Midweek Update... and a gross photo.

Okay. So life hasn't fallen completely apart since Sunday.

Monday... I stayed home and tried to nurse the sore throat while it just got worse. I decided that Boy II is dumb and the ultimatum thing is a BIG RED FLAG... So I'm giving Boy I another chance.

Tuesday... I went to the job interview at the kids store/guided play classes. It went SO well! Met the 4 different managers and the CFO, went to two different locations for tours, sat in on a really playful and fun kids class. Everyone was kind, enthusiastic. They promote within house and ALL of the managers INCLUDING the CFO try to put in a little time as a Front Desk Admin just to brush up on procedures. It's such a great work environment. If I pass a background check (psh... allllll those felonies), I believe I will be getting a job offer from them shortly.

The doc texted me back on Tuesday and told me to visit a different doc in the building and asked him to see me as a favor. So I got a $500 check up for free. I've got a wicked case of strep and finally have some antibiotics. (shhhh... I didn't know what it was prior to the interview - hope no one gets sick).

Look at those things. They look like Bleu Cheese Nuggets. So swollen. So irritated. 

I'm done taking the birth control until after my lady doc visit in a week or so. My moods have leveled out so much already.

Also, got to talk to my friend back home. She's decided to give me a loan to replace the loan from my roommate. Sounds silly, right? Well Friend Back Home makes a good amount of money every year and doesn't live with me so I'm not reminded that I'm in debt every morning, noon and night. So I took her up on it. Under the condition that she doesn't see payment until I'm squared away in a full-time position and my stress has gone down. And mom and dad caught wind of the illness stuff and the stress stuff, they've put a little check in the mail. $100. It's totally enough to make the difference between eating a cheap and healthy salad and eating nutritiously negative ramen. I feel like I can handle this. Life is back within my grasp. I feel bad accepting money from my parents because they aren't that wealthy right now... not at all. So I'm hoping that with the potential new job at the kids play place, I can sneak it back to them.

Seriously... I don't know what I would do without my friends and family. I've had so much help with this move. So much support. So many good feelings returned to me. If I can keep my stress in a normal range... I think I'll be able to beat off this immune issue that always arises when I'm stressed to the hilt.

There is that niggling thought that tells me I wouldn't be having this issue... the health issue or the over loaded stress issue if I were eating better and working out. I know that I ultimatum-ed myself a couple weeks ago to start the new work out regime on the 6th. It's going to have to wait until I'm not infected and can breathe and swallow properly. But I'm serious, deathly serious about starting again. I talked to Boy I about it. He'll even support me and work out with me. I want to kick his ass. heh.

Big Fat It's Looking Up Love,
Nanette

A Lovely Friday Night...

Yesterday...

I did a little better with the eating. I mean, I had a little left over pizza. But I also ate a salad. Some fruit. Things that resemble health foods! I think I got about 120oz of water in. I've been a thirsty bird. 

I also made it out to the NY Philharmonic free concert in the park. Tchaikovsky, Resphigi and FIREWORKS! They had a big fireworks show afterward. Aside from the musical genius on stage, the fireworks made it the best symphony concert I've been to. 

My seat was terrible. I was on a grassy knoll to the extreme left of the conductor. He was about as tall as my pinky nail. But it was nice to lay in the grass and stare at the leaves and listen to some Romantic Era music with the date. And it was really neat how as soon as they started playing... THOUSANDS of people all shut up. That's power. It was so cool. 

Today... 

I travel into the city to sign my lease! We got the apartment! I'm a REAL New Yorker! So it will be me, Tamara and shasta out in a soon to be gentrified neighborhood, a block away from the L train. Three Idaho girls. Three bedrooms. $575 a month for my room. 

Because of the immediate expense of signing a lease (deposit, first month, last month)... and because our lease starts August 1st and the sublet ends August 31st. I'm subletting my room for the first month. That will knock down my cost a good deal (see: 1/3). Tamara, who's been here for a year + already, is fronting us the deposit and fees so Shasta (who just got a job!) and I can pay her back and we can have an awesome place. 

I need to buy a bed + sheets. 

And hangers. 

And kitchenware. 

But yeah...   I'll get to that eventually. 

