That it's been more than a week since I've checked in.
Weight has been fluctuating like crazy. As low as 307 and as high as 320 in the past two weeks. And I've tried that on two different scales (one at the doc's office and one at my house).
Today's weight is 317.
And I hit panic mode the past couple of days. I did a revamp of my fridge. I threw out all and any foods that I shouldn't even HAVE in my house (candy, brownie mix, pasta). I bought enough frozen chicken breasts for a small army so no matter what happens. I can ALWAYS cook at home. Loaded up on fruit and veg.
Despite my previous crappy experience with Bally Total Fitness, I have joined another gym. Bally Total Fitness is a total bitch to quit. You basically have to die to get out of that contract. Luckily, the chiropractor would lie for me and tell them that I have a lower lumbar disorder.
I joined Planet Fitness yesterday. Black card member. I can go to any of the locations in the city (there are many), plus the one I go to is DIRECTLY outside of a subway stop right off my line. It's $20 a month. $1 membership sign up. I can bring a guest for free each time if I need moral support. I signed up for 12 months. If I can afford to spend $30 for a meal with a friend. one. one single meal. One SINGLE meal... I can afford a $20 a month fee for something I can use as often as I would like.
I took the tour and plugged my ipod in. I biked for 30 min. It was so much harder than the last time I biked at the gym.
I'm trying to stop comparing... There is only forward. I haven't accomplished anything yet. I lost a bunch of weight that I'm slowly regaining. How many times to I have to tell myself that it's a new start? Stop holding myself to previous standards... Meanwhile, if I say "restart" one more time I'm going to vomit. So here's the deal...
Every day is another chance to do better. Every bite is a choice. Every time I decide to stay in because of the gross weather, or because this show on netflix is too good, or my day was too long... I am making a choice to stay fat.
Gotta improve my ratio of Fat Choices vs. Healthy Choices. Gotta improve my acuity of observation... Gotta see when I'm MAKING those decisions too. Improve the self awareness. Have some internal quietude so I can step back and watch.
Last week was my last week at the Doc's. I'm starting new. Afresh. Getting to move forward with fewer work obligations by only having one job. Let's hope I can keep it simple. :)
Big Fat New Gym Member Love,