to integrate into my life. But I'm definitely thinking 30 days of a photo and a paragraph. I could post it here since I feel redundant and kinda boring sometimes - sorry to you readers.

Hmmm.. It could be a great thing. Since I'm moving in June, I can document this place. Idaho. Where I've lived for 25 years. Or even just Pocatello, where I've been for 7 years. Plus, who knows, Maybe I'll miss this place.

Big Fat 30-Day Love,

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Midweek Check-in

Hey Guys!

It's going half and half well this week. I bought a scale I can keep at home. I've been trying to weigh myself daily so I can more closely monitor how certain foods affect me. So far, I've found out that the scale (in comparison to the gym scale, the kind with actual weights) runs about 2 lbs heavy. I compared yesterday - yes I took my personal scale to the gym and compared, heh. I'm sort of anal about stuff like that... all the clocks in my house a synchronized as well. However, heavy or not, it counts units of measurement just like it's supposed to.

I haven't been getting much exercise other than running around campus tying up loose ends and walking to and from work. I've done a little anaerobic stuff in my apartment (squats, lunges, push ups, plank). But I have scheduled a bit more physical activity later in the week such as hauling my laundry to the mat (.5 mi + 50lbs) instead of getting a ride and two new walking routes.

Food has been good. I've stayed away from sweets. I'm eating more, to try and coax my body to give up fat. more veggies. more cooking at home. By doing so, my sodium intake has decreased... i'm also getting a bit more protein.

As of today, i'm 323. So I'm down two pounds since friday's weigh in. wahoo!

Most delicious low cal recipe this week: whole wheat flatbread with feta, broiled then loaded up with cucumbers, celery and spinach. Mmmmm... it's warm. It's nutritious. It's filling.

Big Fat Midweek Love,

Saturday, January 7, 2012

E2E #2

WOOOOOO!!!!   Week two!

Weigh in: 325 (-0).

Waist measurement: 50"

Food: Under 2200 Every Day!

Water: 100 oz EVERY DAY!

Exercise: Cardio- 4 hours. Weight lifting: 2 hours.

Book: 100 days of weight loss EVERY DAY!

Partner: Melissa - she's doing well and so excellent at reminding me to get my posts up. I heard from her earlier yesterday. So I know she's alive. We also had a lovely 30 min gmail chat this week. She's super cool. She makes everything from scratch and wants to live in a more rural area than the highly populated east. So basically we want to trade places! :)

Support: Definitely commented on more than 3 blogs this week. Though with work and whatnot, it has slowed me down a little.

Quote: This is not a commitment to a challenge or a diet plan. This is a commitment to your body and a commitment to lifestyle change. This a commitment to a healthier tomorrow.

So here's what I've been learning....  
A- I'm addicted/obsessive about weighing. When I see my weight fluctuate... which is normal, I freak out.  I don't have a scale at home for a reason. I weigh in at the gym... which also makes me go to the gym if I'm being a curious bear.

B- WHEN I CONSUME TOO FEW CALORIES, I GAIN WEIGHT. Multiple times this week I was below even 1500 calories. And then when I weighed in... 333lbs! WHAT?! However, I've gotten back on track. I'm trying to float around 1900 and vary it so as to keep another plateau from happening.

C - I'm a fiercely independent gym goer. I had a lot of scheduling issues with my dear friend and gym buddy, Trent... and I went without him multiple times... and WORKED MY ASS OFF. Mainly because I was angry he bailed but secondly because I was the only one holding me responsible and I know when I'm crapping out early.

D - If you comment too quickly on multiple blogs, it shuts you out of your blogger account. So for future reference...   anyone can reach me at

E - I can lose weight even when I eat out. Keep making smart decisions. Broccoli instead of fries. Salad instead of pasta. Salad instead of mashed potatoes. MORE GREEN.


Big Fat Learning Love,

P.s. Finished a book this week "The Art of Racing in the Rain." Beautiful. I recommend it. I won't think of dogs the same ever again.


Hey Guys!

E2E weigh in later after the gym. Miss April tagged me in an 11 random things about yourself post. Being a relatively new blogger... this might help out my personality regarding non-weight stuff. heh.

here are the rules:
1. post these rules.
2. you must post 11 random things yourself.
3. answer the ques­tions the tag­ger set for you in their post.
4. cre­ate 11 new ques­tions for the peo­ple you tag to answer.
5. go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.
6. no stuff in the tag­ging sec­tion about ‘you are tagged if you are read­ing this.’ blah blah blah, you legit­i­mately have to tag 11 peeps!

