A motivational speech.

Here's what's going on in the life lately...

• Boy wants to be exclusive. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. But I'm REALLY craving some consistency. 
• Work is good. Building a better relationship with the doc and coworkers. (while looking for another job... what!? I need more hours). 
• Budget is tight. Trying to meet $1200 worth of bills with a $1000 income. 
• Roommate... is okay. I think we drive each other nuts. But it'll get better in the new apartment come August... We'll have our own rooms. 
• Food has been better. I'm still doing the famine then binge thing. I haven't had time to run to a freaking grocery store (my work hours are kind of odd).
• Sleep... I haven't had good sleep in over 3 nights now. 
• Water, Rockin' the water. 
• Exercise. Well... I'm walking lots still... moreso than normal. I've decided to stop using the subway stop close to me and use the one not so close to me just so I can get in an extra .5 miles of walking every day. 

I feel like I need to recommit. Like when I was back in Idaho... I could mentally prep myself... lay out the ground work for a plan for however long it would take me, then implement a change. I'm having a hard time controlling my life like that here. It may be that I don't have the monetary freedom to afford everything I want/need to help along the way. It may be the stress. It may be that I don't have any of my own space (I'm sharing a freaking BED, people). It may be that I haven't fully adjusted to my new life yet. Let's face it... as far as NYC living goes, I'm a novice. But i'm trying not to be discouraged. 

I need to mentally prepare. 

- Game plan. (nike fitness app + back to menus)

- Inspiration/Desire. (working on it, gotta rough myself up a little). 

- Measurable goal. (22 weeks or 5 months, aim for -10lbs a month, be happy with -7lbs). 

I need to commit to a date. 

- August 6th (when I will finally have my own room). 

As skeptical of reading a fitness book as I was for Mir's challenges... I'm starting to realize, even if it's procrastinated, it's a little *ding* reminder in my head that This is what i'm doing. So head out to a book store or re-read the one I brought with me. 

Dear Nanette, 

You have 2 weeks to come to terms with the fact that the habits you've started in this city are going to be over. You have 2 weeks to deal with the fact that working out will be your second job. You have 2 weeks to make excuses. You have 2 weeks to be lazy and let your social life rule the roost. You have 2 weeks to make lists about why you are fat, why you hate being fat, why a healthy lifestyle will benefit you and all the things you'd rather do fit and thin. 

In two weeks you will take health and wellness as seriously as if it were your job. You will show up on time to your work outs. You will respect the work out time. No one can contact you or talk you out of it. You will eat what you are supposed to because your body feels better when you do. Your energies are higher and you are a happier person. You will be in a better mental place. You will go to bed at midnight, regardless of who you're with or what you've got planned. 

Big Fat Mentally Preppin' Love, 

Nanette

2 days of work under my belt.

Two days of work have gone by. I think I'm ready to start taking on the office? Well... ready or not. Doc is back from vacation and I'm going to be doing just that today. Here's hoping I don't make an ass of myself on the phones with the customers or give someone the wrong supplements. It's a busy day. I just hope that it all goes without a hitch so I can build some confidence. heh. I mean, I have confidence, but so I can validate it.

I've been cruising dollar stores these past couple of days; picking up household items and looking for a good, cheap water bottle. Looks like I'm going to have to break down and buy a nice expensive one (that I hopefully won't lose). And find a place to buy one. The outdoors stores aren't as frequent and obvious here. So much getting used to! 

Fluids

Monday - 80oz. 

Tuesday - 100oz. 

Goals

- Buy water bottle 

- write out this week's schedule. 

- take stock of what pots and pans are in this apt. 

- make a menu. 

- make a grocery list. 

My calories have been out of control in the evenings when I get home from work because I don't take time to stop and snack during the 5 hour shift... that happens to fall very awkwardly from 1:30 - 7:30. So I'm rushing to get there during what would normally be lunch (skipping it) and working through dinner time. Getting home and ordering something while I much on stuff waiting for it to arrive. TERRIBLE HABITS! I've only done it twice. But it has to change before I like it too much.

Here's how I want my typical work day to look. 

9am up. eat something. 

9:30 go to gym. 

10:30 home to shower

11:00 get dressed, pack bag. 

11:15 eat something and make snack to go. 

11:45 brush teeth, run out door. 

12:00 be to station or on train. Use train ride to make menus and list out thoughts. 

1:00 be to the work area with a little extra "train running slow" time, eat a snack. 

1:30 work. 

4:30 Take a little break. 10 min. Eat snacks. 

7:30 Off work... head to train, or to shops for water bottles. 

8:30 home. Make a real dinner and maybe a snack for tomorrow (kale chips?). 

