Another Argument

So I posted and then rescinded my blog on Wednesday night. For the stats...

Food - 1100 calories.
Activity - null.
Water - 3 nalgene bottles.

Thursday
Food: 2090 calories
Activity - null - worked a full day though!
Water - hit my mark.

I had a pretty rough time. Mister was behaving strangely about my request for groceries. We talked it out, argued really, he is grumpy about money, he is grumpy that since the beginning of our relationship I gained 40lbs (over 2 years) instead of losing it... like I was when we first started seeing each other. It took a while to get him to say what was really bothering him.

So we have got some serious issues revolving around my weight and it's affecting BOTH of our relationships with food.

I would be mad and go on the giant "he should love you the way you are!" rant... but he does love me. That's why it gets him so worked up. He wants me to be healthy. He wants to make different choices for me than the choices I make for myself. It's not that he wants me to be hot or look a certain way... while that would be a great added benefit, what he wants is for me to live longer so we can love each other longer.

He has a hard time putting it into words like that. Limited by his dude-liness his way of expressing himself, it is passive and bossy at the same time. I must get better with my grunt to word translations.

Meanwhile, I am being ridiculously sensitive, reactionary and defensive... indicative of insecurity.  Yes, we all have insecurity. Yes, I'm handling mine poorly. Yes, he too has insecurities related to his body and weight. Yes, you probably do to. Hurrah! Big insecurity club.

We got through the conversation without hating each other. I made it through the working interview. The staff loved me. I loved them. I want the job. I won't know if I have it for another week. Otherwise, I'm going to continue to work with the temp agency to find placement... JUST IN CASE.

Summary 
So... you know... stress.

Money stress.
Relationship stress.
Food stress.

Plan 

Go on a 30 minute walk (this should help manage some stress).
RELAX THIS WEEKEND. Let go of being neurotic about your lack of jobliness.
Keep my calories low and happy.

And just to remind myself that I have not been failing...   I tracked every day since I said I would. I will look at next week and set up another attainable goal... like eating underneath the calorie limit every day, or 30 minute walk every day (that really has got to start happening).

Big Fat Love,
Nanette