Also today, I jumped on the scale and I've lost 2lbs so far this week. Not in the most healthy way, but it's 2 lbs down and that's the right direction! 

Big Fat REAL NEW YORKER Love, 

Nanette

And the effort continues...

Yesterday...   eating every few hours. FAIL. 

It's weird. I'm working in a nutrition office, but don't have time to have good nutrition. Yesterday's food tally. 

Breakfast: cottage cheese w/raisins and almonds. 

Lunch: Truffled coffee beans (5) and few almonds. 

Dinner: mushroom pizza (2 slices) and mozzarella sticks (2) *roommate ordered in. WEAKNESS. 

Eat right... eat right... eat right... 

This weekend I'm going to brain storm snack bags and pre-chop and prebag them for the work week. Because this eating schedule makes me ravenous and is not good for me. 

I'm thinking... 

celery. 

carrots. 

tomato slices.

apples. 

bananas. 

those pre-cut watermelon things. 

more cherries bc those were amazing. 

spinach salads (pre-made and refrigerated). 

Today... I have the day off. I am going to eat a nectarine. Drink a gallon of water. Take a well-deserved nap. Call the realtor and see if they need anything else from me. And maybe go take in a photography exhibit with that boy I like. I could even get a gym session in if exhaustion doesn't win. 

Apparently, the hopefully new place is very close to a nice graveyard. Remember how I liked to go running? I would love to pick it up there again. Best thing about running in the graveyard? I've got the hottest body there... because it's not rotting. 

I might blog more later. Since being at home enables that. OH! Coworker is going to take vacation soon... so instead of 20 hour work weeks, I will have 50-60 hour work weeks for 2 weeks. That will help the finances SO MUCH. 

Big Fat DAY OFF Love, 

Nanette

STARVING... Okay... maybe just REALLY HUNGRY.

So yesterday is a fine example of the kind of problem I'm having planning stuff... remember the good intentions and the menu and stuff? Immediately after I wrote that, I got a call from my friend and I had to bolt (unshowered and gross) across town to see a property (we're looking for a lease) on the other side of brooklyn. Hurriedly, I threw on my work clothes just in case I couldn't make it home. But I mean, honestly, it was 9:00am. and I didn't have to be to work until 1:30. I should have had time, right? 

Wrong. 

The cab didn't show up. So we had to find an alternate route. run to the subway. Take a shuttle. But the realtor thought we would be there in like... 15 min. Turning out to be 30... 45...   I'm stressing my face off. Then we get there... and we speed walk 3 streets and an avenue (I've learned that they're different). Meet up with Boris and he drives us to the property. 

Driving takes 20 minutes. It's less than 5 miles away. TWENTY MINUTES. That is only slightly faster than walking. We see the apt in about 20 minutes as well... drive back in 20 minutes. Go to the office. Fill out paperwork for credit checks another 20 minutes... it's 11:45a.m. already! 

What subway am I near? Will it take me all the way to work? No. Walk another .5 miles. Realize that I left without breakfast. I left without lunch. I didn't pack a dinner. Balls. Hurry into a Duane Read and buy a bag of unsalted almonds and a water bottle. RUN the rest of the way to work. 

Work is slammed. CONSTANTLY going going going. Everything was going well though. From 1:30 - 8:00pm. I didn't have time to pee. I forgot entirely about the almonds. I get done. Drag myself to the train. NO energy. Start fantasizing about what food I'm going to order when I get home... realize I'm about to sign a lease and I have a total of $12 that needs to last me two weeks. Start thinking of the food I can make. 

Get home. Take of 80% of my clothes. Make a tuna melt and a salad and some cottage cheese... and a slice of cheese... and a tomato... and a huge bottle of water. Get a phone call from a guy I've been meaning to go on a second date with. Hurry and eat dinner. Meet him at 14th street... it's 12:20a.m. We walk from union square all the way to flatbush (across brooklyn bridge) and then poop out and take a cab home. It was approximately 5.5 miles. I get home at 2:30am. Realize I have to take papers over to the realtor in the morning. Must be up by 8:30. 

Accidentally sleep in. oops. Will fax the papers when I get to work. And the best intentions for today...  

Just eat something. a little something, every four hours or so. 

and drink water. 

