Hosting a Challenge For Myself...

Okay, so I've done my fair share of whining. I had a day off to do some planning and shopping. It's time to make changes. Thank you for the suggestions. I've ordered my new running shoes. I've got a smart phone on the way (will help with calorie tracking).

I like weekly challenges. It keeps things from being too overwhelming and keeps me focused on one area that needs improvement. I loved Mir's challenges. The accountability of posting weight and measurements really appeals to me and my need for proof.

Weekly Check-In will be on Sundays before midnight, come hell or high water. Lord knows I spend enough time on the internet, I can bang out a blog and really take a look at my week of eating. Weekly Check-In will include: Weight, Measurements, Reflection/Learning, Plan for the next week. 

Here are the goals by week.
12/31 - 150 oz of water per day. Post Photo
1/7 - No sugar.
1/14 - No breads.
1/21 - No ordering out/in.
1/28 - 7 hours of walking this week. Post Photo
2/4 - 150 oz of water per day.
2/11 - Track calories again - myfitnesspal.com - no calorie goal.
2/18 - Track calories (2000) 7 hours of walking
2/23 - Track calories (1900) 8 hours of walking  Post Photo
3/4 - Track calories (1800) 150 oz of water per day.
3/11 - Track Calories (1800)Yoga 3x 
3/18 - Track Calories (1700) No ordering out or in. 
3/25 - Track Calories (1700) Yoga 3x Post Photo
4/1 - Track Calories (1700) C25K Week One
4/8 - Track Calories (1600) C25K Week Two + yoga session
4/15 - Track Calories (1600) C25K Week Three
4/22 - Track Calories (1600) C25K Week Four + yoga session
4/29 - Track Calories (1700) C25K Week Five Post Photo
5/6 - 150 oz of water per day, C25k Week Six + yoga session
5/13 - Track Calories (1600) C25k Week Seven
5/20 - Track Calories (1700) C25k Week Eight + yoga session
5/27 - Track Calories (1600) C25k Week Nine - Last week  Post Photo + all photos.

I reserve the right to change goals, though I will not allow myself to make them easier. That is 22 weeks and honestly, my scope of 22 weeks is probably off and I will waiver. But this way, I've created a plan that I don't have to think super hard about. No decisions to be made. Just follow the decisions I've made already.

A Lost Fat Soul...

I'm a wandering lost fat soul.

I've gained a little. Crossed the threshold back into the 300's. I've been consistently fluctuating for the past month between 299 and 308. It's hard for my to type that. I feel like I have to eat my words and I'm chastising myself with that inner health zealot. I should be. I'm being a Fatty McGoo. I'm eating pizza. I'm eating stuff from the fancy bakery around the corner at work. I am starving myself for the day and then bingeing when I get home.

This is keeping me going for now. 

I make excuses like...

I don't have time to eat.
It's too expensive to order a salad to the office.
I don't want to spend that much on freaking LETTUCE.
I can't leave the desk unattended.
I don't have time to shop, let alone pack a lunch.

Then I say pathetic things like...

I haven't eaten all day!
I'm STARVING.
I'm too tired to cook.
Don't judge me, I'm eating another one.
But I'm maintaining.
This is cheaper/easier/tastier.

Truth is, I'm pretty unhealthy right now. I haven't properly worked out in about a month. My motivation has taken a temporary (hopefully) leave of absence. The last time I ate a vegetable was in a chicken pot pie last night. Before that, it was mushrooms on a pizza. I think you get the idea.

It's not a surprise that I'm sick. Back to the respiratory infections. I mean, this isn't pneumonia, or bronchitis, like I've had before. It's just a head cold. I feel like it's a warning shot from my body. "Come on, Nanette. Get your shit together or this will be one miserable winter."

I miss my old trainer, Sarah. She did so much to help me and keep me health focused. She did a whole lot of believing in me and being supportive in a positive but challenging way. I was also in such a different place in Idaho. A job that allowed me to do a lot of health research and blog and paid enough that I didn't have to have a whole lot of jobs, free time, a bitterness towards being overlooked for being fat, such a network of great supportive friends and a calmness about spending time alone (instead of loneliness, bc the network is there). It was a perfect storm for my weight loss at that moment.

I wish I knew what would inspire me. If I did, I'd ask for it. I'd find it. But for right now, I just keep searching. Keep trying to re-create that perfect storm. In the meanwhile... I'm still making menus, shopping, then messing it all up by going out. I'm still writing down what I ate for the first half of the day and then forgetting about it entirely when I get to work or when I get home from work or when I'm out dating.

I know this isn't the most motivating post. Pretty negative actually. But this is what's happening in the Fat Times of Nanette. And I think it's pretty important to document this too.

How do I make health my hobby again? When you've fallen off, taken a break, leave of absence, AWOL... how did you get back into the swing? What motivated you?

Big Fat *sigh* Love,
Nanette

Happy Birthday!

Did some celebratory eating and drinking and I've gone from maintaining to up 6lbs. And I'm back to insane carb cravings and food excuses. Like a big alcoholic saying "one won't hurt me." Now I've gotta battle to eat healthy again... cut the carbs. Eat diabetic. More green. Less beige. More water. Smaller servings.

I got 3 runs in over the past 5 days... being tied up with this whole hurricane thing, it was beautiful to get out and run instead of staying cooped up in my apartment with netflix and the lemon bars we made.

Now I like to set new years goals on birthdays because that's when the REAL new year starts.

This year... 

1. Read 24 books. (at least ONE non-fiction). 
2. Save $2400
3. Get down to 250lbs 
4. Learn 25 Spanish words/phrases
5. Learn 25 French words/phrases
6. Write a short stand up bit. 
7. Work on becoming a morning person. 
8. Go running 104 times. 
9. Find something to be thankful for everyday. Write it down. 
10. Get a pedicure. 
11. Go swimming... and then make it a habit. 
12. Visit the Ocean. 
13. Pay off Discover card ($1200). 
14. Pay off Tamara ($368) 
15. Pay off Sarah ($1300)
16. Put a dent in the student loans. 
17. Have ONE full-time Grown Up job. 
18. Buy the Tim Minchin Album
19. Practice being more fancy. 
20. Wear out one pair of running shoes. 
21. Stretch more... like before bed every night. 
22. Buy one excellent piece of clothing. 
23. Begin a skin regimen... including staying hydrated. 
24. Continue to find my healthy nyc habits. 
25. Do something that challenges my boundaries. 
26. Fast once a month along with reflection/journal. 

LOVE your body, CULTIVATE your mind and FREE yourself from debt.

Big Fat 26 Year Old Love,
Nanette

Riding out a Hurricane

street view of the happenings. 

Never been in a hurricane before. Sounds like Hurricane Sandy is a good one to start with.

MTA closed subways yesterday at 7pm and it's still only threatening today... I'm waiting for something to happen on the edge of my seat in both anxiety and excitement.

I get a couple days of as a birthday gift as a result. Thank you, mother nature! Though I wish I would have been able to buy a couple books to keep me occupied. I've been watching a lot of Downton Abbey and I'm seriously considering taking a walk before I can't anymore.

I was at Union Square yesterday and it was empty empty empty. A bunch of ConEd (power) trucks were gathered on the square and the only cars I saw were taxis. It feels like a movie.

No idea what to expect. But I'm guessing a week long lightening storm and a bunch of flooding (thankfully, I live on the second floor). Power outages... probably. Got my cellphone all charged up. And plenty of batteries for the camera and the flashlight. Bottles of water in the freezer to help keep things cold and to drink if we lose running water... and a bathtub full of water for the toilet flushing...

Union Square, practically deserted. 

Now we wait. I'll think of how this affects my budget afterwards.

Big Fat Blustery Love,
Nanette

The Scheduling...

I have no idea how the people with kids do this. Especially single working moms. 

But as you can see... there IS time for working out. There is time to make a 30 min dinner. There is time to do everything. And if I find ways to make my commute time (subway) productive, I can recharge and have that creative time... So whip out my ipod, a book, my journal, something escapist. Or my budget, or my day planner, or list book.

