Monday, April 16, 2012

All aboard the thought train!!!

So this split focus thing is killing me. This weekend alone, I have spent $60 going out... consuming food that isn't healthy, booze and even a dessert. I still managed to lose weight - luckily. I really think that was a fluke.

I have this pattern. I can usually concentrate on 3-4 things in my life and do them all well. Right now I'm so overwhelmed with all the stuff I've been trying to fit in and stress out about that I haven't been doing ANYTHING well. Here goes the thought train... All aboard!

A) New potentially romantic interest - this always makes things sort of go to crap and occupies way more of my thoughts than it should. And let's face it... obsession is ugly. I don't want to be ugly.

B) Finding a Job in NYC - I'm jumping the gun here. I'm not in the city yet. I can put this on the back burner for a couple weeks. But it does come with all the "I need a professional interview outfit!" Which contradicts G. Even that is jumping the gun. I don't know what size I will be when I get there!

C) Piano Tests = Graduation - Last week I found out that the pressure is still on high. With lessons this week it's even higher. For some reason this "easier" set of scales is harder than ever and I've got an entire piece to learn. But without the degree... I'm going to have a hell of a time with B) getting a job in NYC and no one wants to date a jobless bum. So it helps with A) New potentially romantic interest as well.

D) Eating right - This takes focus. This takes planning. This takes NOT giving in to the easiest way out because you were all stupid and twitterpated over some BOY or stuck in a practice room.

E) Working out - Planning work outs that don't tax the same part of the body each time. Finding work outs that keep me engaged. Working up to the 30 minutes of running that you want to do with Mr. Option A... A positive way to obsess, if you going to.

F) Moving - There is so much to be done around my house. Sell stuff. Ebay my formal gowns (seriously folks, if you've got some fat friends (26/28/30), I'm selling off a few really beautiful items). Sell off my vintage purse collection. Selling off my fancy shoes. Selling off my vintage jewelry. *sigh*

G) Saving/Making Money - This is REALLY the only thing I can productively do for myself in this move to NYC. Getting a job is going to take me BEING there to interview. People doing sublets don't want to talk to someone who wants one all the way in JUNE. What I can do is save money...  it buys me more time to get a job. It will also enable me to eat healthy instead of cheaply while I'm out there. It's also making me assess every purchase... well... how much toilet paper do you need in about 1month and a half. Shampoo? Tampons? Don't be wasteful. Save your pennies.

H) Online dating... I know I've already mentioned Mr. Option A. Which seems to have run a little cold lately... probably due to slight obsession backed up by not having MET in real person. But I have this constant niggling want for attention from the opposite sex. I don't know if it's a "validate me" thing. I really don't think it is... I think it's my new distraction technique for the stress I'm feeling. (I do that. A LOT).

Okay... So now you know what's buzzing around up there...   I WILL FOCUS. I will prioritize.

1) Piano/Graduation - Duh. I've been working on this degree for 7 years. It would be RIDICULOUS not to finish it this close to getting out of here. Plus it prepares me for success in so many ways after the fact.

2) Saving/Making Money - Concentrate on SAVING. Concentrate on not buying in excess. Concentrate on using the food you have and supplementing with grocery purchases. You don't need any new clothing right now (though I DID just buy new running shoes). You don't need to go out to eat a $10 salad you could make at home for $3.

3) Eating Right - Making menus and buying smart go hand in hand. I can eat healthily. I will pay closer attention to the cost of certain items to see how I will be able to eat on $15-20 a week when I get to NY.

4) Working out - I'm handing the reigns over to trainer when it comes to work out planning. I'm going to keep up with the interval running so I can feel like I'm doing something about Potential Guy and so I can drop some more weight. I don't want to scare him away with my size (though I've been very up front about my weight).

Everything else, moving, online dating, applying for jobs, finding a sublet, new potential romantic interest...   You can all take a back seat. I have two more weeks until I am done with piano. Then I can pick one to put back in on top and take more control over my working out.