Big Fat Tired Love, 

Nanette

SSSD week 3 wrap up.

Weight: 298 (-0)

Measurements:
Waist: 45.5"(-.75")
Under waist: 56.5 (-.5)
Hips: 60.5" (-.5)
I'm back to the measurements two weeks ago! :)

Workouts
Monday - none
Tuesday - Walking around the park for 60 min.
Wednesday - Gym 60 min. (30 cardio, 30 weights).
Thursday - Walking around 30 min.
Friday - Walking 1 hour.
Saturday - Walking 1 hour.
Sunday - Walking 30 min.

Challenge: Try the ab machines at the gym. I did the rotate-y one... and the assisted crunches one. I think I get a better work out without them though. But the rotate-y one popped my back in the best way possible!

Honestly... I can't really say I committed to fitness this week. I deserve a -0 this week. Because I ate. Boy did I eat. Pizza, burger, cannoli, cheesecake, sushi, ostrich, nachos. If anything I'm surprised I was able to maintain.

So I have landed the job. That stress is out of the way. I go into the office today to get my schedule and to begin to build structure in my life. I'm so excited! I will learn about nutrition. I will be able to get myself regularly to the gym. I will be able to afford living here for at least a little while and meagerly, but it will be something.

I have no more excuses. No more moving worries, no more cash flow worries, no more impressing people worries, no more Will I have to move back to Idaho? worries. The good mental place is being prepared. I will be good. I will be fine.

I still need to have a little quiet time with a schedule and some paper to write it all out. Quiet time seems to be in short supply here.

I'm really excited to try and get 100 oz of water in. I've been so dehydrated. This will also give me an excuse to get to a sports store and buy a nalgene or camelbak water bottle!

Big Fat Let's Get Going Love,
Nanette

Two days... and the second interview.

My no spending thing lasted two days. TWO DAYS. Because I left the house without a water bottle. I'm going to keep going and see how minimally I can spend though. Good for budget. Good for body.

I had a call-back interview today for a Nutritionist's office. It would be so great... I want it... But I fear that I kinda screwed things up a little in my interview today. They asked for pet peeves. I told them that poor communication is a huge pet peeve of mine. You know, the kind that leads to the confrontation that goes like...

"why didn't you (insert request)?"
"you didn't tell me that you wanted (insert request)."
and then I get all pissed that someone was IMPLYING instead of actually voicing expectations.

And the other pet peeve is tardiness...

I always run early. I make air tight, fool proof schedules so everyone gets what they want.

I shouldn't have said that. It's a Doc office. Everyone runs late. The doc runs late. He doesn't want to hire a harpie. Granted, I should have told him that I like to learn what people are like and then tailor my time expectations of them.

I just sounded really uptight and that's the last thing I left them with. I should have turned it around into a positive. But I didn't. There's a nugget of "didn't get the job" sitting in the pit of my stomach. It's sitting in a cloud of hope though. I REALLY WANT THIS. I could learn so much about nutrition working there! It would be SO beneficial.

I'm laying here...  wanting to throw a 4 year old tantrum. I know I can do this job. Just hire me. I'm friendly! I'm energetic! I'm organized! And over the moon for post-its! I wanna kick and scream until I get my way (probably an excellent way to burn calories). But it won't get me anywhere.

Sounds like a good time for the gym. Kicking and screaming and taking it out on my body. Getting out this nervous energy, maybe move me away from that crying tantrum feeling... that's coming from the niggling doubt that I blew it.

Big Fat HIRE ME, MISTER Love,
Nanette

Homeless...

I'm out of the old apartment. I have wonderful friends that helped me out with that. We got the entire place scrubbed down and my life now fits in two suitcases and a laundry basket. I'm spending the next 4 days downsizing the suitcases and laundry basket so they each weigh about 50lbs. 

I weigh more than all of my possessions. Weird. 

For now, I'm staying with Jessica, a friend, and her husband, two kids and a cat. They have been so kind to open up their home to me. Since I'm not working mornings. I'm trying to do something sneaky and nice for them every day. Today I took out all the garbages and did the dishes. Tomorrow I want to make them a healthy dinner/lunch. Do you guys have any suggestions for something cheap, quick and kid friendly?

