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Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts

Sunday, May 6, 2012

RFSC + Life Update + Faith & Trust

Check In

Weight: 302 (-4lbs!) 

Waist: 46.5" (+.5")

Water: Better this week. 100oz everyday but yesterday. 

Workouts: 1 HIIT session (found out trainer is preggers on tuesday and unable to do it anymore) 
4 interval runs. 

Nutrition: I've been logging some stuff in MFP... Forcing myself to at least log in every day. This deserves no congratulations. But I've done okay, I mean... I'm losing weight. Just eating when I'm hungry. 

NSV: Losing weight despite not tracking calories! Graduation is official! Acquired 3 jobs. Secured my sublet. I will be a brooklynite in 4 weeks! 

Goals 

Weight: GET UNDER THREE HUNDRED!!!!   

NSV: Let go of some of the too big clothing. Pack up some of the going home for storage stuff. Take care of skin/massage cellulite places try to help circulation. 

Nutrition: Keep it under control. Eat more veggies every day. 

Water: 100 oz every day. 

Workouts
Sunday: Leg HIIT
Monday: Interval Run + Arms HIIT. 
Tuesday: Core HIIT. 
Wednesday: Insanity. 
Thursday: Interval Run. Arms HIIT. 
Friday: off. 
Saturday: Interval Run. + Arms HIIT. 
Sunday: Mini HIIT with Wendy. 

Thoughts... 

Today, I got into size 22 pants! Zipped... too tight to be seen in public. But zipped! I traded some books and movies for some smaller clothing. I took photos today and I'll be posting them in a tab or something since there are so many of them. They are going to be my "start" clothing for a challenge I'm holding for myself or the next one Mir does. 

I have a going away party this weekend. There will be lots of food. I'm going to eat some of it. Truth. So I have to be really diligent this week with eating well if I want to see under 300 by next sunday. 

The Job Situation... 

I'm so excited to feel focused again. I got past the early termination, you can't stay with me for more than a week - so find a sublet, savings not big enough for the move in three weeks PANIC/STRESS. 

This week is my summer break. It is one week of freedom before school starts. It is one week to get rid of the stuff in my house. Box up anything that can just be put away. Put in a few hours with the music dept.

On the 14th, I'll be starting 3 jobs...
  • Monday - Friday: 3:15- midnight (I assume I have this job. I have my second interview monday. It's a high turnover call center and I'm smarter than a brick. I should get in). 
  • Mon, Wed, Fri: 8am - noon. (through the dept that just forced me out of my job early)
  • Saturday: 8-5 music dept...   (flexible, work whenever hours). 
So I'm thinking this week... this very dead week... I'm going to clock 30 hours at the music dept cataloguing string music. Then submit my 10 hour a week time card and be able to keep my weekends open. 

I have time to be fit. I have time to come up with a game plan for this upcoming scary terrible week. I have time to do the mountain of laundry. I have time to menu and shop prior to the week starting.

Cons 
- no time with three jobs. 
- compromised sleep patterns. 
- less time to make food. 

Pros
- 2 miles from call center, I can do my interval runs! 
- No dress code (workout gear!)
- MONEY!!!! (less stress!)
- Challenge to see how quickly I can adapt. 
- Remind myself what it's like to not be boss. 
- Remember how to learn a new job.


The Moving Situation... 
I have a sublet!!! I'm moving out to Brooklyn. I have a place to stay the DAY I arrive. No needing to crash on a friend's couch. No need to put people out. I've been able to figure out how to get there from the airport. The girl who is subletting is a friend of a friend. She's going to still be there for a week or so, staying with a friend in a different apt. She will show me around and help me get my bearings. 

I'm moving with a friend from Idaho, Shasta... she's actually going to share the room with me. Our costs are HALVED. Even if the job stuff goes all to hell, I will have enough to get me through! 

