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Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Midweek Update... and a gross photo.

Okay. So life hasn't fallen completely apart since Sunday.

Monday... I stayed home and tried to nurse the sore throat while it just got worse. I decided that Boy II is dumb and the ultimatum thing is a BIG RED FLAG... So I'm giving Boy I another chance.

Tuesday... I went to the job interview at the kids store/guided play classes. It went SO well! Met the 4 different managers and the CFO, went to two different locations for tours, sat in on a really playful and fun kids class. Everyone was kind, enthusiastic. They promote within house and ALL of the managers INCLUDING the CFO try to put in a little time as a Front Desk Admin just to brush up on procedures. It's such a great work environment. If I pass a background check (psh... allllll those felonies), I believe I will be getting a job offer from them shortly.

The doc texted me back on Tuesday and told me to visit a different doc in the building and asked him to see me as a favor. So I got a $500 check up for free. I've got a wicked case of strep and finally have some antibiotics. (shhhh... I didn't know what it was prior to the interview - hope no one gets sick).

Look at those things. They look like Bleu Cheese Nuggets. So swollen. So irritated. 
I'm done taking the birth control until after my lady doc visit in a week or so. My moods have leveled out so much already.

Also, got to talk to my friend back home. She's decided to give me a loan to replace the loan from my roommate. Sounds silly, right? Well Friend Back Home makes a good amount of money every year and doesn't live with me so I'm not reminded that I'm in debt every morning, noon and night. So I took her up on it. Under the condition that she doesn't see payment until I'm squared away in a full-time position and my stress has gone down. And mom and dad caught wind of the illness stuff and the stress stuff, they've put a little check in the mail. $100. It's totally enough to make the difference between eating a cheap and healthy salad and eating nutritiously negative ramen. I feel like I can handle this. Life is back within my grasp. I feel bad accepting money from my parents because they aren't that wealthy right now... not at all. So I'm hoping that with the potential new job at the kids play place, I can sneak it back to them.

Seriously... I don't know what I would do without my friends and family. I've had so much help with this move. So much support. So many good feelings returned to me. If I can keep my stress in a normal range... I think I'll be able to beat off this immune issue that always arises when I'm stressed to the hilt.

There is that niggling thought that tells me I wouldn't be having this issue... the health issue or the over loaded stress issue if I were eating better and working out. I know that I ultimatum-ed myself a couple weeks ago to start the new work out regime on the 6th. It's going to have to wait until I'm not infected and can breathe and swallow properly. But I'm serious, deathly serious about starting again. I talked to Boy I about it. He'll even support me and work out with me. I want to kick his ass. heh.

Big Fat It's Looking Up Love,
Nanette

Friday, May 25, 2012

Ready for this!? - 7 day countdown begins.

So here're the stats.

Weight: between 305-309

Stress: off the charts.

Working: 65 hours this week.

Sleeping: 4-5 hours a night.

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT

I have a couple job opportunities in the new city. So when I land, I have a couple in person interviews all lined up. Restaurant/catering work and an office assistant position for a search firm. I have high hopes and a good feeling about life outside of Idaho. I feel like I can put that aside now. I can put the planning aside.

But while I'm still here...

I have 3 more 2:30 - midnight shifts. (Friday, Tuesday Wednesday).
No more morning work.
So sleep will be improving.

I have 3 more days in my apartment.
To scrub clean, top to bottom.
To eat the food in the fridge or get rid of it.
To pack my suitcases (and do a serious amount of laundry).
To make my last goodwill donations.
To walk around naked.
So the stress is still high.

I'm worried about my motivation and losing my progress because I'm having such a difficult time focusing. So I've told myself. "Nanette, you've done this for months. You know how to make good food decisions. Trust that for now. If you gain a few pounds, you'll lose them again when you relocate and settle."

But I'm trying to determine whether or not that's B.S.... Excuses to get back to "addict" behavior. I'm experiencing a definite lack of peace while the ground underneath my feet shifts and the mental athlete I've trained has gotten flabby. But I feel like, what's the harm in just relaxing for 7 days. (SELF, DO NOT TAKE THAT AS A CHALLENGE TO GAIN AS MUCH WEIGHT AS YOU CAN IN 7 DAYS).

