CDCC

last week's check in was 339... still maintaining.

I'm sure this week is a gain. But I won't know until swim class on tuesday.

My laptop is still down. More when I get it back. :(

Nanette

P.S. Dad had his second back surgery. He's in a full time rehabilitation facility and doing much better... but it's going to be a very long time until he walks again. They're working on having him sit for longer amounts of time. He's up to 20 minutes. Soon he'll be doing transfers from bed to wheelchair to toilet and etc.

EDIT: This week 329 AGAIN! - at least it's not a gain after the holiday.

Technical Difficulties

Due to technical difficulties this blog is brought to you late...

AND I still owe you a weigh in. I'm going swimming at 4 o'clock so I'll be able to get that finally.

I've been eating okay. Staying under my caloric limit, but not eating the healthiest of things and not with the healthiest of timing this last week. But it's finally Thanksgiving Break! I can sit back and relax and catch up on everything stressing me out as far as school goes and not let that get in the way anymore.

I refuse to sleep in over the break... I can't get into that habit. That's how this person misses dance class and everything else! UGH!

I'm sad, my laptop backlight has shorted out. Everything is still functioning... Hopefully I can get that fixed when I'm closer to Salt Lake this week.

My dad is having more health difficulties. He woke up and couldn't feel or move his legs this last week and got himself to the ER in town, they couldn't do the x-rays he needed, so he went to Logan, they did the x-rays but don't have the specialists that they need, so he wound up in OGDEN... (2 hours from where he lives). They did an emergency back surgery to correct a pinched nerve and put some supports between his lumbar vertebrae. He's still having some issues and a LOT of pain. So he's back into surgery today... I guess they're trying to widen the holes that the nerves go through so they don't catch. However, this could also be nerve death happening. Which is scary.

It's a whole bunch of muddy feelings. I mean, I'm glad he's finally getting this looked at and taken care of. I hope he feels better. I also suspect that this is the beginning of a long road of declining health, which is terrible. But I suppose I'd best prepare myself for the hardest truth and celebrate when I'm wrong? Something like that. He's 68 and spent most of his life above the 400lb mark. With his foot injury from last year and the massive infections, he hasn't been out of a wheel chair and back to normal functions for over a year now. The antibiotics have killed his digestive system. And he might be getting a little worn out as far as fighting to get better goes. Though he's incredibly optimistic when he's doped up and not feeling pain. That's probably a feeling he's gotten used to for so many years, being in pain.

I dunno... but as long as praying is happening out there... maybe shoot some his way?

Big Fat Thanksgiving in a Hospital Love,
Nanette

Something to think about...

BEWARE OF PROCESSED FOODS THIS THANKSGIVING! you have no idea what kind of work they've had done!

CDCC #10

Weigh in: 329 (-0)
Water: over 100 oz 4/7
Food: veggies every day! under caloric limit (shifts when I work out) 4/7
Workout: 6/7 missed a swim class.
10 week total: - 14lbs (one lb till pedicure!)

Maintaining again. Which is frustrating. I've lost three weeks of possible negative numbers fighting (or rather giving in to) my hibernation urges.

Normally I weigh in twice a week before swim class. It's consistent. Swimsuit, same scale, same time of day. Tuesday, I was actually up to 334... then yesterday when I went for the swim I owed myself, I was back to 329. Ultimately, it's maintenance. But I'm feeling really good about being able to bring that number BACK after crazy eating last weekend.

Here's a shout out to Jillian! Sorry I couldn't see a negative number with you this week. But I'll race you on this next one. :)


Before and After pics!  I'm really appreciating the narrower waist.

I put on a dressy tank top that was just too snug the last time I tried it on. It's better now... but not entirely. Here's going for christmas!

Sept 14

Nov 11

I'm trying to come up with a game plan for Thanksgiving. We're not crazy foodies at my house so there will probably be a lot of boxed/pre-made food going around the table. I need to come up with a healthy contribution. It's exciting to go home though. Mom has a drier and apple core/slicer thingy. Gonna make me some dehydrated apples, bananas and blueberries. My produce costs are going up and it sucks to have fruits go to waste... hopefully this will make it easier to make better decisions.


Big fat maintaining love,
Nanette

Another weeeeeeek

Well...   it's been sort of a crazy week.

Broke up with J for some poor behavior.
Got a UTI.
Treated a UTI.
Got Blood test results back.

So here's the up and up. I'm feeling pretty good that my efforts are reflected in my blood work. I kind of wish I'd gotten it done earlier so I could have something to compare it to.

HDL: 38 (low, should be over 50)
LDL: 77 (low, should be between 100-150)
Cholesterol average thingy: 3.5 (PERFECT).
Blood sugar: 99 (anything below 100 for my age is good).

Doc says clean bill of health. Keep going. Keep losing.

Like everyone else, near season change, I'm having a hard time remembering what I want and staying motivated by what I've done. The fight against hibernation is DIFFICULT.

Issues I'm trying to address

Sleeping - I'm sleeping too much. I slept through my alarm clock this morning and missed a work out. Unacceptable. It drains the energy I do have. So, no more naps in the afternoon. Stick with your 6-7 hours. Reset the habit.

Water - UTI came on from being too dehydrated. My body has gotten used to the high levels of water and when I don't keep it consistent, it revolts.

School work - It's too easy to skip class, not do assignments and not pay attention. This, I hate to say, has been priority number one for the last week and will be until Thanksgiving break. I HAVE TO GRADUATE.

Finances - It's time to re-assess and get NYC savings fund back in shape, alter my monthly budget and stop buying crap I don't need.