Best part... are you ready for this?! New apartment is within one mile of the following... 
  • Organic food Co-Op. 
  • Prospect Park (for running!) 
  • Target and Old Navy so I can cheaply keep up with my dropping sizes! And buy affordable tampons. 
  • Laundromat. 
After doing all the math... I will actually be making more this way than when I would if I had been able to keep the original job. Breathe easy. Leave off in good shape. I can take a deep breath... funny how the stress lets up and I drop 4lbs in a week. I can do anything good!!!    


Wendy over at eatsleepmove and I had a great conversation yesterday. Talking about faith. I'm not religious which sometimes makes me feel like an outsider in the fat blogging arena since weight loss can be such a spiritually related experience as well. 

But I do have faith that if I do everything in my power to set a plan in motion and then let go... things will work out. I can't prove that it will. I'm not owed anything... I am not entitled. I have to do my part. I must trust that what happens is for the best. Whether it be a "learning experience" (see: crappy, but an opportunity to grow) or whether it goes smoothly... I am a person. People are highly adaptable. We survive. We cope. We grow and learn and strive. 

I have done what I can. I have set my job stuff in motion. I have worked for the past 7 years in preparation for this. I have gotten a sublet. I will trust that I can find a job when I relocate. I trust that someone out there is looking for an employee just like me. (hopefully in the personal assistant/administrative assistant realm). 

Big Fat Faithful, Trusting, Successful Love, 
Nanette

 

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Announcement.

At this time next week. I will have finished my degree.

Just passed off the last of my scales. Debussy. Here. I. Come.

I can do anything good.

P.S. Run cancelled last night, friend came in from out of town and needed a place to crash. Good news, Trainer cancelled HIIT today, so I'm doing my run today instead... and another one tomorrow. MUST BUILD ENDURANCE.

Big Fat DEGREE Love,
Nanette

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Food and Good News

I've been struggling with water consumption for Allan's Challenge. I'm supposed to be drinking 160oz. a day. I haven't been forgetting my water bottle... I just haven't been very thirsty. So I wind up not drinking much during the day and then trying to get 3-4 liters in while at work... Which, I've been able to do with a trip to the bathroom every hour. heh!

I've also been eating more carbs this week. I mean... for the first time in weeks I ate a bowl of pasta with pesto. The calories have been in check and I'm still seeing a smaller number than Sunday's weigh in. So I'm not going to be super concerned about it. 

In addition to carbs... it's been fish fish fish! I'm kinda on a salmon kick. Can't get enough. Want it for lunch. Want it for dinner. 

This is a very important diet week as trainer cancelled two work outs this week and I had to take a piano test instead of going to swim today. So I've worked out ONCE this week (don't worry, I have another on on Friday and Saturday). Hence all the long thoughtful posts this week as well. I've got some time to look inward and process. In a way, it's been such a nice break, just a little mix up of the normal routine, let my body recover. 

I would also like to share my excitement with you guys today! I passed the second of 4 piano scale tests! I'm down to the really hard ones... the harmonic minors. Ugh... and two piano pieces. Debussy and Schubert. 

and then... 

I'm done with my degree. 

Part of the internal digging has helped me wade through some of the stress and anxiety over moving. I sat down with my calendar yesterday and wrote down all my bill due dates on the calendar, in addition to all my paydays and set out a financial plan for getting bills paid and still being able to save about $200 a paycheck.

The next step is brushing up my resume so I can send it out in May before I travel out there in June. I want to land a job before I get out there. A fortunate turn of events this week has led to me moving out there at the same time as one of my friends... so instant roommate... and we have a mutual friend out there working in real estate. She's keeping an eye on openings at reasonable prices. She's also thinking of living with us. So hurrah... instantly 2 roommates that I'm familiar with! 

Savings: check
Apartment: check
Job: almost... 
Degree: almost... 

I'm halfway to feeling secure.... I feel like I can breathe again. 

