Homeless...

I'm out of the old apartment. I have wonderful friends that helped me out with that. We got the entire place scrubbed down and my life now fits in two suitcases and a laundry basket. I'm spending the next 4 days downsizing the suitcases and laundry basket so they each weigh about 50lbs. 

I weigh more than all of my possessions. Weird. 

For now, I'm staying with Jessica, a friend, and her husband, two kids and a cat. They have been so kind to open up their home to me. Since I'm not working mornings. I'm trying to do something sneaky and nice for them every day. Today I took out all the garbages and did the dishes. Tomorrow I want to make them a healthy dinner/lunch. Do you guys have any suggestions for something cheap, quick and kid friendly?

My weight has been all over the chart...   In 24 hours I went from 312 to 302. Stress, water and no sleep... that's how it manifests itself. 

I'm weighing in again at 304. So not a terrible amount of damage. My weight and fitness goals are out the window at this point. I know we're going into the last week here... But without a home that is my own and a GIANT transition happening... I've gotta say that weight loss is taking a bit of a backseat... if only for the week. 

Last night I was approached by my reporter friend to do a segment about beginning weight loss for the local tv station here. I told him I would love to talk about it. I guess the story was brought up because this obese gentleman wanted to start losing weight (segment A of the story) and so they're looking for people who have done it, started, or changed their lifestyles (segment B). This includes working out ON CAMERA. Uh... as if the gym weren't intimidating enough... let's break a jiggly sweat on camera. May as well. There's no shame in fitness, no matter what your weight. That films Wednesday. I'm excited because A) I love attention and B) Fitness is something I'm so passionate about. Not thinness. FITNESS. This isn't about weight loss as much as it's about health and health just happens to include weight loss. (she says, preaching to the choir). 

Big Fat Transition Love, 

Nanette Nielson

Ready for this!? - 7 day countdown begins.

So here're the stats.

Weight: between 305-309

Stress: off the charts.

Working: 65 hours this week.

Sleeping: 4-5 hours a night.

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT

I have a couple job opportunities in the new city. So when I land, I have a couple in person interviews all lined up. Restaurant/catering work and an office assistant position for a search firm. I have high hopes and a good feeling about life outside of Idaho. I feel like I can put that aside now. I can put the planning aside.

But while I'm still here...

I have 3 more 2:30 - midnight shifts. (Friday, Tuesday Wednesday).
No more morning work.
So sleep will be improving.

I have 3 more days in my apartment.
To scrub clean, top to bottom.
To eat the food in the fridge or get rid of it.
To pack my suitcases (and do a serious amount of laundry).
To make my last goodwill donations.
To walk around naked.
So the stress is still high.

I'm worried about my motivation and losing my progress because I'm having such a difficult time focusing. So I've told myself. "Nanette, you've done this for months. You know how to make good food decisions. Trust that for now. If you gain a few pounds, you'll lose them again when you relocate and settle."

But I'm trying to determine whether or not that's B.S.... Excuses to get back to "addict" behavior. I'm experiencing a definite lack of peace while the ground underneath my feet shifts and the mental athlete I've trained has gotten flabby. But I feel like, what's the harm in just relaxing for 7 days. (SELF, DO NOT TAKE THAT AS A CHALLENGE TO GAIN AS MUCH WEIGHT AS YOU CAN IN 7 DAYS).

Things I give into will be habits I have to break again. Cravings to fight. Soreness to overcome. But guess what, Nanette... that's life. There's no point in which everything will be perfect.. that eating and working out will be 100% all of the time. What matters is that you keep trying and how you adjust. Being flexible and positive is going to get you through this. Never give up! Never give in!

Menu
B: Zoi
S: Chocolate covered peanuts ( I KNOW, I KNOW).
L: Spinach, tomato, blueberry, goat cheese, balsamic salad.
S: 1 cup cottage cheese.
D: Tuna sandwich, odwalla juice.
S: 1 cup cottage cheese... (if I'm going to eat for comfort right now... may as well be high in protein).