Today...   I did 30 tricep dips and pushups. No cardio. I'm pouting. Will has family coming in this weekend so our weekend plans, AKA: my birthday celebration with him, is cancelled. But I'm going upstate with him today. He's going to class and I'm going to go on a walk... I guess I can make that productive.

Big Fat Find Time Love,
Nanette

Steady. Like rocks.

My weight is still holding steady. I've been terrible about giving in to Halloween candy at work and pizza seems to be everywhere! 

I feel like my life is a tub of water... and each one of these changes has been like a boulder being dropped into the water, disturbing everything. As soon as the water calms down, another rock gets plopped in... waves of change, a constant unsettled ripple running through. The last rock has plopped for a while though! The jobs are steady. They're staying. I've found my schedule. I've found how to work the boy into everything. My routine is taking shape. A real routine! No training. No last minute meetings or grand openings.

Now that I'm aboard the "your life is moving forward, with or without you" train... instead of dragging behind it... I can get my head back into weight loss. I know, I know... I've said this like.. 20 times since I got here in June. It feels like starting over. I'm going to treat it as such. 

I am Nanette. I weigh 298lbs (some days I cross the 300lb border). I am fat. I am sexy. I am alive and I am so grateful my body hasn't given up on me. This body has gone through so much to haul all this fat around... this physical manifestation of my inability to control my emotions, boredom and laziness. 

I am doing this for my joints. 

I am doing this for my organs. 

I am doing this to feel sexier. 

I am doing this to give myself more freedom from pain and limitations. 

Starting. 

Food. 

I bought frozen chicken breasts, salmon patties, tomatoes, spinach, kale, swiss chard, eggs, goat cheese, olive oil, greek yogurt, peanut butter, buckwheat bread, tuna and protein bars. 

I have made a menu to last until the next payday/grocery shopping day. I have found favorite healthy restaurants/options in most of the neighborhoods where I work/play. I finally found grocery shopping options that work for me. 

I am getting back to my fitnesspal. Because I need accountability and to actually acknowledge how much fuel I'm putting into my body. 

Workouts. 

This area still needs work. Gotta buy shoes. Gotta sit down with my planner and make the time. But this week is baby steps. I'm going to concentrate on food. If any workouts happen... BONUS! :) 

Big Fat Love, 

Nanette

Not Dead!!!

Hey Guys!

I'm not dead. I'm working 5 jobs (3 freelance and 2 part time). I've been eating half like crap and half not like crap. Running some days. doing mini morning work outs others... sometimes just counting all the flights of stairs I climb on all the subway transfers over the day.

The dress I'm saving for. 

Ultimately. I'm maintaining. Which is amazing. I'm so happy that most of my habits have stuck... like if I over indulge... that's behind me. We move forward. Eat better. Move more. I mean... I may not be winning at the weight LOSS bit, but I'm not gaining.

I found a cute plus size clothing store next to my work. I'm not the largest size they offer! Two sizes down actually... They have a lovely website. There are different cuts for different body types... but let me tell you... their structured stuff, the stuff I normally shy away from, is PERFECT. Bust is big enough, thigh and hips are large enough. It made me feel absolutely gorgeous. I can't wait to buy this dress. I'm squirreling away pennies so I can buy it for Christmas or something special like that.

Big Fat Exhausted Love,
Nanette

Nnnggghhh

Broke up with the guy. Things just weren't staying very peachy. Trying not to eat my sadness. Just feel it. Trying not to fall into the stupid break up despair that happens sometimes.

I made a bunch of work out calendars and budget calendars yesterday so I have fewer decisions to make. Good ones will be made for me.

I also talked to my roommates. They had a wine and cheese party for me yesterday. Didn't drink. But I definitely ate cheese. I told them that this has to be the last sort of thing like this that happens... I need their support to keep losing weight. One of my roommates is also trying to lose weight so I have a support buddy there too.

We all agreed to keep less candy in the house and if we have candy, just don't offer it to the fatty. Otherwise, we're pretty strict about eating only what you've purchased. I've found a grocery routine that's more healthy than what I was doing before. I've also developed a system for shopping at trader joe's. Just get in line... fill up your basket as the line winds around the store.

I'm still seeing smaller numbers. Today I'm down to 296.

Still interval running and stretching. Getting back into the HIIT stuff in October.

Big Fat FALL Love,
Nanette

Still Up and Running

Hey All!

I'm still up and running, literally! :) I'm not seeing a lot of movement on the scale. But I can't really worry too much about it right now. Just keep moving, eating more greens, drinking water and pooping.

I'm working 4 jobs this week...  in two weeks it will be 5. Finally digging myself out of the financial shitter!  

Dating is good. Running is good. Food is mostly good. Weight is slowly going down. More tenacity will occur as things slow down a little.

Big Fat Happy Love,
Nanette

Emergence.

I feel like I'm emerging from a cloud of depression and being overwhelmed. Things are starting to settle. I got a run in this week. I got a yoga session in. I mean... 2 work outs is certainly not significant in the scope of what I have done before. But two workouts is a hell of a lot more than just ONE work out.

I've found three decent grocery stores near my daily routine that each carry something great.

1) Trader Joe's - mostly healthy, relatively cheap, really long lines.
2) Associated foods - Good produce, no lines, kinda expensive.
3) Morton Williams - GREAT produce, expensive, prepped deli foods (danger), moderately priced health foods. VERY close to work.

Another friend moved here from Idaho. I've been helping her adjust to her surroundings and that has helped me reflect on how far I've come. I also landed a second part-time job this week and I've got this overwhelming sense of calmness that comes with that financial security. Things are going to be okay. I will be able to pay off my debts. I will be able to keep my head above water and love my life again.

Also, found out that the doc is getting rid of furniture and wants to send some stuff my way. Bookshelves, chairs, desk. Things for my naked room/apartment. I'm excited. The weight is coming off again. Down to 298 again... and coming out of a cloud of negativity and panic.

Big Fat BIRTHED Love,
Nanette

Successes

It's been a great week. I had that motivational meltdown earlier. I got my whining out of the way.

Water has been spotty. I'm supposed to be drinking 180oz a day. Some days I meet it, other days, I forget to count and I'm sure that I don't meet it if I'm not counting.

My eating has been much better. I've tried to follow the Allan diet as closely as possible. But ran out of money and groceries midweek. So it was a lot of yogurt and tuna sandwiches. Not a whole lot of fruit and veg.

The new room... lots of windows. There's a closet to the left. 

No longer on that stupid air mattress!!! 

I also got a bed this week. So sleeping has improved. Slowly but surely my room is turning into a place to live. Next on the list 1) sheets. 2) Dresser.

And today I got another job. The line up looks like this now.
- 18-20 hrs weekly Admin Assistant for Chiropractor/nutritionist.
- 5 hours weekly Freelance Digital Media Assistant (AnnaM).
- 3 hours weekly Freelance Personal Assistant/Media Assistant (Wendy)
- 24-30 hrs weekly Front Desk Administrator for Kidville Brooklyn.
Total: 50 - 58 hours a week.

I was talking to a potential date on OKC a couple nights ago. I told him I just moved here... He's really into fitness (not like the crazy body builder type though). I told him the weight loss thing has been sorta on hold since I moved here. I mean.... I've still lost weight. But I'm currently sitting at 299 and it's tough.... that's where I was supposed to be in JUNE.

Then I told him about trying to structure my life and then get back on track.

"Won't happen," he correctly says.
"Of course it will."
"Why not just go running right now instead of talking to me."
"I'm not sure my neighborhood is safe at night, especially with my headphones in."
"Smart. Then you should go tomorrow morning."
"You're right."

Then I did. I got my couch to 5k app going the next morning. Went back to week one - expecting to have lost all my progress... I was pleasantly surprised. Back to 1:00 run 1:30 walk x8. It was so easy. I mean... the tops of my feet and shins are sore. But breathing was good, no discouraging thoughts, no pain (until after, my back always gets so tired)! It was great. I got to explore my neighborhood. I got to learn about where I'm living.

I killed 5 birds with one stone.
- starting to run again.
- the hours of my laundromat.
- the hours of the cemetery.
- how to get to the cemetery.
- where the shops around me are located.