I will not lose my laser like focus and determination. I'm tired of feeling like refracted light. I need to feel productive. I need motion. I need progress. I can do anything good!!!!


Breakfast: banana w/1tbsp peanut butter.
S: Fruit leather.
L: tuna salad on spelt bread.
S: baby carrots.
D: Spinach, celery, tomato, avocado, black berry, sunflower seed + balsamic salad.
S: cottage cheese.

25 pushups
25 squats
25 side lunges right
25 side lunges left.
50 bicep curls
25 tricep dips
25 vertical jumps.
5 downward facing dog pushups.

Big Fat FOCUSED Love,


  1. Well I think you have your priorities straight. Now just to DO it. You and me both....
    Good luck!

  2. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate! Best of luck with your priorities! My sister works in NYC and I visit whenever I can. It's a fabulous city!

  3. Yes! The menus will be super important when you get there and planning ahead will just make everything so much easier to stick to! I make a list every Sunday night of everything I have in the fridge and make a plan for the next 7 days from that. x

  4. that is a LOT of stuff fighting for space in your brain. sounds like you are being smart about picking a few to focus on.

  5. What I noticed about exercise when I track it on My Fitness Pal is that when you burn you earn. Wow what do they mean now that I have done the exercise I can eat more? I just don't trust that, but if it is what it is...darlin you work out to wash out some of the foo foo food that you consumed!

    I think that it is excellent that you list your plans. Drive it baby!

  6. are such a busy girl. I don't know how you can concentrate on so much, but you seem to be doing it! I can barely do 2 things at the same time. It must be because you're young and I'm old......not!

  7. You have so many balls in the air it's not strange that some of them drops on occasion. Just pick'em up and start over yes. :)

  8. I'm the same way - I want to think of everything at once and don't prioritize enough. Good luck staying focused this week...I'm right along with you

  9. Kudos to you for being honest about (A). I am the same, right now I am very lonely but too scared to do something about it because I lack so much self control and I tend to grasp onto people who show me affection because I am so lonely. You had the balls to say it out loud (in print). I know exactly what you mean.
    It looks like a lot is going on, breaking it up into manageable pieces is the key to success. Good luck!

    1. There's a really cool TED talk about vulnerability that you might enjoy. Just google "TED VULNERABILITY" and it'll probably come up. I feel like we all reach similar points at times in our life. Why not be open and honest and help remove the stigma of "I'm the only one who feels this way." :)

  10. Oh, yes. I see what you mean about making lists! hah! Sounds like such an exciting time (albeit busy) for you! [I'm slightly living vicariously through you...especially via moving to a new city after graduation...I wish I had taken my chance to do the same!] You can so handle this!

  11. Wow - you have a LOT going on right now. Prioritizing will help you get stuff done. You can do ANYTHING good! Good luck :)

  12. You beat me to new running shoes! That's on my list next paycheck, and I keep debating it. Well, if you can splurge on can I! haha. :)

    1. Yes! I don't consider it an indulgence as much as I NEED new shoes... I've worn the tread off the bottom toes completely... Just flat now.

  13. Yay for new running shoes! And yay for new romantic interests! It's embarassing to admit how much I get wrapped around new guys. They consume more than their fair share of real estate in my head for waay too long. I choose to think that it's because I have a *huge* mental capacity and I can think of lots of things successfully. Looks like you can too! As long as your actions are still getting you to where you want to go, what's the harm in it? Hope things go well!!!

  14. i love that video! also, i am going to be the one to boldly say...nevermind that dude; you've got bigger fish to fry! right now it's about YOU YOU YOU YOU.

    1. That's what I'd tell me to... I'm all caught up with being in stupid with him... not like, certainly not love, just stupid for now.

  15. Good to work through it all & figure out what's important so that you take care of that first, it's hard to keep those other things on the waiting list while you do but sometimes necessary so hopefully all goes well.


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