My weight has been all over the chart...   In 24 hours I went from 312 to 302. Stress, water and no sleep... that's how it manifests itself. 

I'm weighing in again at 304. So not a terrible amount of damage. My weight and fitness goals are out the window at this point. I know we're going into the last week here... But without a home that is my own and a GIANT transition happening... I've gotta say that weight loss is taking a bit of a backseat... if only for the week. 

Last night I was approached by my reporter friend to do a segment about beginning weight loss for the local tv station here. I told him I would love to talk about it. I guess the story was brought up because this obese gentleman wanted to start losing weight (segment A of the story) and so they're looking for people who have done it, started, or changed their lifestyles (segment B). This includes working out ON CAMERA. Uh... as if the gym weren't intimidating enough... let's break a jiggly sweat on camera. May as well. There's no shame in fitness, no matter what your weight. That films Wednesday. I'm excited because A) I love attention and B) Fitness is something I'm so passionate about. Not thinness. FITNESS. This isn't about weight loss as much as it's about health and health just happens to include weight loss. (she says, preaching to the choir). 

Big Fat Transition Love, 

Nanette Nielson

Ready for this!? - 7 day countdown begins.

So here're the stats.

Weight: between 305-309

Stress: off the charts.

Working: 65 hours this week.

Sleeping: 4-5 hours a night.

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT

I have a couple job opportunities in the new city. So when I land, I have a couple in person interviews all lined up. Restaurant/catering work and an office assistant position for a search firm. I have high hopes and a good feeling about life outside of Idaho. I feel like I can put that aside now. I can put the planning aside.

But while I'm still here...

I have 3 more 2:30 - midnight shifts. (Friday, Tuesday Wednesday).
No more morning work.
So sleep will be improving.

I have 3 more days in my apartment.
To scrub clean, top to bottom.
To eat the food in the fridge or get rid of it.
To pack my suitcases (and do a serious amount of laundry).
To make my last goodwill donations.
To walk around naked.
So the stress is still high.

I'm worried about my motivation and losing my progress because I'm having such a difficult time focusing. So I've told myself. "Nanette, you've done this for months. You know how to make good food decisions. Trust that for now. If you gain a few pounds, you'll lose them again when you relocate and settle."

But I'm trying to determine whether or not that's B.S.... Excuses to get back to "addict" behavior. I'm experiencing a definite lack of peace while the ground underneath my feet shifts and the mental athlete I've trained has gotten flabby. But I feel like, what's the harm in just relaxing for 7 days. (SELF, DO NOT TAKE THAT AS A CHALLENGE TO GAIN AS MUCH WEIGHT AS YOU CAN IN 7 DAYS).

Things I give into will be habits I have to break again. Cravings to fight. Soreness to overcome. But guess what, Nanette... that's life. There's no point in which everything will be perfect.. that eating and working out will be 100% all of the time. What matters is that you keep trying and how you adjust. Being flexible and positive is going to get you through this. Never give up! Never give in!

Menu
B: Zoi
S: Chocolate covered peanuts ( I KNOW, I KNOW).
L: Spinach, tomato, blueberry, goat cheese, balsamic salad.
S: 1 cup cottage cheese.
D: Tuna sandwich, odwalla juice.
S: 1 cup cottage cheese... (if I'm going to eat for comfort right now... may as well be high in protein).

Workout
.5 mile to Job 1.
2.5 mile to Job 2.
2.5 mile from Job 2.

Big Fat Gentle Reminder To Move Forward Love,
Nanette

In which she breaks it down...

I am not sleeping enough, between 4-5 hours a night.
I may have had fries twice this week.

Yesterday I saw my lowest weight, 301 and my highest weight of the week 309. I don't know how that's possible. I doubt the validity of my scale.

I have gone on one 1hr hike.

I have walked about 12 miles getting to and from the new job. That'll be 15 today.

I have done ONE interval run.

My hydration is great on somedays, but I have to be careful... we get scheduled bathroom breaks and I can't be leaving training constantly... AKA on the hour like I'd need to if I were consuming 140oz all the time.

14 days until I fly, pardon my french... but merde is getting REAL.