There are only bodegas around here... no proper stores really.

So there's this week's find.

Fitness is about balance.
DON'T over think my work outs.
DO over think my eating.

DON'T overeat.
DO run/work out lots.

DON'T starve or binge.
Do eat many times a day.

I'm just happy to be going in the right direction again.

Big Fat Start Over Love,
Nanette

First Week of Allan Challenge

In review... it started off great.

Monday - on track.
Tuesday - right in line.
Wednesday - Annnnd we're off track. Moved that morning, ran late to work, didn't pack a lunch, 5 hour shift turned into a 9 hour shift. Grabbed a bagel and a peach. Fell off the water wagon.
Thursday - Covered co-worker's shift last minute in addition to mine for a 12 hour day. Again... working working working. Ran to the grocery store for lunch. baby tomatoes, bagel, banana to be eaten throughout the shift. Still off the water wagon.
Friday - Long shift again. Had advance notice. Was lazy. Grabbed a bagel. Grabbed two slices of pizza. We're talking zero veggies. Then the roommates and I had a nacho night. Bad water.
Saturday - barebuger and mix drinks on the google rooftop with a friend - and sprained my ankle on a subway platform.

So basically it's like I didn't even START a diet. Where is that girl? The one back in Idaho? The one that started something and followed through?

This is so obnoxious. Probably just as obnoxious for you guys to read. How do I get that girl back? How do I light that fire under my ass? Old me would have just been like... start planning. Just do it.

I just feel like I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore . Again in a new neighborhood. Again trying to figure out where I can buy the food I need (looks like a 30 min train ride in to Trader Joe's). Again coming up with a work out plan. Someone wanna have motivation for me? Wanna tell me what to do?

Challenging Body Concept

Friday Success...

- LOTS of oranges. 

- Good protein sources. 

- Floated around 1800 calories (that's an improvement, I promise). 

- 140 fl oz of water. 

Saturday Success... 

- 160 fl oz of water. 

- Caught up on a lot of sleep that I've been lacking. 

- Bleached a lot of the house down so no one else gets sick. 

Things are good. I'm trying to up the fluids... what I'm seeing for now is that I'm just seeing the scale numbers go up... from 298 to 302. I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE 300's ANYMORE. But small successes, right? Build a good habit. Give it time to pay off. Getting better hydrated will help my skin pull back. 

I think I'm going to challenge my body concept again... like when I went running on the busiest street in Pocatello... I'm want to do life art modeling... aka: posing there nude for art classes. My coworker has done it for years and is going to put me in contact with some art schools around here. I'm going to think about it for a little while. Get my fitness stuff going again, weight loss in motion and do this to get over the body image insecurity. For now, I'm researching positions and going to get the yoga stuff going again. 

Big Fat Water Balloon Love, 

Nanette

Doing It Again

The SSSD Challenge is getting closer to being done. I wish that I'd done the challenges better, but know that it's been kinda crap timing to be trying to add things to my plate.  

I hopped on the new Allan Challenge. I need the daily email thing... the reminders that I'm trying to lose weight. It's weird how different this weight loss experience is while trying to relocate and make it through life.

But the good news is that things are calming down. Life is always going to be hectic. Now that I've got a job going and a couple of side gigs, money is MUCH less of a stress. I move to the new, permanent location on Wednesday (own room, functional kitchen, peaceful space).

Myra mentioned finding the daily successes and keeping myself on track. I need to commit to that. I want to get back on track. Blog every day, force myself to think about health and be able to recognize and reward good choices. It makes things more exciting.

Thursday's success... 
Breakfast: Veggie stir-fry.
Lunch: turkey pita + banana.
Snack: Peaches (from my home town!) + an orange.
Dinner: bagel with lox and cream cheese.
Snack: mini cook up of spaghetti.

My carbs are up up up. They've been up up up since I got here. However, I found a good market with tasty produce (not the cheapest, but it's consistently GOOD).

I spaced my eating out more so I don't come home and eat the entire world at night. It mostly worked. I was up pretty late and that's why spaghetti happened. So... get my sleeping back in order and I'll help that as well.

Quick update

Weight: 298 (+ some).

The throat infection is finally gone. I'm still waiting on test results. The docs have them, they have just not "interpreted them." psh. It's weird though. Now all that throat cheese is gone, it took some of my tonsils with it.

Things are good. Had a couple friends in town on their way back from Ghana. Entertaining is hard when you're trying to get enough sleep to be healthy.

Having to let boys that I've previously gone on dates with that I'm no longer available. An experience I've never had before.

Moving to the new apartment fully this weekend. I've taken over a suitcase already. One more and a giant garbage bag of clothes.

Proof that I'm alive. 

Interviewing for more jobs. I may have gotten a job on the west coast doing computer nerdy stuff (at home in NYC). It would be running facebook, twitter, youtube, wordpress and updating documents for another nutritionist. The Doc's girlfriend...   I hope I can get going on that. The money would be good.

Got a raise. From 12.50 to 14.00 an hour. Life is generally pretty good. I'm starting my new fitness stuff when I get into the new house. I live next to a cemetery. Perfect to start running again.

Feeling flabby. Feeling fat. Feeling gross about my body. All those things happen when I'm not actively doing something to improve it. I'm enthusiastic to turn that around again - as opposed to intimidated like I have been. I will be starting from the ground up again. Luckily, I haven't gained a bunch of weight right now in the off season.

Big Fat Update Love,
Nanette

SSSD 10

Still sick. I got all the way down to 287 this week and all the way up to 298. I think I'm sitting at 296 today. Honestly... I don't care. Can I just be healthy already!?

It's not strep throat. I went back to the doc today for cultures.

I'll find out in the next couple days. But when the doc asked for second opinions, the word "mono" was bandied about.

Please let it not be mono.

My boss has been so good to me over this sick time. I may actually come out of this with a raise? I don't know how that works. But it might be that he caught wind that I'm applying for other jobs.

Still tired. Still just hanging out, drinking tea and clear broths. Today I was mad and ate a subway veggie sandwich. small bites. Chewed thoroughly. It was awesome. and it helped scrape some of the shit off my tonsils while going down. Another day of soup tomorrow.

*grumble grumble*soup is not a food, but merely a glorified beverage.

Big Fat Mono? Love,
Nanette

Midweek Update... and a gross photo.

Okay. So life hasn't fallen completely apart since Sunday.

Monday... I stayed home and tried to nurse the sore throat while it just got worse. I decided that Boy II is dumb and the ultimatum thing is a BIG RED FLAG... So I'm giving Boy I another chance.

Tuesday... I went to the job interview at the kids store/guided play classes. It went SO well! Met the 4 different managers and the CFO, went to two different locations for tours, sat in on a really playful and fun kids class. Everyone was kind, enthusiastic. They promote within house and ALL of the managers INCLUDING the CFO try to put in a little time as a Front Desk Admin just to brush up on procedures. It's such a great work environment. If I pass a background check (psh... allllll those felonies), I believe I will be getting a job offer from them shortly.

The doc texted me back on Tuesday and told me to visit a different doc in the building and asked him to see me as a favor. So I got a $500 check up for free. I've got a wicked case of strep and finally have some antibiotics. (shhhh... I didn't know what it was prior to the interview - hope no one gets sick).

Look at those things. They look like Bleu Cheese Nuggets. So swollen. So irritated. 

I'm done taking the birth control until after my lady doc visit in a week or so. My moods have leveled out so much already.

Also, got to talk to my friend back home. She's decided to give me a loan to replace the loan from my roommate. Sounds silly, right? Well Friend Back Home makes a good amount of money every year and doesn't live with me so I'm not reminded that I'm in debt every morning, noon and night. So I took her up on it. Under the condition that she doesn't see payment until I'm squared away in a full-time position and my stress has gone down. And mom and dad caught wind of the illness stuff and the stress stuff, they've put a little check in the mail. $100. It's totally enough to make the difference between eating a cheap and healthy salad and eating nutritiously negative ramen. I feel like I can handle this. Life is back within my grasp. I feel bad accepting money from my parents because they aren't that wealthy right now... not at all. So I'm hoping that with the potential new job at the kids play place, I can sneak it back to them.

