RFSC + Life Update + Faith & Trust

Check In

Weight: 302 (-4lbs!) 

Waist: 46.5" (+.5")

Water: Better this week. 100oz everyday but yesterday. 

Workouts: 1 HIIT session (found out trainer is preggers on tuesday and unable to do it anymore) 

4 interval runs. 

Nutrition: I've been logging some stuff in MFP... Forcing myself to at least log in every day. This deserves no congratulations. But I've done okay, I mean... I'm losing weight. Just eating when I'm hungry. 

NSV: Losing weight despite not tracking calories! Graduation is official! Acquired 3 jobs. Secured my sublet. I will be a brooklynite in 4 weeks! 

Goals 

Weight: GET UNDER THREE HUNDRED!!!!   

NSV: Let go of some of the too big clothing. Pack up some of the going home for storage stuff. Take care of skin/massage cellulite places try to help circulation. 

Nutrition: Keep it under control. Eat more veggies every day. 

Water: 100 oz every day. 

Workouts

Sunday: Leg HIIT

Monday: Interval Run + Arms HIIT. 

Tuesday: Core HIIT. 

Wednesday: Insanity. 

Thursday: Interval Run. Arms HIIT. 

Friday: off. 

Saturday: Interval Run. + Arms HIIT. 

Sunday: Mini HIIT with Wendy. 

Thoughts... 

Today, I got into size 22 pants! Zipped... too tight to be seen in public. But zipped! I traded some books and movies for some smaller clothing. I took photos today and I'll be posting them in a tab or something since there are so many of them. They are going to be my "start" clothing for a challenge I'm holding for myself or the next one Mir does. 

I have a going away party this weekend. There will be lots of food. I'm going to eat some of it. Truth. So I have to be really diligent this week with eating well if I want to see under 300 by next sunday. 

The Job Situation... 

I'm so excited to feel focused again. I got past the early termination, you can't stay with me for more than a week - so find a sublet, savings not big enough for the move in three weeks PANIC/STRESS. 

This week is my summer break. It is one week of freedom before school starts. It is one week to get rid of the stuff in my house. Box up anything that can just be put away. Put in a few hours with the music dept.

On the 14th, I'll be starting 3 jobs...

• Monday - Friday: 3:15- midnight (I assume I have this job. I have my second interview monday. It's a high turnover call center and I'm smarter than a brick. I should get in). 
• Mon, Wed, Fri: 8am - noon. (through the dept that just forced me out of my job early)
• Saturday: 8-5 music dept...   (flexible, work whenever hours). 

So I'm thinking this week... this very dead week... I'm going to clock 30 hours at the music dept cataloguing string music. Then submit my 10 hour a week time card and be able to keep my weekends open. 

I have time to be fit. I have time to come up with a game plan for this upcoming scary terrible week. I have time to do the mountain of laundry. I have time to menu and shop prior to the week starting.

Cons 

- no time with three jobs. 

- compromised sleep patterns. 

- less time to make food. 

Pros

- 2 miles from call center, I can do my interval runs! 

- No dress code (workout gear!)

- MONEY!!!! (less stress!)

- Challenge to see how quickly I can adapt. 

- Remind myself what it's like to not be boss. 

- Remember how to learn a new job.

The Moving Situation... 

I have a sublet!!! I'm moving out to Brooklyn. I have a place to stay the DAY I arrive. No needing to crash on a friend's couch. No need to put people out. I've been able to figure out how to get there from the airport. The girl who is subletting is a friend of a friend. She's going to still be there for a week or so, staying with a friend in a different apt. She will show me around and help me get my bearings. 

I'm moving with a friend from Idaho, Shasta... she's actually going to share the room with me. Our costs are HALVED. Even if the job stuff goes all to hell, I will have enough to get me through! 

Best part... are you ready for this?! New apartment is within one mile of the following... 

• Organic food Co-Op. 
• Prospect Park (for running!) 
• Target and Old Navy so I can cheaply keep up with my dropping sizes! And buy affordable tampons. 
• Laundromat. 

After doing all the math... I will actually be making more this way than when I would if I had been able to keep the original job. Breathe easy. Leave off in good shape. I can take a deep breath... funny how the stress lets up and I drop 4lbs in a week. I can do anything good!!!    

Wendy over at eatsleepmove and I had a great conversation yesterday. Talking about faith. I'm not religious which sometimes makes me feel like an outsider in the fat blogging arena since weight loss can be such a spiritually related experience as well. 

