A motivational speech.

Here's what's going on in the life lately...

• Boy wants to be exclusive. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. But I'm REALLY craving some consistency. 
• Work is good. Building a better relationship with the doc and coworkers. (while looking for another job... what!? I need more hours). 
• Budget is tight. Trying to meet $1200 worth of bills with a $1000 income. 
• Roommate... is okay. I think we drive each other nuts. But it'll get better in the new apartment come August... We'll have our own rooms. 
• Food has been better. I'm still doing the famine then binge thing. I haven't had time to run to a freaking grocery store (my work hours are kind of odd).
• Sleep... I haven't had good sleep in over 3 nights now. 
• Water, Rockin' the water. 
• Exercise. Well... I'm walking lots still... moreso than normal. I've decided to stop using the subway stop close to me and use the one not so close to me just so I can get in an extra .5 miles of walking every day. 

I feel like I need to recommit. Like when I was back in Idaho... I could mentally prep myself... lay out the ground work for a plan for however long it would take me, then implement a change. I'm having a hard time controlling my life like that here. It may be that I don't have the monetary freedom to afford everything I want/need to help along the way. It may be the stress. It may be that I don't have any of my own space (I'm sharing a freaking BED, people). It may be that I haven't fully adjusted to my new life yet. Let's face it... as far as NYC living goes, I'm a novice. But i'm trying not to be discouraged. 

I need to mentally prepare. 

- Game plan. (nike fitness app + back to menus)

- Inspiration/Desire. (working on it, gotta rough myself up a little). 

- Measurable goal. (22 weeks or 5 months, aim for -10lbs a month, be happy with -7lbs). 

I need to commit to a date. 

- August 6th (when I will finally have my own room). 

As skeptical of reading a fitness book as I was for Mir's challenges... I'm starting to realize, even if it's procrastinated, it's a little *ding* reminder in my head that This is what i'm doing. So head out to a book store or re-read the one I brought with me. 

Dear Nanette, 

You have 2 weeks to come to terms with the fact that the habits you've started in this city are going to be over. You have 2 weeks to deal with the fact that working out will be your second job. You have 2 weeks to make excuses. You have 2 weeks to be lazy and let your social life rule the roost. You have 2 weeks to make lists about why you are fat, why you hate being fat, why a healthy lifestyle will benefit you and all the things you'd rather do fit and thin. 

In two weeks you will take health and wellness as seriously as if it were your job. You will show up on time to your work outs. You will respect the work out time. No one can contact you or talk you out of it. You will eat what you are supposed to because your body feels better when you do. Your energies are higher and you are a happier person. You will be in a better mental place. You will go to bed at midnight, regardless of who you're with or what you've got planned. 

Big Fat Mentally Preppin' Love, 

Nanette

So This Weight loss Thing and SSSD Update.

Weigh in: 296 (-1)

Measurements
Waist:
Below Waist:
Hips:

Water: 4/7 over 100 oz.

Workouts:
Monday: Hour at the gym.
Tuesday: walk to work.
Wednesday: Dancing at the rooftop party.
Thursday: walking to work.
Friday: aherm. a very fun physical date.
Saturday: fun physical date continues.
Sunday: Walking date around union square and the neighborhood.

So guys... let me break this down for you. I have been SUCKING at this weight loss thing lately. That pound could just as easily be water weight as it could be fat. I have been eating like shit (yesterday's 4 slices of pizza? and a handful of oreos?). I haven't been working out. I even have a gym membership, compliments of dear Wendy (which makes me an ingrate, right?). I feel stuck, but like I don't have enough horsepower to get myself out of this rut. I'm full of excuses... It's hot, I'm tired, I'm on my period, oh I'm just dehydrated...   LIES.

FACT: I am fat and lazy.
FACT: I am entirely in charge of that situation.
FACT: I will stay fat and lazy until I exercise the willpower to be otherwise.
FACT: Willpower and motivation require time and focus.
FACT: GET ON THIS ALREADY, NANETTE!!!

I'm sick of this weekly motivational speech/guilt trip for not doing what I know is best for me. But I know I have to give it. I can't just give up. I can't just let all the work I've done go on pause. I don't want to regain. So I guess this means I need to blog EVERY. DAY. SOMETIMES. TWICE. Sorry guys if it's lame. But I need to get my brain focusing on the fat loss and not what to put in my face next.

Big Fat GET ON THE FREAKING BALL Love,
Nanette

On the Up and Up.

I'm feeling better!

Yesterday I got out of the house and I'm a much happier person already! I made it out to get laundry done. I went to tea/coffee with a guy. I signed up for the gym and got my pass. I had an interview. I went to a concert. There was a lot of living to make up for.

Today I went into the gym to have my free session with a trainer. Let me just say... DEMOTIVATING. This super hot, fit, black guy saying, "your core is so weak." When I'm sweating there thinking, "you try this at my weight and say that it's easy, Mother F*****!" He looked at me like I was crazy when I told him I wanted to lose 145lbs in the next 1.5-2 years. He looked at me like I was even crazier when I told him I've been doing Tabata style body weight exercises and have lost 70 (ish) pounds already. And again, I was met with surprise when I told him I normally work out 5-6 days a week.

We did the fitness assessment and I've lost a little bit of what I can do over the past 4 weeks of no training. I was raining sweat, but I do that at the mere mention of exercise. And he's standing next to me saying, "Quit when you can't do it anymore." So I kept going. My version of can't do it anymore is muscle fatigue and an actual inability. I was slowing down on the stair step thingy. Before time was up he told me to just stop.

Boils down to this. No positive feed back. No vision expressed for where we could be going with this or what kind of things he's looking for. No explanation of what muscle groups are being used. Some form advice and a whole lot of joking around with the other trainers. Including racial and sexist jokes. No thank you, sir. I refuse to pay you for your time.

Game plan. I'm going to do what's been working so far. Some tabata and then additionally...

Friday: 30 min cardio. 30 min upper body weights (8-12 reps, 10 machines).
Saturday: Off - Busiest gym day.
Sunday: 30 min cardio. 30 min core.
Monday: 30 min upper body weights. 30 min cardio.
Tuesday: 30 min lower body weights. 30 min cardio.
Wednesday: 30 min cardio. 30 min core.
Thursday: 30 min cardio. 30 min lower body weights.

