Good morning!

Hit the bikes at the gym yesterday. 30 minutes at a moderate difficulty... Working on building my quad muscles. The gym...   was absolutely packed. I was lucky enough to hit someone transitioning off the bikes and that left their water bottle on the machine, so people thought it was taken. I'm hoping that as the gym gets less new, that the machines open up a bit more. Granted, it was 6:00pm and everyone was doing the same thing as me and stopping in after work.

Yesterday's eating...
Breakfast: yogurt
Snack: avocado
Lunch: half a slice of pizza, .5 cup blueberries, a whole cucumber sliced.
Snack: Clif bar
Dinner: Steak (4oz), baked potato, handful of spinach and a pinch of blue cheese.
Snack: spoonful of peanut butter (non-sweetened, non-salted). and two slices of turkey.

Reflecting on the G Train

So I would say it's the first pretty good day in a long while. And even then, the food, not amazing. But half a slice instead of half a pie = improvement. Getting both fruit, veg and protein... not just carbs and cheese = improvement. 30 minutes on the gym instead of just sitting at home trying to decide to cook or order in... = IMPROVEMENT.

I'm off and running today. Lots of errands. Post office, dog walking, love my roommate's cat thoroughly while she's out of town, gym, laundry, figure out the bills, scrub the bathroom and take a hot hot bath. ROUGH LIFE!

This is the first week of my new hours. So I have two days off in a row. I don't even know what I'm going to do with all this time. But I'm doing my darndest to make sure it's not just eating. Take advantage of the gym... two days of motion... Since desk work is my life the other 5 days a week.

Big Fat Had Time To Update Love,
Nanette

Just realized...

That it's been more than a week since I've checked in.

Weight has been fluctuating like crazy. As low as 307 and as high as 320 in the past two weeks. And I've tried that on two different scales (one at the doc's office and one at my house).

Today's weight is 317.

And I hit panic mode the past couple of days. I did a revamp of my fridge. I threw out all and any foods that I shouldn't even HAVE in my house (candy, brownie mix, pasta). I bought enough frozen chicken breasts for a small army so no matter what happens. I can ALWAYS cook at home. Loaded up on fruit and veg.

Despite my previous crappy experience with Bally Total Fitness, I have joined another gym. Bally Total Fitness is a total bitch to quit. You basically have to die to get out of that contract. Luckily, the chiropractor would lie for me and tell them that I have a lower lumbar disorder.

I joined Planet Fitness yesterday. Black card member. I can go to any of the locations in the city (there are many), plus the one I go to is DIRECTLY outside of a subway stop right off my line. It's $20 a month. $1 membership sign up. I can bring a guest for free each time if I need moral support. I signed up for 12 months. If I can afford to spend $30 for a meal with a friend. one. one single meal. One SINGLE meal... I can afford a $20 a month fee for something I can use as often as I would like.

I took the tour and plugged my ipod in. I biked for 30 min. It was so much harder than the last time I biked at the gym.

I'm trying to stop comparing... There is only forward. I haven't accomplished anything yet. I lost a bunch of weight that I'm slowly regaining. How many times to I have to tell myself that it's a new start? Stop holding myself to previous standards...   Meanwhile, if I say "restart" one more time I'm going to vomit. So here's the deal...

Every day is another chance to do better. Every bite is a choice. Every time I decide to stay in because of the gross weather, or because this show on netflix is too good, or my day was too long... I am making a choice to stay fat.

Gotta improve my ratio of Fat Choices vs. Healthy Choices. Gotta improve my acuity of observation... Gotta see when I'm MAKING those decisions too. Improve the self awareness. Have some internal quietude so I can step back and watch.

Last week was my last week at the Doc's. I'm starting new. Afresh. Getting to move forward with fewer work obligations by only having one job. Let's hope I can keep it simple. :)

Big Fat New Gym Member Love,
Nanette

Self Challenge... AAAAnnnnd good news.

Weigh in: 310.2 (-.2)
Water: not enough.
Workouts: not enough.
etc. etc. etc...

Been working my face off this past week planning and negotiating and scheduling...   AAAAnnnnnd.. dun-da-da-dunnnn!

I've been promoted to full time at Kidville. I will have 40 hours a week at a higher wage.

This means. No more 60 hour work weeks. No more doctor's office with the accidental penis pictures, or never recovering patients, or watching a "nutritionist" trying to make exorbitant amounts of money off of the ill health of others.

I write my two week notice tomorrow... and then I will be on to having an additional 20 hours a week for my own pursuits. I did the books and it looks like I'll be able to pay all my bills and my debts off by this upcoming december (student loans, aside) and the current relationship is good.

20 additional hours a week means I will be HOME by 6 or 7 every night and I will have two days off a week... IN A ROW. It means that I can spend more time cooking and shopping for healthy eating... no more excuses about stress and running late and needing to order in. And no more "too busy" excuses when it comes to fitness and exercise.

I've been doing my PT exercises and I feel like my quad is getting stronger. I'm going to continue the PT stuff until I get done with this 60 hour a week stuff and get back down to 40 hours a week. Then get my jiggling bits in more motion.

Hard work is paying off and building a lifestyle that can support and maintain healthy choices. (I believe it, and if I say it enough, it will come true).

Self Challenge and The Upside.

Woof. Late again.

Weigh in: 310.4 (+2.8)
Water: 150 oz 2/7
Tracking: 2/7
Workouts: 3 hours of extra walking + PT knee exercises.

This week hasn't been particularly crazy. It's been TOM and I'm probably going to spend the next 3 days peeing my face off (AKA: retained water). I'm not super worried about the gain.