Things I give into will be habits I have to break again. Cravings to fight. Soreness to overcome. But guess what, Nanette... that's life. There's no point in which everything will be perfect.. that eating and working out will be 100% all of the time. What matters is that you keep trying and how you adjust. Being flexible and positive is going to get you through this. Never give up! Never give in!

Menu
B: Zoi
S: Chocolate covered peanuts ( I KNOW, I KNOW).
L: Spinach, tomato, blueberry, goat cheese, balsamic salad.
S: 1 cup cottage cheese.
D: Tuna sandwich, odwalla juice.
S: 1 cup cottage cheese... (if I'm going to eat for comfort right now... may as well be high in protein).

Workout
.5 mile to Job 1.
2.5 mile to Job 2.
2.5 mile from Job 2.

Big Fat Gentle Reminder To Move Forward Love,
Nanette

Monday, April 16, 2012

All aboard the thought train!!!

So this split focus thing is killing me. This weekend alone, I have spent $60 going out... consuming food that isn't healthy, booze and even a dessert. I still managed to lose weight - luckily. I really think that was a fluke.

I have this pattern. I can usually concentrate on 3-4 things in my life and do them all well. Right now I'm so overwhelmed with all the stuff I've been trying to fit in and stress out about that I haven't been doing ANYTHING well. Here goes the thought train... All aboard!

A) New potentially romantic interest - this always makes things sort of go to crap and occupies way more of my thoughts than it should. And let's face it... obsession is ugly. I don't want to be ugly.

B) Finding a Job in NYC - I'm jumping the gun here. I'm not in the city yet. I can put this on the back burner for a couple weeks. But it does come with all the "I need a professional interview outfit!" Which contradicts G. Even that is jumping the gun. I don't know what size I will be when I get there!

C) Piano Tests = Graduation - Last week I found out that the pressure is still on high. With lessons this week it's even higher. For some reason this "easier" set of scales is harder than ever and I've got an entire piece to learn. But without the degree... I'm going to have a hell of a time with B) getting a job in NYC and no one wants to date a jobless bum. So it helps with A) New potentially romantic interest as well.

D) Eating right - This takes focus. This takes planning. This takes NOT giving in to the easiest way out because you were all stupid and twitterpated over some BOY or stuck in a practice room.

E) Working out - Planning work outs that don't tax the same part of the body each time. Finding work outs that keep me engaged. Working up to the 30 minutes of running that you want to do with Mr. Option A... A positive way to obsess, if you going to.

F) Moving - There is so much to be done around my house. Sell stuff. Ebay my formal gowns (seriously folks, if you've got some fat friends (26/28/30), I'm selling off a few really beautiful items). Sell off my vintage purse collection. Selling off my fancy shoes. Selling off my vintage jewelry. *sigh*

G) Saving/Making Money - This is REALLY the only thing I can productively do for myself in this move to NYC. Getting a job is going to take me BEING there to interview. People doing sublets don't want to talk to someone who wants one all the way in JUNE. What I can do is save money...  it buys me more time to get a job. It will also enable me to eat healthy instead of cheaply while I'm out there. It's also making me assess every purchase... well... how much toilet paper do you need in about 1month and a half. Shampoo? Tampons? Don't be wasteful. Save your pennies.

H) Online dating... I know I've already mentioned Mr. Option A. Which seems to have run a little cold lately... probably due to slight obsession backed up by not having MET in real person. But I have this constant niggling want for attention from the opposite sex. I don't know if it's a "validate me" thing. I really don't think it is... I think it's my new distraction technique for the stress I'm feeling. (I do that. A LOT).

Okay... So now you know what's buzzing around up there...   I WILL FOCUS. I will prioritize.

1) Piano/Graduation - Duh. I've been working on this degree for 7 years. It would be RIDICULOUS not to finish it this close to getting out of here. Plus it prepares me for success in so many ways after the fact.