But I do have faith that if I do everything in my power to set a plan in motion and then let go... things will work out. I can't prove that it will. I'm not owed anything... I am not entitled. I have to do my part. I must trust that what happens is for the best. Whether it be a "learning experience" (see: crappy, but an opportunity to grow) or whether it goes smoothly... I am a person. People are highly adaptable. We survive. We cope. We grow and learn and strive. 

I have done what I can. I have set my job stuff in motion. I have worked for the past 7 years in preparation for this. I have gotten a sublet. I will trust that I can find a job when I relocate. I trust that someone out there is looking for an employee just like me. (hopefully in the personal assistant/administrative assistant realm). 

Big Fat Faithful, Trusting, Successful Love, 

Nanette

 

All aboard the thought train!!!

So this split focus thing is killing me. This weekend alone, I have spent $60 going out... consuming food that isn't healthy, booze and even a dessert. I still managed to lose weight - luckily. I really think that was a fluke.

I have this pattern. I can usually concentrate on 3-4 things in my life and do them all well. Right now I'm so overwhelmed with all the stuff I've been trying to fit in and stress out about that I haven't been doing ANYTHING well. Here goes the thought train... All aboard!

A) New potentially romantic interest - this always makes things sort of go to crap and occupies way more of my thoughts than it should. And let's face it... obsession is ugly. I don't want to be ugly.

B) Finding a Job in NYC - I'm jumping the gun here. I'm not in the city yet. I can put this on the back burner for a couple weeks. But it does come with all the "I need a professional interview outfit!" Which contradicts G. Even that is jumping the gun. I don't know what size I will be when I get there!

C) Piano Tests = Graduation - Last week I found out that the pressure is still on high. With lessons this week it's even higher. For some reason this "easier" set of scales is harder than ever and I've got an entire piece to learn. But without the degree... I'm going to have a hell of a time with B) getting a job in NYC and no one wants to date a jobless bum. So it helps with A) New potentially romantic interest as well.

D) Eating right - This takes focus. This takes planning. This takes NOT giving in to the easiest way out because you were all stupid and twitterpated over some BOY or stuck in a practice room.

E) Working out - Planning work outs that don't tax the same part of the body each time. Finding work outs that keep me engaged. Working up to the 30 minutes of running that you want to do with Mr. Option A... A positive way to obsess, if you going to.

F) Moving - There is so much to be done around my house. Sell stuff. Ebay my formal gowns (seriously folks, if you've got some fat friends (26/28/30), I'm selling off a few really beautiful items). Sell off my vintage purse collection. Selling off my fancy shoes. Selling off my vintage jewelry. *sigh*

G) Saving/Making Money - This is REALLY the only thing I can productively do for myself in this move to NYC. Getting a job is going to take me BEING there to interview. People doing sublets don't want to talk to someone who wants one all the way in JUNE. What I can do is save money...  it buys me more time to get a job. It will also enable me to eat healthy instead of cheaply while I'm out there. It's also making me assess every purchase... well... how much toilet paper do you need in about 1month and a half. Shampoo? Tampons? Don't be wasteful. Save your pennies.

H) Online dating... I know I've already mentioned Mr. Option A. Which seems to have run a little cold lately... probably due to slight obsession backed up by not having MET in real person. But I have this constant niggling want for attention from the opposite sex. I don't know if it's a "validate me" thing. I really don't think it is... I think it's my new distraction technique for the stress I'm feeling. (I do that. A LOT).

Okay... So now you know what's buzzing around up there...   I WILL FOCUS. I will prioritize.

1) Piano/Graduation - Duh. I've been working on this degree for 7 years. It would be RIDICULOUS not to finish it this close to getting out of here. Plus it prepares me for success in so many ways after the fact.

2) Saving/Making Money - Concentrate on SAVING. Concentrate on not buying in excess. Concentrate on using the food you have and supplementing with grocery purchases. You don't need any new clothing right now (though I DID just buy new running shoes). You don't need to go out to eat a $10 salad you could make at home for $3.

3) Eating Right - Making menus and buying smart go hand in hand. I can eat healthily. I will pay closer attention to the cost of certain items to see how I will be able to eat on $15-20 a week when I get to NY.

4) Working out - I'm handing the reigns over to trainer when it comes to work out planning. I'm going to keep up with the interval running so I can feel like I'm doing something about Potential Guy and so I can drop some more weight. I don't want to scare him away with my size (though I've been very up front about my weight).

Everything else, moving, online dating, applying for jobs, finding a sublet, new potential romantic interest...   You can all take a back seat. I have two more weeks until I am done with piano. Then I can pick one to put back in on top and take more control over my working out.

