The SSSD Challenge is getting closer to being done. I wish that I'd done the challenges better, but know that it's been kinda crap timing to be trying to add things to my plate.
I hopped on the new Allan Challenge. I need the daily email thing... the reminders that I'm trying to lose weight. It's weird how different this weight loss experience is while trying to relocate and make it through life.
But the good news is that things are calming down. Life is always going to be hectic. Now that I've got a job going and a couple of side gigs, money is MUCH less of a stress. I move to the new, permanent location on Wednesday (own room, functional kitchen, peaceful space).
Myra mentioned finding the daily successes and keeping myself on track. I need to commit to that. I want to get back on track. Blog every day, force myself to think about health and be able to recognize and reward good choices. It makes things more exciting.
Thursday's success...
Breakfast: Veggie stir-fry.
Lunch: turkey pita + banana.
Snack: Peaches (from my home town!) + an orange.
Dinner: bagel with lox and cream cheese.
Snack: mini cook up of spaghetti.
My carbs are up up up. They've been up up up since I got here. However, I found a good market with tasty produce (not the cheapest, but it's consistently GOOD).
I spaced my eating out more so I don't come home and eat the entire world at night. It mostly worked. I was up pretty late and that's why spaghetti happened. So... get my sleeping back in order and I'll help that as well.
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Friday, August 24, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
SSSD Update!
Weigh in: 293 (-2)
Measurements
Waist: 44"
Below Waist: 53"
Hips: 60"
I did much better with eating this week. Not so much with exercise with the twelve hour days. But the long days definitely kept me busy and not putting things in my face. And I've been making an effort to make better choices. Salads for lunch. No cream based dressings, lemon herb and oil and vinegar. No pad thai for dinner. No pizza. No spending. Well a little. I went to subway twice. But the rest of it I cooked at home. And I don't feel like I was being very cautious at all... burgers, spaghetti, a lot more veggies.
We had a house party on Friday. Cheetos, oreos, freezer pizzas, booze, mixers and tortilla chips. I had some diet soda and a little of each. Still seeing the lower scale number. I think it has to do with better sleep patterns and a concerted effort to stay hydrated.
Anyway... I'm trying to cancel my gym membership. The three months that Wendy paid for are nearly up and I know that I need a little squishy room in the timeframe to be able to quit.
Be forwarned. Quitting a gym is like passing a bill through congress. Remember the paperwork that they gave you on the first day and said "oh don't worry, it's all online..." It's not. You signed away your first born. If you haven't had it yet, then you are indebted to the gym and you must pay $30 a month until that child is born.
I picked a non-contract membership. I paid with my debit card. But I'm still stuck in the spiral of pay $15 to get a copy of your contract. You are cancelling too late (9 days instead of 10 days notice), you will still be charged $30 for the month of august. Yearly dues are due in August. You will also owe us $39.95. Your cancellation must include A, B, & C (stated in the contract they will MAIL you - thus elongating the process) and it must be submitted in the mail also. No faxes will be accepted. No digital copies emailed.
They have my debit card on file. So they can go ahead and charge those things. So methinks I'm going to have to call my bank and do a stop payment or report a lost/stolen card to prevent those charges from happening. I was thinking of switching banks anyway. Isn't now a good time? Especially since I just signed a lease, was fronted $1000 to help pay for the deposit costs and now am paying that back while only working part-time. Things are tight. Bally's can suck it. Plus there's not a gym close to the new apartment. But there IS one within 25 miles of my location, so I can't cancel based on location changes either. 25 miles in NY land is like... 3 hours away.
Another reason to work out at home. Another reason to stick to body weight and couch to 5k. I will never sign up with a gym again. Ever. I will build my own home gym and stuff before even THINKING about signing another contract with ANYONE. Unless of course, I'm wealthy enough to have a monthly cheese budget and am able to whimsically buy sparkly things I see in windows without having to worry about rent, utilities or debt.
Lesson: Never get a gym pass, especially not with Bally Total Fitness.
Also, eat more salads. You'll poop off weight.
Big Fat FURIOUS Love,
Nanette
Measurements
Waist: 44"
Below Waist: 53"
Hips: 60"
I did much better with eating this week. Not so much with exercise with the twelve hour days. But the long days definitely kept me busy and not putting things in my face. And I've been making an effort to make better choices. Salads for lunch. No cream based dressings, lemon herb and oil and vinegar. No pad thai for dinner. No pizza. No spending. Well a little. I went to subway twice. But the rest of it I cooked at home. And I don't feel like I was being very cautious at all... burgers, spaghetti, a lot more veggies.
We had a house party on Friday. Cheetos, oreos, freezer pizzas, booze, mixers and tortilla chips. I had some diet soda and a little of each. Still seeing the lower scale number. I think it has to do with better sleep patterns and a concerted effort to stay hydrated.
Anyway... I'm trying to cancel my gym membership. The three months that Wendy paid for are nearly up and I know that I need a little squishy room in the timeframe to be able to quit.
Be forwarned. Quitting a gym is like passing a bill through congress. Remember the paperwork that they gave you on the first day and said "oh don't worry, it's all online..." It's not. You signed away your first born. If you haven't had it yet, then you are indebted to the gym and you must pay $30 a month until that child is born.
I picked a non-contract membership. I paid with my debit card. But I'm still stuck in the spiral of pay $15 to get a copy of your contract. You are cancelling too late (9 days instead of 10 days notice), you will still be charged $30 for the month of august. Yearly dues are due in August. You will also owe us $39.95. Your cancellation must include A, B, & C (stated in the contract they will MAIL you - thus elongating the process) and it must be submitted in the mail also. No faxes will be accepted. No digital copies emailed.
They have my debit card on file. So they can go ahead and charge those things. So methinks I'm going to have to call my bank and do a stop payment or report a lost/stolen card to prevent those charges from happening. I was thinking of switching banks anyway. Isn't now a good time? Especially since I just signed a lease, was fronted $1000 to help pay for the deposit costs and now am paying that back while only working part-time. Things are tight. Bally's can suck it. Plus there's not a gym close to the new apartment. But there IS one within 25 miles of my location, so I can't cancel based on location changes either. 25 miles in NY land is like... 3 hours away.
Another reason to work out at home. Another reason to stick to body weight and couch to 5k. I will never sign up with a gym again. Ever. I will build my own home gym and stuff before even THINKING about signing another contract with ANYONE. Unless of course, I'm wealthy enough to have a monthly cheese budget and am able to whimsically buy sparkly things I see in windows without having to worry about rent, utilities or debt.
Lesson: Never get a gym pass, especially not with Bally Total Fitness.
Also, eat more salads. You'll poop off weight.
Big Fat FURIOUS Love,
Nanette
Friday, July 13, 2012
And the effort continues...
Yesterday... eating every few hours. FAIL.
It's weird. I'm working in a nutrition office, but don't have time to have good nutrition. Yesterday's food tally.
Breakfast: cottage cheese w/raisins and almonds.
Lunch: Truffled coffee beans (5) and few almonds.
Dinner: mushroom pizza (2 slices) and mozzarella sticks (2) *roommate ordered in. WEAKNESS.
 |
| Eat right... eat right... eat right... |
This weekend I'm going to brain storm snack bags and pre-chop and prebag them for the work week. Because this eating schedule makes me ravenous and is not good for me.
I'm thinking...
celery.
carrots.
tomato slices.
apples.
bananas.
those pre-cut watermelon things.
more cherries bc those were amazing.
spinach salads (pre-made and refrigerated).
Today... I have the day off. I am going to eat a nectarine. Drink a gallon of water. Take a well-deserved nap. Call the realtor and see if they need anything else from me. And maybe go take in a photography exhibit with that boy I like. I could even get a gym session in if exhaustion doesn't win.
Apparently, the hopefully new place is very close to a nice graveyard. Remember how I liked to go running? I would love to pick it up there again. Best thing about running in the graveyard? I've got the hottest body there... because it's not rotting.
I might blog more later. Since being at home enables that. OH! Coworker is going to take vacation soon... so instead of 20 hour work weeks, I will have 50-60 hour work weeks for 2 weeks. That will help the finances SO MUCH.
Big Fat DAY OFF Love,
Nanette
Thursday, July 12, 2012
STARVING... Okay... maybe just REALLY HUNGRY.
So yesterday is a fine example of the kind of problem I'm having planning stuff... remember the good intentions and the menu and stuff? Immediately after I wrote that, I got a call from my friend and I had to bolt (unshowered and gross) across town to see a property (we're looking for a lease) on the other side of brooklyn. Hurriedly, I threw on my work clothes just in case I couldn't make it home. But I mean, honestly, it was 9:00am. and I didn't have to be to work until 1:30. I should have had time, right?
What subway am I near? Will it take me all the way to work? No. Walk another .5 miles. Realize that I left without breakfast. I left without lunch. I didn't pack a dinner. Balls. Hurry into a Duane Read and buy a bag of unsalted almonds and a water bottle. RUN the rest of the way to work.
Wrong.
The cab didn't show up. So we had to find an alternate route. run to the subway. Take a shuttle. But the realtor thought we would be there in like... 15 min. Turning out to be 30... 45... I'm stressing my face off. Then we get there... and we speed walk 3 streets and an avenue (I've learned that they're different). Meet up with Boris and he drives us to the property.
Driving takes 20 minutes. It's less than 5 miles away. TWENTY MINUTES. That is only slightly faster than walking. We see the apt in about 20 minutes as well... drive back in 20 minutes. Go to the office. Fill out paperwork for credit checks another 20 minutes... it's 11:45a.m. already!
