Sunday, August 5, 2012

SSSD Update

Weigh in: 293 (-0) 

It has been a tough week. 

Firstly, I'm on a high dose birth control pill (because I filled the wrong prescription and bought 5 months worth). So I'm already more emotional than normal. I might normally get depressed or a little snippy come this week. But my moods have been OFF THE CHARTS. 

Secondly, Wednesday. I'm walking to the train for work. I get about 2 blocks from home and get caught in a down pour. I was able to stay pretty chipper... I mean, I was going to be early for work, I could strip down and dry off in one of the examining rooms if I needed to. 

I get to the train station, Drenched. I put my metro card in the machine to get it t reloaded. I swipe my debit card. It takes the last $104 in my account and gives me back my card. I grab the receipt. *ALWAYS GRAB THE RECEIPT*. swipe the card. nothing. "see agent." I try to purchase the card again. "insufficient funds." I talk to the lady behind the glass. 

"Hi. I just tried to reload my card and it took my money, but didn't re-"
"Take it." She shoves an envelope toward me.
"Is there anyone I can talk to?"
"You gotta send it in." 
"Do you know how long that will take?" 
"You gotta send it in. Call 511 for more information." 

Helpful. Really helpful. I dig through my wallet and grab the last $5 to my name (reserved for laundry this weekend) and purchase two rides on the train. to and from work. I'm already not making enough money to cover my bills. I call 511... I'm so distracted I can't tell a word that they're saying. So I hang up and text my coworker. They'll cut my check a day early so I can come to work on Thursday. But the damage of having a missing $104 is already done. Not to mention, I'm still fighting Bally for $70 this month. I still owe Tamara $1075 for the new apartment. I started bawling at the station. This is abnormal. Normally... it's list and number crunching time and look at bill due dates and figure it out. But I just couldn't do it. 

I tried to report the metrocard stolen. Since it was. Stolen by MTA. The CSR tried to help me. I explained the whole thing honestly. He said he'd put it in as stolen if that's what I'd like. Research showed that reporting it stolen gets your money back in 4-10 days. Submitting the paperwork takes up to 4 months. 

I'm searching for new jobs... sending out about 20 resumes a day. Hoping to get noticed. Knowing that if I can score and interview, I can score a job. Gotta get more income. Gotta get ahead. Gotta get off this birth control. Gotta work more hours for the doc. 

Thursday rolls around. Got a job interview for Tuesday. MUST GET JOB. Start feeling kinda woosey and sick at work. Don't have insurance. Not feeling the greatest. What do you do? Notice that my lymph nodes are swollen on one side. Shit. Indicator of infection. or cancer (thank you web MD, creators of all things hypochondriac). Gotta get more income. Gotta get off this birth control. 

Boy II starts talking to me. He wants to get serious. But if we are, he requests that I cut off all contact with Boy I. I hate this situation. I told boy II, "You get two ultimatums ever. You have one left." I tell Boy I (who I will admit, not the healthiest of relationships) that we've gotta end it. Him sobbing on the phone. Me sobbing on the phone... saying let's work on it. Sobbing some more. Gotta get more income. Gotta get off this birth control. 

Friday. I tell Boy II that I called things off. Lovely conversation. Light-hearted. I forget the bullshit of life for just a second. Still sick. Stayed home. Drank tea. Applied for more jobs. Gotta get more income. Gotta get off this birth control. 

Went to the Women's Clinic (free). Gotta pee in a cup. Drink water. Cry. Sit in a waiting room. Drink water. Pee in cup. Cry. Have an appointment in two weeks to get off this birth control. Must bring in all my paper work. No HIV, no pregnancy. Cry. Gotta get more income. Gotta get off this birth control. 

Applied for more jobs. Get a phone call from MTA. They can't report the card stolen. Have to mail in the card. Cry. Submitted paper work to get $104 back. It'll be a nice surprise in 4 months, right? 

Saturday. Still have swollen glands. Cry. Drink water. Drink tea. gargle salt water. stay in bed. Watch the entire first season of the Tudors. Cry. Talk to Boy I about how much he wishes that I would reconsider. Cry. Cry. Cry. Take ibuprofen. Cry.Applied for more jobs. Gotta get more income. Gotta get off this birth control. 

Sunday...   Here we are. One interview. One appointment to get off the birth control. Still have swollen glands. No pounds down, but dammit, I'm alive. 

Sorry I'm not an inspiration right now, guys. I can't even think beyond the whole - gotta get more income. Gotta get off this birth control. - thing. I'm trying to eat healthy... About right now, my budget is ramen. Spaghetti and canned sauce. ground turkey in the sauce when I can buy it. An apple or banana. And a giant container of yogurt. It's stupid. But it's life sometimes. And I've gotta document it. Because even when life is stressful and shitty... you still have to be accountable. 

Big Fat THIS IS HARD Love, 


  1. I'm so sorry you're going through all this CRAP. You are strong and this will pass.


  2. ((HUGS)) If you were my daughter I'd be calling you to come home by now. LOL
    No, but you can do this. Hang in there. It will get better!!

  3. Such a rough week! I totally understand how psychotic the wrong birth control can make you -- a doctor gave me generic Ortho TriCyclen Lo telling me it was the same thing I used to be on, just a different name, and I turned into an absolutely scary psycho. I could tell time by my mood swings. Get off it!!

  4. Oh wow. I am praying for you! What a crappy week.

  5. I hope things settle down, you find a much needed good paying plenty of hours job. I hope it goes well with BoyI, I hope the doctor fixes the wrong BC med and you start to feel level again. I also hope that you are feeling better. You have had a difficult week but may next week bring you peace and comfort and good health.
    Take care Nanette. Blessings!!

  6. Hoping things start getting better for you SOON!!

  7. Thanks for the support, guys. I'm hoping for better things this week. It'll look up. It's gotta.

  8. Wow. Certainly a tough week. When I took a high dose of birth control, my hormones were off the charts too. But hey, this week will get better.

  9. feel better. You had a craptastic week. Hopefully this week will go a lot better. Hang in there.

  10. Good luck on the job hunt and I hope getting on the right birth control levels helps regulate your hormones so you can kick some butt rather than cry:-) I've been there & done that, kicking butt is so much better! Here's hoping the new week is better & the job hunt is prosperous!

  11. When life hands you lemons, it is difficult to see any further than beyond your immediate needs - food, clothing, shelter, and a Metro card! I hope that things settle in the upcoming weeks and the job situation improves. I've been in your situation where dieting and fitness simply couldn't fit on the plate because it was already full with everything else life could throw at me. I wish you luck and well wishes that everything will get better soon!

  12. Hope you're feeling better now Nanette. Money worries are the absolute worst, the stress is awful and I actually can't believe they can think it's ok to make you fill out some form and wait so long. *Hugs*

  13. You sure do have a lot going on ... hope things ease up soon and that things start to fall into place. Take it one step at a time *hugs*

  14. Hi Nannette-- I haven't logged into my weight loss account for a couple of months, so I haven't read any blogs (and have only been gaining!)... I hope you are healed now and feeling much better, your throat looks soo sore! Why does it have to rain, then pour!! I feel your pain with the job situation, we are also looking for a job right now (B lost his job two months ago).
    Things will turn and life will get better, hang in there!!
    Hugs Cuz!!


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