Workout
.5 mile to Job 1.
2.5 mile to Job 2.
2.5 mile from Job 2.

Big Fat Gentle Reminder To Move Forward Love,
Nanette

Rekindled?

This morning I was supposed to work out with a friend from work. I've been doing that... scheduling workouts with people to make sure I get them done because that's the kind of accountability I figured I need as of late. Well, the friend bailed.

I did half of the 300 rep work out I would normally do. Only half because it's been 2 weeks since I've done my Tabata style training and it kicked my ass in a few brief minutes. 

I have been excusing myself to be fat while I'm stressed out. I've been excusing my body and my fitness and all the things that are imperative. And I am bugged. The work out this morning only took 10 minutes and that's only half. 

The hikes I've been going on have been over an hour. 

The walks to and from work have been between 20-30 minutes each way. 

And I think I don't have TIME for working out? Bull.

I'm too stressed to workout?! Also Bull. What better time to work through the anxiety and nervousness?! Things are going to fall into place. I've made sure of that. And frankly, even if I can't get everything to a good home, or get everything to goodwill, it's OK to throw stuff away. Things will fall into place. It's okay. Stop worrying. Just keep going. 

I may be too tired sometimes... and I feel like that's actually legitimate. But would I be this tired if I were working out more?

Also... screw working out with others at this point. I can't keep trying to mesh schedules with people and then blame a missed workout on someone else. Hoist the petards and be a grown up, Nanette. 

Best thing about not working out with someone - I don't have to worry about the sounds that fat slapping fat makes when I do things like jumping jacks, or squat jumps or anything else. I can listen to offensive music if I want. I can speed stuff up. I can slow stuff down. I can skip something that makes my knees do that gristly sound. 

Also... Logged calories yesterday and the day before. I've learned that right now, I cannot trust my instincts. I'm eating WAY above my limit. Normally I can float around 1400 and be fine. I've been eating around 1900-2200 and still been hungry. Real hungry not like brain hungry. Time to reign it in. You are in control of your body, not the other way around. 

I'm just tired of the bullshit from all directions....   But most of all from myself. Take some control. Don't be a hypocrite. 

Menu today

B: protein bar

S: .5 C cottage cheese. 

L: Sushi Roll 

S: 2 boiled eggs with salsa

D: Salad + 4oz chicken breast (baked). 

S: Berries. 

Calorie total: 1500 (ish). 

Movement

150 reps (squats, side lunge, back lunge + kick). 

2.5 mile walk to work. 

2.5 mile walk from work. 

150 reps (squats, side lunge, back lunge + kick). 

Big Fat IT'S ABOUT TIME Love, 

Nanette 

P.s. sorry for the swearing lately. I'll get to that habit next. 

RFSC update...

Weight: 306 (+1) ... this is going the wrong direction.

Water: Too little.

Food: Too much.

Waist: 46" (+.5).

NSV: walked 15 miles this week. Ran about 2. and mangaed to get a little sleep here and there. Also my house is naked and I've given away all the stuff in my pantry. One week left of cooking at home before I'm staying at a friends house and am without a kitchen.

I'm really upset about this ever increasing number. I'm being a lot more strict about diet and exercise this last week. I made menus (while not logging calories) but I've followed these menus exactly before and been very successful. I've been floating around 1500 roughly per day. Then the weekend hit and I had sushi twice. But that's the only thing I didn't make myself.

Water could be a ton better - ish... I don't have freedom to go to the bathroom whenever I want at the new job... so I have to be careful about that.

I am wondering if the birth control is contributing. I'd love to stop it, but it's just not an option. This is my first month on it after a 5 month hiatus in which the numbers went down down down.

I'm also positive that it's at least another 20% of not enough concentration.

This week.
Weight: - 4lbs (just do it already).
Water: 100oz a day.
Food: Log every day.
NSV: Get in 2 non-walking to work workouts.

I'm sick of this. I need to hold on and not gain for the next two weeks and then try again when I'm in NY and done with this stupid anticipation of moving.