Seriously... I don't know what I would do without my friends and family. I've had so much help with this move. So much support. So many good feelings returned to me. If I can keep my stress in a normal range... I think I'll be able to beat off this immune issue that always arises when I'm stressed to the hilt.

There is that niggling thought that tells me I wouldn't be having this issue... the health issue or the over loaded stress issue if I were eating better and working out. I know that I ultimatum-ed myself a couple weeks ago to start the new work out regime on the 6th. It's going to have to wait until I'm not infected and can breathe and swallow properly. But I'm serious, deathly serious about starting again. I talked to Boy I about it. He'll even support me and work out with me. I want to kick his ass. heh.

Big Fat It's Looking Up Love,
Nanette

SSSD Update

Weigh in: 293 (-0) 

It has been a tough week. 

Firstly, I'm on a high dose birth control pill (because I filled the wrong prescription and bought 5 months worth). So I'm already more emotional than normal. I might normally get depressed or a little snippy come this week. But my moods have been OFF THE CHARTS. 

Secondly, Wednesday. I'm walking to the train for work. I get about 2 blocks from home and get caught in a down pour. I was able to stay pretty chipper... I mean, I was going to be early for work, I could strip down and dry off in one of the examining rooms if I needed to. 

I get to the train station, Drenched. I put my metro card in the machine to get it t reloaded. I swipe my debit card. It takes the last $104 in my account and gives me back my card. I grab the receipt. *ALWAYS GRAB THE RECEIPT*. swipe the card. nothing. "see agent." I try to purchase the card again. "insufficient funds." I talk to the lady behind the glass. 

"Hi. I just tried to reload my card and it took my money, but didn't re-"
"Take it." She shoves an envelope toward me.
"Is there anyone I can talk to?"
"You gotta send it in." 

"Do you know how long that will take?" 

"You gotta send it in. Call 511 for more information." 

Helpful. Really helpful. I dig through my wallet and grab the last $5 to my name (reserved for laundry this weekend) and purchase two rides on the train. to and from work. I'm already not making enough money to cover my bills. I call 511... I'm so distracted I can't tell a word that they're saying. So I hang up and text my coworker. They'll cut my check a day early so I can come to work on Thursday. But the damage of having a missing $104 is already done. Not to mention, I'm still fighting Bally for $70 this month. I still owe Tamara $1075 for the new apartment. I started bawling at the station. This is abnormal. Normally... it's list and number crunching time and look at bill due dates and figure it out. But I just couldn't do it. 

I tried to report the metrocard stolen. Since it was. Stolen by MTA. The CSR tried to help me. I explained the whole thing honestly. He said he'd put it in as stolen if that's what I'd like. Research showed that reporting it stolen gets your money back in 4-10 days. Submitting the paperwork takes up to 4 months. 

I'm searching for new jobs... sending out about 20 resumes a day. Hoping to get noticed. Knowing that if I can score and interview, I can score a job. Gotta get more income. Gotta get ahead. Gotta get off this birth control. Gotta work more hours for the doc. 

Thursday rolls around. Got a job interview for Tuesday. MUST GET JOB. Start feeling kinda woosey and sick at work. Don't have insurance. Not feeling the greatest. What do you do? Notice that my lymph nodes are swollen on one side. Shit. Indicator of infection. or cancer (thank you web MD, creators of all things hypochondriac). Gotta get more income. Gotta get off this birth control. 

Boy II starts talking to me. He wants to get serious. But if we are, he requests that I cut off all contact with Boy I. I hate this situation. I told boy II, "You get two ultimatums ever. You have one left." I tell Boy I (who I will admit, not the healthiest of relationships) that we've gotta end it. Him sobbing on the phone. Me sobbing on the phone... saying let's work on it. Sobbing some more. Gotta get more income. Gotta get off this birth control. 

Friday. I tell Boy II that I called things off. Lovely conversation. Light-hearted. I forget the bullshit of life for just a second. Still sick. Stayed home. Drank tea. Applied for more jobs. Gotta get more income. Gotta get off this birth control. 

Went to the Women's Clinic (free). Gotta pee in a cup. Drink water. Cry. Sit in a waiting room. Drink water. Pee in cup. Cry. Have an appointment in two weeks to get off this birth control. Must bring in all my paper work. No HIV, no pregnancy. Cry. Gotta get more income. Gotta get off this birth control. 

Applied for more jobs. Get a phone call from MTA. They can't report the card stolen. Have to mail in the card. Cry. Submitted paper work to get $104 back. It'll be a nice surprise in 4 months, right? 

Saturday. Still have swollen glands. Cry. Drink water. Drink tea. gargle salt water. stay in bed. Watch the entire first season of the Tudors. Cry. Talk to Boy I about how much he wishes that I would reconsider. Cry. Cry. Cry. Take ibuprofen. Cry.Applied for more jobs. Gotta get more income. Gotta get off this birth control. 

Sunday...   Here we are. One interview. One appointment to get off the birth control. Still have swollen glands. No pounds down, but dammit, I'm alive. 

Sorry I'm not an inspiration right now, guys. I can't even think beyond the whole - gotta get more income. Gotta get off this birth control. - thing. I'm trying to eat healthy... About right now, my budget is ramen. Spaghetti and canned sauce. ground turkey in the sauce when I can buy it. An apple or banana. And a giant container of yogurt. It's stupid. But it's life sometimes. And I've gotta document it. Because even when life is stressful and shitty... you still have to be accountable. 

Big Fat THIS IS HARD Love, 

Nanette

SSSD Update!

Weigh in: 293 (-2)

Measurements
Waist: 44"
Below Waist: 53"
Hips: 60"

I did much better with eating this week. Not so much with exercise with the twelve hour days. But the long days definitely kept me busy and not putting things in my face. And I've been making an effort to make better choices. Salads for lunch. No cream based dressings, lemon herb and oil and vinegar. No pad thai for dinner. No pizza. No spending. Well a little. I went to subway twice. But the rest of it I cooked at home. And I don't feel like I was being very cautious at all...   burgers, spaghetti, a lot more veggies.

We had a house party on Friday. Cheetos, oreos, freezer pizzas, booze, mixers and tortilla chips. I had some diet soda and a little of each. Still seeing the lower scale number. I think it has to do with better sleep patterns and a concerted effort to stay hydrated.

Anyway... I'm trying to cancel my gym membership. The three months that Wendy paid for are nearly up and I know that I need a little squishy room in the timeframe to be able to quit.

Be forwarned. Quitting a gym is like passing a bill through congress. Remember the paperwork that they gave you on the first day and said "oh don't worry, it's all online..." It's not. You signed away your first born. If you haven't had it yet, then you are indebted to the gym and you must pay $30 a month until that child is born.

I picked a non-contract membership. I paid with my debit card. But I'm still stuck in the spiral of pay $15 to get a copy of your contract. You are cancelling too late (9 days instead of 10 days notice), you will still be charged $30 for the month of august. Yearly dues are due in August. You will also owe us $39.95. Your cancellation must include A, B, & C (stated in the contract they will MAIL you - thus elongating the process) and it must be submitted in the mail also. No faxes will be accepted. No digital copies emailed.

They have my debit card on file. So they can go ahead and charge those things. So methinks I'm going to have to call my bank and do a stop payment or report a lost/stolen card to prevent those charges from happening. I was thinking of switching banks anyway. Isn't now a good time? Especially since I just signed a lease, was fronted $1000 to help pay for the deposit costs and now am paying that back while only working part-time. Things are tight. Bally's can suck it. Plus there's not a gym close to the new apartment. But there IS one within 25 miles of my location, so I can't cancel based on location changes either. 25 miles in NY land is like... 3 hours away.

Another reason to work out at home. Another reason to stick to body weight and couch to 5k. I will never sign up with a gym again. Ever. I will build my own home gym and stuff before even THINKING about signing another contract with ANYONE. Unless of course, I'm wealthy enough to have a monthly cheese budget and am able to whimsically buy sparkly things I see in windows without having to worry about rent, utilities or debt.