That trainer can suck it. I'll continue to find success and he won't be a part of it. That's for damn sure. My workouts are a positive experience and I don't need a freaking rain cloud around reminding me how fat or unfit I am, but rather one noticing that I'm willing to challenge myself and work harder than I ever have to reverse that. Sorry sir, aside from today, there's no room for you in my weight loss story.

Plus imagine how devastating that would have been for me if I went in there 70lbs ago and in a much more fragile state of mind. Gah! Getting mad all over again. Chill out, Nanette

Big Fat Trainer Shopping Love,
Nanette

SSSD week one wrap up.

Weight: 294 (-6!)

Measurements
Waist: 45.5" (-0")
Under Waist: 56.5" (-1.5") WHAT?!
Hips: 60" (-2/3")


Accountability
So, Myfitnesspal hasn't been working out for me. I've been carrying a post it every day and writing down everything I eat on it. I don't know the exact amount of calories I'm eating, but I'm aware of the ratio of veg/fruit/protein that I'm getting.

Part of this losing so quickly has to do with a rather upset tummy. I've been spending a bit of time on the toilet the past 24 hours and dropped 4lbs overnight. So I'm staying in and hydrating today and probably going to eat some cottage cheese. Gotta try and solid things up. heh. TMI? I don't care.

Photos...   Okay guys, Here are some photos of the NY move. I'm not a great photographer, but you'll sorta get the idea.

Shasta... The bed we sleep on together. There's more to the apt. But probably not too interesting. 

After I went to see Allan, I know, I should have gotten a photo with him. 

The Room I share with Shasta. 

The courtyard of our apt. 

The street view in front of our little abode. 

My local station. Lovely outdoor station, I may hate that in the next few months. But for now, It's charming. 

My friend Laura and I out on Union Square after a very successful interview. 

graffiti that made me laugh. 

Forgetting I'd zoomed in. 

Right BEFORE my interview with Allan. 

So there are some of the adventures. I'll have more soon...   and I'll probably post some more about the dates and stuff later this week. 6 dates, 8 days. Tell you what, that's one way to keep the grocery bill down.

Wendy... over at Eat Sleep Move talked with me last night over the phone. Getting all the gory date details and hearing the stress garbage... I've had two job offers, but have been scheduled at either one, so I'm continuing on with my job searches as though I hadn't gotten my hopes up. Without employment, I can't make commitments to things like a gym or buying new, smaller clothing... It's just such a level of stress I'm unaccustomed to. This is the longest I've ever gone unemployed... going on 14 days.

I'm losing weight, but I fear some of that is my muscle mass that I've worked so hard for. As fitness has not been the main focus of my life right now. Anyway... Wendy, out of the sweetness and kindness of her heart, hooked me up with a gym pass for the next three months. When she did, I broke down sobbing. One less thing on the plate to worry about... I'm so grateful. I feel like getting to go to the gym is going to at least give me some structure, some alone time from roommate and a way to work some stress out.

This is such a great community... this fat blogging community. Allan is trying to hook me up with a job, Wendy has helped me continue to pursue fitness... All of you support me through thick and the pursuit of thin. I would normally be too proud to accept anything like a gym pass or a job offer, but whereas I'm probably in one of the toughest transitions of my life, I'm SO humbled by the kindness and selflessness of others... and I would be an idiot to not accept the help extended to me by others.

Silly date post later...


This week's challenge: 6 hours of exercise. 

Big Fat GRATEFUL & LOWEST WEIGHT Love,
Nanette

Ready for this!? - 7 day countdown begins.

So here're the stats.

Weight: between 305-309

Stress: off the charts.

Working: 65 hours this week.

Sleeping: 4-5 hours a night.

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT

I have a couple job opportunities in the new city. So when I land, I have a couple in person interviews all lined up. Restaurant/catering work and an office assistant position for a search firm. I have high hopes and a good feeling about life outside of Idaho. I feel like I can put that aside now. I can put the planning aside.

But while I'm still here...

I have 3 more 2:30 - midnight shifts. (Friday, Tuesday Wednesday).
No more morning work.
So sleep will be improving.

I have 3 more days in my apartment.
To scrub clean, top to bottom.
To eat the food in the fridge or get rid of it.
To pack my suitcases (and do a serious amount of laundry).
To make my last goodwill donations.
To walk around naked.
So the stress is still high.

I'm worried about my motivation and losing my progress because I'm having such a difficult time focusing. So I've told myself. "Nanette, you've done this for months. You know how to make good food decisions. Trust that for now. If you gain a few pounds, you'll lose them again when you relocate and settle."

But I'm trying to determine whether or not that's B.S.... Excuses to get back to "addict" behavior. I'm experiencing a definite lack of peace while the ground underneath my feet shifts and the mental athlete I've trained has gotten flabby. But I feel like, what's the harm in just relaxing for 7 days. (SELF, DO NOT TAKE THAT AS A CHALLENGE TO GAIN AS MUCH WEIGHT AS YOU CAN IN 7 DAYS).

Things I give into will be habits I have to break again. Cravings to fight. Soreness to overcome. But guess what, Nanette... that's life. There's no point in which everything will be perfect.. that eating and working out will be 100% all of the time. What matters is that you keep trying and how you adjust. Being flexible and positive is going to get you through this. Never give up! Never give in!

Menu
B: Zoi
S: Chocolate covered peanuts ( I KNOW, I KNOW).
L: Spinach, tomato, blueberry, goat cheese, balsamic salad.
S: 1 cup cottage cheese.
D: Tuna sandwich, odwalla juice.
S: 1 cup cottage cheese... (if I'm going to eat for comfort right now... may as well be high in protein).

Workout
.5 mile to Job 1.
2.5 mile to Job 2.
2.5 mile from Job 2.

Big Fat Gentle Reminder To Move Forward Love,
Nanette

Rekindled?

This morning I was supposed to work out with a friend from work. I've been doing that... scheduling workouts with people to make sure I get them done because that's the kind of accountability I figured I need as of late. Well, the friend bailed.

I did half of the 300 rep work out I would normally do. Only half because it's been 2 weeks since I've done my Tabata style training and it kicked my ass in a few brief minutes. 

I have been excusing myself to be fat while I'm stressed out. I've been excusing my body and my fitness and all the things that are imperative. And I am bugged. The work out this morning only took 10 minutes and that's only half. 

The hikes I've been going on have been over an hour. 

The walks to and from work have been between 20-30 minutes each way. 

And I think I don't have TIME for working out? Bull.

