Bugged...

I weighed in yesterday. I've been working out every day since Sunday. I had GAINED 3lbs. I'm flipping through all sorts of emotions... bugged, angry, defeated, etc. I'm trying not to let that invalidate or cheapen the work I've been putting in.

Over the last 5 days...
250 minutes of cardio.
80 min of weight lifting
and consumed my freaking weight in vegetables.

Who knows...   Maybe I'm gaining muscle weight. Maybe my diet is imbalanced. Maybe I'm pushing myself too hard so body won't let go of lbs. My sodium intake has been lower. My water intake has been higher.

I am feeling some skin loosen in different places. But I'm not feeling any different in my clothing. We'll see what the real weigh in tomorrow will be. Pee it out, Nanette. Pee it out.

Big Fat wanna punch my fat in the face Love,
Nanette

Mid-week Finals

Normally I get to weigh in on tuesday and thursday to sort of keep and eye on my progress. This week I've been pressed for time and I'm in for a surprise on Friday! We'll see what happens.

I've been switching up my workout. I've switched from bike to elliptical. From upper body weights to lower. Longer cardio. Longer weights. I'm up to 1.5 hours a day a the gym since Sunday. I'm feeling good. I'm pushing myself on the elliptical. Every four minutes, I do the fifth minute as hard and fast as possible. Just trying to integrate some interval training. I started on sunday doing 7 minute intervals. But I'm getting faster and better... and Pushing myself for more intervals in the 25 minutes I do on it.

I'm squatting more than Trent does now. More reps, heavier weights. Tell ya what... hauling all this fat around has SOME benefits. heh. The times of day have been varied so far too... I'm trying to do some mornings. Tonight was the first night. I didn't have work due to my final. Night time is Nanette-working-a-desk-job time. So it was a little tougher tonight to push myself. But I hope it will kick my body in gear and get off this plateau.

Look at that smooth hair!!! It's growing so quickly! 

The diet has been going medium so far this week. a lot of salads. I've had a little chicken. a little fish. a little cheese here and there. Today at my voice pedagogy final, the teacher brought pizza. I had a veggie piece since I wouldn't have time to make anything before gym time. I also had a couple brownie bites. So yeah... that's falling right off the raw thing. Do I feel bad about it though? Not really. I'm trying not to eat less than 1700 calories a day and tomorrow morning is back to bananas and yogurt and salads and tilapia.

I notice my hair is behaving much better these days. I'm loving that benefit as well. :)

I AM DONE WITH FINALS. p.s. I rocked the voice ped final today. We're allotted 2 hours. The teacher is pretty picky... But I feel pretty darn good about my answers. They were thorough. AND done in 30 minutes. My study group paid off this morning. I can breathe easy with all that out of the way.

Now on to Christmas with the family and figuring out what to do about my danged lost cellphone...

Big Fat Midweek Love,
Nanette

CDCC #12? 13?

Weigh in: 330 (+1)
Water: 5/6 over 100 oz.
Veggies: 3/6 3 servings +
Calories: 6/6 under 1900.
Work outs: 5/6  3.5 hours cardio, 1 hr weights, 2 hrs aquacise.
Book: Done. Searching for the next one. 100 days of weight loss? open to suggestions.

MOVEMENT!!! granted, not in the right direction. BUT IT CHANGED!

Today was the last class of Aquacise. I've been taking it for three semesters and now I'm done forever. My teacher, Sarah and I have become pretty good friends. She added me on facebook today after we had a big long talk about how to break through this plateau. She sent me to bodyrock.tv. For some at home work outs and some recipes and weekly challenges. She recommended taking this weekend to concentrate on homework. Skip the Saturday work out. But hit it HARD next monday.

Lengthen cardio - switch from bike to elliptical.
Do weight reps faster - with good form of course.
Try body weight exercises alone (pushups, crunches, planks, chair dips, lunges).
REMEMBER TO STRETCH - keep those muscles loose and cool down to prevent soreness. 

