SUSHI!!!

Goal: 10,000 Steps.
Today: 9,005 Steps. (Hey, I still have an hour of wandering around the house).

I was pretty active today. Just sorta running errands and etc.

Food
Breakfast : egg + veggie muffins (no actual muffin, mini quiche?) 60 calories.
Lunch: Tuna salad on an English Muffin, 380 calories.
Dinner: All you can eat sushi, one bajillion calories.

So yeah... maybe all you can eat anything is a bad idea. I am full beyond comfort. And dang was it delicious. Boyfriend loves the place. So we will be returning. Next time, He can get all you can eat sushi and I will get a seaweed salad (a new favorite) and sashimi (sushi minus the rice). It'll probably be cheaper.

Tomorrow's goal:

1. 10,000 steps, 
2. go swimming in the pool or do 30 min on the elliptical, 
3. log my food into my fitnesspal 
4. write another blog. 

Big Fat Love, 

Nanette

The Recent Effort...

Okay.

Last month I worked out 4x a week for 4 weeks and earned a fitbit from my little challenge.

This month, I aimed for 5x a week for 4 weeks. I did it for 2 weeks and then bombed. Now I'm at the boyfriend's house... with a gym IN THE BUILDING. I did the elliptical yesterday.

Despite my obvious lack of dedicated workout, this fitbit is a great thing.. It has a really great way of tracking daily activity. There are days when I am all over the place and have a bunch of steps and the activity score is through the roof. My fatigue by the end of those days feels justified. P.s. I climb so many stairs every day. Over 10 flights consistently... every day. The subways, I tell you... they give you a great slow and quiet workout.

I am logging my food more consistently.

I am living sort of at the boyfriend's place. Away from my scale. So I have a month of no weigh ins.

I am fatter these days. Funny how that works... the more you semi-concentrate on weight without fully committing, the faster you gain weight. And funny how not caring and sorta just eating what is enough and not thinking about food every waking second, the longer you can maintain and not gain. Drives me freaking nuts.

My weight is shifting around my body... my legs are slimming (all that NY walking)... more lumps around my middle. Funny how stress shifts things. And sedentary lifestyle or different types of foods collect in different areas.

My successes recently... walking more every day. Going further before getting on the subway on my way home. On my fitbit, I am trying to hit 10,000 steps every day. The average person does 5,000... Average... like the average family is 2.5 kids. Just a number. But it's a good baseline. When I started with the fitbit, I felt good when I hit 5,000 steps...

5000 steps was my starting average.
7,892 steps now - lifetime average.

Here we are Monday... perfect day for setting a goal.
10,000 steps a day.
Track calories every day.
Write on this blog every day.

Also, I'm considering getting lapband. I need the reminder. Food control too often slips to the back of my mind when I'm presented with food. And let's be real, I want to lose some of this weight quicker so that working out is easier, less stressful on my back and knees. I know it's not a quick or easy fix. I also know that it doesn't mean I have a free pass to eat whatever I want. Waiting for my insurance to kick in... then I'll consult a physician about it... and then I'm sure I have to do a special diet before hand, nutrition counseling, psych eval and then maybe, the actual procedure. I've been speaking to some of my friends who have acquired one... One is pregnant and has lapband, the other got it her first year in college, etc, etc. They are both my age and similar sizes. I'm technically more healthy and have had more success with losing my weight on my own.

This just in... I told boyfriend that I'm fat blogging again. He's happy for me. We're talking about a celebration for when I lose 100lbs. (down to 220lbs)...  Apparently there are some really great roller coasters out here... disney world? Hershey, PA has good ones... Six flags... I told him we should do something I couldn't do while fat. Fly somewhere, scuba dive, roller coasters, buy a shirt in a regular store... I dunno... anything really.

Big Fat Love,
Nanette

P.S. Where I've been and How Largely...

Most Recently - In the ocean at Coney Island. 

Going Away Parties With Friends

Outside of Kidville Carroll Gardens with the gal pals. 

Realizing it turned into a no scooter zone at the NYC google offices. 

Picnic with friends underneath the Manhattan Bridge. 

Regain.

Hey guys!

Stuck with the low carb thing for a couple of weeks and worked off the vacation weight...  

Then didn't keep track for a while, but kept going to the gym...

Then went to a wedding weekend that was all food all the time.