Big Fat Mildly Discouraged But Gonna Punch This Fat In The Face Anyway love,
Nanette

RFSC - Mini Challenge

Okay. So those of you who are not challengers in the RFSC thing...

The miniature challenge this week is to find an aspect that needs some concentration and focus on it for X amount of time to make a streak calendar.

I have 13 days until I fly out. I have decided to take great care for the next thirteen days to track my calories in MFP.

AND

Go 13 days without going out to eat (like my lent goal).

Now that second one might be unrealistic right now... since a lot of my friends want to go out to dinner or take me out to lunch before I go. I think I'm going to make them not. Now it is just as important as ever to NOT go out... Save money. Save calories. Save guilt and stress about eating things I KNOW I shouldn't. I'm going back to bubble living...   the bubble of only eating what's in my house.

PLUS, I only have 13 days to eat the fresh fruit and veg that I have in my fridge. And there's plenty. I can only donate dry goods. I hate to see stuff go to waste.

Tomorrow I weigh in officially. For now, I'm sitting at 305. So I haven't moved much. I've seen as high as 312 this week and as low as 301. I have GOT to get my shit together.

Big Fat Mini Challenge Love,
Nanette

In which she breaks it down...

I am not sleeping enough, between 4-5 hours a night.
I may have had fries twice this week.

Yesterday I saw my lowest weight, 301 and my highest weight of the week 309. I don't know how that's possible. I doubt the validity of my scale.

I have gone on one 1hr hike.

I have walked about 12 miles getting to and from the new job. That'll be 15 today.

I have done ONE interval run.

My hydration is great on somedays, but I have to be careful... we get scheduled bathroom breaks and I can't be leaving training constantly... AKA on the hour like I'd need to if I were consuming 140oz all the time.

14 days until I fly, pardon my french... but merde is getting REAL.

So much to do in the house before the 28th. I need to get my entire deposit back... so I need to be doing little things throughout the week.

like the dishes, emptying garbages, taking bags of stuff to goodwill, borrowing a vaccum and starting to attack the hard water crusts on bathroom and kitchen faucets. Any tips for that out there?

In addition, everyone wants to say their good-byes. But only 3 people showed up to my going away party. I don't have time to spend with everyone since I'm working 8am - noon and from 2:30pm to midnight. Want monsters... want time, want attention, want priority when I'm very clearly out of those spots in my life and then I feel guilty that I can't indulge everyone (and myself) and play as often as I'd like.

I'm stressed out. When this happens, weight is on the bottom of my list of things to do.

Wendy, I hope you're reading this. I'm not ignoring your calls. I just work a metric shit ton. (60 hours a week if anyone is counting, not including commute time/walking).

Here's my activity in positivity...
I choose to see this stress as positive because...
- I am making money.
- I am buying myself time to get a job in NY by having a good savings.
- I am reducing my stress for NY, where things will be more stressful than here.
- I am prepping for a continued healthy lifestyle, by taking a momentary hit in that same area.
- I am getting a lot of walking in, which is better than nothing as far as fitness goes.
- I am going to be out of Idaho soon and LIVING THE DREAM!! (the poor starving artist dream)!

Big Fat Update Love,
Nanette

Finally... 100%

Yesterday was a 100% day.

Eating was on 100%. I even tracked it in MFP.

I walked 2.5 miles and ran 2.5 miles.

Training at the temporary call center is kinda lame. But it does keep me out of my fridge and it keeps me eating what I brought. It also keeps me from snacking. Though it's pretty stationary...   The caloric limiting is so good. SO GOOD.

I weighed in today and I'm seeing the numbers reverse. 304. Such a relief. Today is going to be 100% too.

100% tracking and good food choices.

100% movement (another 5 miles).

And again only scheduled snacking and timed lunches. I'm in charge of packing what I want to eat. Today it's a spinach salad.

spinach
celery
tomato slices
cucumber
carrot peels
strawberries
sunflower seeds
litehouse balsamic.

DELICIOUS.

Big Fat 100% Love,
Nanette