I will not lose my laser like focus and determination. I'm tired of feeling like refracted light. I need to feel productive. I need motion. I need progress. I can do anything good!!!!

Accountability...

Menu
Breakfast: banana w/1tbsp peanut butter.
S: Fruit leather.
L: tuna salad on spelt bread.
S: baby carrots.
D: Spinach, celery, tomato, avocado, black berry, sunflower seed + balsamic salad.
S: cottage cheese.

Workout
25 pushups
25 squats
25 side lunges right
25 side lunges left.
50 bicep curls
25 tricep dips
25 vertical jumps.
5 downward facing dog pushups.

Big Fat FOCUSED Love,
Nanette

tough day...

I taught my last lesson to my little voice student. She's been working hard. I've been working hard to keep up with piano. Today was especially frustrating since we've got a performance on Thursday. I REALLY struggle when it comes to the piano. But I am a damned good voice teacher. She filled out my evaluation today after struggling to put the piece together. I saw some of it. I wish I hadn't. I didn't see specific things but I really expected 5's (excellent) all across the board. We've been working so hard and accomplished so much. I didn't see all 5's. I saw a lot of 3's. Which makes me a little sad. I don't think she sees the value of what we've worked on or how far we've actually come. She's done some wonderful things. She's broken a LOT of bad choir habits. We've identified a lot of technical issues that take more than 6 lessons to iron out. But we've started. It's disappointing to have watched her advance and see that 3's are the main number she's putting in the evaluation.

But I'll try not to get disappointed. I KNOW I'm a good teacher. I can see that in the progress we've made. I have an hankering that she's not going to continue lessons with me. But I supposed that's one less thing to squeeze into my schedule next semester. It's just an ego blow. Trying to let go. Though it would be very interesting to see her interact with another teacher. I'm her first voice instructor, she is not my first voice student. She might have had a different preconception of what lessons ARE. Like it's my magical responsibility to make things perfect... when it's really about internal passion and want for musicality, I'm here to observe and offer an outside perspective and hopefully learning tools that she can take to a practice room.

This is me reasoning away my disappointment. Better reasoning than eating.

On the flip-side, my peer critique in English class went very well. I'm very close to gaining "insight" through my piece. I'm not one to blatantly say "moral of the story is..." I like to leave them digging. But I need to narrow my clues a little. It was a piece about finding a dead Indian man in the hot springs here. I'm pretty happy with it, but it needs a final edit. The class was generally pretty positive comments and constructive as well. I will hold on to the positive and constructive comments. 

Health thoughts are sitting on the backburner... simmering; water,calories, fat, scale, water, carbs, sugar, diet, fat, scale, -39, plateau.

I'm trying to change them to: healthier, looser clothing, minus, minus, minus, active, move, move, move, laugh, enjoy, cook, healthy, veggies, alternative choices, HDL cholesterol, water, water, water, move, move, move, PEE IT OUT!

Ever?

Ever have those moments when you catch yourself reacting to your imagination/thoughts? And you realize how deep you were in your head? I just caught myself grinning like a fool while staring at my desk phone having an imaginary conversation with J. Dumb. heh.

Feeling much better. The tonsils are slowly returning to normal... very slowly. But I've got another 4 days of antibiotics. I'm so glad that I don't have to take time off from everything. Plus side, breathing & swallowing. Down side, these things are kind of mean to your tummy, pooper and girly parts.

I skipped swimming because of the girlie parts bit and told myself I'd catch up on exercise with my dance class. Dance class was canceled. So now I owe myself DOUBLE. ugh. I'm slowly trying to get back into the hardcore 7x a week workouts. The sick thing has knocked me out. Take the wind from my sails, swallowed it and farted it back in my face.

On the other hand, I've been very good with food this week. I'm back to solid foods. I can eat! AND I found this little health store here that sells lots of gluten free and happiness. Ice cream that won't beat you over the head with sugar and calories. Bread that doesn't weigh you down. Pre-homemade and vacuum packed potato crusted fish fillets - different sorts, homemade gluten free pastas, low calorie, low sugar, low fat snacks and meal fix-ins made from organic ingredients. It's like the willy wonka of health food.

Big Fat Feeling Better Love,
Nanette
p.s terrified of the weigh in on Thursday. eating well, but less movement = probably not good.

p. p. s. Had someone who hasn't seen me since July tell me that I'm looking really great and that it's apparent that I'm losing weight. YAY! VALIDATION!