Big Fat 5 year plan Love, 
Nanette

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

My relationship with food (novella).

I was reading Mir's blog today... she'd talked about the psychological issues between dieters and lasting success. You know, the whole re-evaluate your relationship with food thing.

I am lucky. I am young. Granted, I'm also the fattest person in the E2E challenge. So I'm not sure if that says my "issues" with food are more terrible or aggressive.. etc. But I still consider myself lucky to be attacking these habits before they'd become more engrained.

A lot of where we come from, or how we approach food starts in youth. Mom is a closet eater. Dad was morbidly obese. I have three older brothers who didn't pitfall into obsessive eating patterns. I didn't start packing on the pounds until I was in 5th grade and bodily changes started happening - of course. I started to feel bad for myself, particularly about always being the slow one at tag during recess and I compensated with books, knowledge and a quick tongue.

I earned my own money at a very young age by working for my dad. I would buy my own sweets and mom and dad couldn't regulate that. It was MY money. I always bought in excess and I was usually active enough that I didn't see the results until I stopped growing (vertically). Little Debbies, candy bars, string cheese. I loved to eat them one by one, layer by layer, while reading Rohl Dahl's books about poor unfortunate children overcoming evil parents and victimizing situations.

My brothers would sort of do the same thing. Joe had a padlock on his giant box of goldfish crackers and David had his power bars and Lincoln had Subway. So I guess our backgrounds were more similar than I'd thought. In a way we all struggled with addiction... except for maybe David. Lincoln was a meth addict, Joseph was always neck deep in something REALLY NERDY. Mine was food.

Food was how dad and I bonded. Food was how I made myself feel better. Food was how I distanced myself. Food was how I rewarded myself. Food was my secret indulgence. Food was also DELICIOUS. Food played a lot of roles in my life while growing up.

I really started fattening up when I gave up swimming. I used to spend entire summers in the pool, until I discovered I was a total freak and had a zit on my shoulder and then gave up the swim suit for 8 years.  I gained most of my weight in 8 years. It's incredible to put a number to how long it took me to gain 150+lbs.

During that 8 years our family went through Lincoln dealing with some severe drug problems. Which in turn, became family problems... emotional problems... escapism problems. We went through some family counseling. I only went to two or three sessions and the therapist told me that for having such tumultuous relationships around me and feelings inside, I seemed pretty well adjusted and then he concentrated on Lincoln.

Well-adjusted = being able to step back from a situation to protect myself from experiencing difficult emotions. I had a lot of depressive thoughts and terrible self-esteem. I used food to help create distance. I hid under a fat blanket. My body literally became a barrier between me and the crap in the family, community and school.

Then I escaped to college and the weight gain stopped for about a year. Then started again when school go tough. My instructors got personal and my peers were even more difficult to deal with... Then we start having issues with religion. I nearly quit my degree and then went into counseling.

In counseling we talked about the music department mainly and how I felt trapped and I needed to graduate. Ultimately the conclusion was that I needed to accept accountability for life and decisions. Life is not something that just happens to someone. We are not powerless to control our direction and "destiny."

The counselor tried to talk to me about weight and I went from weepy to fire breathing dragon in mere seconds. I wasn't ready to tame that issue yet. But I'm sure it was apparent that I was fighting my stress with food and inactivity and unhealthy choices. I'm sure that a lot of my stress, anger and feelings of being overwhelmed could have used some good cardio instead of tears.

However, having reached one giant understanding of my unhappiness (that accountability thing) and the end of the semester, I quit counseling. I did two more years of school without murdering my peers or professors. I got more involved in student government. I had some leadership positions. Because if I was going to complain about how things were run, I was going to try and help shape things or understand the system better. I stressed. I ate. I got angry... for two years. Then I finished my senior recital. Gave up my leadership positions. Started working out. Started eating better. Started working 40 hour weeks.

