Monday, October 17, 2011

The expansion...

Okay... well, I did really well last week with food and exercise and then the weekend happened. I let loose and for the first time since the challenge began missed 2 days of calorie counting. I had a burger one day, pizza another - again, a social situation. Both were on dates with a fine young gentleman. Even worse, in addition to the bad food choices, I had to skip dance class to go on a field trip for my voice ped class.

It was nice to take a step back. Though bad decisions were made, I can feel the affect on my body. And from that I can learn. I could see my body retaining water. I could feel my slowness and grogginess hitting. I had a coffee with him one morning too... first time I've had coffee/caffeine of any sort since May. I got anxious, sweaty and hit a terrible tiring crash MID-DATE! Horrible. I'm ready to return to my good habits... and a reliable internet connection so I can log into myfitnesspal.

The date was interesting... We shall call him J. J likes big women. J knows I'm working on becoming less of a big woman. J doesn't like it. I told him tough shit. I'm not losing weight to be twiggy or attractive. I know I'm attractive at this size. I'm losing weight to keep from getting diabetes or at least postpone as long as possible. I'm trying not to die of heart disease. I'm trying not to have to replace my knees/ankles/joints. I'm trying not to suffer from arthritis or wear away cartilage. He understands I do it for health. But he wanted me to understand that he thinks I'm attractive right now. I'm sad he finds it difficult to get behind my decision. I'm not changing my mind. He also second guesses my NYC plans. Again, I'm not changing my mind. Before we all jump on the "you need a man that supports your decisions and will stand beside you always" speech....   I'm moving. This might be short lived. I like him in EVERY other aspect. It's nice to feel sexy as is right now. I can have that and be moving down the scale. He knows that I'm not going to stop. I'm like that. Bullheaded, goal-oriented and determined to get exactly what I want.

So J might be a reoccurring theme. Yes. It is going to be very hard to lose weight with an active participator against it. Yes. He knows this is going to be a subject of oft butting heads. Yes. This might be a good thing too, to have someone to push against. I'm a naturally contrary person. Maybe I can work it in my favor. In the meanwhile, it's nice to be dating. It's nice to have romance and affection. Connecting with a significant other, while only slightly different than a best best best friend, is still an important connection to have. Again, save the "strong independent women don't need men to validate them" speech.

I am a strong independent woman. He's a strong independent man. And I like that I found an equal when it comes to arguing. heh.

Big Fat Newly Involved Love,

P.s. Midterms went well...   Grades are passed out this week.
P.p.s.  Goals...
- Drink 100 oz of water a day.
- Eat carefully, under 1900 a day.
- Get 7 hrs of exercise in.
- Get to the halfway point with Skinny Bitch.
- Budget better. For reals.


  1. What I got out of this post is that you are doing this for YOU. Not for a guy but for YOU. That is so important! There will be many people along the way that will support you and those that won't. Ultimately, people come and go from your life and any changes you make have to make you happy with yourself. Eating healthier makes you feel better physically which means you'll feel better emotionally and mentally. Feeling better = happy. :)

  2. Good for you, good for him, great for you both. Jim (my better half) loves me big, bigger, smaller and medium. He fights my diets but this journey has been different. Your man is good for you in this place and time, that is what matters now.
    Thank you for stopping by and your help. Take care and God Bless!!

  3. I love this post! Be careful with the whole dating thing though--especially someone who doesn't support your goals. I know that you're moving soon, but it's always more likely that someone is going to drag you down (vs. you bringing them up). I'll be posting about my dating (ahahahaha) life on the 20th, so be on the lookout.

    Oh yeah, and I'm on that budget better boat too!

    Where are you moving to?

  4. You are doing great & you know what you want so if the guy doesn't change your mind or sabotage that then have fun:-) it is nice to have that person who likes you for you, it does help that self esteem:-) you are on the right path & will make your goals!

  5. I sent you an e-mail, I do appreciate the offer of help. Can't wait to see what you come up with. I'm off to swim tomorrow morning so maybe can use a few of your ideas. Again, thanks. Have a blessed day!!

  6. I like the new blog design. J needs to support your goals. :)

  7. J SOUNDS LIKE AN INTERESTING CHALLENGE.As long as he inspires and does not hinder you should be straight. Congrat on your loss.

  8. There are men who like big women. There are men who like big women who are FEEDERS and enablers. There's a difference.

    A man who loves a woman won't just love her thin or fat or in-between..he'll just love her. Love her big, love her if she slims down.

    If you enjoy his company, why not enjoy it, I say! Just make your boundaries. Only make dates to places where you know you can order good stuff. Skip pizza joints and burger joints and go to grills and organic places and maybe even try some vegetarian restaurants. Just look around for good options to suggest so YOU are in control of what you eat, even on a pleasant outing.

    I have messed up joints. I would not have messed up joints at 51 if I had not been obese from my late twenties, and then morbidly obese from my thirties. It is damage I imposed on myself. And I heartily regret it.

    Focus on health, always. It's for HEALTH, and all the other stuff (shopping in regular stores for "normal" sizes, being flirted with even more, having people admire your new figure, etc), that's all bonus...plusses that aren't the central issue: self-esteem from knowing YOU are in control, not food, and way better health and mobility and energy and etc. :D

    And I've been 300 pounds and 140 pounds as an adult. I can assure you, sex is better Under 200 lbs. Just a totally different beast. And that's one thing to keep in mind, too. heh.

    Happy transformation to you,babe!!! Enjoy the man, but don't let his view of sizes be any sort of influence. As you say, INDEPENDENT beings choosing your own identity.

  9. He was respectful. Next time the date is happening in MY town. So I have a bit more control over going to healthier places or even cooking at my place. Though I totally own up to last weekends BAD decisions. I'm seeing them on the scale right now. I'll be lucky to maintain by Friday.


sorry guys, so much spam, gotta put the filters up again.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...