day one: the constant blogger.

Hey guys...

So yesterday wasn't terrible with food... But ingestion in general, erm... try again.

Breakfast: Fresh cherries.
Lunch: Spinach, tomato, olive, almond, cheese, yogurt dressing salad.
Dinner: erm. 2 jack and cokes with a date. And a spoonful of talenti gelato when I got home.
Water: 80oz

I'm purposely trying to get more walking in since I've been nothing but lazy. So I made a trip to the bank instead of reading on my work break. I've been standing on the subway instead of just sitting. But ultimately... still didn't get to the gym. Today I've got a grand notion to go after I do laundry and household stuff that didn't happen this weekend.

Grand notion? Really, Nanette? How about a date. A committed time and place. I will go to the gym tonight at 9pm. That should give me plenty of time to do everything else and allow me to avoid heat and sunshine.

My friend, Laura, has invited me to join her for lunch today after a doc appointment. I'm sticking to the vegetarian challenge this week! That should pretty much safeguard me from all things pizza-y and burger-y and maybe steer me towards things more salad-y and fiber-y.

Tentatively the menu today looks like this.

Breakfast: sleep.
Lunch: with laura... something green.
Dinner: One of those spinach salads. or a tuna sandwich (Bc I allow fish, even though it's meat).
That Stupid Snack I always have before bed: a slice or two of cheese.

P.s. The date last night was great. Trumpet player. Teaches lessons, works at a music store. Lives with his mom... but in this case, he's the one supporting her. not her supporting him. Which changes my feelings from "ugh, get a life" to "daawwwwww. wait... apron strings?"

P.P.S. One of the doc's patients yesterday was a music major... that has happened to turn into a personal trainer. Basically... that's what I've been thinking about doing with my life over the last few months. So I'm going to have tea with her sometime this week to talk about how she did it.

Big Fat FOOOD Love,
Nanette

For Maren - Fattitude.

I'm taking Maren up on her suggestion to write a blog about self-worth and fat. 

She wrote a post about finding the body love while still being fat and wrote it quite well...   Also Myra's response post got me thinking. 

"Joy in the Journey" is a phrase I've heard a thousand times over growing up...   and then in the music world, they tell you that the practicing has to be just as satisfying as the performance. So here we are... Fat. In transition. Can we find the happiness in that? Sure thing! 

I don't believe that being happy, while fat, means that you're not going to change or that you've become contented and complacent with your size. I can love my body and still work on it. As Maren said, we are more than our fat. We are complex people with varying interests and challenges. 

If we have to be sad because we're fat, then I could logically conclude that being thin is happiness and that's just not true. The baggage (emotional) that we carry along with our fat baggage needs just as much work and processing in order to be happy people. 

I've said it a few times... My dad lost his weight too late. He can't really enjoy the benefits of being thin. He still hurts. He's lost a lot of muscle. He's replaced so many body parts. His health is STILL affected by his years spent above 500lbs. I suspect that he thought he'd be happy when he lost weight... and it became this magical place in his mind "lost weight" or "skinny" or "thin." A place where there is limitless energy and recaptured youth and rainbows and puppies and the occasional slice of pizza. 

Well... he's lost weight. He's thin. He's spend the last 2 years in and out of hospitals, bed-ridden. He's still struggling to be a happy person. He's struggling to enjoy life. He still has a short temper. He still says mean things. He still has money problems. He still gets frustrated when he can't do things or when he needs help. He still likes to spend the majority of his time in front of a computer or a television. He doesn't go outside much or get very physical. He lost weight. But he isn't happy... He's still on that journey.

I believed that if Dad were thin, things would get better. I really did believe he would be happier, more kind, more patient. Now I know better. Thin doesn't mean any of that. Thin means carrying around a lot less physical weight - which has a plethora of positive benefits, if you can take advantage of them. 

Don't get me wrong... I love my dad through and through. He's a tough nut, but when you get past the shell, he's all softness. I'm a complete daddy's girl - which makes it harder to watch his health decline and see him turn into a confined ornery old cuss. 

My family in 2005? I was still in high school. In this pic, my dad had already lost about 100-150lbs. And the tall guy in the back... yeah... he's not standing on anything, he's just 6'7"

Achieving a certain weight does not mean you'll be happy and that problems will be solved. Happiness is based entirely on how you choose to view your life. 

I wrote this as a response to Myra's blog.. 

One must enjoy the practice as well as the performance or one will spend the majority of the time miserable. Eating right and exercising can be challenging AND fun... not just something to endure until we're thin - because if we haven't learned to be happy by then, the problem isn't weight, but attitude.

And I think that's the most succinct way I could say it.

Big Fat and Happy Love,
Nanette

CDCC

last week's check in was 339... still maintaining.

I'm sure this week is a gain. But I won't know until swim class on tuesday.

My laptop is still down. More when I get it back. :(

Nanette

P.S. Dad had his second back surgery. He's in a full time rehabilitation facility and doing much better... but it's going to be a very long time until he walks again. They're working on having him sit for longer amounts of time. He's up to 20 minutes. Soon he'll be doing transfers from bed to wheelchair to toilet and etc.

EDIT: This week 329 AGAIN! - at least it's not a gain after the holiday.

Technical Difficulties

Due to technical difficulties this blog is brought to you late...

AND I still owe you a weigh in. I'm going swimming at 4 o'clock so I'll be able to get that finally.