And that's where I am now. I am in control of my life... I am responsible for the decisions I make. PARTICULARLY concerning my body. Food is a my coping mechanism. It's where I turn when I'm angry, stressed, happy, sad, lonely. That's what I'm up against - emotions, really. When I experience emotion, I eat.

Now, I'm much better at keeping my emotions in check and level than I was before. So the temptations happen less. But not experiencing the extremes of my personal emotional roller coaster sometimes doesn't feel like really living. I'm not medicated. I don't think I need to be. I'm pretty good at being my own anti-depressant and sometimes I just need to experience my depression so I can get past it.

Not all of my days are good ones. But that's typical and healthy. Not all of my days are bad ones either.

I've been arguing with myself this week... I'm sad the artistic/angsty part of myself has almost disappeared. It provided me with a lot of good inspiration for art, music, writing... but I can definitely say that I am happier now than I've been since 5th grade.

Sometimes work sucks. Sometimes friends suck. Sometimes the negative blog comments suck. But I can let it go. Maybe not immediately. But I can feel my feelings and release them... instead of shoving them in my mouth (along with calories) and hoping that I can poop them out. heh! This is something to work on for life... and here I am, trying to accept that early before I become even more stuck in my own ways.


Big Fat Where I Come From Love,
Nanette

Ps. If you made it through all that, you get six points. Redeemable for awesome.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Communication - mid week check in.

Hey all,

Sooooo... I did this thing. I mustered some bravery and talked to my boss (who previously threatened my job if I lose student status). He looked at me like I was an idiot for thinking I would lose my position... but ultimately I just had to fill out a couple of forms and I get to keep my Distance Learning job. PHEW! So I get to keep my 20hpw @ $12.50hourly job! THANK THE UP ABOVES. Thank YOU for the thoughts, prayers and well wishes.

I can get my alumni status at the university even though I have one credit left to fulfill. Which means I can still use the gym but I will need to pay them for a semester of use ($125 for 6 months, not bad). So I will only be without a gym membership for about a month.

Things are sort of gelling together... I can breathe a big sigh of relief and relax into a little routine. I have secured two jobs and I'm contemplating taking up a third since I'm not going to school and all.

I didn't eat enough yesterday. I've had this problem a couple of times. But yesterday was the worst it's been in a long time. Had a banana for breakfast. Almonds and dried apples for lunch. Then went to work out. After the work out I got home and ATE TOO MUCH - I dare call it a binge even though I stayed below my calorie goal. I can't let myself get that hungry and I don't want my biggest meal to be the latest. So on my terrible terrible food days I'm not eating enough before 7pm. I'm mulling over a personal challenge for myself next week. Something about eating a certain percentage of my calories before 7pm.

My book is going alright. I'm 8 days in out of the 100. I'm journaling a little every day. I have a hard time sometimes with the prompts. Just sorta feeling like they don't speak to me. I'm not a very spiritual or religious person. So some of it seems a little woo-woo to me. But for every lame day there's usually an awesome one too... I'll keep going with the book. Plus I really like the 100 days thing... it's like a check list and I'm SUCH A DORK FOR LISTS.

Exercise has been alright. Only alright because I haven't been every day. I've been going two days then taking a day off. But the days I'm going, I'm pushing harder, going longer. Like last night. Usually in 25 min on the elliptical I make it 2.0 miles. Last night  I made it 2.5 miles. The day before I went on an hour long walk which is normally 2.25 miles was 3.0 miles.

I've been a little bothered because I weighed in yesterday... which I normally don't do. I usually only weigh in on Friday so I don't get obsessed or let that stupid number ruin my day. I weighed in in my workout clothes instead of my bathing suit. It said 333. WhAT?! I just weighed in last friday at 326. I'm trying to ignore that number or figure out why it was so high, But I've been doing so much better this week. I'm surprised. Under caloric goal every day. Meeting my minimum exercise goals. Hydrating like a crazy person over 96 oz a day. Taking my vitamins. Not taking my birth control.