I'm too stressed to workout?! Also Bull. What better time to work through the anxiety and nervousness?! Things are going to fall into place. I've made sure of that. And frankly, even if I can't get everything to a good home, or get everything to goodwill, it's OK to throw stuff away. Things will fall into place. It's okay. Stop worrying. Just keep going. 

I may be too tired sometimes... and I feel like that's actually legitimate. But would I be this tired if I were working out more?

Also... screw working out with others at this point. I can't keep trying to mesh schedules with people and then blame a missed workout on someone else. Hoist the petards and be a grown up, Nanette. 

Best thing about not working out with someone - I don't have to worry about the sounds that fat slapping fat makes when I do things like jumping jacks, or squat jumps or anything else. I can listen to offensive music if I want. I can speed stuff up. I can slow stuff down. I can skip something that makes my knees do that gristly sound. 

Also... Logged calories yesterday and the day before. I've learned that right now, I cannot trust my instincts. I'm eating WAY above my limit. Normally I can float around 1400 and be fine. I've been eating around 1900-2200 and still been hungry. Real hungry not like brain hungry. Time to reign it in. You are in control of your body, not the other way around. 

I'm just tired of the bullshit from all directions....   But most of all from myself. Take some control. Don't be a hypocrite. 

Menu today

B: protein bar

S: .5 C cottage cheese. 

L: Sushi Roll 

S: 2 boiled eggs with salsa

D: Salad + 4oz chicken breast (baked). 

S: Berries. 

Calorie total: 1500 (ish). 

Movement

150 reps (squats, side lunge, back lunge + kick). 

2.5 mile walk to work. 

2.5 mile walk from work. 

150 reps (squats, side lunge, back lunge + kick). 

Big Fat IT'S ABOUT TIME Love, 

Nanette 

P.s. sorry for the swearing lately. I'll get to that habit next. 

In which she breaks it down...

I am not sleeping enough, between 4-5 hours a night.
I may have had fries twice this week.

Yesterday I saw my lowest weight, 301 and my highest weight of the week 309. I don't know how that's possible. I doubt the validity of my scale.

I have gone on one 1hr hike.

I have walked about 12 miles getting to and from the new job. That'll be 15 today.

I have done ONE interval run.

My hydration is great on somedays, but I have to be careful... we get scheduled bathroom breaks and I can't be leaving training constantly... AKA on the hour like I'd need to if I were consuming 140oz all the time.

14 days until I fly, pardon my french... but merde is getting REAL.

So much to do in the house before the 28th. I need to get my entire deposit back... so I need to be doing little things throughout the week.

like the dishes, emptying garbages, taking bags of stuff to goodwill, borrowing a vaccum and starting to attack the hard water crusts on bathroom and kitchen faucets. Any tips for that out there?

In addition, everyone wants to say their good-byes. But only 3 people showed up to my going away party. I don't have time to spend with everyone since I'm working 8am - noon and from 2:30pm to midnight. Want monsters... want time, want attention, want priority when I'm very clearly out of those spots in my life and then I feel guilty that I can't indulge everyone (and myself) and play as often as I'd like.

I'm stressed out. When this happens, weight is on the bottom of my list of things to do.

Wendy, I hope you're reading this. I'm not ignoring your calls. I just work a metric shit ton. (60 hours a week if anyone is counting, not including commute time/walking).

Here's my activity in positivity...
I choose to see this stress as positive because...
- I am making money.
- I am buying myself time to get a job in NY by having a good savings.
- I am reducing my stress for NY, where things will be more stressful than here.
- I am prepping for a continued healthy lifestyle, by taking a momentary hit in that same area.
- I am getting a lot of walking in, which is better than nothing as far as fitness goes.
- I am going to be out of Idaho soon and LIVING THE DREAM!! (the poor starving artist dream)!

Big Fat Update Love,
Nanette

Thoughts Through Today's Run

Today I was doing the 3rd day of 2x{3 min run. 1.5 min walk, 5 min run, 2.5 min walk}

And it's the worst I've done. I don't know if it's left over fatigue from the run yesterday? But I wound up walking the last 2 minutes of my running time. It was mainly calf and top of the foot soreness and maybe a little overheating as it's getting warmer and I have a tendency to wither in anything over 60.

The worst part of it were the thoughts running through my head.
"wow, you skip one run."
"maybe you need to take a break."
"you can't take a break, you probably wouldn't start again."
"wouldn't it be nice though, to go back to not having to worry or care about it."
"Might be nice, but you HAVE to keep going. You have to keep running and caring about health."
"ooo feet hurt."
"push through it"
"trying."
"gotta walk."
"defeated."
"what's wrong with me?! I made it through just fine on Sunday."

I feel like a faker as of late... Fake dieter. Fake exerciser. Is that because some of it is getting easier? Is it because I'm not making as many quality choices? Is it distraction? Am I being worn down by this whole transition thing?

Is this just a transition thing? Am I getting comfortable? I'm not gaining... (well, I am a little but TOM is here and that messes with things). I've even seen losses. Am I beating myself up over nothing? Maybe some of the healthy choices I've worked so hard to make are just becoming easier.

I feel a little resistant to my work outs and my healthy eating as of late. I took a complete hiatus from MFP for three days. I've got a menu that I've never shopped for and a work out list that never made it onto post its as reminders.

Maybe I'm worn out? Maybe I should just be trying to go with the flow these days... since every day seems to be about change and adaptation.

I have to keep losing. I have to. Even if I'm in this "blah don't care" state. I have to keep losing. I need to find my little nugget of motivation and inspiration and pick myself up.

Have any of you guys been stuck in a place similar to this? What's your advice? How'd you get out of the funk?

Big Fat Funked Up Love,
Nanette

RFSC + Life Update + Faith & Trust

Check In

Weight: 302 (-4lbs!) 

Waist: 46.5" (+.5")

Water: Better this week. 100oz everyday but yesterday. 

Workouts: 1 HIIT session (found out trainer is preggers on tuesday and unable to do it anymore) 

4 interval runs. 

Nutrition: I've been logging some stuff in MFP... Forcing myself to at least log in every day. This deserves no congratulations. But I've done okay, I mean... I'm losing weight. Just eating when I'm hungry. 

NSV: Losing weight despite not tracking calories! Graduation is official! Acquired 3 jobs. Secured my sublet. I will be a brooklynite in 4 weeks! 

Goals 

Weight: GET UNDER THREE HUNDRED!!!!   