FOOD - This is the same as finances. It needs planning. I need a revamp. I'm excited to clear out my cupboards over the vacation and re-organize my kitchen into a place where I feel inspired to create things. I've been eating too little on some days - like starvation mode too little, Only to OVERLOAD on calories on other days. I usually make menus on the weekend. I've fallen behind.

Workouts - It's cold, in case that slipped by other Northern US readers. I am car-less. Which is great if I need to get somewhere, as it forces exercise. But at this point, I would KILL to be able to drive to the gym, heck, I'd even work out LONGER to make up for not walking in frigid air. It's kicking my motivation's ass just to get out the door.

Basically, all the good habits I've worked so hard for since July have disappeared... slowly. By letting myself skip something once. twice. three times. Oh well. I haven't been good to my body for two weeks and I'm mad at me for it. You are what you eat. I'm a whole lot of saturated fat and salt.

On the plus side, the break up was... inspirational. My goals are within reach. Some of the garbage-y bits had been holding me back (encouraging bad eating behavior). It's funny. This thing only lasted a month but I already feel like I'm free again. Back to Nanette Normal. NYC normal. Lifestyle change normal. It's one less thing on the plate of life that I have to worry about. Sheesh, what I'll put up with for a little affection. I disappoint myself.

Big Fat Fresh Start Love,
Nanette

CDCC #9

Weigh in: 329 (-0)
Water: 4/7 over 100 oz.
Food: 4/7 under 1500 calories
Workouts: 4/6 - two cancelled classes.

Feeling good. Feeling really good. Had another weekend with J. We did a lot more cooking together. That way I know what kind of calories I'm consuming and so I can show off my domestic skills.

now... off to piles of homework. More later.

Big Fat Maintaining Love,
Nanette

Indecision

When faced with a choice in the moment, I'm the kind of person who finds the quickest, easiest route. I know I have to make decisions for myself before hand in order to like what I'm doing and to make hard things easier. Like I commit to 7 work outs a week. I commit to 1900 calories a day.

1900 calories can be a lot of garbage. 1900 calories can be a LOT of veggies. 1900 calories can sometimes not feel like enough.

Halloween came and went just fine. The birthday was much harder. This last weekend, EVERYONE wanted to take me out for dinner/lunch/FOOD. Not because they see piggy fat Nanette and think she only likes food, but because food is associated so closely with socializing and good conversations. Think about it. When else are you sitting directly across from someone for an hour with nothing else to distract you (phone, TV, computer)? I did pretty well to avoid the crap traps like fried foods. However, I'm still feeling a little guilt about not knowing how half the stuff is prepared and definitely eating more than just a single portion in a sitting.

Things like this just make daily eating harder. It makes it easy to get out of the habit of cooking meals, doing dishes, remembering to shop, not letting the produce in your fridge go to rot. It changes the cravings. It's a literal board game and when you draw the "give in" card you must go back 3 spaces. 3 spaces away from the healthy haven... back to the craving caves.

I had a good conversation with my friend Holly last week sometime though. When we spend time together she sometimes feels bad about herself. She's overweight. She sees that I'm doing something. She wants to do stuff to lose and feel good too. She said she feels short motivation, but nothing lasting. I invited her to go to my gym, she's alumni, she can get a university pass. She's paying for a gym elsewhere already though. We discussed it for a while and she didn't commit to a time or date. Her brother recently lost 100lbs last year.

"Formerly fat people have a different view of fun." Says Holly.
"What do you mean? Like they have less? Or they're living life with new enthusiasm?"
"No... It's just, they turn out more intense."
"Intense about what? Intense emotionally? Physically?"
"They get less nice."
"Have I gotten less nice?"
"No, but you've always been kinda sassy."
"Oh God, maybe that means I'll turn into a super bitch."

Then we laughed about it. But I know this is a serious concern. It's something I thought for a very long time. I've watched a lot of my friends lose weight. They talk about food and guilt and exercise and healthy alternatives ALL THE TIME. They're hungry and the tempers are shorter. They get more aggressive in social and romantic situations. Eventually they become skinny people and lose some of what made them THEM.

I say "they" because I'm trying to fight being one. One of my big fears that surfaced over some of these fat years is that I'm afraid to become meaner, or less funny, or less nice. I'd love to say it's unfounded. But it's not. Dad did it. Trent did it. Chris did it. Mandi did it. Crystal did it. etc etc. Body chemistry changes. How you feel about yourself and your body changes. BEHAVIORS change.

I'm starting to understand from the other end though. I talk about food and guilt and exercise all the time because I HAVE TO. It is in the forefront of my mind. I concentrate on it constantly because I HAVE TO in order to reach my goal. I hope to be on a road to making healthy choices a habit. But until that happens I have to obsess.

I see my temper fuse shorten. EVEN SHORTER THAN IT ALREADY IS. I've taken to just disappearing into my classes, school work, visual journaling... because I know I need time for my body to adjust to the new levels of food and activity. I also need time to remaster my ability to keep myself under control.

I've been more aggressive in social situations. I don't think it's been out of character though. It's my 7th year of school and I am grumpy about that as well as chemical and weight shifting.

I've been more aggressive in romantic situations...   and that's NOT bad. ;)

The definition of fun is changing for me. Dancing is fun. Moving is fun. Going on a walk/bike ride is fun. Eating is still fun, but there's more to life than sitting. There are more ways to share our time than sitting and consuming. 

Maybe I can help Holly see it. Maybe I can put this into words. Maybe it will take time for her to reach her own conclusions about health. I can't make decisions for her. It's just hard to see her want something and not be able to provide, give, or buy it for her.

I'm certainly no Muhammad of weight loss. It's coming off and staying off (If I have any say about it). It would be really nice to help another person along with their goal though. I've had so much help with my own. She deserves that too.

Big Fat Friendly Love,
Nanette