So I'm wondering... is this normal? I wouldn't know, bc I don't weigh myself on Mondays. Maybe that's my body pattern gain then drop before Friday. I've been having a little swelling and muscle tenderness since my massage but not enough to justify +7 lbs. This is the obsession I was trying to avoid. I'll still be good though. I'm going to keep on plan for the rest of the week to see if I can get that delicious lower number on the scale Friday.

Quote: This is not a commitment to a challenge or a diet plan. This is a commitment to your body and a commitment to lifestyle change. This a commitment to a healthier tomorrow.

Big Fat Confused Love,
Nanette

Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Year... New Adventures.

I keep trying to tell myself it will be adventures... By nature I'm a planner. A list maker. A type-A, know where you're going, 5 year plan, kind of person. So, imagine my surprise when I got an email on Christmas Eve saying that my financial aid was being revoked because I was past my max credit limit that was just readjusted this fall by the school from 192 to 180. No warning. Just WHAM!

Technically, it's not screwing up my school plans. I have one credit left to finish and I have an incomplete in it so I don't even have to register. But I'm a terrible self motivated practicer (It's my piano proficiency class). What it IS screwing up are my financial plans. I was going to take my last loan/grant/scholarship round and use the change check to pay for my move out to NYC in June and my trip to Italy with the choir - pending a grant approval for the choir thing.

Turns out that the grant for the choir fell through. The financial aid fell through. I have my tax return coming. Which is great. But losing my "student" status means I could potentially lose my job at the Distance Learning center. Ouch. Right? Well, I have a friend who manages American Eagle and she might be able to swing me a job working freight. That would be a MAJOR paycut. From 12.50 to 8.00. WHICH WOULD KILL MY ABILITY TO PAY BILLS... not to mention save for NYC. BAH!  

So I'm starting to look at Nannying jobs. If you get paired with a family, you get to live in with them and they pay for your relocation. It's a year commitment. But it's a good fall back.

In the meanwhile, I can keep my music clerk job (10hpw, $8.00 hourly) for sure, potential American Eagle (15-20hpw, $8.00 hourly) and HOPEFULLY KEEP (prayers, vibes, thoughts please) my DL job (20hpw, $12.50 hourly).

P.S. Thought I was getting my change check this week. I'm not. I'm also not getting paid for any work because of vacation. However, I was spending like I was getting my change check. So I'm trying to make $40 stretch until January 20. That might kill my food budget. ***insert curse words*** Time to find babysitting jobs, housework, house sitting etc.

Adventure, right?

Losing student status also means I lose my gym membership. UGH! But I'm not graduated so I'm not sure if I can get an alumni pass... or if I'm going to have to go across town to go to the expensive gym (no car as well). If I CAN get an alumni pass, I will have to wait until January 20th at the EARLIEST to pay for the new pass. So there will be a guaranteed 2 weeks with no gym.

However, for now, I'm still pre-enrolled. So I've got the gym for the next week with certainty. I've got to come up with an at home work out plan just in case everything falls through.

Adventure...  

I'm also losing my student insurance. UGH. Just realized that. No more blood work to see my progress.

SO...  dum-da-da-dum!!!!

ULTRA PLANNING MODE!

This week...

  • Eat left over produce in the house/ABSOLUTELY NO GOING OUT. 
  • Make menus - STICK TO THEM. 
  • Work out every day. You don't know if you'll have the gym next week. 
  • Start collecting at home work outs - I have a yoga mat, exercise ball, and two feet perfect for walking. I'll be loving it up with bodyrock.tv

So as not to be ridiculously negative... Or "realistic" as I call it, Here's the good news. Remember that last guy I was dating... the guy who didn't support weight loss at all? Well this new one is excited about the weight loss thing. Not just for me but for himself as well. So for new years, we're racing each other to -50 lbs. It's so nice. He came to stay the weekend and we made healthy choices. Went on walks together. Cooked together. He's really easy to be around and keep to what I think is important. He's SO DANG SUPPORTIVE - of everything. But I'm not mormon much anymore, so ultimately it will end, plus I'm moving. But for now... it's delightful and not negative and not sarcastic. Just fun and kinda silly. It makes this financial stuff bearable to have something going well.