What subway am I near? Will it take me all the way to work? No. Walk another .5 miles. Realize that I left without breakfast. I left without lunch. I didn't pack a dinner. Balls. Hurry into a Duane Read and buy a bag of unsalted almonds and a water bottle. RUN the rest of the way to work.
Work is slammed. CONSTANTLY going going going. Everything was going well though. From 1:30 - 8:00pm. I didn't have time to pee. I forgot entirely about the almonds. I get done. Drag myself to the train. NO energy. Start fantasizing about what food I'm going to order when I get home... realize I'm about to sign a lease and I have a total of $12 that needs to last me two weeks. Start thinking of the food I can make.
Get home. Take of 80% of my clothes. Make a tuna melt and a salad and some cottage cheese... and a slice of cheese... and a tomato... and a huge bottle of water. Get a phone call from a guy I've been meaning to go on a second date with. Hurry and eat dinner. Meet him at 14th street... it's 12:20a.m. We walk from union square all the way to flatbush (across brooklyn bridge) and then poop out and take a cab home. It was approximately 5.5 miles. I get home at 2:30am. Realize I have to take papers over to the realtor in the morning. Must be up by 8:30.
Accidentally sleep in. oops. Will fax the papers when I get to work. And the best intentions for today...
Just eat something. a little something, every four hours or so.
and drink water.
Big Fat Tired Love,
Nanette
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Come On, Lady...
So again with the inconsistency. What I thought my menu would look like yesterday and what it actually turned out to be were two totally different things.
Breakfast: sleep.
Lunch: Shake Shack Veggie Burger and small fry.
Snack: Large unsweetened ice tea, 2 lemon stuffed green olives, a dried mango slice, a dried kiwi slice, a cube of white sharp cheddar, a cube of reggiatino cheese.
Dinner: Tomato + cucumber gazpacho.
Snack: a little more cheese. a few dark chocolate chips. A caramel. and a little more cheese. a couple of those olives.
SNACK ATTACK. That's what happened. This is a serious case of giving in. Laura and I went to lunch and then she needed to go to Zabars to pick up stuff for an antipasto plate she was making for her husband. Well, Zabars happens to have the world's most delicious cheese section, think "mall of fancy cheeses at reasonable prices!" And that sort of pooped all over my good intentions. Well, no, by giving in, I pooped all over my good intentions.
Let's take a look at that menu. Fried, carbs, salt, sugar, salt, veggie, salt, sugar, sugar, salt, salt. Yeah. Not the greatest. I'm on the scale this morning and it's the same number as Sunday. Laura and I walked over two miles yesterday to get to the shake shack and back to the subway line. Then I walked to and from the laundromat. So we're looking at a good 3 miles at least yesterday. But I still don't count it as exercise because my heart rate wasn't up... though I got a pretty good sweat, as it's warm.
Uh, sidenote, made it through the day vegetarian. Proof that even a vegetarian diet can be bad for you if you don't eat the veg part.
And here's the thing. Eating like this has not made me feel good. My energy is kinda low. My joints hurt. I'm swollen (salt much?) and seem to have a sugar hang over (which I firmly believe exists).
Today. Let's try to say something and actually stick with it, Nanette. Tiny things. This is a commitment to health. This is a commitment to your body. This is a commitment to not being like dad, to not being diabetic, to the clothes you hauled across the nation that you swore you would fit into...
Today's menu
Breakfast: cottage cheese.
Lunch: spinach salad, tomato, almonds, olives, dressing, tuna. NO CHEESE.
Dinner: Chicken breast + left over gazpacho.
Pre-bed: frozen grapes.
IF I FEEL SNACKY... which I probably will. Approved snacks.
Strawberries.
Almonds.
Blueberries.
an ounce of cheese.
Big Fat Get Your Shit Together Love,
Nanette
Breakfast: sleep.
Lunch: Shake Shack Veggie Burger and small fry.
Snack: Large unsweetened ice tea, 2 lemon stuffed green olives, a dried mango slice, a dried kiwi slice, a cube of white sharp cheddar, a cube of reggiatino cheese.
Dinner: Tomato + cucumber gazpacho.
Snack: a little more cheese. a few dark chocolate chips. A caramel. and a little more cheese. a couple of those olives.
SNACK ATTACK. That's what happened. This is a serious case of giving in. Laura and I went to lunch and then she needed to go to Zabars to pick up stuff for an antipasto plate she was making for her husband. Well, Zabars happens to have the world's most delicious cheese section, think "mall of fancy cheeses at reasonable prices!" And that sort of pooped all over my good intentions. Well, no, by giving in, I pooped all over my good intentions.
Let's take a look at that menu. Fried, carbs, salt, sugar, salt, veggie, salt, sugar, sugar, salt, salt. Yeah. Not the greatest. I'm on the scale this morning and it's the same number as Sunday. Laura and I walked over two miles yesterday to get to the shake shack and back to the subway line. Then I walked to and from the laundromat. So we're looking at a good 3 miles at least yesterday. But I still don't count it as exercise because my heart rate wasn't up... though I got a pretty good sweat, as it's warm.
Uh, sidenote, made it through the day vegetarian. Proof that even a vegetarian diet can be bad for you if you don't eat the veg part.
And here's the thing. Eating like this has not made me feel good. My energy is kinda low. My joints hurt. I'm swollen (salt much?) and seem to have a sugar hang over (which I firmly believe exists).
Today. Let's try to say something and actually stick with it, Nanette. Tiny things. This is a commitment to health. This is a commitment to your body. This is a commitment to not being like dad, to not being diabetic, to the clothes you hauled across the nation that you swore you would fit into...Today's menu
Breakfast: cottage cheese.
Lunch: spinach salad, tomato, almonds, olives, dressing, tuna. NO CHEESE.
Dinner: Chicken breast + left over gazpacho.
Pre-bed: frozen grapes.
IF I FEEL SNACKY... which I probably will. Approved snacks.
Strawberries.
Almonds.
Blueberries.
an ounce of cheese.
Big Fat Get Your Shit Together Love,
Nanette
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
day one: the constant blogger.
Hey guys...
So yesterday wasn't terrible with food... But ingestion in general, erm... try again.
Breakfast: Fresh cherries.
Lunch: Spinach, tomato, olive, almond, cheese, yogurt dressing salad.
Dinner: erm. 2 jack and cokes with a date. And a spoonful of talenti gelato when I got home.
Water: 80oz
I'm purposely trying to get more walking in since I've been nothing but lazy. So I made a trip to the bank instead of reading on my work break. I've been standing on the subway instead of just sitting. But ultimately... still didn't get to the gym. Today I've got a grand notion to go after I do laundry and household stuff that didn't happen this weekend.
Grand notion? Really, Nanette? How about a date. A committed time and place. I will go to the gym tonight at 9pm. That should give me plenty of time to do everything else and allow me to avoid heat and sunshine.
My friend, Laura, has invited me to join her for lunch today after a doc appointment. I'm sticking to the vegetarian challenge this week! That should pretty much safeguard me from all things pizza-y and burger-y and maybe steer me towards things more salad-y and fiber-y.
Tentatively the menu today looks like this.
Breakfast: sleep.
Lunch: with laura... something green.
Dinner: One of those spinach salads. or a tuna sandwich (Bc I allow fish, even though it's meat).
That Stupid Snack I always have before bed: a slice or two of cheese.
P.s. The date last night was great. Trumpet player. Teaches lessons, works at a music store. Lives with his mom... but in this case, he's the one supporting her. not her supporting him. Which changes my feelings from "ugh, get a life" to "daawwwwww. wait... apron strings?"
P.P.S. One of the doc's patients yesterday was a music major... that has happened to turn into a personal trainer. Basically... that's what I've been thinking about doing with my life over the last few months. So I'm going to have tea with her sometime this week to talk about how she did it.
Big Fat FOOOD Love,
Nanette
So yesterday wasn't terrible with food... But ingestion in general, erm... try again.
Breakfast: Fresh cherries.
Lunch: Spinach, tomato, olive, almond, cheese, yogurt dressing salad.
Dinner: erm. 2 jack and cokes with a date. And a spoonful of talenti gelato when I got home.
Water: 80oz
I'm purposely trying to get more walking in since I've been nothing but lazy. So I made a trip to the bank instead of reading on my work break. I've been standing on the subway instead of just sitting. But ultimately... still didn't get to the gym. Today I've got a grand notion to go after I do laundry and household stuff that didn't happen this weekend.
Grand notion? Really, Nanette? How about a date. A committed time and place. I will go to the gym tonight at 9pm. That should give me plenty of time to do everything else and allow me to avoid heat and sunshine.
Tentatively the menu today looks like this.
Breakfast: sleep.
Lunch: with laura... something green.
Dinner: One of those spinach salads. or a tuna sandwich (Bc I allow fish, even though it's meat).
That Stupid Snack I always have before bed: a slice or two of cheese.
P.s. The date last night was great. Trumpet player. Teaches lessons, works at a music store. Lives with his mom... but in this case, he's the one supporting her. not her supporting him. Which changes my feelings from "ugh, get a life" to "daawwwwww. wait... apron strings?"
P.P.S. One of the doc's patients yesterday was a music major... that has happened to turn into a personal trainer. Basically... that's what I've been thinking about doing with my life over the last few months. So I'm going to have tea with her sometime this week to talk about how she did it.