Next week is also going to be a raw foods week - small cheats allowed for HOME BAKED fish.
Sunday will be menu, shop and prep day.

I started losing weight by reading up. writing motivations down. Writing things to think about. Ways to change unhealthy thought patterns. I found this very excellent thought while browsing articles on sparkpeople... that sometimes motivational issues arise from outgrowing the initial motivation. I consider that the case right now - duh, I'm looking up motivational speeches for weight loss.

I haven't grown completely lax or anything. But it's time to kick it up. It's time to stop being complacent and blaming my body for not losing when I haven't given it new stimuli for a while now...

On the positive side, I've gone from...
0 workouts a week -----------------> 5-7 workouts consistently per week.
not tracking calories at all --------> logging calories 4-7 days a week
Eating without thinking ----------> careful consideration of sodium and saturated fats I consume.
size 28/30----------------------------> 26/28... and lost a cup size :( heh.
Chronic back pain -----------------> sore muscles. A very decent trade.
No caffeine -------------------------> No soda or corn syrup infused drinks at all.
3 servings of veggies a week. ----> 3 servings at least 3 times a week. 300% increase.
368 lbs -------------------------------> 330 lbs.

Some motivational questions from one of those articles... 

• Look at a recent successful week; what worked? when did you make good choices? 
• How would life be different if you dropped 20lbs over night? What would happen?  
• Find the good intention behind bad behavior. What did I quiet with that {insert guilt food or skipped work out}? What feelings did I satiate? How else can I address that body need or emotional feeling? 
• Make predictions for good behaviors and bad. I am 50% sure that I will go out to eat. I am 60 % sure I'll go to the gym. I am 100% sure that I will weigh in. It helps us own our decisions. 
• Why do you do things right? What do you feel when you do things right? how do you think? how does your body react? 

I loved an article that I read back in August. It said pick a date. A solid calendar date. Make a commitment to that date and a commitment to yourself that this is when the plan you've been contemplating goes into effect. (inner skeptic says: you can make this choice every moment. Now self skeptic... here's the deal, that hasn't been working so well, fresh start). I will continue my current patterns of calorie counting and conscientious eating. Here's a commitment to the next step. The next level. The next -38 lbs. The next tough week. I will prepare myself now, during the last few days of this stupid plateau, to take it up a couple notches. I will read. I will journal. I will think it through. I will make time for my body, myself, my well-being.

Body, enjoy this brief respite. You will be workouts will shed that ass and belly come Monday.

Big FAT, TIRED OF PLATEAU-ING, Love,
Nanette

Turn the other cheek...

So I gave my student another lesson. Even though Monday's was supposed to be her last. I spent all day thinking "you think I'm a horrible teacher? I can SHOW you a horrible teacher." Of course, that's the least productive attitude and it would only sully my reputation with any of her peers that come a-seeking lessons. We tried again. We started from the ground up. We reviewed all the things we've learned so far and then we ran the piece for the student recital tomorrow. It looks like she might actually talk to her parents about continuing lessons with me next semester, as I can help teach her her choir parts, prep her for solo and musical auditions and remind her that good technique takes YEARS to develop and even then, one has to think about it.

The lesson today was so rewarding. If she thinks I'm a terrible teacher, at least I have taken something from our little experience. Be the bigger man and never teach a lesson that you wouldn't want to take. Here's hoping that our little performance tomorrow goes well.

tough day...

I taught my last lesson to my little voice student. She's been working hard. I've been working hard to keep up with piano. Today was especially frustrating since we've got a performance on Thursday. I REALLY struggle when it comes to the piano. But I am a damned good voice teacher. She filled out my evaluation today after struggling to put the piece together. I saw some of it. I wish I hadn't. I didn't see specific things but I really expected 5's (excellent) all across the board. We've been working so hard and accomplished so much. I didn't see all 5's. I saw a lot of 3's. Which makes me a little sad. I don't think she sees the value of what we've worked on or how far we've actually come. She's done some wonderful things. She's broken a LOT of bad choir habits. We've identified a lot of technical issues that take more than 6 lessons to iron out. But we've started. It's disappointing to have watched her advance and see that 3's are the main number she's putting in the evaluation.