Big Fat STUPID MONEY Love,
Nanette

Friday, December 23, 2011

WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Guess who weighed in today before swimming AND FINALLY SAW A LOWER NUMBER!!!!   That's right... This lady.

Weigh in: 326!!!! That's a whopping -6 lbs.
Veggies: every day.
Water: over 100 oz 4/7
Diet changes: Less carbs. Less saturated fat. More omega three fats.
Work out changes: elliptical every day. Weight lifting every day. Whining about how sore I am every day.

Okay... So I didn't believe the scale. So I moved it. It's not mine. It's the big medical kind at the gym. I got the same response. I walked away and put my towel on a hook by the pool... then went back and weighed again. STILL THE SAME. FINALLY...

I suspect three main factors: upping my exercise. Getting a bit more restricted with my carbs/grains. For the first time in 2 months I'm on the blank birth control week. Timing indicates that skipping my period by continuing on to the next month of pills began some of that plateau. I can't blame it entirely. I fell off some good eating habits. But I think that the pill was definitely a contributing factor.

Honestly... at this point... WHO CARES WHAT CAUSED IT! I'm feeling good. Going to try and keep up with the physical activity and food carefulness. Going to try and drain my water bottle 3x a day particularly over these next few days.

Met up with an ex today. He was an ex because he needed to go on his LDS mission. Well, he's back. We're considering getting back together despite some distance between us (about an hour and a half but both of us are car-less).

We took a cab to go christmas shopping. The cab driver asked us if we were married. I laughed and said "No."
"Dating?"
"No. But we have before."
"Well you'd make a good couple. You look good together and you seem to get along really easily."
From the cabbie... Boy and I looked at each other and kinda laughed about it. I wasn't uncomfortable as much as amused. Apparently our considerations were that obvious, even though we hadn't talked about it.

After we talked about it. Me moving. Him looking for an LDS wife. I told him that we can be "dating" but not in a relationship. I don't want him to give up chasing other girls to be with me, especially when I know he's hunting a bit more seriously. And I'm getting out of dodge and I don't want it to be all emotionally grating.

Big Fat FINALLY LOSING WEIGHT Love,
Nanette

PS. Finals Grades
Dance: C (absences).
Aquacise: A
Form: B
Writing: B
Diction: A
Pedagogy: A

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Mid-week Finals

Normally I get to weigh in on tuesday and thursday to sort of keep and eye on my progress. This week I've been pressed for time and I'm in for a surprise on Friday! We'll see what happens.

I've been switching up my workout. I've switched from bike to elliptical. From upper body weights to lower. Longer cardio. Longer weights. I'm up to 1.5 hours a day a the gym since Sunday. I'm feeling good. I'm pushing myself on the elliptical. Every four minutes, I do the fifth minute as hard and fast as possible. Just trying to integrate some interval training. I started on sunday doing 7 minute intervals. But I'm getting faster and better... and Pushing myself for more intervals in the 25 minutes I do on it.

I'm squatting more than Trent does now. More reps, heavier weights. Tell ya what... hauling all this fat around has SOME benefits. heh. The times of day have been varied so far too... I'm trying to do some mornings. Tonight was the first night. I didn't have work due to my final. Night time is Nanette-working-a-desk-job time. So it was a little tougher tonight to push myself. But I hope it will kick my body in gear and get off this plateau.