Big Fat FOOOD Love,
Nanette
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
2 days of work under my belt.
Two days of work have gone by. I think I'm ready to start taking on the office? Well... ready or not. Doc is back from vacation and I'm going to be doing just that today. Here's hoping I don't make an ass of myself on the phones with the customers or give someone the wrong supplements. It's a busy day. I just hope that it all goes without a hitch so I can build some confidence. heh. I mean, I have confidence, but so I can validate it.
So Friday... I have some shopping to do in order to make next week run a little better. This week, I'll find a way to eat what I have (not in one sitting) and make room for the stuff I'm bringing home.
I've been cruising dollar stores these past couple of days; picking up household items and looking for a good, cheap water bottle. Looks like I'm going to have to break down and buy a nice expensive one (that I hopefully won't lose). And find a place to buy one. The outdoors stores aren't as frequent and obvious here. So much getting used to!
Fluids
Monday - 80oz.
Tuesday - 100oz.
Goals
- Buy water bottle
- write out this week's schedule.
- take stock of what pots and pans are in this apt.
- make a menu.
- make a grocery list.
My calories have been out of control in the evenings when I get home from work because I don't take time to stop and snack during the 5 hour shift... that happens to fall very awkwardly from 1:30 - 7:30. So I'm rushing to get there during what would normally be lunch (skipping it) and working through dinner time. Getting home and ordering something while I much on stuff waiting for it to arrive. TERRIBLE HABITS! I've only done it twice. But it has to change before I like it too much.
Here's how I want my typical work day to look.
9am up. eat something.
9:30 go to gym.
10:30 home to shower
11:00 get dressed, pack bag.
11:15 eat something and make snack to go.
11:45 brush teeth, run out door.
12:00 be to station or on train. Use train ride to make menus and list out thoughts.
1:00 be to the work area with a little extra "train running slow" time, eat a snack.
1:30 work.
4:30 Take a little break. 10 min. Eat snacks.
7:30 Off work... head to train, or to shops for water bottles.
8:30 home. Make a real dinner and maybe a snack for tomorrow (kale chips?).
9:30 clean up the house EVERYDAY. I'm telling you this one room, two people, one cat thing gets messy.
10:00 sit down and dink around on my laptop, read blogs, write emails, update facebook. etc.
12:00am bed.
Let's talk about those "eat somethings" I would like it to look like this.
pre-workout: usually fruit & yogurt, sometimes just one or the other.
post-workout: peanut butter on toast.
train snack: sliced cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, or baby carrots
work snack: string cheese, almonds, apple.
real dinner: protein + veggie + fruit
laptop snack: cottage cheese.
Yesterday it looked like this.
9am Breakfast: raspberries + 1/4 c yogurt.
11am snack: spoonful of peanut butter.
8:30 pm: waiting for dinner to arrive... 3 spoonfuls of ice cream, a slice of cheese.
9:30 pm dinner: cheese pizza, the entire 10" thing.
So Friday... I have some shopping to do in order to make next week run a little better. This week, I'll find a way to eat what I have (not in one sitting) and make room for the stuff I'm bringing home.
Big Fat List Makin'- Brain Organizin' Love,
Nanette
Monday, June 25, 2012
SSSD week 3 wrap up.
Weight: 298 (-0)
Measurements:
Waist: 45.5"(-.75")
Under waist: 56.5 (-.5)
Hips: 60.5" (-.5)
I'm back to the measurements two weeks ago! :)
Workouts
Monday - none
Tuesday - Walking around the park for 60 min.
Wednesday - Gym 60 min. (30 cardio, 30 weights).
Thursday - Walking around 30 min.
Friday - Walking 1 hour.
Saturday - Walking 1 hour.
Sunday - Walking 30 min.
Challenge: Try the ab machines at the gym. I did the rotate-y one... and the assisted crunches one. I think I get a better work out without them though. But the rotate-y one popped my back in the best way possible!
Honestly... I can't really say I committed to fitness this week. I deserve a -0 this week. Because I ate. Boy did I eat. Pizza, burger, cannoli, cheesecake, sushi, ostrich, nachos. If anything I'm surprised I was able to maintain.
So I have landed the job. That stress is out of the way. I go into the office today to get my schedule and to begin to build structure in my life. I'm so excited! I will learn about nutrition. I will be able to get myself regularly to the gym. I will be able to afford living here for at least a little while and meagerly, but it will be something.
I have no more excuses. No more moving worries, no more cash flow worries, no more impressing people worries, no more Will I have to move back to Idaho? worries. The good mental place is being prepared. I will be good. I will be fine.
I still need to have a little quiet time with a schedule and some paper to write it all out. Quiet time seems to be in short supply here.
I'm really excited to try and get 100 oz of water in. I've been so dehydrated. This will also give me an excuse to get to a sports store and buy a nalgene or camelbak water bottle!
Big Fat Let's Get Going Love,
Nanette
Measurements:
Waist: 45.5"(-.75")
Under waist: 56.5 (-.5)
Hips: 60.5" (-.5)
I'm back to the measurements two weeks ago! :)
Workouts
Monday - none
Tuesday - Walking around the park for 60 min.
Wednesday - Gym 60 min. (30 cardio, 30 weights).
Thursday - Walking around 30 min.
Friday - Walking 1 hour.
Saturday - Walking 1 hour.
Sunday - Walking 30 min.
Challenge: Try the ab machines at the gym. I did the rotate-y one... and the assisted crunches one. I think I get a better work out without them though. But the rotate-y one popped my back in the best way possible!
Honestly... I can't really say I committed to fitness this week. I deserve a -0 this week. Because I ate. Boy did I eat. Pizza, burger, cannoli, cheesecake, sushi, ostrich, nachos. If anything I'm surprised I was able to maintain.
So I have landed the job. That stress is out of the way. I go into the office today to get my schedule and to begin to build structure in my life. I'm so excited! I will learn about nutrition. I will be able to get myself regularly to the gym. I will be able to afford living here for at least a little while and meagerly, but it will be something.
I have no more excuses. No more moving worries, no more cash flow worries, no more impressing people worries, no more Will I have to move back to Idaho? worries. The good mental place is being prepared. I will be good. I will be fine.
I still need to have a little quiet time with a schedule and some paper to write it all out. Quiet time seems to be in short supply here.
I'm really excited to try and get 100 oz of water in. I've been so dehydrated. This will also give me an excuse to get to a sports store and buy a nalgene or camelbak water bottle!
Big Fat Let's Get Going Love,
Nanette
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Weakness and Procrastination.
Do you have those weeks where everything sort of plays on your current weakness? This past week it seems like pizza was everywhere I looked; mentioned in the fat blogs, advertised in the sidebars of monetized blogs/videos, free at work, in every conversation around me... well. I gave in. I had 3 slices last night and threw the rest away.
I ran across a couple of people while I was out. A fellow runner slowed down and ran with me for a block... It was a lovely show of support. There were also a couple cars driving by that gave me a friendly wave and a thumbs up.
It took rotating through all my excuses this morning to get me out and running. Ipod isn't charged. Check my email. Check my facebook. Go to the bathroom twice. Eat a little something. Brush my teeth. Drink some water. Put more music on my playlist. My excuses took longer than the actual run. I recognize that.... the excuses probably aren't going to disappear entirely. But with time, I hope to lessen the time I spend procrastinating exercise. I can't afford that. Life is short. There's so much to get done. Why waste your time puttering around? I know my goals. Time to GET TO THEM!
Menu
B: celery + carrots
S: fresh ground peanut butter + celery
L: celery + carrots + tomato + spinach + asparagus.
S: Steamed broccoli + cucumber + balsamic vinaigrette
D: Asparagus + tomato + garlic sauteed.
Workout
Interval Run.
Big Fat Get Your Head In The Game Love,
Nanette
It wasn't some amazing pizza. It was disappointing. It was greasy, carb-y and salty. And I'm over it. I make better homemade pizza than what I had at the local pizzeria (which I thought was amazing, to die for pizza about 8 months ago).
Since my Lent challenge of not going out, I've had a harder time staying on my plan. So I think I'm going back to it - modification: I can go out with my trainer every once in a while. We go to restaurants and assess the healthiness of each other's dinners and it works out quite well to keep me eating healthy while out on the town.
When I eat homemade food I lose weight.
Well, I felt so bad about my pizza indulgence yesterday... more correctly, I felt bad about my weakness and lack of willpower. My friend and I went to the grocery store and bought $10 worth of veggies. Because I have decided that today is a raw foods day.
Also... Today is a run day. Now was it last week??? I ranted and raved about not wanting to be judged and then went running on the busiest road in town... Today I was running alley ways again. As empowering as it was to say "Go ahead world, JUDGE ME," it's easier to concentrate on the running, breathing and consistency when I don't run into anyone.
I felt really great about today's run. I'm on week 3 of c25k.
2 rounds
1.5 min run
1.5 min walk
3 min run
3 min walk
It was my second time running this. I didn't have to stop for a second to catch my breath on the 3 minute runs like I did last time. It was easier to distract myself since it was daylight out and I could see all the stuff around me. I found that when my feet started aching or my knees complained a little, if I concentrate on swinging my arms, I can't hear the other body parts.I ran across a couple of people while I was out. A fellow runner slowed down and ran with me for a block... It was a lovely show of support. There were also a couple cars driving by that gave me a friendly wave and a thumbs up.
