I have a couple job opportunities in the new city. So when I land, I have a couple in person interviews all lined up. Restaurant/catering work and an office assistant position for a search firm. I have high hopes and a good feeling about life outside of Idaho. I feel like I can put that aside now. I can put the planning aside.
But while I'm still here...
I have 3 more 2:30 - midnight shifts. (Friday, Tuesday Wednesday).
No more morning work.
So sleep will be improving.
I have 3 more days in my apartment.
To scrub clean, top to bottom.
To eat the food in the fridge or get rid of it.
To pack my suitcases (and do a serious amount of laundry).
To make my last goodwill donations.
To walk around naked.
So the stress is still high.
I'm worried about my motivation and losing my progress because I'm having such a difficult time focusing. So I've told myself. "Nanette, you've done this for months. You know how to make good food decisions. Trust that for now. If you gain a few pounds, you'll lose them again when you relocate and settle."
But I'm trying to determine whether or not that's B.S.... Excuses to get back to "addict" behavior. I'm experiencing a definite lack of peace while the ground underneath my feet shifts and the mental athlete I've trained has gotten flabby. But I feel like, what's the harm in just relaxing for 7 days. (SELF, DO NOT TAKE THAT AS A CHALLENGE TO GAIN AS MUCH WEIGHT AS YOU CAN IN 7 DAYS).
Things I give into will be habits I have to break again. Cravings to fight. Soreness to overcome. But guess what, Nanette... that's life. There's no point in which everything will be perfect.. that eating and working out will be 100% all of the time. What matters is that you keep trying and how you adjust. Being flexible and positive is going to get you through this. Never give up! Never give in!
Menu
B: Zoi
S: Chocolate covered peanuts ( I KNOW, I KNOW).
L: Spinach, tomato, blueberry, goat cheese, balsamic salad.
S: 1 cup cottage cheese.
D: Tuna sandwich, odwalla juice.
S: 1 cup cottage cheese... (if I'm going to eat for comfort right now... may as well be high in protein).
Workout
.5 mile to Job 1.
2.5 mile to Job 2.
2.5 mile from Job 2.
Big Fat Gentle Reminder To Move Forward Love,
Nanette
So this split focus thing is killing me. This weekend alone, I have spent $60 going out... consuming food that isn't healthy, booze and even a dessert. I still managed to lose weight - luckily. I really think that was a fluke.
I have this pattern. I can usually concentrate on 3-4 things in my life and do them all well. Right now I'm so overwhelmed with all the stuff I've been trying to fit in and stress out about that I haven't been doing ANYTHING well. Here goes the thought train... All aboard!
A) New potentially romantic interest - this always makes things sort of go to crap and occupies way more of my thoughts than it should. And let's face it... obsession is ugly. I don't want to be ugly.
B) Finding a Job in NYC - I'm jumping the gun here. I'm not in the city yet. I can put this on the back burner for a couple weeks. But it does come with all the "I need a professional interview outfit!" Which contradicts G. Even that is jumping the gun. I don't know what size I will be when I get there!
C) Piano Tests = Graduation - Last week I found out that the pressure is still on high. With lessons this week it's even higher. For some reason this "easier" set of scales is harder than ever and I've got an entire piece to learn. But without the degree... I'm going to have a hell of a time with B) getting a job in NYC and no one wants to date a jobless bum. So it helps with A) New potentially romantic interest as well.
D) Eating right - This takes focus. This takes planning. This takes NOT giving in to the easiest way out because you were all stupid and twitterpated over some BOY or stuck in a practice room.
E) Working out - Planning work outs that don't tax the same part of the body each time. Finding work outs that keep me engaged. Working up to the 30 minutes of running that you want to do with Mr. Option A... A positive way to obsess, if you going to.
F) Moving - There is so much to be done around my house. Sell stuff. Ebay my formal gowns (seriously folks, if you've got some fat friends (26/28/30), I'm selling off a few really beautiful items). Sell off my vintage purse collection. Selling off my fancy shoes. Selling off my vintage jewelry. *sigh*
G) Saving/Making Money - This is REALLY the only thing I can productively do for myself in this move to NYC. Getting a job is going to take me BEING there to interview. People doing sublets don't want to talk to someone who wants one all the way in JUNE. What I can do is save money... it buys me more time to get a job. It will also enable me to eat healthy instead of cheaply while I'm out there. It's also making me assess every purchase... well... how much toilet paper do you need in about 1month and a half. Shampoo? Tampons? Don't be wasteful. Save your pennies.
H) Online dating... I know I've already mentioned Mr. Option A. Which seems to have run a little cold lately... probably due to slight obsession backed up by not having MET in real person. But I have this constant niggling want for attention from the opposite sex. I don't know if it's a "validate me" thing. I really don't think it is... I think it's my new distraction technique for the stress I'm feeling. (I do that. A LOT).
Okay... So now you know what's buzzing around up there... I WILL FOCUS. I will prioritize.