NSV: Let go of some of the too big clothing. Pack up some of the going home for storage stuff. Take care of skin/massage cellulite places try to help circulation. 

Nutrition: Keep it under control. Eat more veggies every day. 

Water: 100 oz every day. 

Workouts

Sunday: Leg HIIT

Monday: Interval Run + Arms HIIT. 

Tuesday: Core HIIT. 

Wednesday: Insanity. 

Thursday: Interval Run. Arms HIIT. 

Friday: off. 

Saturday: Interval Run. + Arms HIIT. 

Sunday: Mini HIIT with Wendy. 

Thoughts... 

Today, I got into size 22 pants! Zipped... too tight to be seen in public. But zipped! I traded some books and movies for some smaller clothing. I took photos today and I'll be posting them in a tab or something since there are so many of them. They are going to be my "start" clothing for a challenge I'm holding for myself or the next one Mir does. 

I have a going away party this weekend. There will be lots of food. I'm going to eat some of it. Truth. So I have to be really diligent this week with eating well if I want to see under 300 by next sunday. 

The Job Situation... 

I'm so excited to feel focused again. I got past the early termination, you can't stay with me for more than a week - so find a sublet, savings not big enough for the move in three weeks PANIC/STRESS. 

This week is my summer break. It is one week of freedom before school starts. It is one week to get rid of the stuff in my house. Box up anything that can just be put away. Put in a few hours with the music dept.

On the 14th, I'll be starting 3 jobs...

• Monday - Friday: 3:15- midnight (I assume I have this job. I have my second interview monday. It's a high turnover call center and I'm smarter than a brick. I should get in). 
• Mon, Wed, Fri: 8am - noon. (through the dept that just forced me out of my job early)
• Saturday: 8-5 music dept...   (flexible, work whenever hours). 

So I'm thinking this week... this very dead week... I'm going to clock 30 hours at the music dept cataloguing string music. Then submit my 10 hour a week time card and be able to keep my weekends open. 

I have time to be fit. I have time to come up with a game plan for this upcoming scary terrible week. I have time to do the mountain of laundry. I have time to menu and shop prior to the week starting.

Cons 

- no time with three jobs. 

- compromised sleep patterns. 

- less time to make food. 

Pros

- 2 miles from call center, I can do my interval runs! 

- No dress code (workout gear!)

- MONEY!!!! (less stress!)

- Challenge to see how quickly I can adapt. 

- Remind myself what it's like to not be boss. 

- Remember how to learn a new job.

The Moving Situation... 

I have a sublet!!! I'm moving out to Brooklyn. I have a place to stay the DAY I arrive. No needing to crash on a friend's couch. No need to put people out. I've been able to figure out how to get there from the airport. The girl who is subletting is a friend of a friend. She's going to still be there for a week or so, staying with a friend in a different apt. She will show me around and help me get my bearings. 

I'm moving with a friend from Idaho, Shasta... she's actually going to share the room with me. Our costs are HALVED. Even if the job stuff goes all to hell, I will have enough to get me through! 

Best part... are you ready for this?! New apartment is within one mile of the following... 

• Organic food Co-Op. 
• Prospect Park (for running!) 
• Target and Old Navy so I can cheaply keep up with my dropping sizes! And buy affordable tampons. 
• Laundromat. 

After doing all the math... I will actually be making more this way than when I would if I had been able to keep the original job. Breathe easy. Leave off in good shape. I can take a deep breath... funny how the stress lets up and I drop 4lbs in a week. I can do anything good!!!    

Wendy over at eatsleepmove and I had a great conversation yesterday. Talking about faith. I'm not religious which sometimes makes me feel like an outsider in the fat blogging arena since weight loss can be such a spiritually related experience as well. 

But I do have faith that if I do everything in my power to set a plan in motion and then let go... things will work out. I can't prove that it will. I'm not owed anything... I am not entitled. I have to do my part. I must trust that what happens is for the best. Whether it be a "learning experience" (see: crappy, but an opportunity to grow) or whether it goes smoothly... I am a person. People are highly adaptable. We survive. We cope. We grow and learn and strive. 

I have done what I can. I have set my job stuff in motion. I have worked for the past 7 years in preparation for this. I have gotten a sublet. I will trust that I can find a job when I relocate. I trust that someone out there is looking for an employee just like me. (hopefully in the personal assistant/administrative assistant realm). 

Big Fat Faithful, Trusting, Successful Love, 

Nanette

 

NON SCALE VICTORY OF MY LIFE!!!

Guess who just finished her degree this morning.....


Yup...

Life Long Summer Break has begun!

This lady. FREAK YEAH!

Annnnnnd a song about how I feel about it!

Big Fat GRADUATING Love,

Nanette

Trying out Insanity + Another Cool Find

Hey guys!

I just got back from my work out with trainer today. Literally. I'm still in my damp work out clothes (raining sweat, yeah)! On wednesdays we try new things. We try different work out videos. We try harder work outs. Wednesday is the big push day. Today we did Insanity. I don't remember which video. Explosive cardio? Something like that.

There was a bit of jumping. I modified to squats (squat down then raise to toes when you come up so you hit the calves too). I got a little behind in spots. I had to take breaks. I had to modify. But the absolute best thing? I didn't stop or give up. I didn't feel like a fat lump (like I did with R.I.P.P.E.D). The guy on the video is encouraging and smart. He's tough, but reminds you that form is more important than speed and to keep going.

I guess what I really look for in a work out video is that the person instructing is struggling their way through it too. I hate it when I'm watching a pilates video and it seems like gravity doesn't affect the instructor. Or doing some plyometrics (jumping all over the place) and the instructor seems to be doing it on a trampoline or doesn't even get winded. Oh, even worse, when they try to kick up some jokes and witty banter with the other people in the "class" behind them. Form suggestions and "notice how" stuff is great. But don't make me feel like this work out should be so easy that I have the wind, let alone the excess focus to tell jokes and get distracted. ... meanwhile I've collapsed into a sweaty, lardy lump on the floor - THAT makes me feel like a failure.

I like to see the video personality BE A PERSON. I like to see them sweat. I like to hear them breathe hard. I like to know that my muscles quaking are NORMAL and it's not that I'm fat. It's that this work out is so hard it makes Mr. Beefcake quiver. And yeah, I can modify and it doesn't make me a sissy. It means I'm being safe. I like the person to encourage and show modifications because it makes it accessible. I can come up with my own, but it's nice to know that they've thought of those just starting out.