It took rotating through all my excuses this morning to get me out and running. Ipod isn't charged. Check my email. Check my facebook. Go to the bathroom twice. Eat a little something. Brush my teeth. Drink some water. Put more music on my playlist. My excuses took longer than the actual run. I recognize that.... the excuses probably aren't going to disappear entirely. But with time, I hope to lessen the time I spend procrastinating exercise. I can't afford that. Life is short. There's so much to get done. Why waste your time puttering around? I know my goals. Time to GET TO THEM!
 |
| Saw this quote in a running magazine this week... love it. I AM A RUNNER. |
B: celery + carrots
S: fresh ground peanut butter + celery
L: celery + carrots + tomato + spinach + asparagus.
S: Steamed broccoli + cucumber + balsamic vinaigrette
D: Asparagus + tomato + garlic sauteed.
Workout
Interval Run.
Big Fat Get Your Head In The Game Love,
Nanette
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Midweek Check In.
I have refrained from weighing myself at all this week. Which I'm pretty much a scale addict. I check it every time I change my clothes. Anyway... 3 days of none of that. I got on the scale and I'm up a freaking pound. I'm cycling through a lot of thoughts and emotions like anger and disappointment and what if you're just gaining muscle?! and have I been eating things that I haven't been logging? I'm drinking enough water. I'm definitely getting enough exercise. I'm on my period... is that it? I WANT TO SEE A LOSS THIS WEEK, not just a different number. I've got to... I want to lose another 10-20lbs before I move. It's my fresh start and I don't want to do it above 300lbs.
Today the two a day work outs stop. I'm a bit too sore for life today. Heh. But really, I'm having some awesome muscle fatigue. So I'm taking this morning off. Trainer cancelled. She's having a hard time moving and needs to be able to teach her class tomorrow. As much as she pushes me, I push her right back. I will revel in this rest day - for tomorrow I run.
I'm kind of excited about the running. I want to build up to be something I really enjoy... You know, 30 minutes of just going. No marathons or 5Ks or whatever. Just going on a run. It could be great me time. I'd also love to be in the kind of relationship where you both go on a morning run to start the day... It might be silly. But it's something I'd want. Plus it would be such a motivator for staying active.
I've been thinking a lot about this move and how I'm going to stay active. I'm going to keep losing weight. Someone asked yesterday if I'm going to keep blogging. You bet your nethers I will be! Writing is a cathartic activity for me. I'd much rather go for the laptop than go for the fridge.
Which I must admit I did last night. Now I didn't go over my caloric limit of 1700. And I was hungry but I was having such an emotional night, that I was definitely eating for comfort instead of hunger. And I didn't make terrible choices, some cottage cheese, a handful of baby carrots and some peanut butter. It was one of those weird days when you get home, sit down and mysteriously start crying. I didn't know over what, or why. Yesterday wasn't particularly bad. Maybe the stress of the NY thing was sort of raining down around me (rain from my face). I was awash with all those feelings of inadequacy... I talk to myself a lot... and even saying some of it out loud just made me cry harder. It was ridiculous. I'm not a terribly emotional person - or, I am, but I don't cry very often. So when I do, I make it worth it.
But mid-everything, before I could reach for another food to eat, I ran a hot bath and laid in it for a while reading some magazines about beginning running. I got ready for bed and slept like a dead thing. Maybe just exhaustion? Tears from exhaustion? Something. Well, I'm taking today off to recuperate... And I'll just have to eat extra smart today.
Big Fat Tears of Love,
Nanette
Today the two a day work outs stop. I'm a bit too sore for life today. Heh. But really, I'm having some awesome muscle fatigue. So I'm taking this morning off. Trainer cancelled. She's having a hard time moving and needs to be able to teach her class tomorrow. As much as she pushes me, I push her right back. I will revel in this rest day - for tomorrow I run.
I'm kind of excited about the running. I want to build up to be something I really enjoy... You know, 30 minutes of just going. No marathons or 5Ks or whatever. Just going on a run. It could be great me time. I'd also love to be in the kind of relationship where you both go on a morning run to start the day... It might be silly. But it's something I'd want. Plus it would be such a motivator for staying active.
Which I must admit I did last night. Now I didn't go over my caloric limit of 1700. And I was hungry but I was having such an emotional night, that I was definitely eating for comfort instead of hunger. And I didn't make terrible choices, some cottage cheese, a handful of baby carrots and some peanut butter. It was one of those weird days when you get home, sit down and mysteriously start crying. I didn't know over what, or why. Yesterday wasn't particularly bad. Maybe the stress of the NY thing was sort of raining down around me (rain from my face). I was awash with all those feelings of inadequacy... I talk to myself a lot... and even saying some of it out loud just made me cry harder. It was ridiculous. I'm not a terribly emotional person - or, I am, but I don't cry very often. So when I do, I make it worth it.
But mid-everything, before I could reach for another food to eat, I ran a hot bath and laid in it for a while reading some magazines about beginning running. I got ready for bed and slept like a dead thing. Maybe just exhaustion? Tears from exhaustion? Something. Well, I'm taking today off to recuperate... And I'll just have to eat extra smart today.
Big Fat Tears of Love,
Nanette
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Bendy and back on track.
So I went to PiYo (pilates-yoga) today at the community rec center. It's the first time I've ever been there and for a whopping $5 I got to go to class and have full access for the rest of the day to the gym/pool etc. Not that I can really take advantage of that since I don't have a car to drive back, but this is definitely something I could get my friends into.
I feel great. GREAT. The instructor is really kind and chatty. She's very attentive to her students (there were only 5). But I got feedback on my poses and stretches. It helped stretch out my hamstrings and lengthen my spinal column. It's reversing all the tension I've been building with the high intensity interval training. Holly helped me find a great stretch for opening up between my shoulders.
I'm ready to jump back up, off my jiggly fat ass and get it heading back towards fitness.
I was a dinner for an out of town friend last night and received a lot of compliments about how far I've come. Trent (if you remember him, he was my work out partner last semester) told me that I just looked alive and bright...despite my anger and yearning to be a complete and utter bitch because of my bad mood. Trent and I talked about body stuff - like my rainbow of fat going away above my butt, the need to purchase new bras, the emergence of my long forgotten jaw bone and facial structure.
Trainer said we're back on for next week. No stopping. Full boar.
The plan for eating today...
Breakfast: Access bar
Lunch: tuna fish + steamed asparagus.
Mid-afternoon: tomato + broccoli (steamed?)
Dinner: Steak + edamame.
Pre-bed: orange.
It's kinda minimal today... but I'm trying to reduce the crap and do a little penance for yesterday. Of course there will be a lot of tea and water.
I'm also going for a soak at the mineral pools. Staying hydrated is key. Getting out of the house (away from all the food) is another key.
Big Fat Stretchy Love,
Nanette
I feel great. GREAT. The instructor is really kind and chatty. She's very attentive to her students (there were only 5). But I got feedback on my poses and stretches. It helped stretch out my hamstrings and lengthen my spinal column. It's reversing all the tension I've been building with the high intensity interval training. Holly helped me find a great stretch for opening up between my shoulders.
I'm ready to jump back up, off my jiggly fat ass and get it heading back towards fitness.
I was a dinner for an out of town friend last night and received a lot of compliments about how far I've come. Trent (if you remember him, he was my work out partner last semester) told me that I just looked alive and bright...despite my anger and yearning to be a complete and utter bitch because of my bad mood. Trent and I talked about body stuff - like my rainbow of fat going away above my butt, the need to purchase new bras, the emergence of my long forgotten jaw bone and facial structure.
Trainer said we're back on for next week. No stopping. Full boar.
The plan for eating today...
Breakfast: Access bar
Lunch: tuna fish + steamed asparagus.
Mid-afternoon: tomato + broccoli (steamed?)
Dinner: Steak + edamame.
Pre-bed: orange.
It's kinda minimal today... but I'm trying to reduce the crap and do a little penance for yesterday. Of course there will be a lot of tea and water.
I'm also going for a soak at the mineral pools. Staying hydrated is key. Getting out of the house (away from all the food) is another key.
Big Fat Stretchy Love,
Nanette
Friday, March 16, 2012
Having a tough day
Well technically yesterday got tough around midday. I always rant and rave about poor communication in the office and I always get uppity and self-righteous about people disrespecting others' time. Yeah... Kinda called the kettle black with my actions. I gave someone a 1pm dead line and then I went into work early... changing the deadline to like... 10am. But it was something I could remotely take care of from home (aka, uploading a file to a print server). However, the person that needed to give me the newly edited program wanted to go over it hard copy and scheduled his day around a 15 minute edit time with me at 1pm. I felt like a giant ass.
Fast forward to the next job (library). I popped in early since my voice student was a no-show. I was talking to a coworker. It got gossipy and I didn't stop it... So I was participating in something that again, I'm a giant advocate of NOT DOING. I'm quite openly against it. If there is an issue or you have issue with someone... in my rule book, you talk directly to that person and no one else. Well... I kettle blacked all over that situation.
I'm not much by way of crying, but usually I have this GIANT sense of dread and disappointment. I've fixed the situations. But it's not the situation... it's that I disappointed myself and then beat myself up about it.
I totally ate my feelings last night and today, instead of waking up and working out like I told myself I would, I just didn't care. Apathy... my personal weight loss MONSTER.
I practiced piano. Wrote a few letters. Went to the tea house for tea (which I don't count on the lent thing since it's zero calories and under $2.00). Bought some stuff at the Persian Bazaar. Made lunch...
hummus. <---carb.
falafel <-------sat fat and carb
lavash <-----CARB.