Lesson: Never get a gym pass, especially not with Bally Total Fitness.
Also, eat more salads. You'll poop off weight.

Big Fat FURIOUS Love,
Nanette

More Interesting?

It's been a crazy week. I've been putting in 12 hour days. My coworker's husband decided it's splitsville and she needed a little time off to sort things out. On the sunny side of things, the hours are going to help me significantly when it comes to getting started in the new house. The extra money is just about the same amount as a new bed and box spring. Go figure. :)

Eating has been better. I get a little fruit for breakfast. I have a big salad for lunch. Dinner is usually some pita/veggie/turkey sandwich from Subway... not the worst, not the best, but it's certainly not half a pizza like it was last week!

Found an excellent restaurant called westville. They serve delicious veggies... 4 sides for $14. That's a price I can handle. And if you're doing the sides it's pretty much all veggies. I had goat cheese and beets, asparagus, pesto mashed potatoes and plum tomatoes with basil and mozzarella. Why yes... cheese. My favorite thing making some of my other favorite things MORE favorite.

I haven't worked out in a week and a half and I can feel it in my muscles. I feel like I'm made of puffiness... A desk job doesn't help. This morning I did a little thing just to remind my body it can move...

10 squats, 10 lunges, 10 pushups and stretch. It's pretty much all I have time for. Even this blog is going to make me late.

But I love you guys and I have a lot of things to talk about when I finally get to the weekend.

Big Fat WORKING Love,
Nanette

SSSD Update

Weight: 295 (-2)

(place holder for a better blog later).

Big Fat Love,
Nanette

A motivational speech.

Here's what's going on in the life lately...

• Boy wants to be exclusive. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. But I'm REALLY craving some consistency. 
• Work is good. Building a better relationship with the doc and coworkers. (while looking for another job... what!? I need more hours). 
• Budget is tight. Trying to meet $1200 worth of bills with a $1000 income. 
• Roommate... is okay. I think we drive each other nuts. But it'll get better in the new apartment come August... We'll have our own rooms. 
• Food has been better. I'm still doing the famine then binge thing. I haven't had time to run to a freaking grocery store (my work hours are kind of odd).
• Sleep... I haven't had good sleep in over 3 nights now. 
• Water, Rockin' the water. 
• Exercise. Well... I'm walking lots still... moreso than normal. I've decided to stop using the subway stop close to me and use the one not so close to me just so I can get in an extra .5 miles of walking every day. 

I feel like I need to recommit. Like when I was back in Idaho... I could mentally prep myself... lay out the ground work for a plan for however long it would take me, then implement a change. I'm having a hard time controlling my life like that here. It may be that I don't have the monetary freedom to afford everything I want/need to help along the way. It may be the stress. It may be that I don't have any of my own space (I'm sharing a freaking BED, people). It may be that I haven't fully adjusted to my new life yet. Let's face it... as far as NYC living goes, I'm a novice. But i'm trying not to be discouraged. 

I need to mentally prepare. 

- Game plan. (nike fitness app + back to menus)

- Inspiration/Desire. (working on it, gotta rough myself up a little). 

- Measurable goal. (22 weeks or 5 months, aim for -10lbs a month, be happy with -7lbs). 

I need to commit to a date. 

- August 6th (when I will finally have my own room). 

As skeptical of reading a fitness book as I was for Mir's challenges... I'm starting to realize, even if it's procrastinated, it's a little *ding* reminder in my head that This is what i'm doing. So head out to a book store or re-read the one I brought with me. 

Dear Nanette, 

You have 2 weeks to come to terms with the fact that the habits you've started in this city are going to be over. You have 2 weeks to deal with the fact that working out will be your second job. You have 2 weeks to make excuses. You have 2 weeks to be lazy and let your social life rule the roost. You have 2 weeks to make lists about why you are fat, why you hate being fat, why a healthy lifestyle will benefit you and all the things you'd rather do fit and thin. 

In two weeks you will take health and wellness as seriously as if it were your job. You will show up on time to your work outs. You will respect the work out time. No one can contact you or talk you out of it. You will eat what you are supposed to because your body feels better when you do. Your energies are higher and you are a happier person. You will be in a better mental place. You will go to bed at midnight, regardless of who you're with or what you've got planned. 

Big Fat Mentally Preppin' Love, 

Nanette

SSSD Update... late late late.

Weigh in: 295 (-1)

Measurements:

Waist - 45.25"

Under waist - 54"

Hips - 61"

Exercise: None

Water: 100% (it's so hot!!!) 

Food:
Ultimately, what happened was I didn't eat enough throughout the day and then I would eat a bajillion calories at night. So I need to come up with snack packs... Remember that conclusion that we all came to last week? YEah... I didn't get to spend much time this weekend prepping for a good week. aka: no time. 

But Good News! 

I have signed a lease. 900 sq feet in Bushwick neighborhood. 3 bedrooms (two other girls are on the lease as well). Hard wood floors, brushed steel appliances, two apartment building. Second floor, lots of windows. central air...   Fooooooorrrr a whopping $1700 a month... all bedrooms not being created equal, I'm only paying $550 a month + utilities. Dear other people from around the New York area... let others know how FREAKING AWESOME that is. :) 

This week. 

I'm not going to commit to a 5k. My life is kinda nuts right now and I can't make a commitment (financially or otherwise). But I will make it to the gym 3x this week. Yuppers.

Continue blogging every day. 

Big Fat LEASED Love, 

Nanette

A Lovely Friday Night...

Yesterday...

I did a little better with the eating. I mean, I had a little left over pizza. But I also ate a salad. Some fruit. Things that resemble health foods! I think I got about 120oz of water in. I've been a thirsty bird. 

I also made it out to the NY Philharmonic free concert in the park. Tchaikovsky, Resphigi and FIREWORKS! They had a big fireworks show afterward. Aside from the musical genius on stage, the fireworks made it the best symphony concert I've been to. 

My seat was terrible. I was on a grassy knoll to the extreme left of the conductor. He was about as tall as my pinky nail. But it was nice to lay in the grass and stare at the leaves and listen to some Romantic Era music with the date. And it was really neat how as soon as they started playing... THOUSANDS of people all shut up. That's power. It was so cool. 

Today... 

I travel into the city to sign my lease! We got the apartment! I'm a REAL New Yorker! So it will be me, Tamara and shasta out in a soon to be gentrified neighborhood, a block away from the L train. Three Idaho girls. Three bedrooms. $575 a month for my room. 

Because of the immediate expense of signing a lease (deposit, first month, last month)... and because our lease starts August 1st and the sublet ends August 31st. I'm subletting my room for the first month. That will knock down my cost a good deal (see: 1/3). Tamara, who's been here for a year + already, is fronting us the deposit and fees so Shasta (who just got a job!) and I can pay her back and we can have an awesome place. 

I need to buy a bed + sheets. 

And hangers. 

And kitchenware. 

But yeah...   I'll get to that eventually. 

Also today, I jumped on the scale and I've lost 2lbs so far this week. Not in the most healthy way, but it's 2 lbs down and that's the right direction! 

Big Fat REAL NEW YORKER Love, 

Nanette

And the effort continues...

Yesterday...   eating every few hours. FAIL. 

It's weird. I'm working in a nutrition office, but don't have time to have good nutrition. Yesterday's food tally. 

Breakfast: cottage cheese w/raisins and almonds. 

Lunch: Truffled coffee beans (5) and few almonds. 

Dinner: mushroom pizza (2 slices) and mozzarella sticks (2) *roommate ordered in. WEAKNESS. 

Eat right... eat right... eat right... 

This weekend I'm going to brain storm snack bags and pre-chop and prebag them for the work week. Because this eating schedule makes me ravenous and is not good for me. 

I'm thinking... 

celery. 

carrots. 

tomato slices.

apples. 

bananas. 

those pre-cut watermelon things. 

more cherries bc those were amazing. 

spinach salads (pre-made and refrigerated). 

Today... I have the day off. I am going to eat a nectarine. Drink a gallon of water. Take a well-deserved nap. Call the realtor and see if they need anything else from me. And maybe go take in a photography exhibit with that boy I like. I could even get a gym session in if exhaustion doesn't win. 