Insanity doesn't show modifications. So I had to make up my own. But it never talks down to you. It doesn't act like a cheerleader. It's more like a coach. They give you imagery as you're going along to help with form. They give you reminders about form constantly. Reminders to hydrate. During the breaks they SHOW you some of the more complicated movements that are coming up. It's really awesome.

I left feeling really pumped and that I want to do it again. That I want to improve. That I want to do better than I did this time. THAT IS AN EFFECTIVE WORK OUT DVD.

34 oz of goodness. Perfect size. 

Internal Screen. 

Shifting gears, the cool find. I found this water bottle last night when I was grocery shopping. It's called a "water tracker" water bottle. It's got this nice little screen inside the top so you don't get poked in the face with ice. It also has this neat feature on the top. It's a knob. The knob has three options: 1, 2, 3. I thought it would control water flow or something... No. It's just there so you can track how many water bottles you've consumed for the day instead of trying to remember. I LOVE STUFF LIKE THAT! Plus it was only like... $6 and BPA free.

Drink counter... on top of the lid. 

So despite all my good intentions to not buy things I don't NEED. I went ahead. I don't think I'll regret it. I lost my nalgene bottle last week and I've had some hydration issues since. In a way I could still call it a NEED. But I'm very pleased with my purchase.

Today...
Menu
B: 1/4 c cottage cheese
S: Baby carrots.
L: tuna salad w/ avocado & sunflower seeds.
S: String cheese.
D: Chicken strips on salad.
S: sliced turkey.

Work out
Insanity - 45 min.
INTERVAL RUN?!?!  

I'm needing some serious motivation to do the interval run today. I've got a meeting (nonformal) with an old department I worked with to transfer over some of my files at 1:30p.m. And I've got to get the piano practice in before I go to work... And I just finished a tough work out. I need a little down time. Maybe after my shift. Maybe a 10pm run. There's no swim class tomorrow morning. Just HIIT and piano. So yeah... I think a 10pm run would be in order.

Here guys. Making you a promise. I will run after work today. I will go right after I finish my shift. I have to keep running so I don't lose my progress.

The Allan Challenge is tightening down. We're supposed to do 1200 calories from today until Sunday and up our water intake by 24oz. Gotta do it! Gotta do it!

Big Fat Insanity Love,
Nanette

All aboard the thought train!!!

So this split focus thing is killing me. This weekend alone, I have spent $60 going out... consuming food that isn't healthy, booze and even a dessert. I still managed to lose weight - luckily. I really think that was a fluke.

I have this pattern. I can usually concentrate on 3-4 things in my life and do them all well. Right now I'm so overwhelmed with all the stuff I've been trying to fit in and stress out about that I haven't been doing ANYTHING well. Here goes the thought train... All aboard!

A) New potentially romantic interest - this always makes things sort of go to crap and occupies way more of my thoughts than it should. And let's face it... obsession is ugly. I don't want to be ugly.

B) Finding a Job in NYC - I'm jumping the gun here. I'm not in the city yet. I can put this on the back burner for a couple weeks. But it does come with all the "I need a professional interview outfit!" Which contradicts G. Even that is jumping the gun. I don't know what size I will be when I get there!

C) Piano Tests = Graduation - Last week I found out that the pressure is still on high. With lessons this week it's even higher. For some reason this "easier" set of scales is harder than ever and I've got an entire piece to learn. But without the degree... I'm going to have a hell of a time with B) getting a job in NYC and no one wants to date a jobless bum. So it helps with A) New potentially romantic interest as well.

D) Eating right - This takes focus. This takes planning. This takes NOT giving in to the easiest way out because you were all stupid and twitterpated over some BOY or stuck in a practice room.

E) Working out - Planning work outs that don't tax the same part of the body each time. Finding work outs that keep me engaged. Working up to the 30 minutes of running that you want to do with Mr. Option A... A positive way to obsess, if you going to.

F) Moving - There is so much to be done around my house. Sell stuff. Ebay my formal gowns (seriously folks, if you've got some fat friends (26/28/30), I'm selling off a few really beautiful items). Sell off my vintage purse collection. Selling off my fancy shoes. Selling off my vintage jewelry. *sigh*

G) Saving/Making Money - This is REALLY the only thing I can productively do for myself in this move to NYC. Getting a job is going to take me BEING there to interview. People doing sublets don't want to talk to someone who wants one all the way in JUNE. What I can do is save money...  it buys me more time to get a job. It will also enable me to eat healthy instead of cheaply while I'm out there. It's also making me assess every purchase... well... how much toilet paper do you need in about 1month and a half. Shampoo? Tampons? Don't be wasteful. Save your pennies.

H) Online dating... I know I've already mentioned Mr. Option A. Which seems to have run a little cold lately... probably due to slight obsession backed up by not having MET in real person. But I have this constant niggling want for attention from the opposite sex. I don't know if it's a "validate me" thing. I really don't think it is... I think it's my new distraction technique for the stress I'm feeling. (I do that. A LOT).

Okay... So now you know what's buzzing around up there...   I WILL FOCUS. I will prioritize.

1) Piano/Graduation - Duh. I've been working on this degree for 7 years. It would be RIDICULOUS not to finish it this close to getting out of here. Plus it prepares me for success in so many ways after the fact.

2) Saving/Making Money - Concentrate on SAVING. Concentrate on not buying in excess. Concentrate on using the food you have and supplementing with grocery purchases. You don't need any new clothing right now (though I DID just buy new running shoes). You don't need to go out to eat a $10 salad you could make at home for $3.

3) Eating Right - Making menus and buying smart go hand in hand. I can eat healthily. I will pay closer attention to the cost of certain items to see how I will be able to eat on $15-20 a week when I get to NY.

4) Working out - I'm handing the reigns over to trainer when it comes to work out planning. I'm going to keep up with the interval running so I can feel like I'm doing something about Potential Guy and so I can drop some more weight. I don't want to scare him away with my size (though I've been very up front about my weight).

Everything else, moving, online dating, applying for jobs, finding a sublet, new potential romantic interest...   You can all take a back seat. I have two more weeks until I am done with piano. Then I can pick one to put back in on top and take more control over my working out.

I will not lose my laser like focus and determination. I'm tired of feeling like refracted light. I need to feel productive. I need motion. I need progress. I can do anything good!!!!

Accountability...