For the first time in two months, I am uncomfortably full. And even more disappointed in myself. (cyclic, I know). But I've gotta get back on top of my shit. One bad day... on top a week without my work outs... on top of a wheelbarrow full of carbs... this close to weigh in. I kinda think I'm screwed this time.
Tomorrow morning is a PiYo class with trainer. I refuse to whine about it. I refuse to gripe. I will get my ass in gear. I'm also going to get a pre-bed work out in tonight. Nothing crazy like the normal HIIT stuff, but something none-the-less.
Big Fat FATFATFAT Love,
Nanette
Fast forward to the next job (library). I popped in early since my voice student was a no-show. I was talking to a coworker. It got gossipy and I didn't stop it... So I was participating in something that again, I'm a giant advocate of NOT DOING. I'm quite openly against it. If there is an issue or you have issue with someone... in my rule book, you talk directly to that person and no one else. Well... I kettle blacked all over that situation.
I totally ate my feelings last night and today, instead of waking up and working out like I told myself I would, I just didn't care. Apathy... my personal weight loss MONSTER.
I practiced piano. Wrote a few letters. Went to the tea house for tea (which I don't count on the lent thing since it's zero calories and under $2.00). Bought some stuff at the Persian Bazaar. Made lunch...
hummus. <---carb.
falafel <-------sat fat and carb
lavash <-----CARB.
For the first time in two months, I am uncomfortably full. And even more disappointed in myself. (cyclic, I know). But I've gotta get back on top of my shit. One bad day... on top a week without my work outs... on top of a wheelbarrow full of carbs... this close to weigh in. I kinda think I'm screwed this time.
Tomorrow morning is a PiYo class with trainer. I refuse to whine about it. I refuse to gripe. I will get my ass in gear. I'm also going to get a pre-bed work out in tonight. Nothing crazy like the normal HIIT stuff, but something none-the-less.
Big Fat FATFATFAT Love,
Nanette
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Food and Good News
I've been struggling with water consumption for Allan's Challenge. I'm supposed to be drinking 160oz. a day. I haven't been forgetting my water bottle... I just haven't been very thirsty. So I wind up not drinking much during the day and then trying to get 3-4 liters in while at work... Which, I've been able to do with a trip to the bathroom every hour. heh!
I would also like to share my excitement with you guys today! I passed the second of 4 piano scale tests! I'm down to the really hard ones... the harmonic minors. Ugh... and two piano pieces. Debussy and Schubert.
I've also been eating more carbs this week. I mean... for the first time in weeks I ate a bowl of pasta with pesto. The calories have been in check and I'm still seeing a smaller number than Sunday's weigh in. So I'm not going to be super concerned about it.
In addition to carbs... it's been fish fish fish! I'm kinda on a salmon kick. Can't get enough. Want it for lunch. Want it for dinner.
This is a very important diet week as trainer cancelled two work outs this week and I had to take a piano test instead of going to swim today. So I've worked out ONCE this week (don't worry, I have another on on Friday and Saturday). Hence all the long thoughtful posts this week as well. I've got some time to look inward and process. In a way, it's been such a nice break, just a little mix up of the normal routine, let my body recover.
I would also like to share my excitement with you guys today! I passed the second of 4 piano scale tests! I'm down to the really hard ones... the harmonic minors. Ugh... and two piano pieces. Debussy and Schubert.
and then...
I'm done with my degree.
Part of the internal digging has helped me wade through some of the stress and anxiety over moving. I sat down with my calendar yesterday and wrote down all my bill due dates on the calendar, in addition to all my paydays and set out a financial plan for getting bills paid and still being able to save about $200 a paycheck.
The next step is brushing up my resume so I can send it out in May before I travel out there in June. I want to land a job before I get out there. A fortunate turn of events this week has led to me moving out there at the same time as one of my friends... so instant roommate... and we have a mutual friend out there working in real estate. She's keeping an eye on openings at reasonable prices. She's also thinking of living with us. So hurrah... instantly 2 roommates that I'm familiar with!
Savings: check
Apartment: check
Job: almost...
Degree: almost...
I'm halfway to feeling secure.... I feel like I can breathe again.
Big Fat 5 year plan Love,
Nanette
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
My relationship with food (novella).
I was reading Mir's blog today... she'd talked about the psychological issues between dieters and lasting success. You know, the whole re-evaluate your relationship with food thing.
I am lucky. I am young. Granted, I'm also the fattest person in the E2E challenge. So I'm not sure if that says my "issues" with food are more terrible or aggressive.. etc. But I still consider myself lucky to be attacking these habits before they'd become more engrained.
A lot of where we come from, or how we approach food starts in youth. Mom is a closet eater. Dad was morbidly obese. I have three older brothers who didn't pitfall into obsessive eating patterns. I didn't start packing on the pounds until I was in 5th grade and bodily changes started happening - of course. I started to feel bad for myself, particularly about always being the slow one at tag during recess and I compensated with books, knowledge and a quick tongue.
I earned my own money at a very young age by working for my dad. I would buy my own sweets and mom and dad couldn't regulate that. It was MY money. I always bought in excess and I was usually active enough that I didn't see the results until I stopped growing (vertically). Little Debbies, candy bars, string cheese. I loved to eat them one by one, layer by layer, while reading Rohl Dahl's books about poor unfortunate children overcoming evil parents and victimizing situations.
My brothers would sort of do the same thing. Joe had a padlock on his giant box of goldfish crackers and David had his power bars and Lincoln had Subway. So I guess our backgrounds were more similar than I'd thought. In a way we all struggled with addiction... except for maybe David. Lincoln was a meth addict, Joseph was always neck deep in something REALLY NERDY. Mine was food.
Food was how dad and I bonded. Food was how I made myself feel better. Food was how I distanced myself. Food was how I rewarded myself. Food was my secret indulgence. Food was also DELICIOUS. Food played a lot of roles in my life while growing up.
I really started fattening up when I gave up swimming. I used to spend entire summers in the pool, until I discovered I was a total freak and had a zit on my shoulder and then gave up the swim suit for 8 years. I gained most of my weight in 8 years. It's incredible to put a number to how long it took me to gain 150+lbs.
During that 8 years our family went through Lincoln dealing with some severe drug problems. Which in turn, became family problems... emotional problems... escapism problems. We went through some family counseling. I only went to two or three sessions and the therapist told me that for having such tumultuous relationships around me and feelings inside, I seemed pretty well adjusted and then he concentrated on Lincoln.
Well-adjusted = being able to step back from a situation to protect myself from experiencing difficult emotions. I had a lot of depressive thoughts and terrible self-esteem. I used food to help create distance. I hid under a fat blanket. My body literally became a barrier between me and the crap in the family, community and school.
Then I escaped to college and the weight gain stopped for about a year. Then started again when school go tough. My instructors got personal and my peers were even more difficult to deal with... Then we start having issues with religion. I nearly quit my degree and then went into counseling.
In counseling we talked about the music department mainly and how I felt trapped and I needed to graduate. Ultimately the conclusion was that I needed to accept accountability for life and decisions. Life is not something that just happens to someone. We are not powerless to control our direction and "destiny."
The counselor tried to talk to me about weight and I went from weepy to fire breathing dragon in mere seconds. I wasn't ready to tame that issue yet. But I'm sure it was apparent that I was fighting my stress with food and inactivity and unhealthy choices. I'm sure that a lot of my stress, anger and feelings of being overwhelmed could have used some good cardio instead of tears.
However, having reached one giant understanding of my unhappiness (that accountability thing) and the end of the semester, I quit counseling. I did two more years of school without murdering my peers or professors. I got more involved in student government. I had some leadership positions. Because if I was going to complain about how things were run, I was going to try and help shape things or understand the system better. I stressed. I ate. I got angry... for two years. Then I finished my senior recital. Gave up my leadership positions. Started working out. Started eating better. Started working 40 hour weeks.
And that's where I am now. I am in control of my life... I am responsible for the decisions I make. PARTICULARLY concerning my body. Food is a my coping mechanism. It's where I turn when I'm angry, stressed, happy, sad, lonely. That's what I'm up against - emotions, really. When I experience emotion, I eat.
Now, I'm much better at keeping my emotions in check and level than I was before. So the temptations happen less. But not experiencing the extremes of my personal emotional roller coaster sometimes doesn't feel like really living. I'm not medicated. I don't think I need to be. I'm pretty good at being my own anti-depressant and sometimes I just need to experience my depression so I can get past it.
Not all of my days are good ones. But that's typical and healthy. Not all of my days are bad ones either.
I've been arguing with myself this week... I'm sad the artistic/angsty part of myself has almost disappeared. It provided me with a lot of good inspiration for art, music, writing... but I can definitely say that I am happier now than I've been since 5th grade.
Sometimes work sucks. Sometimes friends suck. Sometimes the negative blog comments suck. But I can let it go. Maybe not immediately. But I can feel my feelings and release them... instead of shoving them in my mouth (along with calories) and hoping that I can poop them out. heh! This is something to work on for life... and here I am, trying to accept that early before I become even more stuck in my own ways.
Big Fat Where I Come From Love,
Nanette
Ps. If you made it through all that, you get six points. Redeemable for awesome.
I am lucky. I am young. Granted, I'm also the fattest person in the E2E challenge. So I'm not sure if that says my "issues" with food are more terrible or aggressive.. etc. But I still consider myself lucky to be attacking these habits before they'd become more engrained.