Hit my highest regain weight at 330lbs. Freaked out... again.. Still? That was last week after the wedding/boozefest 2013

Been in touch with my cousin and we're doing emails back and forth. We've got a challenge going where if we both meet our goals this month consistently, we buy each other a fit bit. My goal is a month of going to the gym 4x a week. She's going to the gym 3x a week.

Week one has been a success. I really want a Fit Bit... It's a little pedometer that monitors your sleep cycles, flights of stairs climbed, calories burned and of course, steps.

This week I've done about an hour on the elliptical, an hour on the bikes and about an hour of weight lifting (mostly upper body to balance out the cardio/resistance on lower body). I'm seeing the numbers go down accordingly. I'm down to 327.

I don't trust it though. 3lbs? That's a decent sized poop and that's about it. So I'm going to try and refrain from weighing in all the time and driving myself crazy. And see what the damage is at the end of the month.

I am not restricting my eating in anyway... I'm not tracking calories. I'm just trying to eat more veggies and eat more consistently throughout the day. I'm also drinking a lot more water. Summer is here and the sweating is on. I know I won't last a minute trying to workout while dehydrated. Not to mention the retention and inflammation that happen with dehydration.

And this is me on a boat at the wedding.

I'm pretty insecure about that photo. I feel like a total butterball. When it's bigger you can see all the cellulite and dimples of the pudge. Seeing the positive... I got in a boat. No fear of tipping it over. No size fear of sinking it. I just got in and went. Also, it was a great 2 hours of exercise. 

Big Fat Love, 

Nanette

Still Alive

and my silence hasn't been indulgent!

Down to 309.

Switching jobs again.

It's all gooooood! Sticking to moderately low carb (80g) and drinking lots more water.

Also reducing how much dairy I eat.

Big Fat Quick Update,
Nanette

Day 3 - Low Carb

Today I am 318

The low carb thing is paying off! I failed a little today. Boyfriend had some sweet potato fries. But I'm still under 50g of carbs. I'm trying to drink a glass of water every time I feel snacky... and distract myself with something else before I finish it. 

Lately, I've been distracting myself with this... 

I'm trying to envision what I eat per week...   like a week worth of breakfast looks like what? 
A week worth of lunch? Dinner?   

I also love seeing people stripped down to their undies and then being told how much they weigh. I really don't understand how large I am in comparison to others. I don't know if I'm bigger in my head... thinner? I'm pretty big in my mind. When I see a subway seat and wonder if I can fit there, the answer is usually no. I don't want to bother anyone else with my size. But other times, I feel so much smaller... like in bed with the bf, or at my apartment, or in the bathtub. Hell, even standing in front of a mirror naked...   It's like a different brand of body dismorphia. I certainly don't look thin... It's just difficult to grasp HOW large. 

Low Carb has really cut my caloric intake. Even though I'm eating things like... bacon, and peanut butter and avocados, It's replacing the other calorically dense things like bread and sugar. 

I'm looking forward to the morning weigh ins as I've been lower and lower each time. I'm dreading the day that stops. Until then...  I shall continue my efforts to keep carbs between 40-50g. 

Big Fat Supersized vs. Superskinny Love, 
Nanette

We all know what silence means...

Weight gain. Plain and simple.

I was all the way up to 327 after my friend Sarah came to visit. We toured NYC with our maws wide open. Also, why I haven't blogged in a little bit. I've been overwhelmed.

Today I'm at 321. 

I've been doing about 4 days of research. Because this weight gain has freaked me out. I can't undo everything I've done. I can't. I REFUSE...

What I know about my relationship with food right now... 
I love sugar.
I love carbs.
I love cheese.
I love meat.
I love some veggies.
I love all fruits.

I can motivate myself (realistically) 3 times a week to get to the gym for cardio and a short weight session.

I can track calories on the MFP app on the train.

I know that carbs = instant fat.

I know that dad is a type-2 diabete.

I know that mom has a penchant for breads and sweets as well.

I know that I can give up sugar - I've done it before.

I know that I can give up white death - I've done it before.

I started the weightloss thing last time with something extreme as a juice fast. With the support of one of my roommates and my boyfriend. I am going to do the low carb - ketosis thing. I am aiming for carbs between 25-35g per day.

It will require incessant tracking. I have already grocery shopped. I have already prepped all the meats. I have already pre-bagged my veggie snacks. I put my bread and clif bars in the freezer, where they shall stay until a higher carb day.