Menu
Breakfast: banana w/1tbsp peanut butter.
S: Fruit leather.
L: tuna salad on spelt bread.
S: baby carrots.
D: Spinach, celery, tomato, avocado, black berry, sunflower seed + balsamic salad.
S: cottage cheese.

Workout
25 pushups
25 squats
25 side lunges right
25 side lunges left.
50 bicep curls
25 tricep dips
25 vertical jumps.
5 downward facing dog pushups.

Big Fat FOCUSED Love,
Nanette

Midweek Check In.

I have refrained from weighing myself at all this week. Which I'm pretty much a scale addict. I check it every time I change my clothes. Anyway... 3 days of none of that. I got on the scale and I'm up a freaking pound. I'm cycling through a lot of thoughts and emotions like anger and disappointment and what if you're just gaining muscle?! and have I been eating things that I haven't been logging? I'm drinking enough water. I'm definitely getting enough exercise. I'm on my period... is that it? I WANT TO SEE A LOSS THIS WEEK, not just a different number. I've got to... I want to lose another 10-20lbs before I move. It's my fresh start and I don't want to do it above 300lbs.

Today the two a day work outs stop. I'm a bit too sore for life today. Heh. But really, I'm having some awesome muscle fatigue. So I'm taking this morning off. Trainer cancelled. She's having a hard time moving and needs to be able to teach her class tomorrow. As much as she pushes me, I push her right back. I will revel in this rest day - for tomorrow I run.

I'm kind of excited about the running. I want to build up to be something I really enjoy... You know, 30 minutes of just going. No marathons or 5Ks or whatever. Just going on a run. It could be great me time. I'd also love to be in the kind of relationship where you both go on a morning run to start the day... It might be silly. But it's something I'd want. Plus it would be such a motivator for staying active.

I've been thinking a lot about this move and how I'm going to stay active. I'm going to keep losing weight. Someone asked yesterday if I'm going to keep blogging. You bet your nethers I will be! Writing is a cathartic activity for me. I'd much rather go for the laptop than go for the fridge.

Which I must admit I did last night. Now I didn't go over my caloric limit of 1700. And I was hungry but I was having such an emotional night, that I was definitely eating for comfort instead of hunger. And I didn't make terrible choices, some cottage cheese, a handful of baby carrots and some peanut butter. It was one of those weird days when you get home, sit down and mysteriously start crying. I didn't know over what, or why. Yesterday wasn't particularly bad. Maybe the stress of the NY thing was sort of raining down around me (rain from my face). I was awash with all those feelings of inadequacy... I talk to myself a lot... and even saying some of it out loud just made me cry harder. It was ridiculous. I'm not a terribly emotional person - or, I am, but I don't cry very often. So when I do, I make it worth it.

But mid-everything, before I could reach for another food to eat, I ran a hot bath and laid in it for a while reading some magazines about beginning running. I got ready for bed and slept like a dead thing. Maybe just exhaustion? Tears from exhaustion? Something. Well, I'm taking today off to recuperate... And I'll just have to eat extra smart today.

Big Fat Tears of Love,
Nanette

Not Sold...

Trainer needed to learn a work out so she could sub for her fellow teacher. So we did the R.I.P.P.E.D instructor training work out dvd. Ummm.... If you're considering taking a class, or buying the dvds or spending money on that franchise at all. Just don't.

I mean... yeah. I got my heart rate up. I was sweating. I also spent about 75% of the time pissed off. They give the crappiest cues at the fastest pace that it's near impossible for someone of my weight and physical making. It's a whole lot of bouncing and jumping (which if you have a lot of belly fat, uhhhh... no go). I mean, I'm not opposed to doing a set of jumping jacks, interval running, mountain climbers, boxing... but when everything is like a giant high speed game of hopscotch, I honestly can't keep up.

Even better, their modifications.

For example... Holding plank position. If you can't do a regular plank go to your knees. Great. Now bring your knee up to your chest (one at a time). They modified mountain climbers to your knees. DUMB. A modified mountain climber is just done slower... with, you guessed it, LESS BOUNCING. I happen to like my lower back and like to treat it nicely. I also like the modification to work.

Another favorite. Wide feet stance, bend your knees to half squat. Jump forward, Jump backward. Another jumping work out that I need to modify. Their modification is to keep legs closer together and jump forward and backward. Okay...   What about actually targeting and strengthening the muscles being used?!?! I may be completely out of line here. But if you can't do the jumps, do some weighted deep squats. Hit those hamstrings, butt and calves. Come out of the squat and roll up onto the balls of your feet if you feel like it's just not enough.

I guess I should just say that the video was really counter-intuitive. It may be great for someone floating around the overweight/normal area. But there are a whole lot of work outs that are better for us obese folks, and by better I mean more effective, efficient and enjoyable. I'd call it face-paced, cheesy and aimed at those that are already somewhat athletic.

So I suppose I'll be sticking to Bodyrock, Zuzana Light, Couch to 5k, PiYo and Swimming. I don't consider this morning a waste. I got cardio and some weight stuff in. I accomplished being "active." I also learned what I won't do again. I try to be positive. Especially when I'm working out and in a lot of ways that work out just made me feel fatter and incapable. But I refuse to let those feelings defeat me.

Big question, Has anyone out there done the Jillian Michael's Yoga DVD? I'm wondering if I should buy it and try it.

Today I'm scheduled for an interval run with my friend at 2. I'm not sure if I'm going to make it to the running bit. But we may just go on a 30 min walk.

I'm also buying my flight tickets to NYC!!! The move is really approaching! I've got to hurry and finish my piano scales and piece and get my freaking diploma.

Big Fat Don't Buy Ripped Love,
Nanette

All Talk

NOT!   So I was watching the A&E channel show "Heavy" on netflix last night. It got me thinking, nothing bad happened to these people by working out every day. There are fat people (same size as me) running. Stop making stupid excuses and DO SOMETHING EVERY DAY THIS WEEK. I have to drop some weight this week in order to satiate my own expectations... I have to end this challenge with a bang. I will be free of this area on the scale.

So I started today. It took me 2 hours to get my ass out of the house (easily distracted). But I got a 5k hike/walk (very hilly, but paved trail). The end of the trail spits you out by a grave yard. I had my ipod with me and I just decided that yeah... I was going to run. So I pulled up the running app thingy and did my first interval run in MONTHS. 5k + 8x(1min run, 1.5 min walk).