A lot of where we come from, or how we approach food starts in youth. Mom is a closet eater. Dad was morbidly obese. I have three older brothers who didn't pitfall into obsessive eating patterns. I didn't start packing on the pounds until I was in 5th grade and bodily changes started happening - of course. I started to feel bad for myself, particularly about always being the slow one at tag during recess and I compensated with books, knowledge and a quick tongue.
I earned my own money at a very young age by working for my dad. I would buy my own sweets and mom and dad couldn't regulate that. It was MY money. I always bought in excess and I was usually active enough that I didn't see the results until I stopped growing (vertically). Little Debbies, candy bars, string cheese. I loved to eat them one by one, layer by layer, while reading Rohl Dahl's books about poor unfortunate children overcoming evil parents and victimizing situations.
My brothers would sort of do the same thing. Joe had a padlock on his giant box of goldfish crackers and David had his power bars and Lincoln had Subway. So I guess our backgrounds were more similar than I'd thought. In a way we all struggled with addiction... except for maybe David. Lincoln was a meth addict, Joseph was always neck deep in something REALLY NERDY. Mine was food.
Food was how dad and I bonded. Food was how I made myself feel better. Food was how I distanced myself. Food was how I rewarded myself. Food was my secret indulgence. Food was also DELICIOUS. Food played a lot of roles in my life while growing up.
I really started fattening up when I gave up swimming. I used to spend entire summers in the pool, until I discovered I was a total freak and had a zit on my shoulder and then gave up the swim suit for 8 years. I gained most of my weight in 8 years. It's incredible to put a number to how long it took me to gain 150+lbs.
During that 8 years our family went through Lincoln dealing with some severe drug problems. Which in turn, became family problems... emotional problems... escapism problems. We went through some family counseling. I only went to two or three sessions and the therapist told me that for having such tumultuous relationships around me and feelings inside, I seemed pretty well adjusted and then he concentrated on Lincoln.
Well-adjusted = being able to step back from a situation to protect myself from experiencing difficult emotions. I had a lot of depressive thoughts and terrible self-esteem. I used food to help create distance. I hid under a fat blanket. My body literally became a barrier between me and the crap in the family, community and school.
Then I escaped to college and the weight gain stopped for about a year. Then started again when school go tough. My instructors got personal and my peers were even more difficult to deal with... Then we start having issues with religion. I nearly quit my degree and then went into counseling.
In counseling we talked about the music department mainly and how I felt trapped and I needed to graduate. Ultimately the conclusion was that I needed to accept accountability for life and decisions. Life is not something that just happens to someone. We are not powerless to control our direction and "destiny."
The counselor tried to talk to me about weight and I went from weepy to fire breathing dragon in mere seconds. I wasn't ready to tame that issue yet. But I'm sure it was apparent that I was fighting my stress with food and inactivity and unhealthy choices. I'm sure that a lot of my stress, anger and feelings of being overwhelmed could have used some good cardio instead of tears.
However, having reached one giant understanding of my unhappiness (that accountability thing) and the end of the semester, I quit counseling. I did two more years of school without murdering my peers or professors. I got more involved in student government. I had some leadership positions. Because if I was going to complain about how things were run, I was going to try and help shape things or understand the system better. I stressed. I ate. I got angry... for two years. Then I finished my senior recital. Gave up my leadership positions. Started working out. Started eating better. Started working 40 hour weeks.
And that's where I am now. I am in control of my life... I am responsible for the decisions I make. PARTICULARLY concerning my body. Food is a my coping mechanism. It's where I turn when I'm angry, stressed, happy, sad, lonely. That's what I'm up against - emotions, really. When I experience emotion, I eat.
Now, I'm much better at keeping my emotions in check and level than I was before. So the temptations happen less. But not experiencing the extremes of my personal emotional roller coaster sometimes doesn't feel like really living. I'm not medicated. I don't think I need to be. I'm pretty good at being my own anti-depressant and sometimes I just need to experience my depression so I can get past it.
Not all of my days are good ones. But that's typical and healthy. Not all of my days are bad ones either.
I've been arguing with myself this week... I'm sad the artistic/angsty part of myself has almost disappeared. It provided me with a lot of good inspiration for art, music, writing... but I can definitely say that I am happier now than I've been since 5th grade.
Sometimes work sucks. Sometimes friends suck. Sometimes the negative blog comments suck. But I can let it go. Maybe not immediately. But I can feel my feelings and release them... instead of shoving them in my mouth (along with calories) and hoping that I can poop them out. heh! This is something to work on for life... and here I am, trying to accept that early before I become even more stuck in my own ways.Big Fat Where I Come From Love,
Nanette
Ps. If you made it through all that, you get six points. Redeemable for awesome.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Favorite Time of Day...
I'm basking in the afterglow of a good work out... It is my favorite time of the day. It means being on the laptop, reading health blogs, enjoying the mental break, riding the body high, arms still shaking from muscle fatigue.
High knees - 50x
Back to side lunges - 25x per leg.
Bicep curl w/resistance band (30lb) - 50x
Side abs - 25x per side.
Butterfly/competition sit ups - 25x
pushups -10 x
superman (on belly. lifting arm w/alternate leg) - 10x per side.
pushups - 10x
Superman - 10x
pushups - 10x
tricep dips - 15x
Time: 14:15. If any of you want to... I dare you to beat my time. :)
I didn't get to meet with trainer today as it's a weekend. So I made up my own. We did a lot of legs this so I tried to balance it out with a bunch of arms... not to mention get a head start on my week of 300 pushups. Best thing about working out at home with out the trainer... I can do it in my bra, undies and trainers.
Yesterday I did a little fitness shopping... I bought some work out/lifting gloves, a jumprope, and a resistance band the 30lb resistance band. At least, I think it's the 30lb resistance band... it's the middle level (moderate - fit). I know I told myself I wouldn't buy more stuff before the NY move. But I bought things that I can pack easily. I'm so tired of doing pushups bc they hurt my hands (hello... my big fat body weight on my delicate lady hands). I've started to get callouses. But I don't want callouses, so the gloves will do... Plus they kind of make me feel like a badass kickboxer. heh.
Post work out: access bar
Lunch: 4 egg whites, 1 whole egg, a little mozz and salsa (I've been eating this a lot lately, I like it). w/steamed broccoli on the side.
Afternoon snack: fajita innards and a plum.
Dinner: steak w/ steamed asparagus and tomato slices w/balsamic vinegar.
Pre-bed: orange, tea.
Pushup goal: 30/300
Big Fat Sunday Kind of Love,
Nanette
Today's workout
time challenge (do it as quickly as possible).
High knees - 50x
Back to side lunges - 25x per leg.
Bicep curl w/resistance band (30lb) - 50x
Side abs - 25x per side.
Butterfly/competition sit ups - 25x
pushups -10 x
superman (on belly. lifting arm w/alternate leg) - 10x per side.
pushups - 10x
Superman - 10x
pushups - 10x
tricep dips - 15x
Time: 14:15. If any of you want to... I dare you to beat my time. :)
I didn't get to meet with trainer today as it's a weekend. So I made up my own. We did a lot of legs this so I tried to balance it out with a bunch of arms... not to mention get a head start on my week of 300 pushups. Best thing about working out at home with out the trainer... I can do it in my bra, undies and trainers.
Yesterday I did a little fitness shopping... I bought some work out/lifting gloves, a jumprope, and a resistance band the 30lb resistance band. At least, I think it's the 30lb resistance band... it's the middle level (moderate - fit). I know I told myself I wouldn't buy more stuff before the NY move. But I bought things that I can pack easily. I'm so tired of doing pushups bc they hurt my hands (hello... my big fat body weight on my delicate lady hands). I've started to get callouses. But I don't want callouses, so the gloves will do... Plus they kind of make me feel like a badass kickboxer. heh.
Today's Menu
Breakfast: bananaPost work out: access bar
Lunch: 4 egg whites, 1 whole egg, a little mozz and salsa (I've been eating this a lot lately, I like it). w/steamed broccoli on the side.
Afternoon snack: fajita innards and a plum.
Dinner: steak w/ steamed asparagus and tomato slices w/balsamic vinegar.
Pre-bed: orange, tea.
Pushup goal: 30/300
Big Fat Sunday Kind of Love,
Nanette
Friday, March 2, 2012
The Real Friday!
So yesterday I was doing a lot of reading about the whole paleo thing that's happening in the diet world right now. I like a lot of what it talks about... Especially the physical activity. I mean... last challenge (Aug-Dec) I didn't lose nearly as much weight as I would have liked and I was in the gym doing cardio 3x a week, in addition to swim classes 2x a week and a dance class 2x a week. Now... doing 30 min work outs at my trainer's home (only using free weights and a coffee table) 3x a week and a swim class once or twice a week. I'm feeling so much stronger and the pounds are coming off so much quicker.
That paired with the dietary stuff, it just makes sense. I love me some terrible carbs and lately the internal dialogue has gone like this...
"but... but... it's whole wheat."
"No. How about you go back to spelt bread/pasta/tortillas?"
"Expensive. And plus there are only like 4 ingredients in these crackers, the fat is low, they're whole grain and a serving size is 9 crackers... NINE!"
"They would be good with hummus."
And wham! Put into the grocery cart. When I eat more grain, I eat fewer vegetables. Fact. It's my pattern. I don't know if that applies to any of you out there... but that's something I see in myself.