9:30 clean up the house EVERYDAY. I'm telling you this one room, two people, one cat thing gets messy. 

10:00 sit down and dink around on my laptop, read blogs, write emails, update facebook. etc. 

12:00am bed. 

Let's talk about those "eat somethings" I would like it to look like this. 

pre-workout: usually fruit & yogurt, sometimes just one or the other. 

post-workout: peanut butter on toast. 

train snack: sliced cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, or baby carrots

work snack: string cheese, almonds, apple. 

real dinner: protein + veggie + fruit 

laptop snack: cottage cheese. 

Yesterday it looked like this. 

9am Breakfast: raspberries + 1/4 c yogurt. 

11am snack: spoonful of peanut butter. 

8:30 pm: waiting for dinner to arrive... 3 spoonfuls of ice cream, a slice of cheese. 

9:30 pm dinner: cheese pizza, the entire 10" thing. 

So Friday... I have some shopping to do in order to make next week run a little better. This week, I'll find a way to eat what I have (not in one sitting) and make room for the stuff I'm bringing home.

Big Fat List Makin'- Brain Organizin' Love, 

Nanette

Distraction And a Plan of Action

I'm having such a problem with distraction as of late. I know that my brain is going in 15 directions. We've addressed that. But I've gone from "Make graduation a priority" to "Make graduation the only priority." My blogs have been lame and not very thoughtful because I'm not in the game right now.

That diet and exercise apathy is creeping in. I went out to eat twice this week. That's unacceptable for two reasons. One. Money. Two. FAT. The apathy doesn't keep me from weighing in every morning and night. So the apathy still digs at me in a negative way. I need a flame under my ass right now and it's just not happening.

I waver, in that my brain isn't engaged to make work outs better, To make the most of my spare time by burning some calories or prepping healthy foods. My menu is out the window. I have not been eating well. Under calories, but not well. Like yesterday... I pretty much ate string cheese and oranges. Under calories. BUT NOT HEALTHY.

I got a mile walk in yesterday. Which isn't much. I got one set of my mini work outs in then napped the rest of the afternoon away. I want to dismiss all of this and say it's related to the whole period thing. But here's the thing, Nanette. If it's related to this thing that happens ONCE A MONTH, you'd better get your shit together. It's not going away. Find a way to deal with it in a productive, grown up, way instead of this  dismissive, eat what you want, disappear, lazy way!

This kind of behavior freaks me out. I need to be ultra vigilant about keeping myself working out and finding that inner motivation. I'm going to NY and I won't have my trainer. I won't have a gym. I won't have a familiar area to run. I need consistency. I need commitment. I need positive portable habits.

That's kinda what I'm gnawing on today. I need to commit to better choices today. I need to take action today. I know that I have a problem. I've recognized it. The next step is action. I can do that.  I WILL DO THAT.

Today's plan of action. 
- eat the broccoli in the fridge before it goes off.
- eat a salad. Make it fancy if you have to. MORE VEGGIES.
- drink some water.
- STRETCH for tomorrow you run.
- leave the apartment.

I will not give in to eating whatever is easy. I will not give in to dicking around on the internet for hours instead of living a real life away from the computer. I will not give in to that "do it tomorrow" bull that's roaming around my brain.

I choose to live healthy and I choose to live healthy RIGHT NOW. f

Big Fat CHOOSE WELL Love,
Nanette

All aboard the thought train!!!

So this split focus thing is killing me. This weekend alone, I have spent $60 going out... consuming food that isn't healthy, booze and even a dessert. I still managed to lose weight - luckily. I really think that was a fluke.

I have this pattern. I can usually concentrate on 3-4 things in my life and do them all well. Right now I'm so overwhelmed with all the stuff I've been trying to fit in and stress out about that I haven't been doing ANYTHING well. Here goes the thought train... All aboard!

A) New potentially romantic interest - this always makes things sort of go to crap and occupies way more of my thoughts than it should. And let's face it... obsession is ugly. I don't want to be ugly.

B) Finding a Job in NYC - I'm jumping the gun here. I'm not in the city yet. I can put this on the back burner for a couple weeks. But it does come with all the "I need a professional interview outfit!" Which contradicts G. Even that is jumping the gun. I don't know what size I will be when I get there!

C) Piano Tests = Graduation - Last week I found out that the pressure is still on high. With lessons this week it's even higher. For some reason this "easier" set of scales is harder than ever and I've got an entire piece to learn. But without the degree... I'm going to have a hell of a time with B) getting a job in NYC and no one wants to date a jobless bum. So it helps with A) New potentially romantic interest as well.