11 Random Things. 
1. I am a total dork for art supplies. But I hate calling it "crafting" or "scrapbooking" because it sounds mum-sy. 
2. I wish I were better at languages. I've taken a year of german in college, but despite my efforts, the teacher passed me out of sheer goodwill. My voice studies have taught me how to SOUND like I can speak/sing that language, but I can't put a sentence together for the life of me. 
3. I have a cute yellow piggy bank that is almost filled to the brink with change. I call it my pig of dreams. It has wings... like the plane that's going to get me out of here. 
4. I was in Napoleon Dynamite... and I hate the movie. 
5. I cannot read more than one book at a time. But I can finish a book a day if I put my mind and a few hours to it. Last year I read over 100 books. AND I WISH I COULD READ ON THE ELLIPTICAL... there would be even more! 
6. Even though I'm fat, I don't think I'm ugly, nor do I hate my body. 
7. The chore I hate most is doing dishes and I kinda hate saturday because that's the day that I do the entire weeks worth. Though my friend Sarah came up with a really great idea... when I get home from work, set a timer for 15 minutes and clean. Only for 15 minutes. It would appeal to the competitive nature in me. 
8. I found a dead Native American in a hot spring this May. I wrote an essay about it. If you want to read it, post below and I'll post it another day. It seems like my family is always finding dead people. 
9. Nothing bothers me more than tardiness. I can get SO MAD about it. Bc we live in a culture that doesn't understand how disrespectful it is. When you are late the message you send is "my time is more important than your time." It is SO selfish and non-committal. 
10. Sometimes I feel like the biggest bitch in Idaho (not just physically). That's something I liked about NYC. Biggest bitch in Idaho. Nicest person on the street in NY. I'm honest and straightforward. Sometimes that gets interpreted as brash and abrasive. 
11. I wish more than anything that I were a more naturally positive person. So I'm working on it. 

11 Questions:
1. What are your all time favorite songs? 1-3 choices and why?

Cavalleria Rusticana's "Voi lo sapete" - It is beautiful and heart wrenching and captures that "left me for another woman" idea SO passionately and sensitively.  (p.s. I want to sing like this lady so hard). Listen for the orchestra crying. 

Brazilian Girls "Good Time" - I wake up to this and dance around my house trying to wake up - kind of like a 90's movie montage. 

CocoRosie "Lemonade" - New love. I'm obsessed with this video. 
2. Who is your favorite author and/or book?

John Green is by far my favorite. He writes young adult fiction but does it oh so well. relatable characters. Lovely quirks. Great stories. You can check him out on YouTube if you've got a few minutes and want the joy of SHEER EDUCATIONAL ENTERTAINMENT. 
3. What is a word that you dislike and wish would be abolished from the human language? But I love words! I can't think of any that I would want to get rid of. 
4. What is your dream job/career/profession? Ideally, a member of an opera company...  minus the auditioning for your job every three or four months. 
5. Do you have a particular tradition on your birthday? I make a huge deal out of my birthday. I like to. It makes me feel young. Usually I try to get as large a group as possible and then rent out a banquet room at a restaurant. 
6. What is your dream vacation spot? Dream vacation... I would love to visit the British Isles. 
7. What is your biggest nerd trait or habit, if any? My friend Jason and I send each other vocabulary words every day. 
8. Do you believe in ghosts and/or spirits?  Any encounters/hauntings? I'm not sure what I believe as far as all that goes. I believe in being totally creeped out. But I've never experienced haunting. 
9. From the time you get out of bed until you get out the door for the day to work or wherever... how long does it take you?  Shower, dress, make-up, coffee, etc..? I schedule and hour. But it really only takes 20 minutes or so. The other 40 minutes is trying to convince myself to put on pants. 
10. Did you have a childhood toy, teddy bear, etc. that was your fave and what was its name? I didn't have a favorite. I had a lot of stuffed animals and I would make sure to kiss them all the same amount of times before I went to bed so they wouldn't get jealous. 
11. Did you make 2012 Resolutions and what are the top two? GRADUATE. Save $5000. 

Next 11 users
1. Melissa - Eaba
2. Karen 
3. lv2
4. bzybee
5. Carbie Girl
6. Laryssa
7. Beth
8. Megan
9. Becca
10. Elina
11. Debby 

Next 11 questions
1. Where do you spend the most of your internet time? Favorite website? 
2. Most creative insult - 
3. What non-related goal do you have for yourself? 
4. Favorite movie of all time - 
5. Do you have a mantra? A positive phrase you tell yourself often? 
6. If you could do anything over, what would it be? 
7. What's your favorite vacation memory? 
8. Who do you look up to? Why? 
9. It's Senior year of high school... What were you wearing? 
10. What's your biggest temptation? 
11. Can you name all 7 dwarves (snow white and the) without looking it up? Yeah? Prove it. 