I have been cooking at home every day. Lots of salad. Lots of chicken breasts. Lots of veggies. I've been packing my lunches for work and everything. Health-wise, I'm eating much more nutritiously than I was before.

The last time I ate out was wednesday. (No ordering in this week at all!) I have a standing dinner date on Wednesdays with a friend. I wouldn't even say that it was a calorie overload. Octopus salad and a glass of sangria.

I can't even be down about the whole up on the scale thing. So many great things have happened this week... Confrontation with the boss who flashed the entire office (on accident, love dropbox automatic uploader)... We aired all the dirty laundry. I was able to tell him that I'm on the verge of quitting if things don't change. Which, I'm probably going to leave anyway and help my friend get a job there so they can build their resume and move on to bigger and brighter things.

I was put into the new location at the other job (the one that's going to put me full time and I'm going to quit the crappy aforementioned job anyway). It will have it's challenges, but I know that I'm supported by my staff and friends. The new location was owned and run by corporate, now it's becoming a franchise. I'm 100% franchise trained and the other manager is 100% corporate trained so we're going to both be doing some compromising. I kinda look forward to the challenge of getting us both onto the same page.  (I may regret that statement later).

Things are good with the boy right now. He's sick. But he's consistent still. A phone call every night. Time together every Tuesday. He'll hopefully be getting a job with the doc. Then getting his own apartment (Rent prices in the city, I really don't blame him for living at home during college). And then we can move forward as grown ups in a relationship.

Big Fat Good Spirited Love,
Nanette

Self Challenge Check In...

Weight: 308 (-1.1)
Water: 150 oz 5/7 days.
Workouts: PT exercises every day. + 2 hours of extra walking.
Tracking: 5/7 days.

I've still been bummed out about everything. I talked to the PT in our doc office after I sprained my ankle and she asked what kind of exercises I like doing. I told her about my workouts of choice. The fast HIIT stuff. 50 seconds of squats, 50 seconds of lunges on one leg, then the next. Stuff like that. She had me show her. Aside from a form correction on the squats, they were good. She had me lay down and was feelin' around my knees and ankles and stuff. Apparently, my quad on the left side is weakened and has left my kneecap to float about. That's causing some wear and tear on the cartilage... which could potentially lead to knee surgery.

So she gave me some non-weight bearing exercises to do to build muscle. I should be back in better shape there shortly. She also recommended swim workouts - which is probably why I was able to do all the stuff I was doing before. Thank god for Aquacise back in Idaho or else I could have really screwed things up.

On the GOOD side of things...

I'm SO close to only working one job. 40 hours a week. Two day weekends. My boss talked to me about it... I'm thinking it may be like... one more month or so. Before May.

No more 60 hour weeks!!! It's so close! I can taste it! And I think they may have a gym thing as a benefit. Which would be great... I've started shopping around for places with a pool.

Didn't get a fasting day in. Didn't go to an OA meeting. Just been running on empty.

Trying again this week...

Goals
Track Calories EVERY DAY. 100%.
Do one fasting day.
Keep doing PT stuff.

Big Fat LOOKING FORWARD Love,
Nanette

Late Check In... Self Challenge

Weight: 309.1 (+1.3)
Water: no idea.
Walking/Workouts: 4.5 hours of walking
Tracking: 3/7 days. Lame.

Been a turd about accountability this week. Everything was going golden then I sprained my ankle and used it as an excuse to be lazy and eat-y. Stupid. But true.

Having a hard time not being ridiculously grumpy. Not sure if I'm PMS-ing. I don't think it is. I think it's a repercussion of working too much (54 hours a week + 13 hours of commute) and the recent undoing of all my progress on paying off personal debt. Alas...  flexibility is the sign of positive mental health. Roll with change, Nanette.

Didn't make it to an OA meeting. I'm still really halfway in the door on that one. Having a hard time committing. I'm intimidated by it, really. Again, time to buck up and just do it. What are am I afraid of? Admitting my problems to myself...   being ready to face them... etc. etc. etc.

New week. New problems to face.

GOALS
150 oz of water daily
Track Calories
One day of fasting.

Big Fat Mildly Depressed Love,
Nanette N.

Something's Afoot.

I've been getting the hour of walking in a day. Yesterday I got lost. Went above and beyond. Also tripped in a damned pothole on a cobble stone street and sprained my ankle. At least, I hope it's just a sprain. There's not a whole lot of swelling. Some movement restriction. Slight bruising. I'm thinking I need an x-ray. 

I am obsessed with breaking my feet/ankles. I broke one of the bones mid-foot when I started college and it put me in a freakin' cast/boot for more than half a semester. I'm very careful on stairs now. And any small injury is pretty bleak in my head. So I'm probably blowing this out of proportion. But I'm still going to get an x-ray. Because when I broke one of the mid-foot bones, I was able to let it heal without surgery because I didn't walk around on it and disturb the fracture. I am about 25% worried. 

Also, yesterday I fell into a pit of carbs. As far as calories are concerned, I was probably just over 2000. (I had dinner at a restaurant with my friend Laura, so the count is not really precise). So the number isn't terrible, but the quality of those calories.. not the greatest. 

So yesterday was a fail on the eating. Today is going to be much better. Started off with a bunch of cherry tomatoes (one of my favorite health foods)... packed my lunch today tuna salad. Going to go home for dinner and make chicken cutlet/ feta/spinach pitas. 

I haven't made it to an OA meeting yet. But I still have until Sunday... maybe a Friday night date with myself.

Big Fat X-Ray Love, 

Nanette