2) Saving/Making Money - Concentrate on SAVING. Concentrate on not buying in excess. Concentrate on using the food you have and supplementing with grocery purchases. You don't need any new clothing right now (though I DID just buy new running shoes). You don't need to go out to eat a $10 salad you could make at home for $3.

3) Eating Right - Making menus and buying smart go hand in hand. I can eat healthily. I will pay closer attention to the cost of certain items to see how I will be able to eat on $15-20 a week when I get to NY.

4) Working out - I'm handing the reigns over to trainer when it comes to work out planning. I'm going to keep up with the interval running so I can feel like I'm doing something about Potential Guy and so I can drop some more weight. I don't want to scare him away with my size (though I've been very up front about my weight).

Everything else, moving, online dating, applying for jobs, finding a sublet, new potential romantic interest...   You can all take a back seat. I have two more weeks until I am done with piano. Then I can pick one to put back in on top and take more control over my working out.

I will not lose my laser like focus and determination. I'm tired of feeling like refracted light. I need to feel productive. I need motion. I need progress. I can do anything good!!!!


Accountability...

Menu
Breakfast: banana w/1tbsp peanut butter.
S: Fruit leather.
L: tuna salad on spelt bread.
S: baby carrots.
D: Spinach, celery, tomato, avocado, black berry, sunflower seed + balsamic salad.
S: cottage cheese.

Workout
25 pushups
25 squats
25 side lunges right
25 side lunges left.
50 bicep curls
25 tricep dips
25 vertical jumps.
5 downward facing dog pushups.

Big Fat FOCUSED Love,
Nanette

Thursday, January 12, 2012

30 days in photos


This is a great introduction. Life as I know it right now consists of working everyday. I have two office jobs. Every day I'm reading 100 days of weight loss and keeping notes in my journal. I spend SO much time in front of my computer, roughly 8 hours a day. That's absolutely terrible!!! Come spring break (aka, forced vacation), I will be taking a week off of using any sort of computer aside from cellphone (communication), ipod (who has CDs anymore!?) and to update my challenge post that weekend. 

Last night I was budgeting and it looks like I'll be able to save about $3000 for my move to NYC. I look at that and think, "Wow, only three months worth of living expenses." I'm hoping and praying that it will take me by surprise and I'll be able to live cheaply to compensate for the outrageous housing prices. Right now is the time to train. 

- Only buy what you'll eat and only buy it as often as you can eat it without it going bad. Extra trips to the store just means burning calories, not fossil fuels, since I'm car-less. 
- Cancel netflix. 
- Cancel internet at home. 
- Unplug devices that aren't in use (TV, DVD player, heaters, lamps, laptop charger, Cellphone charger). 
- Wear less clothing... okay, I just don't like to wear clothing, but it cuts down significantly on my laundry bill when I wear things more than once. 

Confession time: Totally ate a pastry last night. It was sickly sweet. I liked it. But I don't feel good about it. I could have had fancy cheese with those calories instead. Alas. Dissatisfaction. 

Big Fat Office Time Love, 
Nanette

Sunday, December 4, 2011

CDCC # whatever... I've lost track

Weigh in: 329 (-0)
water: 3/7...   boo.
exercise: 5/7... okay.
veggies: 3/7... needs improvement

Morning after wingman-ing
Nursing an amazingly wicked hang over today. I was wingman last night for a friend... mission accomplished, just sayin'. It has been over a year since I've had anything to drink and there's less of me this time... man. Not doing that again for a very long time. But the drag show was fun. Glitter, lip-syncing, dirty jokes and men that walk better in heels than most women.

I would like to announce that I have fixed my creative writing grade (had some absences). So there's one crappy stress out of the way. I'm doing what I can to minimize that and make life simple. I'm trying to get all my homework for the week done today so that this week is just showing up, exercising and eating right.

Today
- finish French diction recitation.
- piano lesson for pedagogy.
- prep voice notes for pedagogy portfolio.
- edit two english pieces for creative writing portfolio.
- complete peer reviews on 3 english pieces.
- begin AND COMPLETE analyzing the Beethoven Variations (dread).
- Make chocolate covered pretzels for the student recital on Thursday (stores well).
- GROCERY SHOP.
- Make and send some christmas cards.
- Write the weekly letters to Tracy, Ashley and Emily.