A blog I follow... The candid RD asked this...
Question: How will you celebrate nutrition this month? How will you get your plate in "better shape"? Have you re-evaluated your nutrition-related goals this year (or your fitness or other goals)? How have you been doing?
I am celebrating nutrition by remembering my vegetables and using more of them. I bought steamer bags in efforts to encourage myself (since I hate cold food in winter). I want to give myself weekly vegetables... Like a tomato a day for a week. Broccoli every day for a week. Things like that in addition to my normal consumption. It allows me to actually eat all the veggies I buy without them going to waste. It will also allow me to get at least one more serving of veg in every day.
Less beige. MORE GREEN.
I'm leaning out of good habits lately (the last two weeks). But I'm ready to correct that and take control of my diet. Diet is so much harder for me than exercise. But I will commit to being better. I will commit to stop telling myself it's hard.
MANTRA
A friend once told me... kids accomplish amazing feats. But they don't know it's hard because no one has told them it is yet.
So dieting and exercise aren't hard. We tell ourselves they're hard. Dieting and Exercise require focus and dedication. Just like memorizing an aria, or reading an entire book, or being a mother, or keeping track of our friend's soap opera lives. It's only hard when we tell ourselves it is... otherwise... it could actually be {gasp} FUN!
Big Fat NOT HARD Love,
Nanette
P.S. Still rockin' the water and calorie Allan Challenge.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Moving, Eating and GOING...
Soooo... Got my butt handed to me today by Trainer.
Mountain climbers.
bicep curls + squat jacks.
switch lunges.
snowboarders (jump/twist squat).
butt squeeze planks (one min each leg).
Back/side lunge (step back, hop, step side) one min each leg.
Bicycle abs.
A minute per activity, 10 second rest between. 27 minutes.
I'm trying to motivate myself to go to work. There's a project there that I really don't want to do. But I know that if I JUST DO IT, it'll be over and my life will be a better place. It's a recital program for two of the most picky faculty members... I know that even if I do it, It'll need at least 8 revisions and there will be at least one impossible request. They're also going to EAT my program budget. "We want it in color, we want it on the linen paper, we want it 11x17 and we want it yesterday." I'm not in a position to say no. So I'm going to put it off for as long as possible so they can't make frivolous requests - they do that when they have enough time to change their minds... "can we see it this way? {insert a project that will take an hour}."
Don't get me wrong. If I were full time instead of a 10 hour per week student worker. Sure, you bet. Take all of my time that you need. But I've got about 60 other baby projects to finish by the end of the semester and only 10 hours a week to do it in... at minimum wage. (letting that go - bc they couldn't pay me more, they're letting me call this clerk job "Administrative Assistant" on my resume).
I gave away 2.5 boxes of girl scout cookies. So temptation city will be over by Monday if I allow myself one a day. Less if I have company. :)
Today's fooding looks like this...
Breakfast: access bar.
Snack: hummus and whole wheat cracker thingies.
Lunch: protein bar + fruit leather.
Snack: Orange and plum.
Dinner: Baked chicken breast, celery sticks, tomato
Snack: cottage cheese - FAVORITE Before bed. :)
I've gotta go veggie shopping soon.
Big Fat Procrastinating Love,
Nanette
Mountain climbers.
bicep curls + squat jacks.
switch lunges.
snowboarders (jump/twist squat).
butt squeeze planks (one min each leg).
Back/side lunge (step back, hop, step side) one min each leg.
Bicycle abs.
A minute per activity, 10 second rest between. 27 minutes.
I'm trying to motivate myself to go to work. There's a project there that I really don't want to do. But I know that if I JUST DO IT, it'll be over and my life will be a better place. It's a recital program for two of the most picky faculty members... I know that even if I do it, It'll need at least 8 revisions and there will be at least one impossible request. They're also going to EAT my program budget. "We want it in color, we want it on the linen paper, we want it 11x17 and we want it yesterday." I'm not in a position to say no. So I'm going to put it off for as long as possible so they can't make frivolous requests - they do that when they have enough time to change their minds... "can we see it this way? {insert a project that will take an hour}."
Don't get me wrong. If I were full time instead of a 10 hour per week student worker. Sure, you bet. Take all of my time that you need. But I've got about 60 other baby projects to finish by the end of the semester and only 10 hours a week to do it in... at minimum wage. (letting that go - bc they couldn't pay me more, they're letting me call this clerk job "Administrative Assistant" on my resume).
I gave away 2.5 boxes of girl scout cookies. So temptation city will be over by Monday if I allow myself one a day. Less if I have company. :)
Today's fooding looks like this...
Breakfast: access bar.
Snack: hummus and whole wheat cracker thingies.
Lunch: protein bar + fruit leather.
Snack: Orange and plum.
Dinner: Baked chicken breast, celery sticks, tomato
Snack: cottage cheese - FAVORITE Before bed. :)
I've gotta go veggie shopping soon.
Big Fat Procrastinating Love,
Nanette
Saturday, February 18, 2012
E2E Check in - midway!
Weight: 317 (-4lbs)
Waist: 48" (-0")
Food: 6/8 under 1950 (MFP caloric suggestion)
Water: 4/7 over 100 oz
Exercise: 3/4 days.
Partner: I think Eaba has been doing okay. She checked in with me yesterday. We're both on track.
Support: Been commenting all week.
I have been SO TERRIBLE at consistency this week... Let's just look at the calories.
Friday: 1,259
Saturday: 1,973
Sunday: 1,005
Monday: 901
Tuesday: 2,153
Wednesday: 1,085
Thursday: 1,918
Friday: 1,159
It looks like overcorrecting. What each day has in common is that I ate six times a day. I ate out on Valentine's Day. I ate out on Thursday. I don't know what the crap happened monday, but I think it was a vegetarian day. I ate a LOT, but just not much in calories.
I'm still under the weather... my tonsils are swelling up (not unusual, but annoying) and I feel like a puffy monster. Could it be all the alka seltzer I had yesterday? Those things are 400mg of sodium a packet. Learning experiences. Found out when I entered it on MFP yesterday... 4 times. It skyrocketed me over my daily limit of sodium - which is one of my hardest nutrients to keep in control.
Okay now that the self flagellation is over. I can celebrate, again, that I finally crossed the 50lb mark! WOOO!!! Crossed and then some. Sitting pretty at -51 total lbs. I can't wait for it to be -55 at the end of next week. (Though I suspect rough times ahead - nearing the commie invasion/TOM).
Cool thing about these photos, I've moved down a full size work out pant. (you can see lower fat better that way). I don't see much difference in these photos... which is a little disheartening, but the real show is when the challenge is over.
What I'm noticing in my body lately is that my sides and back are kinda smoothing out. I'm getting more loose skin everywhere and my stretch marks are relaxing... (aka, not stretched anymore). However, I notice that I'm feeling like a sag monster from outer space. I've been thinking a lot about how I'm probably going to need skin reduction in another 100lbs or so.
I keep telling myself that, even since the beginning of the challenge, "oh just another 100lbs or so." I'm already down fifty... but the goal is still 100lbs away. I just know I wouldn't be happy with stopping at 268. I could easily get down into the 190's - or lower.
Another good thing... I told myself that I would start doing certain types of exercise (jumping, running, pushups) when I got out of my 300's because I'm terrified of injury, I worry running/gravitational exercise will pull down on my skin and make it worse, and because I hate the sound fat makes when it hits other fat. Well, here's the thing. I'm over 300lbs and been running. Been jumping, been doing pushups. And let me tell you, If I didn't, I probably wouldn't be this close to getting out of the 300's.
Quote: This is not a commitment to a challenge or a diet plan. This is a commitment to your body and a commitment to lifestyle change. This a commitment to a healthier tomorrow.
This Week:
Food: Under 1700 calories every day. EVERY DAY. Follow the menu.
Exercise
Saturday: Rest/Sick Day continues
Sunday: Go on a walk!
Monday: OFF - do stretches.
Tuesday: Trainer + swim class.
Wednesday: Trainer
Thursday: Swim class + trainer
Friday: OFF - do stretches.
non-fat goals
finish two more books.
budget this week's paycheck better.
do something artistic.
get better.
Big Fat -51LB Love,
Nanette
Waist: 48" (-0")
Food: 6/8 under 1950 (MFP caloric suggestion)
Water: 4/7 over 100 oz
Exercise: 3/4 days.
Partner: I think Eaba has been doing okay. She checked in with me yesterday. We're both on track.
Support: Been commenting all week.
I have been SO TERRIBLE at consistency this week... Let's just look at the calories.
Friday: 1,259
Saturday: 1,973
Sunday: 1,005
Monday: 901
Tuesday: 2,153
Wednesday: 1,085
Thursday: 1,918
Friday: 1,159
It looks like overcorrecting. What each day has in common is that I ate six times a day. I ate out on Valentine's Day. I ate out on Thursday. I don't know what the crap happened monday, but I think it was a vegetarian day. I ate a LOT, but just not much in calories.
I'm still under the weather... my tonsils are swelling up (not unusual, but annoying) and I feel like a puffy monster. Could it be all the alka seltzer I had yesterday? Those things are 400mg of sodium a packet. Learning experiences. Found out when I entered it on MFP yesterday... 4 times. It skyrocketed me over my daily limit of sodium - which is one of my hardest nutrients to keep in control.