How I understand the whole ketosis plan works is that your body stores a certain amount of sugar based energy (glycogen) in your body (liver, I think) for power/energy. So when you are going about your daily to-do, you use that to power you through. If you can deplete the store of glycogen in the body, you can get your body to use fat as an energy source instead.

The pattern of this way of eating is that you spend two weeks doing the super low carb thing. Then allow yourself one day of healthy carbs (see: potatoes, fruit, etc, not candy, or brownies, or pizza). After the initial two weeks, you continue 6 days low carb, 1 day carb, 6 days low carb, 1 day carb. Also after the first two weeks you can readjust the carb levels to suit your needs.

From friends/family that have had diabetes, I know that you wind up having to live this way. And from the nutritionist's office, I know that it's usually recommended that carbs should stay between 75-80g for a person with diabetes. Breads, sweets, things that raise the blood sugar levels are things that you have to keep limited and paced throughout the day.

Mentally, this is a challenge for me to see if I can play out how life would be if I actually had diabetes. Each time I log a meal, it's like checking my blood sugar. It's keeping an eye on my carbs and fiber (as much as I'd like to just eat my entire day in cheese, I rather enjoy pooping). I know that if I continue to gain weight... or even maintain the weight I am currently at, I am on the road for diabetes, knee surgery, back pain, poor circulation, worsening vision, hair loss...   not to mention the emotional baggage and guilt that comes with all of that.

I am finanically stable. I am in a stable relationship. I have a stable housing situation. I have established routine. There is always an the element of "unexpected" in life... and that's consistent too. So here we go.

I have completed day one...

I didn't starve myself today. I had cheese cubes, lunch meat, spinach, tomatoes, carrots, celery, dressing, a small steak, and some seed nuggets. I can honestly say, I don't really feel hungry. But my mouth feels greasy. Majority of my calories came from cheese and meat - obviously, hence the fat and protein being over "normal." I expect that may happen a bit these next two weeks.

What I expect will happen with my body and weight... 

I anticipate that the next 3 days will go really well. The fridge is stocked for success.
There will be fatigue and sluggishness as my body is switching to a different energy source.
That I will see the scale start moving in the downwards direction.
That I will be able to stay under 1700 calories a day.
That I will make excuses to cheat, or find ways to undermine myself... I know you, Nanette. You do that. And just so you know, Motivated Nanette will be ready to fight dirty.
That I will encounter people that find what I'm doing unhealthy... or will ask me to consume something different than what I said I would and that I will stay strong in my decision for myself.


Big Fat Don't Care if You Agree Love,
Nanette

Check in... late

I'm sad to check in late because Sundays weigh in number was better.

Weight: 316.2 (-.8).
Water: 3/7 over 100oz days.
Workouts: 2 hours dog walking, an extra 30 min walk and two hours at the gym (1.5 hours bikes, .5 weights).
Calories: Tracking 100% every day. I'm getting more accurate. It's amazing how much you forget if you don't record it immediately. I'm sticking to 1980 calories a day. Some days I go over (pizza at work days) and some days I'm really under (packed my lunch for work days).

I've got a workout buddy on Wednesdays and I'm scheduling social work outs with friends. Because that's a commitment I always keep... I always keep my social plans. Gonna run with it.

Food...  When I start eating, I don't really stop. So I take lunches packed with baby carrots or cherry tomatoes so I can eat one at a time through out the day. I've also begun a habit of grinding my teeth (that started months ago). I'm sure that these things are related.

The future... This upcoming week, Laura (losing for her wedding) and I are going to try break that habit together by brushing our teeth as soon as each meal is over. Everything afterwards will taste gross for a while and who couldn't use a little more tooth brushing in their lives?

I'm planning my success with fitness...  

Wednesday - gym with Laura
Thursday - gym with Cat.
Friday - gym with Sarah.
Saturday - work work work.
Sunday - work work work.
Monday - gym on my own - because I need to have independent discipline.
Tuesday - DATE DAY - aka: I'll be getting a non-gym work out.

Planning a menu...   it's going to be rough this week because I've got a guest staying with me. But I'm going to keep packing my work lunches. I may be going out for dinner more. So I'll have to make the best decisions I can. I'm trying to steer us towards seafood and japanese food (non-fried). We'll see how it goes.

Big Fat Future Love,
Nanette