Monday, January 14, 2013

An Unexpected Evening

My second shift was cancelled today... So I had an early afternoon home time.

The no bread thing is so much harder. This morning I was offered a free bagel breakfast sandwich. I declined. On my way home from work, I stopped into the CVS to grab tampons... Instantly..

"I want candy!"
"Okay! Cookies"
"Man, I could go for.."

I made it to the train with just my tampons... and a couple bottles of nail polish. If I must treat myself, it doesn't need to be with food. And I really don't like collecting a whole lot of things, so this may be more fiscally responsible in the long run.

Between the train and home, I stopped by a different store so I could pick up something that would resemble carb-less lunch. Beef Jerky, Tuna, Green beans, String cheese (not to be consumed all at once).

Got home. Crashed. Ate the jerky, fell asleep... for 3 hours. I haven't had a nap since throat infection days at the sublet. I only felt about 10% bad about sleeping my time off away. I woke up and watched "LBS" on netflix. I recommend it...

It's about this Italian family guy who has to isolate himself pretty much to lose weight. He binges like a champion. And eventually picks up a healthier lifestyle and returns to the city. It's neat because the actor/character actually loses the weight during the filming process. No fat suits. Nothing like that.

But at the same time, I didn't like that it's telling me that I need isolation to lose weight. I mean... Idaho was kind of that way. And I isolated myself from friends and any food related social behaviors (aka the majority of them). So I guess that's true. It just makes me feel a touch hopeless in the roommate situation and not being able to remove myself from temptation, but actually face it 24 hours a day. There's no protective place of only good choices.

I took a walk after and went to a grocery store so I could load up on salad fixin's for the next few days. Just needed to get a body in motion. It's a good way to catch up on the podcasts - WHERE THEY TALK ABOUT THINGS BESIDES FOOD and are advertisement free. I'd say the walk is the closest thing I have to temptation free time. Podcast. House keys and no debit/cash.

When I got home, the roommates had ordered in Italian food. Bread, pasta, pizza, calamari and one roommate had baked "boyfriend" cookies... aka candy held together by just enough pudding mix laden dough to deem it a cookie.

I put the salad away. I drank some water. Water sends the signal we're full, right? I ate a couple things of string cheese. Played with the cats. Isolated myself to my room...   drawing, reading, listening to stuff. Eventually I gave in and ate one of the cookies. Savored it, really. But it's not a good start to the No White Death Goal...

On the up (technically down) side, The unbloat is happening! whoo-hooo!!!

Big Fat Typing instead of eating an entire tray of cookies Love,


  1. I think you need to find an OA meeting and attend all you can. You are still too preoccupied with food. It rules over you. OA does not focus on food as does WW, Jenny Craig, Nutri-System and all that. Do it. Food just cannot control you like it does anymore. Be careful out there today and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

  2. I agree with Myra. I'm not familiar first hand with OA, but I used to work with a woman who did it during and after a very significant weight loss (she had been maintaining at her goal weight, 130 lbs, for ten years when I met her) and what she explained about how it helped her understand herself, her behaviors, her triggers, etc. made so much sense. Isolation may be necessary, Nanette, until you really ingrain the new habits and behaviors in yourself. I am now able to attend parties and not eat any of the food, but when I was actively losing and figuring out why I'd gotten so out of control with eating to begin with, eating for social reasons was not something I did. Taking away food's masquerade as love, companionship, a social activity, etc., and putting it in its proper box: fuel. Nothing more. Nothing less -- is what made the difference for me.

  3. Me, I would have taken the bkfst sandwich and do what hubby does when they have free sandwiches at work--toss the bread, eat the protein. :D He learned that from me. When I started gluten free, moderate carb in 2011, I'd be at family events and there was pizza. I'd take the cheese off one or two slices and eat that (to get pizza taste and protein). Or if they had ham or turkey sammies, I'd pull out the lettuce, tomatoe, onion, turkey/ham, cheese and ditch the bread.

    If it's free and you can eat the filling--take it. :D Just immediately toss what you can't eat.

    Here's to you making great choices and seeing 2013 be the Year of the New You.

    As far as OA, never did it. But know a gal who did. It's good for folks who benefit from meetings and support that way. I kept failing WW cause i found it a pain in the tuchis to go to meetings. I ended up doing it with ONLINE support, where I can wear NOTHING and not have to drive anywhere. hah. But other folks do better with face/face support. Different strokes...


  4. It's tough when there are all these tempting things around. It's hard to say no to cookies and candy when that stuff is lying around in front of you. I commend you for staying strong!

  5. Hey you! I came to see how you're doing. It's so good to see you blogging on a regular basis again. After reading your post, I downloaded "Lbs." from ITunes and watched it. The scene toward the end, when he sees his friend outside of the convenience store, was really powerful. I also liked the realistic scene of him binging even after losing the weight. I Googled the film and was fascinated by the ups and downs its had over the past eight years. It's interesting to see how the actor has gained back the weight (and more, it would seem).

    Regarding food, I could be completely off track with what I'm about to say, so take it for what it's worth. I've always found I had a preoccupation with food when there was something missing in my life (more specifically, when I wasn't doing anything creative). You've made the move happen. You've connected with various guys, you've found ways to bring in money. So what's next? What's missing that, once you get back to, is going to make you feel full? Do you need to sing again?

    You're driven and so smart. You'll power through this.


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