Okay now that the self flagellation is over. I can celebrate, again, that I finally crossed the 50lb mark! WOOO!!! Crossed and then some. Sitting pretty at -51 total lbs. I can't wait for it to be -55 at the end of next week. (Though I suspect rough times ahead - nearing the commie invasion/TOM).
 |
| January 325 |
 |
| February 317 |
What I'm noticing in my body lately is that my sides and back are kinda smoothing out. I'm getting more loose skin everywhere and my stretch marks are relaxing... (aka, not stretched anymore). However, I notice that I'm feeling like a sag monster from outer space. I've been thinking a lot about how I'm probably going to need skin reduction in another 100lbs or so.
I keep telling myself that, even since the beginning of the challenge, "oh just another 100lbs or so." I'm already down fifty... but the goal is still 100lbs away. I just know I wouldn't be happy with stopping at 268. I could easily get down into the 190's - or lower.
Another good thing... I told myself that I would start doing certain types of exercise (jumping, running, pushups) when I got out of my 300's because I'm terrified of injury, I worry running/gravitational exercise will pull down on my skin and make it worse, and because I hate the sound fat makes when it hits other fat. Well, here's the thing. I'm over 300lbs and been running. Been jumping, been doing pushups. And let me tell you, If I didn't, I probably wouldn't be this close to getting out of the 300's.
Quote: This is not a commitment to a challenge or a diet plan. This is a commitment to your body and a commitment to lifestyle change. This a commitment to a healthier tomorrow.
This Week:
Food: Under 1700 calories every day. EVERY DAY. Follow the menu.
Exercise
Saturday: Rest/Sick Day continues
Sunday: Go on a walk!
Monday: OFF - do stretches.
Tuesday: Trainer + swim class.
Wednesday: Trainer
Thursday: Swim class + trainer
Friday: OFF - do stretches.
non-fat goals
finish two more books.
budget this week's paycheck better.
do something artistic.
get better.
Big Fat -51LB Love,
Nanette
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Double Success!
Not only did I avoid eating out with my dear friend Brittany... But I also got her to join my work out. I'm a couple days behind on the February fitness challenge on bodyrock.tv. So we did a fit test. That's 8 minutes: pushups, squat jumps, switch lunges, straight sit ups, burpees, tricep dips, high knees, aaaannnd one more I can't remember. Then I had us doing a 25 rep set of abs, both sides crunches, center, and lower (lifting knees).
I asked if she wanted to work out with me... I let her know it would only take 15 minutes or so.
She told me, "Sure, I'll bring my sweats."
"You may want to bring a sports bra too."
She didn't take me seriously. I showed her the work outs and told her if she wanted to modify she could. (p.s. non-scale victory, being able to DO at least one rep of all the stuff without modifications). She sort of rolled her eyes at me,"It's only 50 seconds per exercise, right?"
"Right." Then we hit the floor and started doing the reps.
It felt so good to be able ROCK that work out. It felt really good to share how hard it was. She was panting along with me... sweaty... working hard. She gave up early on a couple of rounds. It shouldn't give me satisfaction... but I definitely felt great being able to complete them all, going as hard as I can without giving up.
Brittany liked it a lot. The work out was a lot harder than she had imagined 15 minutes could be. It looks like I have a new willing work out buddy for when I'm without trainer. I work so much harder when I can compete.
Eaba asked for a more complete summary of the menu and work out for the week... I'll post a couple of days at a time.
Friday
B: Banana+blueberry+vanilla almond milk smoothie
S: Almonds
L: Portobello mushroom-crust veggie pizza.
S: Baby carrots, kiwi, steamed broccoli
D: Sushi Date
S: 1 c. cottage cheese.
Saturday
B: French toast! (spelt bread, coconut oil, cinnamon and egg w/honey).
S: Banana or pear.
L: Baked chicken breast + steamed zucchini
S: Cucumber, Tomato, Celery
D: Baked 4oz salmon filet + edamame
S: small handful of cashews, mint tea
Sunday
B: Grapefruit + blueberries.
S: protein bar
L: Spinach salad: almond slivers, dried cranberries, little bit of gorganzola, carrot, cuke, tomato + italian dressing.
S: Spelt toast with Adam's peanut butter.
D: Lean ground turkey with red bell peppers, cilantro, tomato and onion.
S: 1 c. cottage cheese.
(prep: bake 4 chicken breasts for next week's work lunches).
And the workout...
Friday: Self training (ZWOW 4 video on youtube if it's posted, if it's not, the bodyrock 300rep challenge since I only got 1/2 way through it).
Saturday: off - there will be much soreness.
Sunday: walk/run the couch to 5k. 8x - 1 min run, 1.5 min walk.
Monday: off
Tuesday: Swim class AND Personal trainer.
Wednesday: Personal trainer
Thursday: Swim class
Friday: Personal Trainer
I asked if she wanted to work out with me... I let her know it would only take 15 minutes or so.
She told me, "Sure, I'll bring my sweats."
"You may want to bring a sports bra too."
She didn't take me seriously. I showed her the work outs and told her if she wanted to modify she could. (p.s. non-scale victory, being able to DO at least one rep of all the stuff without modifications). She sort of rolled her eyes at me,"It's only 50 seconds per exercise, right?"
"Right." Then we hit the floor and started doing the reps.
It felt so good to be able ROCK that work out. It felt really good to share how hard it was. She was panting along with me... sweaty... working hard. She gave up early on a couple of rounds. It shouldn't give me satisfaction... but I definitely felt great being able to complete them all, going as hard as I can without giving up.
Brittany liked it a lot. The work out was a lot harder than she had imagined 15 minutes could be. It looks like I have a new willing work out buddy for when I'm without trainer. I work so much harder when I can compete.
Eaba asked for a more complete summary of the menu and work out for the week... I'll post a couple of days at a time.
Friday
B: Banana+blueberry+vanilla almond milk smoothie
S: Almonds
L: Portobello mushroom-crust veggie pizza.
S: Baby carrots, kiwi, steamed broccoli
D: Sushi Date
S: 1 c. cottage cheese.
Saturday
B: French toast! (spelt bread, coconut oil, cinnamon and egg w/honey).
S: Banana or pear.
L: Baked chicken breast + steamed zucchini
S: Cucumber, Tomato, Celery
D: Baked 4oz salmon filet + edamame
S: small handful of cashews, mint tea
Sunday
B: Grapefruit + blueberries.
S: protein bar
L: Spinach salad: almond slivers, dried cranberries, little bit of gorganzola, carrot, cuke, tomato + italian dressing.
S: Spelt toast with Adam's peanut butter.
D: Lean ground turkey with red bell peppers, cilantro, tomato and onion.
S: 1 c. cottage cheese.
(prep: bake 4 chicken breasts for next week's work lunches).
And the workout...
Friday: Self training (ZWOW 4 video on youtube if it's posted, if it's not, the bodyrock 300rep challenge since I only got 1/2 way through it).
Saturday: off - there will be much soreness.
Sunday: walk/run the couch to 5k. 8x - 1 min run, 1.5 min walk.
Monday: off
Tuesday: Swim class AND Personal trainer.
Wednesday: Personal trainer
Thursday: Swim class
Friday: Personal Trainer
Sworn in
I had an early morning work meeting today... Thursdays are normally my rest day from working out. But I'm hoping to get another work out in this afternoon. I'm not seeing happy numbers on my scale. I'm still up 4-5lbs since the weekend of crap eating. It's not helping that my trainer lady isn't working with me this week - as she's a very powerful motivator. But she doesn't deserve any of that crap word, BLAME... That motivation and determination has to come from inside me. I got a work out in on tuesday and wednesday... I owe myself an extra work out this week because I skipped my sunday one (AND ate pizza, not smart).
Long and short of it... I've gotta keep moving! I'm doing really well with my eating this week. However, I feel like the days are SO LONG this week. So it's been a bit more of that going to bed mentally hungry thing. Which stinks. But I sleep anyway.
I'm going grocery shopping with my friend Brittany today. She and I are eaters. We eat together. So I'm trying to come up with different activities. We're going through our apartments and doing a Goodwill donation then going grocery shopping - which is good. I need to have some new fruits and veg in my house to entice me and coax me away from all things 10,000% saturated fat and 30,000,000 mg sodium.
I do hereby swear...
- to work out at 3:00 and get cleaned up in a timely manner.
- to NOT eat out, drive through or do anything naughty while with Brittany.
- to get rid of some of the crap in my apartment (at least SOMETHING is losing weight).
- to make it to work on time.
- stop obsessing about that damned number on the scale.
- to not let this crappy weather entice me into hibernation.
Big Fat Swear-y Love,
Nanette
Long and short of it... I've gotta keep moving! I'm doing really well with my eating this week. However, I feel like the days are SO LONG this week. So it's been a bit more of that going to bed mentally hungry thing. Which stinks. But I sleep anyway.
I'm going grocery shopping with my friend Brittany today. She and I are eaters. We eat together. So I'm trying to come up with different activities. We're going through our apartments and doing a Goodwill donation then going grocery shopping - which is good. I need to have some new fruits and veg in my house to entice me and coax me away from all things 10,000% saturated fat and 30,000,000 mg sodium.
I do hereby swear...
- to work out at 3:00 and get cleaned up in a timely manner.
- to NOT eat out, drive through or do anything naughty while with Brittany.
- to get rid of some of the crap in my apartment (at least SOMETHING is losing weight).
- to make it to work on time.
- stop obsessing about that damned number on the scale.
- to not let this crappy weather entice me into hibernation.
Big Fat Swear-y Love,
Nanette
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