D) Eating right - This takes focus. This takes planning. This takes NOT giving in to the easiest way out because you were all stupid and twitterpated over some BOY or stuck in a practice room.

E) Working out - Planning work outs that don't tax the same part of the body each time. Finding work outs that keep me engaged. Working up to the 30 minutes of running that you want to do with Mr. Option A... A positive way to obsess, if you going to.

F) Moving - There is so much to be done around my house. Sell stuff. Ebay my formal gowns (seriously folks, if you've got some fat friends (26/28/30), I'm selling off a few really beautiful items). Sell off my vintage purse collection. Selling off my fancy shoes. Selling off my vintage jewelry. *sigh*

G) Saving/Making Money - This is REALLY the only thing I can productively do for myself in this move to NYC. Getting a job is going to take me BEING there to interview. People doing sublets don't want to talk to someone who wants one all the way in JUNE. What I can do is save money...  it buys me more time to get a job. It will also enable me to eat healthy instead of cheaply while I'm out there. It's also making me assess every purchase... well... how much toilet paper do you need in about 1month and a half. Shampoo? Tampons? Don't be wasteful. Save your pennies.

H) Online dating... I know I've already mentioned Mr. Option A. Which seems to have run a little cold lately... probably due to slight obsession backed up by not having MET in real person. But I have this constant niggling want for attention from the opposite sex. I don't know if it's a "validate me" thing. I really don't think it is... I think it's my new distraction technique for the stress I'm feeling. (I do that. A LOT).

Okay... So now you know what's buzzing around up there...   I WILL FOCUS. I will prioritize.

1) Piano/Graduation - Duh. I've been working on this degree for 7 years. It would be RIDICULOUS not to finish it this close to getting out of here. Plus it prepares me for success in so many ways after the fact.

2) Saving/Making Money - Concentrate on SAVING. Concentrate on not buying in excess. Concentrate on using the food you have and supplementing with grocery purchases. You don't need any new clothing right now (though I DID just buy new running shoes). You don't need to go out to eat a $10 salad you could make at home for $3.

3) Eating Right - Making menus and buying smart go hand in hand. I can eat healthily. I will pay closer attention to the cost of certain items to see how I will be able to eat on $15-20 a week when I get to NY.

4) Working out - I'm handing the reigns over to trainer when it comes to work out planning. I'm going to keep up with the interval running so I can feel like I'm doing something about Potential Guy and so I can drop some more weight. I don't want to scare him away with my size (though I've been very up front about my weight).

Everything else, moving, online dating, applying for jobs, finding a sublet, new potential romantic interest...   You can all take a back seat. I have two more weeks until I am done with piano. Then I can pick one to put back in on top and take more control over my working out.

I will not lose my laser like focus and determination. I'm tired of feeling like refracted light. I need to feel productive. I need motion. I need progress. I can do anything good!!!!

Accountability...

Menu
Breakfast: banana w/1tbsp peanut butter.
S: Fruit leather.
L: tuna salad on spelt bread.
S: baby carrots.
D: Spinach, celery, tomato, avocado, black berry, sunflower seed + balsamic salad.
S: cottage cheese.

Workout
25 pushups
25 squats
25 side lunges right
25 side lunges left.
50 bicep curls
25 tricep dips
25 vertical jumps.
5 downward facing dog pushups.

Big Fat FOCUSED Love,
Nanette

Death Becomes Her...

I just finished my first day of the bodyrock fitness test with my friend/trainer. I can barely type. I'm feeling a lot of different things...   a) rubber arms. b) like a wuss. c) like I'm not always going to be a wuss. d) SWEATY. We only did about 30 minutes of workout. I've got a notebook. We're going to see how far we can go in the next few weeks. If I like it, I may not even buy that danged gym pass at all.

This weekend, I had the boy over. I made him eat healthy all weekend and I went on 2 one-hour long walks. We did do a lot of laying around and movie watching. But it felt really great to get up and moving after last weeks sedentary crap. I have a hard time logging food and etc while I've got company because it's so very private to me. Weird. I'm a wide open book in most cases.

Eaba asked me where I'd gone this weekend because I hadn't logged into myfitnesspal since Friday. So this weird "can't log in... people watching," paranoia has to be coming from somewhere. Is it a detachment thing? Like not wanting to look like I care too much or work too hard to maintain or lose weight? It certainly shouldn't be. Boy is trying to lose with me (it's a race.). Is a competition thing? I have showed him and given him all the information and resources I've come across. I certainly had the time. I certainly had the resources. I wasn't binge-ing - swear on my left breast because it's my favorite.

Another pattern to chew on...

Big, Fat, Rubber-arm, Love,
Nanette