So much to do in the house before the 28th. I need to get my entire deposit back... so I need to be doing little things throughout the week.

like the dishes, emptying garbages, taking bags of stuff to goodwill, borrowing a vaccum and starting to attack the hard water crusts on bathroom and kitchen faucets. Any tips for that out there?

In addition, everyone wants to say their good-byes. But only 3 people showed up to my going away party. I don't have time to spend with everyone since I'm working 8am - noon and from 2:30pm to midnight. Want monsters... want time, want attention, want priority when I'm very clearly out of those spots in my life and then I feel guilty that I can't indulge everyone (and myself) and play as often as I'd like.

I'm stressed out. When this happens, weight is on the bottom of my list of things to do.

Wendy, I hope you're reading this. I'm not ignoring your calls. I just work a metric shit ton. (60 hours a week if anyone is counting, not including commute time/walking).

Here's my activity in positivity...
I choose to see this stress as positive because...
- I am making money.
- I am buying myself time to get a job in NY by having a good savings.
- I am reducing my stress for NY, where things will be more stressful than here.
- I am prepping for a continued healthy lifestyle, by taking a momentary hit in that same area.
- I am getting a lot of walking in, which is better than nothing as far as fitness goes.
- I am going to be out of Idaho soon and LIVING THE DREAM!! (the poor starving artist dream)!

Big Fat Update Love,
Nanette

Next Hurdle... Bring It, Life.

so... land lady called today. The tenants I referred to her really want to move in on June 1st. Can I be out of my apartment by May 28th so she can paint and do repairs?

Shit.

Gotta find somewhere close enough to my job to crash.

If I can just get the hell out of Idaho... I can do anything... ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER.   Bring it, Life. Bring it. You're messing with a girl who doesn't back down.

Big Fat WHAT HAPPENS NEXT Love,
Nanette

RFSC + Life Update + Faith & Trust

Check In

Weight: 302 (-4lbs!) 

Waist: 46.5" (+.5")

Water: Better this week. 100oz everyday but yesterday. 

Workouts: 1 HIIT session (found out trainer is preggers on tuesday and unable to do it anymore) 

4 interval runs. 

Nutrition: I've been logging some stuff in MFP... Forcing myself to at least log in every day. This deserves no congratulations. But I've done okay, I mean... I'm losing weight. Just eating when I'm hungry. 

NSV: Losing weight despite not tracking calories! Graduation is official! Acquired 3 jobs. Secured my sublet. I will be a brooklynite in 4 weeks! 

Goals 

Weight: GET UNDER THREE HUNDRED!!!!   

NSV: Let go of some of the too big clothing. Pack up some of the going home for storage stuff. Take care of skin/massage cellulite places try to help circulation. 

Nutrition: Keep it under control. Eat more veggies every day. 

Water: 100 oz every day. 

Workouts

Sunday: Leg HIIT

Monday: Interval Run + Arms HIIT. 

Tuesday: Core HIIT. 

Wednesday: Insanity. 

Thursday: Interval Run. Arms HIIT. 

Friday: off. 

Saturday: Interval Run. + Arms HIIT. 

Sunday: Mini HIIT with Wendy. 

Thoughts... 

Today, I got into size 22 pants! Zipped... too tight to be seen in public. But zipped! I traded some books and movies for some smaller clothing. I took photos today and I'll be posting them in a tab or something since there are so many of them. They are going to be my "start" clothing for a challenge I'm holding for myself or the next one Mir does. 

I have a going away party this weekend. There will be lots of food. I'm going to eat some of it. Truth. So I have to be really diligent this week with eating well if I want to see under 300 by next sunday. 

The Job Situation... 

I'm so excited to feel focused again. I got past the early termination, you can't stay with me for more than a week - so find a sublet, savings not big enough for the move in three weeks PANIC/STRESS. 

This week is my summer break. It is one week of freedom before school starts. It is one week to get rid of the stuff in my house. Box up anything that can just be put away. Put in a few hours with the music dept.

On the 14th, I'll be starting 3 jobs...

• Monday - Friday: 3:15- midnight (I assume I have this job. I have my second interview monday. It's a high turnover call center and I'm smarter than a brick. I should get in). 
• Mon, Wed, Fri: 8am - noon. (through the dept that just forced me out of my job early)
• Saturday: 8-5 music dept...   (flexible, work whenever hours). 