This is my last week of real classes (dead week). Finals week I only have one actual final that's written. The rest are small projects - take home stuff. And no exercise classes on finals week. I've been coming up with a game plan for activity though. The guy I normally work out with (trent), says he's willing to go every day. It will kick my pants. It will be something different. I will have time to lengthen our weight lifting. And we can do it later than 7am. Since we're both here during the break... and both have gym memberships we're going to do 5 days of work out in a row... cardio+weights+stretching (which I know how to do now, thank you dance class). And on the 6th day... there was swimming. And on the 7th day... there was rest. This is the plan anyway. It might be modified as we find out what juries Trent has to play the piano for.

Swimming has to take a back seat until I'm in class. Trent is a terrible swimmer and it slows me down sometimes because I want to help him learn - not the reason I'm there. But I can usually get a decent work out in and help him learn a concept. Boy cannot relax enough to float for his life. He normally runs a few miles every morning and lost 60lbs over a year ago... most importantly, he's maintained it. He likes to take people on runs with him... Younger "healthier" people... and then see if he can keep up or if they can keep up with him. So there is a tiny sense of satisfaction that he is SORE the next day after I've worked him out in the pool. The voice of reason tells me that he's using new muscles and that he's out of his element. It's fun to see the tables turn, if only briefly to have the student teach the teacher. In that way, I so enjoy that we help each other.

I'm still plateau-ing. I'm not too angry about it... It's frustrating. But I haven't been concentrating hard enough on the weightloss part of my life. So it makes sense. End of semester has got me thinking - dad, finals, broke, dad, finals, fat, no... unfat, dad, finals, broke, dad, broke, laptop screen, broke, finals, upcoming forced vacation (work for the uni), MORE broke.

It's big decision time....
I've been offered an EXTREME discount to go to Europe with the choirs. I guess Dr. A needs altos. It directly conflicts with my financial plans for moving to New York. I've also got a bit of dental work that I'm getting done. Three major competitors.

Europe - $2000 + food, trinkets, passport.
NYC - $5000 (beginning nest egg).
Dental - $1500 (implant and wisdom teeth extraction).

I've enrolled for school again. I have ONE CREDIT to finish. Which I could do on my own without enrolling but who is going to give this girl a loan to move across country. I need that financial aid. Yes, abusing the system. All's fair in education and money.  I will be getting my last student loan. I'll be getting $4000 back. Plus $2000 tax return (which I could just dedicate to EU). Plus a pretty decent job and near zero monthly expenses - I've paid them all in advance.

IF I eat healthy. Cook at home. Buy more produce in a timely manner. And avoid any surprise medical costs... I THINK I can afford everything and not have to make a decision to not do something. I would feel so uncomfortable moving to NY with less than that just in case it takes a ridiculous amount of time to get a job... plus only moving with 2 suitcases, there's a lot of stuff to buy. Lordy, I want to be a smaller size... You can pack more clothing that way. It would be so nice to be able to pack things like books and journals and memories. I'm going to have to box them up and ask mom and dad to ship them for birthdays and christmas over the next few years.

Don't even get me started on the whole minimizing the crap in my apartment thing and trying to decide what to keep, sell or donate.

Anyway...   just a peek into the stress I keep talking about. Stress? obsession? Cyclical thinking? A life NEAR motion? Cusping on the brink of something... (328lbs, maybe?)   Nearing the beginning of the next book of Nanette's life series... I've always hated how slowly books end. But that much closer to the next exposition, the beauty of a new life made!

done. must be done.

Big Fat Cusping Love,
Nanette

P.S. Dad's doing a lot better. they've got him in an inpatient Physical Therapy place. He's getting a lot of work done... sitting, rolling, wheel chair transfer from bed, wheel chair transfer to toilet, sitting for longer periods of time. He's still on a LOT of pain killers and he says he's very sore and that they work him beyond what he can do. (which means they're doing they're job). I hope he doesn't give up or get belligerent - he's off the hardcore opiates, so his filter should be back to functioning.
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