Look at that smooth hair!!! It's growing so quickly! 
The diet has been going medium so far this week. a lot of salads. I've had a little chicken. a little fish. a little cheese here and there. Today at my voice pedagogy final, the teacher brought pizza. I had a veggie piece since I wouldn't have time to make anything before gym time. I also had a couple brownie bites. So yeah... that's falling right off the raw thing. Do I feel bad about it though? Not really. I'm trying not to eat less than 1700 calories a day and tomorrow morning is back to bananas and yogurt and salads and tilapia.

I notice my hair is behaving much better these days. I'm loving that benefit as well. :)

I AM DONE WITH FINALS. p.s. I rocked the voice ped final today. We're allotted 2 hours. The teacher is pretty picky... But I feel pretty darn good about my answers. They were thorough. AND done in 30 minutes. My study group paid off this morning. I can breathe easy with all that out of the way.

Now on to Christmas with the family and figuring out what to do about my danged lost cellphone...

Big Fat Midweek Love,
Nanette

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Turn the other cheek...

So I gave my student another lesson. Even though Monday's was supposed to be her last. I spent all day thinking "you think I'm a horrible teacher? I can SHOW you a horrible teacher." Of course, that's the least productive attitude and it would only sully my reputation with any of her peers that come a-seeking lessons. We tried again. We started from the ground up. We reviewed all the things we've learned so far and then we ran the piece for the student recital tomorrow. It looks like she might actually talk to her parents about continuing lessons with me next semester, as I can help teach her her choir parts, prep her for solo and musical auditions and remind her that good technique takes YEARS to develop and even then, one has to think about it.

The lesson today was so rewarding. If she thinks I'm a terrible teacher, at least I have taken something from our little experience. Be the bigger man and never teach a lesson that you wouldn't want to take. Here's hoping that our little performance tomorrow goes well.

Monday, December 5, 2011

tough day...

I taught my last lesson to my little voice student. She's been working hard. I've been working hard to keep up with piano. Today was especially frustrating since we've got a performance on Thursday. I REALLY struggle when it comes to the piano. But I am a damned good voice teacher. She filled out my evaluation today after struggling to put the piece together. I saw some of it. I wish I hadn't. I didn't see specific things but I really expected 5's (excellent) all across the board. We've been working so hard and accomplished so much. I didn't see all 5's. I saw a lot of 3's. Which makes me a little sad. I don't think she sees the value of what we've worked on or how far we've actually come. She's done some wonderful things. She's broken a LOT of bad choir habits. We've identified a lot of technical issues that take more than 6 lessons to iron out. But we've started. It's disappointing to have watched her advance and see that 3's are the main number she's putting in the evaluation.

But I'll try not to get disappointed. I KNOW I'm a good teacher. I can see that in the progress we've made. I have an hankering that she's not going to continue lessons with me. But I supposed that's one less thing to squeeze into my schedule next semester. It's just an ego blow. Trying to let go. Though it would be very interesting to see her interact with another teacher. I'm her first voice instructor, she is not my first voice student. She might have had a different preconception of what lessons ARE. Like it's my magical responsibility to make things perfect... when it's really about internal passion and want for musicality, I'm here to observe and offer an outside perspective and hopefully learning tools that she can take to a practice room.

This is me reasoning away my disappointment. Better reasoning than eating.

On the flip-side, my peer critique in English class went very well. I'm very close to gaining "insight" through my piece. I'm not one to blatantly say "moral of the story is..." I like to leave them digging. But I need to narrow my clues a little. It was a piece about finding a dead Indian man in the hot springs here. I'm pretty happy with it, but it needs a final edit. The class was generally pretty positive comments and constructive as well. I will hold on to the positive and constructive comments. 

Health thoughts are sitting on the backburner... simmering; water,calories, fat, scale, water, carbs, sugar, diet, fat, scale, -39, plateau.

I'm trying to change them to: healthier, looser clothing, minus, minus, minus, active, move, move, move, laugh, enjoy, cook, healthy, veggies, alternative choices, HDL cholesterol, water, water, water, move, move, move, PEE IT OUT!
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