So I'm thinking this week... this very dead week... I'm going to clock 30 hours at the music dept cataloguing string music. Then submit my 10 hour a week time card and be able to keep my weekends open. 

I have time to be fit. I have time to come up with a game plan for this upcoming scary terrible week. I have time to do the mountain of laundry. I have time to menu and shop prior to the week starting.

Cons 

- no time with three jobs. 

- compromised sleep patterns. 

- less time to make food. 

Pros

- 2 miles from call center, I can do my interval runs! 

- No dress code (workout gear!)

- MONEY!!!! (less stress!)

- Challenge to see how quickly I can adapt. 

- Remind myself what it's like to not be boss. 

- Remember how to learn a new job.

The Moving Situation... 

I have a sublet!!! I'm moving out to Brooklyn. I have a place to stay the DAY I arrive. No needing to crash on a friend's couch. No need to put people out. I've been able to figure out how to get there from the airport. The girl who is subletting is a friend of a friend. She's going to still be there for a week or so, staying with a friend in a different apt. She will show me around and help me get my bearings. 

I'm moving with a friend from Idaho, Shasta... she's actually going to share the room with me. Our costs are HALVED. Even if the job stuff goes all to hell, I will have enough to get me through! 

Best part... are you ready for this?! New apartment is within one mile of the following... 

• Organic food Co-Op. 
• Prospect Park (for running!) 
• Target and Old Navy so I can cheaply keep up with my dropping sizes! And buy affordable tampons. 
• Laundromat. 

After doing all the math... I will actually be making more this way than when I would if I had been able to keep the original job. Breathe easy. Leave off in good shape. I can take a deep breath... funny how the stress lets up and I drop 4lbs in a week. I can do anything good!!!    

Wendy over at eatsleepmove and I had a great conversation yesterday. Talking about faith. I'm not religious which sometimes makes me feel like an outsider in the fat blogging arena since weight loss can be such a spiritually related experience as well. 

But I do have faith that if I do everything in my power to set a plan in motion and then let go... things will work out. I can't prove that it will. I'm not owed anything... I am not entitled. I have to do my part. I must trust that what happens is for the best. Whether it be a "learning experience" (see: crappy, but an opportunity to grow) or whether it goes smoothly... I am a person. People are highly adaptable. We survive. We cope. We grow and learn and strive. 

I have done what I can. I have set my job stuff in motion. I have worked for the past 7 years in preparation for this. I have gotten a sublet. I will trust that I can find a job when I relocate. I trust that someone out there is looking for an employee just like me. (hopefully in the personal assistant/administrative assistant realm). 

Big Fat Faithful, Trusting, Successful Love, 

Nanette

 

Sigh of Relief.

Got a sublet. I may even be able to share it with my friend that I'm moving out there with! So I could be living in Brooklyn for either $550 a month or $275 if I get to share the room... I grew up sharing rooms. I think I can do it again (for a short amount of time). Also, only a few blocks from Prospect Park... where I can run and work out. And only a few blocks from a local co-op and an old navy (so I can keep up, cheaply with my descending sizes).

I have an interview with a call center locally... and I found two more on-campus 10-12 hour a week jobs. So I have a week off to regroup and finish with a bang. I will be financially well off when I get to NY. ESPECIALLY if I get to share my room with Shasta. Even right now with my current savings I can pay all three months of the sublet up front in cash.

Also, I have a new work out buddy for the next couple of weeks. Trainer is preggers and usually winds up on bedrest. So we won't be working out together anymore, but I do want to see her. Today we're going to lunch.

I weighed in this morning I'm down to 304. I'm really excited for Sunday's weigh in... I feel like I can focus again. I haven't gone crazy off track. I've been keeping up with the exercise... not with my normal vigor, but still getting in the 3 runs a week and a couple HIIT sessions.

Here's my plan...


Next week: run + HIIT with New Buddy.
The week after: Walking to work (2 miles), Running back (2 miles) and a short set of work outs: pushups, plank, bicep curls, tricep dips.
The week after: Walking to work (2 miles), Running back (2 miles) and a short set of work outs: bridge, plank bum squeeze, competition sit ups, squats.