I have some post its on the back of my door with times and work outs. This week. I resolve to do the daily warm up every morning, regardless of whether or not I'm going directly into a work out. Just get the body up and moving.  Then off to start the day. If anything it reminds me of all the moving parts. I don't usually think about things like warming up my hip flexors or shoulder rotators... It just seems like a smart thing to start integrating ON MY OWN... (trying to be independent here, can't afford a trainer when I move).

My ideas for this week's fitness keep morphing... so just roll with me here. :)


The post-its look like this...

Monday
9am - Full Body Warm up
9:30 3x through 50/10 w/post stretching.
pushups
squats
bicep curls
plank.

Tuesday
8am - Full Body Warm Up
9am - 50 minute swim class
10am - 30 minute HIIT w/ stretching.

Wednesday
9am - Full Body Warm Up
10pm - Interval Run (1min run, 1.5 min walk)8x
Stretching vid.

Thursday

8am - Full Body Warm Up
9am - Swim Class
10am - 30 minute HIIT w/ stretching

Friday
9am - Full Body Warm up
9:30 3x through 50/10 w/stretching after
Burpees (ugh)
Bridge with leg lifts.
Side lunges + kick
Competition Sit ups
Side abs (right)
Side abs (left)
1pm - Interval Run (1.5 min run, 2 min walk)6x

Saturday
9am - Full Body Warm Up.

Sunday
9am - Full Body Warm Up
Midday - Interval Run (1.5 run, 2 min walk) 6x

Above is my favorite lady, Zuzana Light, doing the daily warm up and the stretch routine. They're kind of long. There are abbreviated ones... but if I'm going to get down on the floor and do something, I may as well get comfortable.

Big Fat FITNESS MINDED Love,
Nanette

E2E

This week...    dum-da-da-dum!

Weight:  313 (-0) 

Waist: 47" (same) 

Water: 4/7 

Workout: 4/5 (It'd be 5/5 but yesterday was more of an active rest day than a work out). 

Monday - HIIT

Tuesday - HIIT

Wednesday - Rest

Thursday - HIIT

Friday - Hike with Holly. 

Saturday - Small rep work out at home

                      bicep curls, resistance band arm work outs, squats, competition situps. 

Book: I'm reading Life is Hard, Food is Easy (same lady who did 100 days of dieting). It's where I got the rules before eating idea from earlier in the week. 

Partner: I haven't seen a post from Eaba this week. But I did shoot her an email and asked if she'd be posting her update. If she doesn't by 2pm, I'll be posting a place holder for her. 

Calories: 

Monday - 1400

Tuesday - 1418

Wednesday - 1667

Thursday - 1480

Friday - 1380

Saturday - 1393

Goals 

- Work out with Trainer 3x
- Work out on my own 2x. - DRINK MY FREAKING WATER! 
- Box up the book shelf. 
- Return library books and borrowed books. 
- NOT SPEND MONEY. - Work out days = 1700 calories (not under, but AT 1700). 
- Non work out days = 1300 calories (not under, but AT). - Post one new video.

This week started out so rough with the food stuff because I tried to do the no dairy for a week mini challenge for myself. I made it up until Wednesday... Here's what I noticed about myself. I am a cheese addict. When I can't eat the cheese that I want to, I try to fill up with carbs. If I could replace cheese with veg, I would be more successful. But that's not how it happened. 

My body doesn't like high carb. I puffed up until Thursday when I went back off grains and starches. I tried to drink my water and stuff earlier in the week, but it's hard to convince myself to drink when I'm feeling like a Macy's Day Parade balloon. However, It improved as the week went on (the drink 3 8oz glasses of water before eating thing helped out a LOT). When I stopped eating the carbs (and gave in to some cheese cravings) I saw the scale go down!!! Now, I know better than to say it's cheese that CAUSED it... but if cheese is my mini crutch for now. I'm okay with that. It's high in protein. And I don't think there's anything wrong with eating fats as it's an efficient body fuel source. I keep a close eye on the sodium. And it's not like I sit down and eat a BLOCK of cheese in one sitting. It's more like I eat a couple things of string cheese, or a cup of cottage cheese after a work out (SO MUCH PROTEIN). That protein is so filling. 

I'm glad I could get back down to the 313. But I feel like I'm constantly fighting the same numbers on the scale. 

So here's the game plan for this week... 

• I have planned a menu. 
• I have grocery shopped. 
• There are many different types of fresh veg in my house! 
• I have washed all the dishes in my house including all of my waterbottles so there is no reason to not have one with me. 
• I have borrowed an idea from a fellow blogger to make a work out schedule for an entire month. 
• I will be working out six days this week, sometimes twice a day with one rest day midweek. 
• I will switch up my work outs by getting 2 more cardio sessions in a week (walk/jogs) in addition to the HIIT. 
• Trainer and I have talked about upping the ante this week. We are switching up the types of HIIT we're doing. 

I WILL END THIS CHALLENGE WITH A GOOD LOSS! I WILL END IN STYLE. 

Big Fat Last Week Love, 

Nanette

P.s. And I will pass one off one more piano test (black key harmonic minors). 

Bendy and back on track.

So I went to PiYo (pilates-yoga) today at the community rec center. It's the first time I've ever been there and for a whopping $5 I got to go to class and have full access for the rest of the day to the gym/pool etc. Not that I can really take advantage of that since I don't have a car to drive back, but this is definitely something I could get my friends into.

I feel great. GREAT. The instructor is really kind and chatty. She's very attentive to her students (there were only 5). But I got feedback on my poses and stretches. It helped stretch out my hamstrings and lengthen my spinal column. It's reversing all the tension I've been building with the high intensity interval training. Holly helped me find a great stretch for opening up between my shoulders.

I'm ready to jump back up, off my jiggly fat ass and get it heading back towards fitness.

I was a dinner for an out of town friend last night and received a lot of compliments about how far I've come. Trent (if you remember him, he was my work out partner last semester) told me that I just looked alive and bright...despite my anger and yearning to be a complete and utter bitch because of my bad mood. Trent and I talked about body stuff - like my rainbow of fat going away above my butt, the need to purchase new bras, the emergence of my long forgotten jaw bone and facial structure.

Trainer said we're back on for next week. No stopping. Full boar.

The plan for eating today...
Breakfast: Access bar
Lunch: tuna fish + steamed asparagus.
Mid-afternoon: tomato + broccoli (steamed?)
Dinner: Steak + edamame.
Pre-bed: orange.