Apparently, the hopefully new place is very close to a nice graveyard. Remember how I liked to go running? I would love to pick it up there again. Best thing about running in the graveyard? I've got the hottest body there... because it's not rotting. 

I might blog more later. Since being at home enables that. OH! Coworker is going to take vacation soon... so instead of 20 hour work weeks, I will have 50-60 hour work weeks for 2 weeks. That will help the finances SO MUCH. 

Big Fat DAY OFF Love, 

Nanette

STARVING... Okay... maybe just REALLY HUNGRY.

So yesterday is a fine example of the kind of problem I'm having planning stuff... remember the good intentions and the menu and stuff? Immediately after I wrote that, I got a call from my friend and I had to bolt (unshowered and gross) across town to see a property (we're looking for a lease) on the other side of brooklyn. Hurriedly, I threw on my work clothes just in case I couldn't make it home. But I mean, honestly, it was 9:00am. and I didn't have to be to work until 1:30. I should have had time, right? 

Wrong. 

The cab didn't show up. So we had to find an alternate route. run to the subway. Take a shuttle. But the realtor thought we would be there in like... 15 min. Turning out to be 30... 45...   I'm stressing my face off. Then we get there... and we speed walk 3 streets and an avenue (I've learned that they're different). Meet up with Boris and he drives us to the property. 

Driving takes 20 minutes. It's less than 5 miles away. TWENTY MINUTES. That is only slightly faster than walking. We see the apt in about 20 minutes as well... drive back in 20 minutes. Go to the office. Fill out paperwork for credit checks another 20 minutes... it's 11:45a.m. already! 

What subway am I near? Will it take me all the way to work? No. Walk another .5 miles. Realize that I left without breakfast. I left without lunch. I didn't pack a dinner. Balls. Hurry into a Duane Read and buy a bag of unsalted almonds and a water bottle. RUN the rest of the way to work. 

Work is slammed. CONSTANTLY going going going. Everything was going well though. From 1:30 - 8:00pm. I didn't have time to pee. I forgot entirely about the almonds. I get done. Drag myself to the train. NO energy. Start fantasizing about what food I'm going to order when I get home... realize I'm about to sign a lease and I have a total of $12 that needs to last me two weeks. Start thinking of the food I can make. 

Get home. Take of 80% of my clothes. Make a tuna melt and a salad and some cottage cheese... and a slice of cheese... and a tomato... and a huge bottle of water. Get a phone call from a guy I've been meaning to go on a second date with. Hurry and eat dinner. Meet him at 14th street... it's 12:20a.m. We walk from union square all the way to flatbush (across brooklyn bridge) and then poop out and take a cab home. It was approximately 5.5 miles. I get home at 2:30am. Realize I have to take papers over to the realtor in the morning. Must be up by 8:30. 

Accidentally sleep in. oops. Will fax the papers when I get to work. And the best intentions for today...  

Just eat something. a little something, every four hours or so. 

and drink water. 

Big Fat Tired Love, 

Nanette

Come On, Lady...

So again with the inconsistency. What I thought my menu would look like yesterday and what it actually turned out to be were two totally different things.

Breakfast: sleep.
Lunch: Shake Shack Veggie Burger and small fry.
Snack: Large unsweetened ice tea, 2 lemon stuffed green olives, a dried mango slice, a dried kiwi slice, a cube of white sharp cheddar, a cube of reggiatino cheese.
Dinner: Tomato + cucumber gazpacho.
Snack: a little more cheese. a few dark chocolate chips. A caramel. and a little more cheese. a couple of those olives.

SNACK ATTACK. That's what happened. This is a serious case of giving in. Laura and I went to lunch and then she needed to go to Zabars to pick up stuff for an antipasto plate she was making for her husband. Well, Zabars happens to have the world's most delicious cheese section, think "mall of fancy cheeses at reasonable prices!" And that sort of pooped all over my good intentions. Well, no, by giving in, I pooped all over my good intentions.

Let's take a look at that menu. Fried, carbs, salt, sugar, salt, veggie, salt, sugar, sugar, salt, salt. Yeah. Not the greatest. I'm on the scale this morning and it's the same number as Sunday. Laura and I walked over two miles yesterday to get to the shake shack and back to the subway line. Then I walked to and from the laundromat. So we're looking at a good 3 miles at least yesterday. But I still don't count it as exercise because my heart rate wasn't up... though I got a pretty good sweat, as it's warm.

Uh, sidenote, made it through the day vegetarian. Proof that even a vegetarian diet can be bad for you if you don't eat the veg part.

And here's the thing. Eating like this has not made me feel good. My energy is kinda low. My joints hurt. I'm swollen (salt much?) and seem to have a sugar hang over (which I firmly believe exists).

Today. Let's try to say something and actually stick with it, Nanette. Tiny things. This is a commitment to health. This is a commitment to your body. This is a commitment to not being like dad, to not being diabetic, to the clothes you hauled across the nation that you swore you would fit into...

Today's menu
Breakfast: cottage cheese.
Lunch: spinach salad, tomato, almonds, olives, dressing, tuna. NO CHEESE.
Dinner: Chicken breast + left over gazpacho.
Pre-bed: frozen grapes.

IF I FEEL SNACKY... which I probably will. Approved snacks.
Strawberries.
Almonds.
Blueberries.
an ounce of cheese.

Big Fat Get Your Shit Together Love,
Nanette

day one: the constant blogger.

Hey guys...

So yesterday wasn't terrible with food... But ingestion in general, erm... try again.

Breakfast: Fresh cherries.
Lunch: Spinach, tomato, olive, almond, cheese, yogurt dressing salad.
Dinner: erm. 2 jack and cokes with a date. And a spoonful of talenti gelato when I got home.
Water: 80oz

I'm purposely trying to get more walking in since I've been nothing but lazy. So I made a trip to the bank instead of reading on my work break. I've been standing on the subway instead of just sitting. But ultimately... still didn't get to the gym. Today I've got a grand notion to go after I do laundry and household stuff that didn't happen this weekend.

Grand notion? Really, Nanette? How about a date. A committed time and place. I will go to the gym tonight at 9pm. That should give me plenty of time to do everything else and allow me to avoid heat and sunshine.

My friend, Laura, has invited me to join her for lunch today after a doc appointment. I'm sticking to the vegetarian challenge this week! That should pretty much safeguard me from all things pizza-y and burger-y and maybe steer me towards things more salad-y and fiber-y.

Tentatively the menu today looks like this.

Breakfast: sleep.
Lunch: with laura... something green.
Dinner: One of those spinach salads. or a tuna sandwich (Bc I allow fish, even though it's meat).
That Stupid Snack I always have before bed: a slice or two of cheese.

P.s. The date last night was great. Trumpet player. Teaches lessons, works at a music store. Lives with his mom... but in this case, he's the one supporting her. not her supporting him. Which changes my feelings from "ugh, get a life" to "daawwwwww. wait... apron strings?"

P.P.S. One of the doc's patients yesterday was a music major... that has happened to turn into a personal trainer. Basically... that's what I've been thinking about doing with my life over the last few months. So I'm going to have tea with her sometime this week to talk about how she did it.

Big Fat FOOOD Love,
Nanette

So This Weight loss Thing and SSSD Update.

Weigh in: 296 (-1)

Measurements
Waist:
Below Waist:
Hips:

Water: 4/7 over 100 oz.

Workouts:
Monday: Hour at the gym.
Tuesday: walk to work.
Wednesday: Dancing at the rooftop party.
Thursday: walking to work.
Friday: aherm. a very fun physical date.
Saturday: fun physical date continues.
Sunday: Walking date around union square and the neighborhood.

So guys... let me break this down for you. I have been SUCKING at this weight loss thing lately. That pound could just as easily be water weight as it could be fat. I have been eating like shit (yesterday's 4 slices of pizza? and a handful of oreos?). I haven't been working out. I even have a gym membership, compliments of dear Wendy (which makes me an ingrate, right?). I feel stuck, but like I don't have enough horsepower to get myself out of this rut. I'm full of excuses... It's hot, I'm tired, I'm on my period, oh I'm just dehydrated...   LIES.