Eating...
Eat cheaper. Let nothing go to waste. Log calories. Make the menus, FOLLOW THE MENUS.

YES! Back in the place where I can get on track!

Also, I traded some of my stuff for some clothing that is too small. So I'll get some pics of them fitting very poorly up so we can track progress! :)

Big Fat Sigh of Relief Love,
Nanette

Weakness and Procrastination.

Do you have those weeks where everything sort of plays on your current weakness? This past week it seems like pizza was everywhere I looked; mentioned in the fat blogs, advertised in the sidebars of monetized blogs/videos, free at work, in every conversation around me...   well. I gave in. I had 3 slices last night and threw the rest away.

It wasn't some amazing pizza. It was disappointing. It was greasy, carb-y and salty. And I'm over it. I make better homemade pizza than what I had at the local pizzeria (which I thought was amazing, to die for pizza about 8 months ago). 

Since my Lent challenge of not going out, I've had a harder time staying on my plan. So I think I'm going back to it - modification: I can go out with my trainer every once in a while. We go to restaurants and assess the healthiness of each other's dinners and it works out quite well to keep me eating healthy while out on the town. 

When I eat homemade food I lose weight. 

Well, I felt so bad about my pizza indulgence yesterday... more correctly, I felt bad about my weakness and lack of willpower. My friend and I went to the grocery store and bought $10 worth of veggies. Because I have decided that today is a raw foods day. 

Also... Today is a run day. Now was it last week??? I ranted and raved about not wanting to be judged and then went running on the busiest road in town... Today I was running alley ways again. As empowering as it was to say "Go ahead world, JUDGE ME," it's easier to concentrate on the running, breathing and consistency when I don't run into anyone. 

I felt really great about today's run. I'm on week 3 of c25k. 

2 rounds

1.5 min run

1.5 min walk

3 min run

3 min walk

It was my second time running this. I didn't have to stop for a second to catch my breath on the 3 minute runs like I did last time. It was easier to distract myself since it was daylight out and I could see all the stuff around me. I found that when my feet started aching or my knees complained a little, if I concentrate on swinging my arms, I can't hear the other body parts.

I ran across a couple of people while I was out. A fellow runner slowed down and ran with me for a block... It was a lovely show of support. There were also a couple cars driving by that gave me a friendly wave and a thumbs up.

It took rotating through all my excuses this morning to get me out and running. Ipod isn't charged. Check my email. Check my facebook. Go to the bathroom twice. Eat a little something. Brush my teeth. Drink some water. Put more music on my playlist. My excuses took longer than the actual run. I recognize that.... the excuses probably aren't going to disappear entirely. But with time, I hope to lessen the time I spend procrastinating exercise. I can't afford that. Life is short. There's so much to get done. Why waste your time puttering around? I know my goals. Time to GET TO THEM!

Saw this quote in a running magazine this week... love it. I AM A RUNNER. 

Menu
B: celery + carrots
S: fresh ground peanut butter + celery
L: celery + carrots + tomato + spinach + asparagus.
S: Steamed broccoli + cucumber + balsamic vinaigrette
D: Asparagus + tomato + garlic sauteed.

Workout
Interval Run.

Big Fat Get Your Head In The Game Love,
Nanette

CDCC # whatever... I've lost track

Weigh in: 329 (-0)
water: 3/7...   boo.
exercise: 5/7... okay.
veggies: 3/7... needs improvement

Morning after wingman-ing

Nursing an amazingly wicked hang over today. I was wingman last night for a friend... mission accomplished, just sayin'. It has been over a year since I've had anything to drink and there's less of me this time... man. Not doing that again for a very long time. But the drag show was fun. Glitter, lip-syncing, dirty jokes and men that walk better in heels than most women.

I would like to announce that I have fixed my creative writing grade (had some absences). So there's one crappy stress out of the way. I'm doing what I can to minimize that and make life simple. I'm trying to get all my homework for the week done today so that this week is just showing up, exercising and eating right.

Today
- finish French diction recitation.
- piano lesson for pedagogy.
- prep voice notes for pedagogy portfolio.
- edit two english pieces for creative writing portfolio.
- complete peer reviews on 3 english pieces.
- begin AND COMPLETE analyzing the Beethoven Variations (dread).
- Make chocolate covered pretzels for the student recital on Thursday (stores well).
- GROCERY SHOP.
- Make and send some christmas cards.
- Write the weekly letters to Tracy, Ashley and Emily.