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Communication - mid week check in.

Hey all,

Sooooo... I did this thing. I mustered some bravery and talked to my boss (who previously threatened my job if I lose student status). He looked at me like I was an idiot for thinking I would lose my position... but ultimately I just had to fill out a couple of forms and I get to keep my Distance Learning job. PHEW! So I get to keep my 20hpw @ $12.50hourly job! THANK THE UP ABOVES. Thank YOU for the thoughts, prayers and well wishes.

I can get my alumni status at the university even though I have one credit left to fulfill. Which means I can still use the gym but I will need to pay them for a semester of use ($125 for 6 months, not bad). So I will only be without a gym membership for about a month.

Things are sort of gelling together... I can breathe a big sigh of relief and relax into a little routine. I have secured two jobs and I'm contemplating taking up a third since I'm not going to school and all.

I didn't eat enough yesterday. I've had this problem a couple of times. But yesterday was the worst it's been in a long time. Had a banana for breakfast. Almonds and dried apples for lunch. Then went to work out. After the work out I got home and ATE TOO MUCH - I dare call it a binge even though I stayed below my calorie goal. I can't let myself get that hungry and I don't want my biggest meal to be the latest. So on my terrible terrible food days I'm not eating enough before 7pm. I'm mulling over a personal challenge for myself next week. Something about eating a certain percentage of my calories before 7pm.

My book is going alright. I'm 8 days in out of the 100. I'm journaling a little every day. I have a hard time sometimes with the prompts. Just sorta feeling like they don't speak to me. I'm not a very spiritual or religious person. So some of it seems a little woo-woo to me. But for every lame day there's usually an awesome one too... I'll keep going with the book. Plus I really like the 100 days thing... it's like a check list and I'm SUCH A DORK FOR LISTS.

Exercise has been alright. Only alright because I haven't been every day. I've been going two days then taking a day off. But the days I'm going, I'm pushing harder, going longer. Like last night. Usually in 25 min on the elliptical I make it 2.0 miles. Last night  I made it 2.5 miles. The day before I went on an hour long walk which is normally 2.25 miles was 3.0 miles.

I've been a little bothered because I weighed in yesterday... which I normally don't do. I usually only weigh in on Friday so I don't get obsessed or let that stupid number ruin my day. I weighed in in my workout clothes instead of my bathing suit. It said 333. WhAT?! I just weighed in last friday at 326. I'm trying to ignore that number or figure out why it was so high, But I've been doing so much better this week. I'm surprised. Under caloric goal every day. Meeting my minimum exercise goals. Hydrating like a crazy person over 96 oz a day. Taking my vitamins. Not taking my birth control.

So I'm wondering... is this normal? I wouldn't know, bc I don't weigh myself on Mondays. Maybe that's my body pattern gain then drop before Friday. I've been having a little swelling and muscle tenderness since my massage but not enough to justify +7 lbs. This is the obsession I was trying to avoid. I'll still be good though. I'm going to keep on plan for the rest of the week to see if I can get that delicious lower number on the scale Friday.

Quote: This is not a commitment to a challenge or a diet plan. This is a commitment to your body and a commitment to lifestyle change. This a commitment to a healthier tomorrow.

Big Fat Confused Love,

Sunday, January 1, 2012

On that Bright Side...

I was reading Mir's latest post... and I don't usually compare my new years. I usually look back and how I've changed just thinking back. But I keep journals/blogs/photos like a crazy person, so it should be easy. :)
Journal Excerpt

I'm still in Idaho. NYC is absolutely where I want to be right now. This is no secret. If you know me and are reading this, you've probably heard all the adventures and heard my laments upon returning to Idaho.

I left...
... feeling wanted.
... feeling talented.
... feeling that dreams are within reach.
... feeling fresh and invigorated.
... diversity.
... good shopping.
... the ability to live independently without a car.
... a job offer.

I returned to...
... an unfinished degree.
... a shitty relationship.
... a community that doesn't value the same things that I do.
... financial responsibility (thoughts of student loans).
... the dissatisfaction with my academic situation from the prior semester (have to take form AGAIN).

Is it a wonder that every morning I have to give myself a motivational speech? One day closer to graduation, Nanette. Do your homework and you can go to NYC. Get your recital done and you're one step closer to moving. If you don't buy this... you can put that money into a savings for moving.