FACT: I am fat and lazy.
FACT: I am entirely in charge of that situation.
FACT: I will stay fat and lazy until I exercise the willpower to be otherwise.
FACT: Willpower and motivation require time and focus.
FACT: GET ON THIS ALREADY, NANETTE!!!

I'm sick of this weekly motivational speech/guilt trip for not doing what I know is best for me. But I know I have to give it. I can't just give up. I can't just let all the work I've done go on pause. I don't want to regain. So I guess this means I need to blog EVERY. DAY. SOMETIMES. TWICE. Sorry guys if it's lame. But I need to get my brain focusing on the fat loss and not what to put in my face next.

Big Fat GET ON THE FREAKING BALL Love,
Nanette

Will do, DID do

Just got home from a gym date. It was supposed to last an hour but it only took 45 min to do my weights and cardio! I'm so determined to lose the 2lbs this week. This morning I weighed in and I was down a pound already. Granted... I'll believe the weigh in on Sunday and not get ahead of myself. 

Routine

3x10 reps

bicep curls

tricep extensions

lat pulls

rows

laying squats

hamstring curls

quad extensions

adductor/abductor

And 20 min on the elliptical. 

I didn't eat breakfast before working out. I should have. But a routine is established slowly. So I'll try that again tomorrow. Also, neglected to get some of the produce on my shopping list as the grocery store (stop and shop) is ridiculously expensive for non-organic produce. There's a cute little Mexican grocery down the street where I can get raspberries for $0.49 a thingy that costs $2.00 at the Stop and Shop. Same brand and everything. 

I'm getting excited about the produce that's starting to come into season. SO EXCITING! Peaches... I can't wait for ripe, delicious peaches! 

Big Fat Love, 

Nanette

SSSD Update and This week's goal

Weight: 297 (-1) Which I didn't deserve.

Measurements: 

Waist - 45.25 (-.25")

Under waist - 54 (-1.5")

Hips - 61 (+.5")

Exercise: NONE. Aside from walking around.

Water: 5/7 over 100 oz. 

Food: Ate out so much. Also, had a little night out with friends, so adult beverages in addition. Saketinis. 

I didn't post a recipe this week. I just don't do that. My food usually doesn't require recipes. It's just like... this is a tomato. eat the tomato. Aren't tomatoes delicious?! Recipe! 

So these last two weeks, I've sorta taken a dating hiatus. When I date, I lose focus on all other things that are important in life. Which is stupid. Because along with that my sense of self sorta gets fuzzy too. What's so amazing is that last week, when I told myself no dating... No dating until you have a job. I got a job. So this week. I'm telling myself no dating until you lose 2 lbs. Don't get me wrong. I have gone on dates. But I'm not actively seeking them or trying to meet new people. I need simplicity and order and peace in my life in order to focus on changes. Look at all this learning! 

Plus, dating comes with spending money, eating out and generally other fat-activities. fativities? Though I did have a really good and enlightening date this last friday. The guy is a chef and we made stuff together (aka he made, I watched)... 

1st coursegazpacho with crouton, basil leaves and 3 basil gelatin noodles. 

2nd course

salmon three ways (sake, lemon, mint soaked sashimi, oven seared and salted and fried salmon skins) with roasted peppers and a pine nut/sunflower seed, lemon, mint and olive oil dressing.  

3rd course

thinly sliced apple with real maple and cinnamon glaze. 

I guess that's the closest you're gonna get to a recipe from me. heh! It felt like I was on the food network. It was all so fancy and not simple. not simple whatsoever. 

This week I also started the new job. Chiropractor/nutritionist's office admin person. It's been really great. I have an excellent coworker. I'm surrounded by positive, health-minded people and I can get supplements at wholesale cost which is great! I plan on trying Uber Greens (a drink mix) and a Whey Protein Powder at some point and I'll let you know how it goes. 

In the office they talk a lot about energies and amplifying the energies and stuff like that... which I don't buy 100% into. And it sometimes seems a little woo-woo, fictional science... that kind of thing. However, I was looking at his diet plans (he's got a big book of them, one for everything, stress, diabetes, weight loss, better sleep, arthritis, ulcerative colitis) and they make so much sense. He's of the abandon sugar, keep a steady blood sugar, don't be afraid of fats, school of thought. Which I am too... and that meat isn't the enemy, but vegan and vegetarianism are great too if you choose that route. 

I'm hugely skeptical of the homeopathy stuff sometimes. But I know that with proper nutrition you can prevent diseases and being heavily medicated...What the doc does, is essentially he builds each client a personalized multi-vitamin... sometimes to treat ailments, sometimes to prevent ailments. He will always yield to the medications that they're already on, and cooperate with other doc orders that clients have received. No harm, no foul. While I may not buy entirely into taking 15 supplements a day, I do think that good nutrition is essential to good health and I can stand behind that. There's a lot to learn in his office. I'm excited to take it all in and help my own little weight loss journey. 

Anyway... 

Goals

- drink 100oz every day. 

- work out 3x this week. 

- stick to the menu. 

- lose 2lbs! 

- Take progress photos... progress? I'm not sure they'll be much different than the last ones, but I'll take 'em anyway. 

Big Fat Workin' Girl Love, 

Nanette

2 days of work under my belt.

Two days of work have gone by. I think I'm ready to start taking on the office? Well... ready or not. Doc is back from vacation and I'm going to be doing just that today. Here's hoping I don't make an ass of myself on the phones with the customers or give someone the wrong supplements. It's a busy day. I just hope that it all goes without a hitch so I can build some confidence. heh. I mean, I have confidence, but so I can validate it.

I've been cruising dollar stores these past couple of days; picking up household items and looking for a good, cheap water bottle. Looks like I'm going to have to break down and buy a nice expensive one (that I hopefully won't lose). And find a place to buy one. The outdoors stores aren't as frequent and obvious here. So much getting used to! 

Fluids

Monday - 80oz. 

Tuesday - 100oz. 

Goals

- Buy water bottle 

- write out this week's schedule. 

- take stock of what pots and pans are in this apt. 

- make a menu. 

- make a grocery list. 

My calories have been out of control in the evenings when I get home from work because I don't take time to stop and snack during the 5 hour shift... that happens to fall very awkwardly from 1:30 - 7:30. So I'm rushing to get there during what would normally be lunch (skipping it) and working through dinner time. Getting home and ordering something while I much on stuff waiting for it to arrive. TERRIBLE HABITS! I've only done it twice. But it has to change before I like it too much.

Here's how I want my typical work day to look. 

9am up. eat something. 

9:30 go to gym. 

10:30 home to shower

11:00 get dressed, pack bag. 

11:15 eat something and make snack to go. 

11:45 brush teeth, run out door. 

12:00 be to station or on train. Use train ride to make menus and list out thoughts. 

1:00 be to the work area with a little extra "train running slow" time, eat a snack. 

1:30 work. 

4:30 Take a little break. 10 min. Eat snacks. 

7:30 Off work... head to train, or to shops for water bottles. 

8:30 home. Make a real dinner and maybe a snack for tomorrow (kale chips?). 

9:30 clean up the house EVERYDAY. I'm telling you this one room, two people, one cat thing gets messy. 

10:00 sit down and dink around on my laptop, read blogs, write emails, update facebook. etc. 

12:00am bed. 

Let's talk about those "eat somethings" I would like it to look like this. 

pre-workout: usually fruit & yogurt, sometimes just one or the other. 

post-workout: peanut butter on toast. 

train snack: sliced cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, or baby carrots

work snack: string cheese, almonds, apple. 

real dinner: protein + veggie + fruit 

laptop snack: cottage cheese. 

Yesterday it looked like this. 

9am Breakfast: raspberries + 1/4 c yogurt. 

11am snack: spoonful of peanut butter. 

8:30 pm: waiting for dinner to arrive... 3 spoonfuls of ice cream, a slice of cheese. 

9:30 pm dinner: cheese pizza, the entire 10" thing. 