This is my last week of real classes (dead week). Finals week I only have one actual final that's written. The rest are small projects - take home stuff. And no exercise classes on finals week. I've been coming up with a game plan for activity though. The guy I normally work out with (trent), says he's willing to go every day. It will kick my pants. It will be something different. I will have time to lengthen our weight lifting. And we can do it later than 7am. Since we're both here during the break... and both have gym memberships we're going to do 5 days of work out in a row... cardio+weights+stretching (which I know how to do now, thank you dance class). And on the 6th day... there was swimming. And on the 7th day... there was rest. This is the plan anyway. It might be modified as we find out what juries Trent has to play the piano for.

Swimming has to take a back seat until I'm in class. Trent is a terrible swimmer and it slows me down sometimes because I want to help him learn - not the reason I'm there. But I can usually get a decent work out in and help him learn a concept. Boy cannot relax enough to float for his life. He normally runs a few miles every morning and lost 60lbs over a year ago... most importantly, he's maintained it. He likes to take people on runs with him... Younger "healthier" people... and then see if he can keep up or if they can keep up with him. So there is a tiny sense of satisfaction that he is SORE the next day after I've worked him out in the pool. The voice of reason tells me that he's using new muscles and that he's out of his element. It's fun to see the tables turn, if only briefly to have the student teach the teacher. In that way, I so enjoy that we help each other.

I'm still plateau-ing. I'm not too angry about it... It's frustrating. But I haven't been concentrating hard enough on the weightloss part of my life. So it makes sense. End of semester has got me thinking - dad, finals, broke, dad, finals, fat, no... unfat, dad, finals, broke, dad, broke, laptop screen, broke, finals, upcoming forced vacation (work for the uni), MORE broke.

It's big decision time....
I've been offered an EXTREME discount to go to Europe with the choirs. I guess Dr. A needs altos. It directly conflicts with my financial plans for moving to New York. I've also got a bit of dental work that I'm getting done. Three major competitors.

Europe - $2000 + food, trinkets, passport.
NYC - $5000 (beginning nest egg).
Dental - $1500 (implant and wisdom teeth extraction).

I've enrolled for school again. I have ONE CREDIT to finish. Which I could do on my own without enrolling but who is going to give this girl a loan to move across country. I need that financial aid. Yes, abusing the system. All's fair in education and money.  I will be getting my last student loan. I'll be getting $4000 back. Plus $2000 tax return (which I could just dedicate to EU). Plus a pretty decent job and near zero monthly expenses - I've paid them all in advance.

IF I eat healthy. Cook at home. Buy more produce in a timely manner. And avoid any surprise medical costs... I THINK I can afford everything and not have to make a decision to not do something. I would feel so uncomfortable moving to NY with less than that just in case it takes a ridiculous amount of time to get a job... plus only moving with 2 suitcases, there's a lot of stuff to buy. Lordy, I want to be a smaller size... You can pack more clothing that way. It would be so nice to be able to pack things like books and journals and memories. I'm going to have to box them up and ask mom and dad to ship them for birthdays and christmas over the next few years.

Don't even get me started on the whole minimizing the crap in my apartment thing and trying to decide what to keep, sell or donate.

Anyway...   just a peek into the stress I keep talking about. Stress? obsession? Cyclical thinking? A life NEAR motion? Cusping on the brink of something... (328lbs, maybe?)   Nearing the beginning of the next book of Nanette's life series... I've always hated how slowly books end. But that much closer to the next exposition, the beauty of a new life made!

done. must be done.

Big Fat Cusping Love,
Nanette

P.S. Dad's doing a lot better. they've got him in an inpatient Physical Therapy place. He's getting a lot of work done... sitting, rolling, wheel chair transfer from bed, wheel chair transfer to toilet, sitting for longer periods of time. He's still on a LOT of pain killers and he says he's very sore and that they work him beyond what he can do. (which means they're doing they're job). I hope he doesn't give up or get belligerent - he's off the hardcore opiates, so his filter should be back to functioning.