Enjoy where you are while you have it. Enjoy the cheap cost of living. Enjoy the personal space. Enjoy not having a housemate. Enjoy the friends. Enjoy the safety. Enjoy the quietude. Enjoy the mountains. Enjoy the stars. Enjoy living this close to family. Enjoy the last moments of "student life" before entering the "real world" you've been so warned about.

I cannot wait to return to the "real world." Full of work. Full of responsibilities. Full of new challenges. Full of new stories. Full of adventure. Full of different.

Sooooo... I'm basically in the same stinking place. Waiting. It's been such a tough year just looking forward to NYC. I like what Mir said on my last blog...   "bloom the hell outta yourself!" Within the last year I've traveled to NYC twice. Had some awesome experiences. Solidified contacts, friends, lovers. Saw who was going to stick through...  

Please note, there is nothing in that blog about health, wellness, eating correctly. I've become a happier person in general. Less stressed out. Less prone to complaining about stress. I've weeded out some poisonous friends/influences. Though so much is the same (anticipation of NY) SO much is different. 


Big Fat Reminiscent Love, 

New Year... New Adventures.

I keep trying to tell myself it will be adventures... By nature I'm a planner. A list maker. A type-A, know where you're going, 5 year plan, kind of person. So, imagine my surprise when I got an email on Christmas Eve saying that my financial aid was being revoked because I was past my max credit limit that was just readjusted this fall by the school from 192 to 180. No warning. Just WHAM!

Technically, it's not screwing up my school plans. I have one credit left to finish and I have an incomplete in it so I don't even have to register. But I'm a terrible self motivated practicer (It's my piano proficiency class). What it IS screwing up are my financial plans. I was going to take my last loan/grant/scholarship round and use the change check to pay for my move out to NYC in June and my trip to Italy with the choir - pending a grant approval for the choir thing.

Turns out that the grant for the choir fell through. The financial aid fell through. I have my tax return coming. Which is great. But losing my "student" status means I could potentially lose my job at the Distance Learning center. Ouch. Right? Well, I have a friend who manages American Eagle and she might be able to swing me a job working freight. That would be a MAJOR paycut. From 12.50 to 8.00. WHICH WOULD KILL MY ABILITY TO PAY BILLS... not to mention save for NYC. BAH!  

So I'm starting to look at Nannying jobs. If you get paired with a family, you get to live in with them and they pay for your relocation. It's a year commitment. But it's a good fall back.

In the meanwhile, I can keep my music clerk job (10hpw, $8.00 hourly) for sure, potential American Eagle (15-20hpw, $8.00 hourly) and HOPEFULLY KEEP (prayers, vibes, thoughts please) my DL job (20hpw, $12.50 hourly).

P.S. Thought I was getting my change check this week. I'm not. I'm also not getting paid for any work because of vacation. However, I was spending like I was getting my change check. So I'm trying to make $40 stretch until January 20. That might kill my food budget. ***insert curse words*** Time to find babysitting jobs, housework, house sitting etc.

Adventure, right?

Losing student status also means I lose my gym membership. UGH! But I'm not graduated so I'm not sure if I can get an alumni pass... or if I'm going to have to go across town to go to the expensive gym (no car as well). If I CAN get an alumni pass, I will have to wait until January 20th at the EARLIEST to pay for the new pass. So there will be a guaranteed 2 weeks with no gym.

However, for now, I'm still pre-enrolled. So I've got the gym for the next week with certainty. I've got to come up with an at home work out plan just in case everything falls through.


I'm also losing my student insurance. UGH. Just realized that. No more blood work to see my progress.

SO...  dum-da-da-dum!!!!


This week...

  • Eat left over produce in the house/ABSOLUTELY NO GOING OUT. 
  • Make menus - STICK TO THEM. 
  • Work out every day. You don't know if you'll have the gym next week. 
  • Start collecting at home work outs - I have a yoga mat, exercise ball, and two feet perfect for walking. I'll be loving it up with

So as not to be ridiculously negative... Or "realistic" as I call it, Here's the good news. Remember that last guy I was dating... the guy who didn't support weight loss at all? Well this new one is excited about the weight loss thing. Not just for me but for himself as well. So for new years, we're racing each other to -50 lbs. It's so nice. He came to stay the weekend and we made healthy choices. Went on walks together. Cooked together. He's really easy to be around and keep to what I think is important. He's SO DANG SUPPORTIVE - of everything. But I'm not mormon much anymore, so ultimately it will end, plus I'm moving. But for now... it's delightful and not negative and not sarcastic. Just fun and kinda silly. It makes this financial stuff bearable to have something going well.

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