But I'll try not to get disappointed. I KNOW I'm a good teacher. I can see that in the progress we've made. I have an hankering that she's not going to continue lessons with me. But I supposed that's one less thing to squeeze into my schedule next semester. It's just an ego blow. Trying to let go. Though it would be very interesting to see her interact with another teacher. I'm her first voice instructor, she is not my first voice student. She might have had a different preconception of what lessons ARE. Like it's my magical responsibility to make things perfect... when it's really about internal passion and want for musicality, I'm here to observe and offer an outside perspective and hopefully learning tools that she can take to a practice room.

This is me reasoning away my disappointment. Better reasoning than eating.

On the flip-side, my peer critique in English class went very well. I'm very close to gaining "insight" through my piece. I'm not one to blatantly say "moral of the story is..." I like to leave them digging. But I need to narrow my clues a little. It was a piece about finding a dead Indian man in the hot springs here. I'm pretty happy with it, but it needs a final edit. The class was generally pretty positive comments and constructive as well. I will hold on to the positive and constructive comments. 

Health thoughts are sitting on the backburner... simmering; water,calories, fat, scale, water, carbs, sugar, diet, fat, scale, -39, plateau.

I'm trying to change them to: healthier, looser clothing, minus, minus, minus, active, move, move, move, laugh, enjoy, cook, healthy, veggies, alternative choices, HDL cholesterol, water, water, water, move, move, move, PEE IT OUT!

CDCC # whatever... I've lost track

Weigh in: 329 (-0)
water: 3/7...   boo.
exercise: 5/7... okay.
veggies: 3/7... needs improvement

Morning after wingman-ing

Nursing an amazingly wicked hang over today. I was wingman last night for a friend... mission accomplished, just sayin'. It has been over a year since I've had anything to drink and there's less of me this time... man. Not doing that again for a very long time. But the drag show was fun. Glitter, lip-syncing, dirty jokes and men that walk better in heels than most women.

I would like to announce that I have fixed my creative writing grade (had some absences). So there's one crappy stress out of the way. I'm doing what I can to minimize that and make life simple. I'm trying to get all my homework for the week done today so that this week is just showing up, exercising and eating right.

Today
- finish French diction recitation.
- piano lesson for pedagogy.
- prep voice notes for pedagogy portfolio.
- edit two english pieces for creative writing portfolio.
- complete peer reviews on 3 english pieces.
- begin AND COMPLETE analyzing the Beethoven Variations (dread).
- Make chocolate covered pretzels for the student recital on Thursday (stores well).
- GROCERY SHOP.
- Make and send some christmas cards.
- Write the weekly letters to Tracy, Ashley and Emily.


This is my last week of real classes (dead week). Finals week I only have one actual final that's written. The rest are small projects - take home stuff. And no exercise classes on finals week. I've been coming up with a game plan for activity though. The guy I normally work out with (trent), says he's willing to go every day. It will kick my pants. It will be something different. I will have time to lengthen our weight lifting. And we can do it later than 7am. Since we're both here during the break... and both have gym memberships we're going to do 5 days of work out in a row... cardio+weights+stretching (which I know how to do now, thank you dance class). And on the 6th day... there was swimming. And on the 7th day... there was rest. This is the plan anyway. It might be modified as we find out what juries Trent has to play the piano for.

Swimming has to take a back seat until I'm in class. Trent is a terrible swimmer and it slows me down sometimes because I want to help him learn - not the reason I'm there. But I can usually get a decent work out in and help him learn a concept. Boy cannot relax enough to float for his life. He normally runs a few miles every morning and lost 60lbs over a year ago... most importantly, he's maintained it. He likes to take people on runs with him... Younger "healthier" people... and then see if he can keep up or if they can keep up with him. So there is a tiny sense of satisfaction that he is SORE the next day after I've worked him out in the pool. The voice of reason tells me that he's using new muscles and that he's out of his element. It's fun to see the tables turn, if only briefly to have the student teach the teacher. In that way, I so enjoy that we help each other.