It's kinda minimal today... but I'm trying to reduce the crap and do a little penance for yesterday. Of course there will be a lot of tea and water.

I'm also going for a soak at the mineral pools. Staying hydrated is key. Getting out of the house (away from all the food) is another key.

Big Fat Stretchy Love,
Nanette

For Maren - Fattitude.

I'm taking Maren up on her suggestion to write a blog about self-worth and fat. 

She wrote a post about finding the body love while still being fat and wrote it quite well...   Also Myra's response post got me thinking. 

"Joy in the Journey" is a phrase I've heard a thousand times over growing up...   and then in the music world, they tell you that the practicing has to be just as satisfying as the performance. So here we are... Fat. In transition. Can we find the happiness in that? Sure thing! 

I don't believe that being happy, while fat, means that you're not going to change or that you've become contented and complacent with your size. I can love my body and still work on it. As Maren said, we are more than our fat. We are complex people with varying interests and challenges. 

If we have to be sad because we're fat, then I could logically conclude that being thin is happiness and that's just not true. The baggage (emotional) that we carry along with our fat baggage needs just as much work and processing in order to be happy people. 

I've said it a few times... My dad lost his weight too late. He can't really enjoy the benefits of being thin. He still hurts. He's lost a lot of muscle. He's replaced so many body parts. His health is STILL affected by his years spent above 500lbs. I suspect that he thought he'd be happy when he lost weight... and it became this magical place in his mind "lost weight" or "skinny" or "thin." A place where there is limitless energy and recaptured youth and rainbows and puppies and the occasional slice of pizza. 

Well... he's lost weight. He's thin. He's spend the last 2 years in and out of hospitals, bed-ridden. He's still struggling to be a happy person. He's struggling to enjoy life. He still has a short temper. He still says mean things. He still has money problems. He still gets frustrated when he can't do things or when he needs help. He still likes to spend the majority of his time in front of a computer or a television. He doesn't go outside much or get very physical. He lost weight. But he isn't happy... He's still on that journey.

I believed that if Dad were thin, things would get better. I really did believe he would be happier, more kind, more patient. Now I know better. Thin doesn't mean any of that. Thin means carrying around a lot less physical weight - which has a plethora of positive benefits, if you can take advantage of them. 

Don't get me wrong... I love my dad through and through. He's a tough nut, but when you get past the shell, he's all softness. I'm a complete daddy's girl - which makes it harder to watch his health decline and see him turn into a confined ornery old cuss. 

My family in 2005? I was still in high school. In this pic, my dad had already lost about 100-150lbs. And the tall guy in the back... yeah... he's not standing on anything, he's just 6'7"

Achieving a certain weight does not mean you'll be happy and that problems will be solved. Happiness is based entirely on how you choose to view your life. 

I wrote this as a response to Myra's blog.. 

One must enjoy the practice as well as the performance or one will spend the majority of the time miserable. Eating right and exercising can be challenging AND fun... not just something to endure until we're thin - because if we haven't learned to be happy by then, the problem isn't weight, but attitude.

And I think that's the most succinct way I could say it.

Big Fat and Happy Love,
Nanette

Today's workout...

Weighted switch lunges
Pushups
Weighted squat jacks (jumping jacks while squatting)
Tricep dips
Competition sit ups (legs in butterfly position).

First round - 10 reps.
Second round - 9 reps.
Third round - 8 reps.... etc. etc. etc.

Let me just tell you... descending reps worked as such a motivator. "Come on, Nanette, you've already done ten. You can do nine." That kind of thinking really worked for me today. I used 20 lbs for the weighted lunge and 10 lbs for the squat jacks. Surprisingly enough, the hardest set was the 1 and 2 reps. It was more difficult to get off the floor and get into the next position than it was to do the actual moves.

It only took around 17 minutes. I was doing modifications. My trainer was doing elevated foot pushups and bringing one knee at a time to her chest. So it would be like *push up, knee, knee, push up* She's amazing. And for that reason alone did I beat her. I BEAT HER TIME by 6 seconds. Apparently I'm very good at sit ups. Under this flab I'm sporting a six pack! I'm sure of it!

Today is day one of no going out. It's funny how something isn't a temptation until you tell yourself you can't do it. heh. I've had three people text today wanting to do lunch. No. NO. NO! Not only that but I'm still feeling pretty short tempered with being ill and the commie invasion (TOM).

I'm staying in today. VERY in. Going to do the dishes. Eat some healthy food. Drink a metric shit ton of water.

All I want is a negative number on the scale by Saturday! 

Despite monday being a whopping 1400 calories and yesterday being 850 calories... my weight is UP. I'm assuming this has to do with salt. I've been having a lot of sodium-y things. In addition to alka seltzer (400mg of sodium a dose)...   I am so puffy I feel like I've taken a GRAND leap backwards on the weight loss train. Good-bye -50lb mark, it was lovely while it lasted. I'll see you again shortly.

Big Fat Puffy Love,
Nanette

Sworn in

I had an early morning work meeting today... Thursdays are normally my rest day from working out. But I'm hoping to get another work out in this afternoon. I'm not seeing happy numbers on my scale. I'm still up 4-5lbs since the weekend of crap eating. It's not helping that my trainer lady isn't working with me this week - as she's a very powerful motivator. But she doesn't deserve any of that crap word, BLAME...  That motivation and determination has to come from inside me. I got a work out in on tuesday and wednesday... I owe myself an extra work out this week because I skipped my sunday one (AND ate pizza, not smart).

Long and short of it... I've gotta keep moving! I'm doing really well with my eating this week. However, I feel like the days are SO LONG this week. So it's been a bit more of that going to bed mentally hungry thing. Which stinks. But I sleep anyway.

I'm going grocery shopping with my friend Brittany today. She and I are eaters. We eat together. So I'm trying to come up with different activities. We're going through our apartments and doing a Goodwill donation then going grocery shopping - which is good. I need to have some new fruits and veg in my house to entice me and coax me away from all things 10,000% saturated fat and 30,000,000 mg sodium. 

I do hereby swear...
- to work out at 3:00 and get cleaned up in a timely manner.
- to NOT eat out, drive through or do anything naughty while with Brittany.
- to get rid of some of the crap in my apartment (at least SOMETHING is losing weight).
- to make it to work on time.
- stop obsessing about that damned number on the scale.
- to not let this crappy weather entice me into hibernation.

Big Fat Swear-y Love,
Nanette