1) Piano/Graduation - Duh. I've been working on this degree for 7 years. It would be RIDICULOUS not to finish it this close to getting out of here. Plus it prepares me for success in so many ways after the fact.
2) Saving/Making Money - Concentrate on SAVING. Concentrate on not buying in excess. Concentrate on using the food you have and supplementing with grocery purchases. You don't need any new clothing right now (though I DID just buy new running shoes). You don't need to go out to eat a $10 salad you could make at home for $3.
3) Eating Right - Making menus and buying smart go hand in hand. I can eat healthily. I will pay closer attention to the cost of certain items to see how I will be able to eat on $15-20 a week when I get to NY.
4) Working out - I'm handing the reigns over to trainer when it comes to work out planning. I'm going to keep up with the interval running so I can feel like I'm doing something about Potential Guy and so I can drop some more weight. I don't want to scare him away with my size (though I've been very up front about my weight).
Everything else, moving, online dating, applying for jobs, finding a sublet, new potential romantic interest... You can all take a back seat. I have two more weeks until I am done with piano. Then I can pick one to put back in on top and take more control over my working out.
I will not lose my laser like focus and determination. I'm tired of feeling like refracted light. I need to feel productive. I need motion. I need progress. I can do anything good!!!!
Accountability...
Menu
Breakfast: banana w/1tbsp peanut butter.
S: Fruit leather.
L: tuna salad on spelt bread.
S: baby carrots.
D: Spinach, celery, tomato, avocado, black berry, sunflower seed + balsamic salad.
S: cottage cheese.
Workout
25 pushups
25 squats
25 side lunges right
25 side lunges left.
50 bicep curls
25 tricep dips
25 vertical jumps.
5 downward facing dog pushups.
So yesterday I was doing a lot of reading about the whole paleo thing that's happening in the diet world right now. I like a lot of what it talks about... Especially the physical activity. I mean... last challenge (Aug-Dec) I didn't lose nearly as much weight as I would have liked and I was in the gym doing cardio 3x a week, in addition to swim classes 2x a week and a dance class 2x a week. Now... doing 30 min work outs at my trainer's home (only using free weights and a coffee table) 3x a week and a swim class once or twice a week. I'm feeling so much stronger and the pounds are coming off so much quicker.
That paired with the dietary stuff, it just makes sense. I love me some terrible carbs and lately the internal dialogue has gone like this...
"but... but... it's whole wheat."
"No. How about you go back to spelt bread/pasta/tortillas?"
"Expensive. And plus there are only like 4 ingredients in these crackers, the fat is low, they're whole grain and a serving size is 9 crackers... NINE!"
"They would be good with hummus."
And wham! Put into the grocery cart. When I eat more grain, I eat fewer vegetables. Fact. It's my pattern. I don't know if that applies to any of you out there... but that's something I see in myself.
Question: How will you celebrate nutrition this month? How will you get your plate in "better shape"? Have you re-evaluated your nutrition-related goals this year (or your fitness or other goals)? How have you been doing?
I am celebrating nutrition by remembering my vegetables and using more of them. I bought steamer bags in efforts to encourage myself (since I hate cold food in winter). I want to give myself weekly vegetables... Like a tomato a day for a week. Broccoli every day for a week. Things like that in addition to my normal consumption. It allows me to actually eat all the veggies I buy without them going to waste. It will also allow me to get at least one more serving of veg in every day.
Less beige. MORE GREEN.
I'm leaning out of good habits lately (the last two weeks). But I'm ready to correct that and take control of my diet. Diet is so much harder for me than exercise. But I will commit to being better. I will commit to stop telling myself it's hard.
MANTRA
A friend once told me... kids accomplish amazing feats. But they don't know it's hard because no one has told them it is yet.
So dieting and exercise aren't hard. We tell ourselves they're hard. Dieting and Exercise require focus and dedication. Just like memorizing an aria, or reading an entire book, or being a mother, or keeping track of our friend's soap opera lives. It's only hard when we tell ourselves it is... otherwise... it could actually be {gasp} FUN!
Big Fat NOT HARD Love,
Nanette
P.S. Still rockin' the water and calorie Allan Challenge.
Let's just make this clear. I'm not the girl who cries and has mood swings as part of my PMS. I'm the girl who wants to eat the entire planet. I have been ravenous both today and yesterday. I'm doing what I can to keep in check. I'm staying under my caloric limit, but I've definitely gone over the recommended fat intake. It's the salt that I must RUN from.
However, since I'm trying not to eat the world, I have turned into a hungry BEAR. I've been so ornery and tired. I have socially isolated myself in efforts to not hurt other's feelings and to prevent my own SEVERE annoyance. I'm so confused. Normally I don't have PMS. Normally I handle it well. This is the first instance of hungry bear since I started losing weight in July. Thank the up aboves for birth control. At least I know when to avoid people.
I weighed in again before swim yesterday. I'm down to 336. Down one more pound. I'm expecting gain Friday for my CDCC weigh in. I would SO love to be wrong.
Until then... I will not be a bitch. I will not be a bitch. I will not be a bitch...