I'm still plateau-ing. I'm not too angry about it... It's frustrating. But I haven't been concentrating hard enough on the weightloss part of my life. So it makes sense. End of semester has got me thinking - dad, finals, broke, dad, finals, fat, no... unfat, dad, finals, broke, dad, broke, laptop screen, broke, finals, upcoming forced vacation (work for the uni), MORE broke.

It's big decision time....
I've been offered an EXTREME discount to go to Europe with the choirs. I guess Dr. A needs altos. It directly conflicts with my financial plans for moving to New York. I've also got a bit of dental work that I'm getting done. Three major competitors.

Europe - $2000 + food, trinkets, passport.
NYC - $5000 (beginning nest egg).
Dental - $1500 (implant and wisdom teeth extraction).

I've enrolled for school again. I have ONE CREDIT to finish. Which I could do on my own without enrolling but who is going to give this girl a loan to move across country. I need that financial aid. Yes, abusing the system. All's fair in education and money.  I will be getting my last student loan. I'll be getting $4000 back. Plus $2000 tax return (which I could just dedicate to EU). Plus a pretty decent job and near zero monthly expenses - I've paid them all in advance.

IF I eat healthy. Cook at home. Buy more produce in a timely manner. And avoid any surprise medical costs... I THINK I can afford everything and not have to make a decision to not do something. I would feel so uncomfortable moving to NY with less than that just in case it takes a ridiculous amount of time to get a job... plus only moving with 2 suitcases, there's a lot of stuff to buy. Lordy, I want to be a smaller size... You can pack more clothing that way. It would be so nice to be able to pack things like books and journals and memories. I'm going to have to box them up and ask mom and dad to ship them for birthdays and christmas over the next few years.

Don't even get me started on the whole minimizing the crap in my apartment thing and trying to decide what to keep, sell or donate.

Anyway...   just a peek into the stress I keep talking about. Stress? obsession? Cyclical thinking? A life NEAR motion? Cusping on the brink of something... (328lbs, maybe?)   Nearing the beginning of the next book of Nanette's life series... I've always hated how slowly books end. But that much closer to the next exposition, the beauty of a new life made!

done. must be done.

Big Fat Cusping Love,
Nanette

P.S. Dad's doing a lot better. they've got him in an inpatient Physical Therapy place. He's getting a lot of work done... sitting, rolling, wheel chair transfer from bed, wheel chair transfer to toilet, sitting for longer periods of time. He's still on a LOT of pain killers and he says he's very sore and that they work him beyond what he can do. (which means they're doing they're job). I hope he doesn't give up or get belligerent - he's off the hardcore opiates, so his filter should be back to functioning.

dunn da-da dunnnn!!!

Writing to you from the fixed laptop!

I weighed in again today. Thursday is usually my CDCC check in number. Again, with the 329.

I got a couple compliments from people in class today saying that I'm looking good. But I'm not feeling anything fitting differently. Motivation is a real kicker right now. I've been so mad at this 329... I've tried eating lots to see if it will move... it doesn't even GO UP. It just sits at 329.

In assessing what's been different in the last 3-4 weeks. It's cold. I'm stressed (finals approach). I'm solidly in a routine of 1900 calories a day, 5-7 workouts a week. I eat warm food. I want to sleep all the time.

New goals. Since the old ones don't seem to be working. 
- More FRESH veggies/fiber.
- More water.
- Change the non-class workout from bike to elliptical. Change the weights from upperbody to lower. Change the swimming from laps to strength training.
- Build more fat burning muscle so even if that damn number isn't going to go down, my body will be reshaping.