So Friday... I have some shopping to do in order to make next week run a little better. This week, I'll find a way to eat what I have (not in one sitting) and make room for the stuff I'm bringing home.

Big Fat List Makin'- Brain Organizin' Love, 

Nanette

SSSD week 3 wrap up.

Weight: 298 (-0)

Measurements:
Waist: 45.5"(-.75")
Under waist: 56.5 (-.5)
Hips: 60.5" (-.5)
I'm back to the measurements two weeks ago! :)

Workouts
Monday - none
Tuesday - Walking around the park for 60 min.
Wednesday - Gym 60 min. (30 cardio, 30 weights).
Thursday - Walking around 30 min.
Friday - Walking 1 hour.
Saturday - Walking 1 hour.
Sunday - Walking 30 min.

Challenge: Try the ab machines at the gym. I did the rotate-y one... and the assisted crunches one. I think I get a better work out without them though. But the rotate-y one popped my back in the best way possible!

Honestly... I can't really say I committed to fitness this week. I deserve a -0 this week. Because I ate. Boy did I eat. Pizza, burger, cannoli, cheesecake, sushi, ostrich, nachos. If anything I'm surprised I was able to maintain.

So I have landed the job. That stress is out of the way. I go into the office today to get my schedule and to begin to build structure in my life. I'm so excited! I will learn about nutrition. I will be able to get myself regularly to the gym. I will be able to afford living here for at least a little while and meagerly, but it will be something.

I have no more excuses. No more moving worries, no more cash flow worries, no more impressing people worries, no more Will I have to move back to Idaho? worries. The good mental place is being prepared. I will be good. I will be fine.

I still need to have a little quiet time with a schedule and some paper to write it all out. Quiet time seems to be in short supply here.

I'm really excited to try and get 100 oz of water in. I've been so dehydrated. This will also give me an excuse to get to a sports store and buy a nalgene or camelbak water bottle!

Big Fat Let's Get Going Love,
Nanette

The Job Update...

I got the phone call today while I was out with Jeff (dear dear friend) in Central Park.

I have a job! I start on Monday. Part-time in a nutritionist's office! I'm going to learn so many things there... mostly office related, but I'm sure I'll pick up some health tips along the way (maybe I can share them). I'm not going to give anymore details about where exactly I work for privacy reasons. But yeah... I'M SO EXCITED!!!

Thanks for all your support, guys. Now that I've finally landed something, I'm sure that structure will come back to my weight loss efforts. Set gym times, packing lunches... creating a new "system."

Also, last night, got a good round in at the gym. 30 min cardio + 45 min weights. I ate too much too close to the workout and nearly vomited on the way home.. gotta give that a little more time.

Another bit of good news! Jeff has offered to do a little basic tailoring of my work clothes for me! So I don't have to buy a whole new wardrobe just some essential pieces.

Big Fat EMPLOYED Love,
Nanette

Two days... and the second interview.

My no spending thing lasted two days. TWO DAYS. Because I left the house without a water bottle. I'm going to keep going and see how minimally I can spend though. Good for budget. Good for body.

I had a call-back interview today for a Nutritionist's office. It would be so great... I want it... But I fear that I kinda screwed things up a little in my interview today. They asked for pet peeves. I told them that poor communication is a huge pet peeve of mine. You know, the kind that leads to the confrontation that goes like...

"why didn't you (insert request)?"
"you didn't tell me that you wanted (insert request)."
and then I get all pissed that someone was IMPLYING instead of actually voicing expectations.

And the other pet peeve is tardiness...

I always run early. I make air tight, fool proof schedules so everyone gets what they want.

I shouldn't have said that. It's a Doc office. Everyone runs late. The doc runs late. He doesn't want to hire a harpie. Granted, I should have told him that I like to learn what people are like and then tailor my time expectations of them.

I just sounded really uptight and that's the last thing I left them with. I should have turned it around into a positive. But I didn't. There's a nugget of "didn't get the job" sitting in the pit of my stomach. It's sitting in a cloud of hope though. I REALLY WANT THIS. I could learn so much about nutrition working there! It would be SO beneficial.

I'm laying here...  wanting to throw a 4 year old tantrum. I know I can do this job. Just hire me. I'm friendly! I'm energetic! I'm organized! And over the moon for post-its! I wanna kick and scream until I get my way (probably an excellent way to burn calories). But it won't get me anywhere.

Sounds like a good time for the gym. Kicking and screaming and taking it out on my body. Getting out this nervous energy, maybe move me away from that crying tantrum feeling... that's coming from the niggling doubt that I blew it.

Big Fat HIRE ME, MISTER Love,
Nanette

Best Intentions...

So... here we are on Tuesday and I STILL HAVEN'T BEEN TO THE GYM.

Monday was a lot of running around. (grocery shopping, job interview, meeting an Idaho friend and stuff).

Tuesday was a lot of running around. (two interviews, a long walk through central park, a long walk through astoria to find the groupon restaurant laura and I were going to had closed permanently, then a long walk to find a different restaurant and then getting home late late).

Tomorrow... 90 degree weather, 89% humidity. I'm staying in for the most part. No interviews. I'll be researching temp agencies... and hoping for a call from the chiropractor/nutritionist guy that I interviewed with today (p.s. It seems like the perfect fit. Health and nutrition on top of getting paid, perfect).

I'm also extending a personal challenge to myself. I've already paid for groceries for at least a week. I have an unlimited metro card. I have a gym pass.

Aside from $10 for laundry in the next two weeks. I'm going to see how many days I can go without spending a dime in the city. Boys buying things for me doesn't count. NO PERSONAL SPENDING.

Tuesday: Check - Laura got dinner and I packed lunch.

I'm slowly putting weight back on from the food poisoning. So this is also a health thing. I have a ton of produce in my apt. I just need to eat it... and veer from things like ordering pizza or ostrich burgers or fried things.

Tomorrow, I may be staying in, but I can sit down and have some time to myself to think about my schedule and get my mind in the game. Scheduling a sacred workout time and a menu from the stuff I just bought (ummm... $.75 for a thingy of raspberries, awesome). It'll be nice to have some non-fevered quiet time. Also, I commit to working out tomorrow. Hold me to it, folks.

Think. Center. No dates. No interviews. Just getting my brain and body in sync.

Me + Central Park + a tunnel. 

Fake Rock Climbing. 

The courtyard of the place I Interviewed today. Everyone looks so posh. I need a makeover. 

I love random graffiti... and they have such good taste. 

Big Fat Get It Together Love,
Nanette

SSSD Update!

Weight: 298lbs (+4) gaining back the weight from sickness. 

Measurements

Waist: 46.25" (+.75")

Under waist: 57"(+.5")

Out at the park this week. 

Hips: 61" (+1") 

6 hours of exercise!
Tuesday: 1 hour - walking. 

Wednesday: 1 hour - walking

Thursday: 2 hours - walking + trainer. 

Friday: 30 min - walking (LAZY)! 

Saturday: 30 min - walking (girls night... too much food). 

Sunday: 1 hour - 30 min elliptical + 30 min weights Upper body. 

SIX HOURS!  I made it! Granted, I kinda nickle and dimed the walking time because I didn't get the gym pass until Thursday. 

I'm not shocked by the numbers this week, since last week was the midst of the illness stuff. But the good news is, is that I didn't gain it all back. So I still consider it a solid -2lbs. Also, last night was salt salt salt and mojitos. 

Today at the gym was absolutely fantastic. I can do this every day and not worry about it. 

20 min on the elliptical. 

chest fly. 10 reps x 3
Rows. 10 reps x 3
Lat raises. 10 reps x 3
Tricep 3 ways.  10 reps x 3
Crunches. 10 reps x 3

Squat machines. 10 reps x 3

I also found the tiny stretching area. So I have a place I can do my bodyrock/Zuzana Lights stuff too and have a place for it where I won't have to worry about waking the neighbors. I'm really quite pumped. Today I felt like I owned that gym. I got what I needed done! 

This week...  

Try a new work out or machine. 

Easy-peasy! There's a whole gym that I need to explore. I want to venture into the "core machines" which I've never used before. 

Big Fat Feelin' Better Love, 

Nanette