I've been eating okay. Staying under my caloric limit, but not eating the healthiest of things and not with the healthiest of timing this last week. But it's finally Thanksgiving Break! I can sit back and relax and catch up on everything stressing me out as far as school goes and not let that get in the way anymore.

I refuse to sleep in over the break... I can't get into that habit. That's how this person misses dance class and everything else! UGH!

I'm sad, my laptop backlight has shorted out. Everything is still functioning... Hopefully I can get that fixed when I'm closer to Salt Lake this week.

My dad is having more health difficulties. He woke up and couldn't feel or move his legs this last week and got himself to the ER in town, they couldn't do the x-rays he needed, so he went to Logan, they did the x-rays but don't have the specialists that they need, so he wound up in OGDEN... (2 hours from where he lives). They did an emergency back surgery to correct a pinched nerve and put some supports between his lumbar vertebrae. He's still having some issues and a LOT of pain. So he's back into surgery today... I guess they're trying to widen the holes that the nerves go through so they don't catch. However, this could also be nerve death happening. Which is scary.

It's a whole bunch of muddy feelings. I mean, I'm glad he's finally getting this looked at and taken care of. I hope he feels better. I also suspect that this is the beginning of a long road of declining health, which is terrible. But I suppose I'd best prepare myself for the hardest truth and celebrate when I'm wrong? Something like that. He's 68 and spent most of his life above the 400lb mark. With his foot injury from last year and the massive infections, he hasn't been out of a wheel chair and back to normal functions for over a year now. The antibiotics have killed his digestive system. And he might be getting a little worn out as far as fighting to get better goes. Though he's incredibly optimistic when he's doped up and not feeling pain. That's probably a feeling he's gotten used to for so many years, being in pain.

I dunno... but as long as praying is happening out there... maybe shoot some his way?

Big Fat Thanksgiving in a Hospital Love,
Nanette

Another weeeeeeek

Well...   it's been sort of a crazy week.

Broke up with J for some poor behavior.
Got a UTI.
Treated a UTI.
Got Blood test results back.

So here's the up and up. I'm feeling pretty good that my efforts are reflected in my blood work. I kind of wish I'd gotten it done earlier so I could have something to compare it to.

HDL: 38 (low, should be over 50)
LDL: 77 (low, should be between 100-150)
Cholesterol average thingy: 3.5 (PERFECT).
Blood sugar: 99 (anything below 100 for my age is good).

Doc says clean bill of health. Keep going. Keep losing.

Like everyone else, near season change, I'm having a hard time remembering what I want and staying motivated by what I've done. The fight against hibernation is DIFFICULT.

Issues I'm trying to address

Sleeping - I'm sleeping too much. I slept through my alarm clock this morning and missed a work out. Unacceptable. It drains the energy I do have. So, no more naps in the afternoon. Stick with your 6-7 hours. Reset the habit.

Water - UTI came on from being too dehydrated. My body has gotten used to the high levels of water and when I don't keep it consistent, it revolts.

School work - It's too easy to skip class, not do assignments and not pay attention. This, I hate to say, has been priority number one for the last week and will be until Thanksgiving break. I HAVE TO GRADUATE.

Finances - It's time to re-assess and get NYC savings fund back in shape, alter my monthly budget and stop buying crap I don't need.

FOOD - This is the same as finances. It needs planning. I need a revamp. I'm excited to clear out my cupboards over the vacation and re-organize my kitchen into a place where I feel inspired to create things. I've been eating too little on some days - like starvation mode too little, Only to OVERLOAD on calories on other days. I usually make menus on the weekend. I've fallen behind.

Workouts - It's cold, in case that slipped by other Northern US readers. I am car-less. Which is great if I need to get somewhere, as it forces exercise. But at this point, I would KILL to be able to drive to the gym, heck, I'd even work out LONGER to make up for not walking in frigid air. It's kicking my motivation's ass just to get out the door.

Basically, all the good habits I've worked so hard for since July have disappeared... slowly. By letting myself skip something once. twice. three times. Oh well. I haven't been good to my body for two weeks and I'm mad at me for it. You are what you eat. I'm a whole lot of saturated fat and salt.

On the plus side, the break up was... inspirational. My goals are within reach. Some of the garbage-y bits had been holding me back (encouraging bad eating behavior). It's funny. This thing only lasted a month but I already feel like I'm free again. Back to Nanette Normal. NYC normal. Lifestyle change normal. It's one less thing on the plate of life that I have to worry about. Sheesh, what I'll put up with for a little affection. I disappoint myself.

Big Fat Fresh Start Love,
Nanette

CDCC #7

BAD week.

Weigh in: 332 (+1)
Work outs: 2/7
Food: under 1900 calories 3/7
Book: no further.

Doctors visits: 3. I've got an awesome tonsil infection. We're throwing around the word surgery. But nothing is official yet. I'm kinda terrified because I don't know what it'll do to my voice - since that's the chosen area of study and what not. On the plus side, I had them pull blood for the standard health examination. Diabetes, thyroid, cholesterol, lipids, etc. It's the first time I've dared see the results.

In the meanwhile, I'm mainly on liquids - yes, I managed to go over calorie limit while just on liquids yesterday. Gotta calm down on the juices. More water and tea.

Things are calming down a little. Swallowing and breathing are getting easier. Post nasal drip has calmed down. I'm going swimming tomorrow. I've given myself 3 days of down time. I'm going CRAZY staying in all this time.

Big Fat Sicky Love,
Nanette