Thursday, April 5, 2012

Midweek Check In.

I have refrained from weighing myself at all this week. Which I'm pretty much a scale addict. I check it every time I change my clothes. Anyway... 3 days of none of that. I got on the scale and I'm up a freaking pound. I'm cycling through a lot of thoughts and emotions like anger and disappointment and what if you're just gaining muscle?! and have I been eating things that I haven't been logging? I'm drinking enough water. I'm definitely getting enough exercise. I'm on my period... is that it? I WANT TO SEE A LOSS THIS WEEK, not just a different number. I've got to... I want to lose another 10-20lbs before I move. It's my fresh start and I don't want to do it above 300lbs.

Today the two a day work outs stop. I'm a bit too sore for life today. Heh. But really, I'm having some awesome muscle fatigue. So I'm taking this morning off. Trainer cancelled. She's having a hard time moving and needs to be able to teach her class tomorrow. As much as she pushes me, I push her right back. I will revel in this rest day - for tomorrow I run.

I'm kind of excited about the running. I want to build up to be something I really enjoy... You know, 30 minutes of just going. No marathons or 5Ks or whatever. Just going on a run. It could be great me time. I'd also love to be in the kind of relationship where you both go on a morning run to start the day... It might be silly. But it's something I'd want. Plus it would be such a motivator for staying active.

I've been thinking a lot about this move and how I'm going to stay active. I'm going to keep losing weight. Someone asked yesterday if I'm going to keep blogging. You bet your nethers I will be! Writing is a cathartic activity for me. I'd much rather go for the laptop than go for the fridge.

Which I must admit I did last night. Now I didn't go over my caloric limit of 1700. And I was hungry but I was having such an emotional night, that I was definitely eating for comfort instead of hunger. And I didn't make terrible choices, some cottage cheese, a handful of baby carrots and some peanut butter. It was one of those weird days when you get home, sit down and mysteriously start crying. I didn't know over what, or why. Yesterday wasn't particularly bad. Maybe the stress of the NY thing was sort of raining down around me (rain from my face). I was awash with all those feelings of inadequacy... I talk to myself a lot... and even saying some of it out loud just made me cry harder. It was ridiculous. I'm not a terribly emotional person - or, I am, but I don't cry very often. So when I do, I make it worth it.

But mid-everything, before I could reach for another food to eat, I ran a hot bath and laid in it for a while reading some magazines about beginning running. I got ready for bed and slept like a dead thing. Maybe just exhaustion? Tears from exhaustion? Something. Well, I'm taking today off to recuperate... And I'll just have to eat extra smart today.

Big Fat Tears of Love,


  1. Enjoy the day of rest! Isn't it the best feeling to take a day off when you're still sore from previous workout? No guilt. And running for the sake of running is the best.

    I can tell you that there are plenty of morning and evening runs where I go only because hubs suggests it and well, I don't want to be the one who chickened out, and I always feel good afterwards. So if you can build that into your relationship, not just getting to the gym together, but workout out together, it's great! And you can goof around during your workouts :)

  2. I can feel you disappointment in your words. Crying always helps they say. All the hard work you do and you just want it to show on the scales. You're down 55 pounds already, and I KNOW you will get the rest of the weight off. Hang in there! Tomorrow is another day.

  3. If it helps at all, I usually gain about 4lbs during my period so it's definitely possible that you could suffer like-wise. I know it's frustrating when you can't see the changes -- but, there ARE changes! Just keep putting in the work -- and the scale will eventually start reflecting it again.

  4. Nanette you are human and having your period and crying...well they go hand in hand sometimes. Your work outs have been amazing and you've already lost so much weight you will keep going and going and going .... you know like that darn bunny. You are amazing and wonderful and terrific and B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L!!! You are. Keep up the great work.

  5. Sometimes you just need a break and to let it all out. It's not a crime -- embrace those moments ... cry, scream, be upset etc ... and then get back into the swing of things. I think it's really important to acknowledge your fears and frustrations -- but don't let them hold you back. Stay positive!


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